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The Virgin Count by Wizardora
Chapter 2 : The Girls Bathroom
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 139

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The Virgin Count
The Girls Bathroom

“Yes. Oh, um. Is that the bell? I err… better be err… off to copy those Transfiguration notes… see ya Harry!” Ron grabbed his stuff and practically fled the classroom.

“Whats up with him?” Hermione asked, neatly placing her books in her bag; she treated all literature with tender loving care.

“Oh, nothing. I erm… better go virgin… I MEAN JOIN HIM!” Harry said, unable to look Hermione in the eyes after the conversation they’d just had about her.

“Right.” Hermione sneered sarcastically, “I’m fine here, really.” She hated it when the boys went off together for some male-bonding time. These days she just felt like the third wheel. Well, the fourth wheel now that Lav-Lav had joined the scene.

“Oh… okay.” Harry stammered, not picking up on Hermione’s temper, “See ya round, Hermione…” but then he paused as if he was going to ask her something. His mouth opened and closed again.

“You’re doing a great impression of a goldfish, Harry.” Hermione said, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms, “Do you want to ask me something?”

But Harry’s eyes grew wide in horror at this confrontation and he hastily collected his books in the same slap-dash fashion as Ron and ran from the room, avoiding eye-contact with his classmate all the while.

Hermione rolled her eyes- boys could be so strange sometimes. Then she noticed the boys had left something on the desk,

“Hey Harry! Your notes!” But he was most likely half-way to the common room by now at the speed he left the classroom.

Oh well thought Hermione I’ll just give this to those pea-brained losers later, after their man-time…

But something caught her eye and stopped her train of thought- This was not Transfiguration notes! 

“The Virgin Count?” Ginny asked in amazement, holding the paper up close as if she had misread what it said, her mouth was open, “The Virgin Count?”

“I know what it says!” Hermione snapped. She had read and re-read the list all day and knew it off by heart, “But what about Freud’s theory on Transfiguration? What about their N.E.W.T.s? This is all they have to show for an hour’s lesson!”

“Freud has a theory on Transfiguration?” Ginny pulled a face, “Isn’t he the guy that thinks everything revolves around sex?”

“I think you are referring to the Oedipus complex…”

“Well then this,” Ginny flapped the piece of parchment up in the air, “is some twisted background research!” She slumped against the wall.

The two girls, in true girly fashion, had always held important girl-to-girl talks in the girls bathroom. No-one ever came in since the chamber of secrets had been opened and the basilisk laid the smack down on the muggleborns. So Moaning Myrtle was pretty much all the company they had.

“I think you’re missing the point here Ginny.” Hermione said as she splashed cold water on her face and looked in the mirror- she was looking particularly flushed today, “Those boys were supposed to be working in that lesson!” Ginny’s eyes widened further,

“I’m missing the point? Hermione, you’re missing the whole bloody plot! In case you haven’t noticed- I’M NOT EVEN ON THE BLOODY MAYBE LIST!” Ginny screwed it up into a paper ball and threw it at the sink. Hermione instinctively sought to rescue it; she had issues with harming pages of any kind.

“Well…” Hermione mumbled, “Perhaps they forgot about you.” She offered, but it was no use- everyone knew of Ginny’s reputation whether it was true or not.

“No, ‘mione.” Ginny sighed, “They think I’m a slag. Harry thinks I’m a slag!” Hermione rolled her eyes at her friend,

Well maybe if you didn’t play tongue hockey with every Tom, Dick or… Larry, then maybe he’d consider you to be an innocent young lady! Hermione though, but after seeing Ginny’s face she realised she’d said it out loud. She clamped her hands over her mouth,

“Oh! Sorry Ginny! I didn’t mean… I only meant…”

“Well if that’s what you really think!” The red-head huffed, “Give me the list.”


“Give it to me.” Ginny used a tone reminiscent of her mothers’, “Enough of this crap about violating the written word, Hermione, and it’s only the boys’ scribbles!” Hermione reluctantly handed over the list to her hot-tempered friend. Ginny smoothed it out again and produced a black feathered quill from her robes. She leant up against the mirror and wrote in clear red ink, under the virgin count;

Ginevra Weasley

“Can I put you on the Virgin Count Hermione?” she asked angrily and slightly sarcastically.

“Yes! Of course you can!” Hermione was quick to reply, blushing furiously. Ginny almost cracked a smile as her friend’s ears turned red.

“So you and Krum never…?” Ginny asked, grinning.

“Never what?” Hermione challenged, daring Ginny to imply such a thing.

“Err… played hide the German sausage?” Ginny said, chuckled at her own euphemism.

“No we didn’t!” Hermione revealed indignantly.

Hermione Granger

Ginny wrote underneath herself on the Virgin Count before she scribbled across Hermione's name, striking her from the 'Maybe List'

“Oh don’t cross my name out like that! I’ll look like a right pumpkin-head!” The words escaped Hermione’s mouth before she could stop herself, it seemed like she didn’t have control over her tongue any more. Ginny burst out laughed; her anger had subsided.

“You sounded just like R...”

“I just meant it will make it look like I’ve… done it and crossed myself off!” Hermione blushed an excuse.

“Talking of crossing people out…” Ginny hummed gleefully as she drew a line through 'Luna Lovegood'.

“You. Are. Joking!” Hermione gaped; her mouth was wide open.

“I joke not!” Ginny giggled again.

“Luna got the VIP tour of Neverland?” Hermione made a mental note to punish herself later for her crude turn of phrase; obviously Ginny was rubbing off on her, “With whom?”

“I’m not at liberty to say.” Ginny mimed zipping her lips closed as she sat back triumphantly folding her arms and legs.

Hermione sighed, but didn’t press it further. Even though she was dying to know, she was not immature enough to start protesting- ‘Tell me! Tell me!’

“Fine.” The brunette said, “I can top that.” She struck through 'One of the Patil twins'.

“Psh! Big Deal!” Ginny dismissed.

“Uh-uh, I haven’t finished yet!” She said as she struck through 'The other Patil twin'

“The night of the Yule ball. At the same time.” Hermione smirked.

“At the same time?”

“Of course, twins always lose their virginities together; just look at Fred and George.”

“Oh yeah. Merlin do they like bragging about that!” Everyone knew about Fred and George’s double seduction. Well, everyone apart from Mrs Weasley who they thought it best not to divulge to.

“It’s disgusting what Lavender and those girls talk about in the dorm at night.” Hermione pulled Ginny out of her thoughts about her brothers.

“Like what?”

“Lets just say I’ll never eat clam fritters again, if you know what I mean.” Hermione shuddered. Ginny looked at her, confused- she did not know what Hermione meant.

“Okay.” She switched the subject back to the list, “Who did the Patils do the hanky panky with?” Ginny fiddled with her hair, plaiting the strands that fell messily across her face.

“Who knows? I try to block out the tittering of those vile, vulgar bimbos.” Hermione tossed her hair back and sucked her teeth in distaste,

Tittering?” Ginny couldn’t stifle her smirk. Hermione broke into a smile,

“I’m sorry- that was inappropriate, wasn’t it?” The friends laughed, “I just can’t stand that little gang of sluts!”

“That wouldn’t have anything to do with one of them clinging like a leech to Ron’s lips now would it?” Ginny taunted Hermione. Her friend was not amused.

“Why would the desperate doings of two hormonal-driven morons affect me?” Hermione glared in the other girl’s direction.

Ginny shrugged in despair, she couldn’t understand why Hermione couldn’t just admit her undying love for her older brother. After all she, Ginny, had come to terms with her undying love for Harry ages ago. There was no point in denial- she may as well confront her feelings,

“You know he’s on the list.” Ginny said, with a sideways smile.

“Who?” Hermione asked innocently as if they hadn’t been talking about Ron at all, but they both knew who Ginny was referring to,



“So hows that going for ya?” Ginny crossed her palms behind her head in a relaxed and satisfied stance.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Hermione lied. Ginny thought her friend sounded more and more like a prude old woman everyday and rolled her eyes at her.

“I mean- what is your opinion of Ron being virginal?” Ginny paused, but got no reaction, “Come on Hermione- you must have an opinion. You always have an opinion!”

“I have no opinion.” Hermione stuck her nose in the air, “I’m indifferent.”

“Indifferent?” Ginny was not convinced.

“Yes, indifferent! Why should it matter to me what he is doing or not doing and with whom?”

“No reason.” Ginny sighed- she gave up! The love-rays between Ron and Hermione were so painstakingly obvious and yet the couple themselves were oblivious, “So,” She yawned, changing the subject again, “Who else can we put on this list?” Her quill dwindled on the empty space under Hermione’s name.

“I don’t want anything to do with that list thank you very much!” Hermione retorted, “It was written by testosterone-ridden imbeciles who care more about sex than they do about their N.E.W.T.s!”

“Duh.” Ginny observed, “You just described the entire male race. Although I’m such I can contribute something to this manuscript…”

Michael Corner
Dean Thomas
Zacharius Smith
Oliver Wood
Cedric Diggory
Terry Boot
Colin Creevey
Dennis Creevey

“Merlin, Gin,” Hermione’s eyes grew wide, “And you wonder why you have a reputation?”

“Those are just the ones that qualify to be on the Virgin Count.” She admitted, ashamedly.

But the girls were then interrupted by a sudden childish cackle from the end cubicle of the girls’ loos,

“Oooh! What naughty things are you two talking about now?” Moaning Myrtle floated over the top of the cubicle door and glided towards them, “Oooh, the gossip I overhear sitting on the u-bend pipe!”

“It’s not overhearing, Myrtle, its eavesdropping.” Ginny snapped. Myrtle’s light-hearted mood evaporated,

“Fine! I was going to give you a few surprising names to add to that silly list of yours but I shan’t now if you’re going to be so rude!”

“It’s not our list!” Hermione protested, but to no avail.

“Names?” Ginny was paying attention now, “Who Myrtle?”

The apparition tutted and wagged her finger at the pair of girls playfully, “Nope. Myrtle can keep a secret.”

“Come on, Myrtle, you know you want to tell us.” Ginny tried to persuade her. Hermione was horrified.

“Ginny! I really don’t think…”

“Shan’t, shan’t, shan’t!” Myrtle cackled again, somersaulting over their heads.

“Then write them down here.” Ginny reached out to give her the pen, knowing full well she could not take it. Myrtle stopped twirled and her lip started to shake, “Oh that’s right!” Ginny pretended to remember, slapping her palm against her forehead “I forgot you can’t hold it, being dead and all. I guess we’ll never know those names of yours, Myrtle.”

Ginny winked at Hermione, “Come on, Hermione. We better throw this piece of tat away- there’s nothing new to add…” She dragged Hermione to the door,

“Wait!” Myrtle squealed in a high-pitched tone, “Why doesn’t anyone ever want to stay and talk to me? Why doesn’t anyone ever come to see ugly, four-eyed, pimply Moaning Myrtle?”

“Maybe it’s because she refers to herself in the third person all the time.” Ginny muttered under her breath. Hermione was shocked, but Myrtle was too busy sobbing to have heard. “I suppose we could stay… if you gave us those names.”

“Ginny!” Hermione couldn’t comprehend the cheek of her friend sometimes- the things she would do to get what she wants! No wonder she wooed all those lads with her skills of manipulation.

“Okay.” Myrtle bought the act, “But you can’t tell anyone!” The ghost held a finger up to her lips as if to say ‘shhh!’.

“I will take it to my grave!” Ginny giggled- she couldn’t help herself. Myrtle let out a loud wail, “Oh I’m sorry Myrtle- that was an unfortunate turn of phrase.”

“Yes it was.” Hermione mumbled.

“The name is Draco Malfoy.” Myrtle spilled the beans between her retching of tears.

“WHAT?” Hermione shouted an outburst uncontrollably.

“Really?” Ginny sneered, adding the name to the list, “And how would you know?”

“Oh he’s always in here.” Myrtle told them, “He’s so heroic! That arrogance and cockiness is just an act- inside he’s a genuinely hurt and insecure boy, who needs a big hug.” She sighed.

“Well then it’s a shame you’re so transparent then, Myrtle or else you could give him one- it sounds as though you’ve got a little crush brewing there.”

“No!” Myrtle denied almost as fiercely as Hermione had done earlier, “He just comes to see me. He talks to me. He cares about me.”

“Sure he does.” Hermione huffed, “Draco Malfoy cares about a muggleborn ghost.”

“You’re just jealous!” Myrtle concluded, but Hermione snorted, “So are you going to stay and talk to me too? Like friends?”

“No.” Ginny said flatly, “Get lost Myrtle.” And she grabbed Hermione’s hand and fled the bathroom as not to drown as Myrtle wailingly splashed down the toilet.

Once outside Hermione snatched her hand back.

“I hope you’re happy!” Hermione said, feeling bad for the upset ghost, “I suppose you think that was fun?”

“Sorry.” Ginny shrugged, “But Draco Malfoy!”

“Ergh. Sounded to me like there was more than talking going on between those two in that bathroom!” Hermione insinuated, not even sure about how that would work.

“Well then- lets get to work!” Ginny went to link arms with her friend, but Hermione broke off again,

“It you think I’m going to have anything to do with writing anything else on that list you are very much mistaken!”

“I wasn’t talking about writing on it!” Ginny sighed- Hermione lacked common sense sometimes- her morals ruled over her, “We’re holding the biggest potential scandal Hogwarts has ever seen! Lets go and have some proper fun!”

And before Hermione could protest strongly enough that she didn’t want to ‘have fun’ with the Virgin Count, she was dragged off by Ginny to the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

author's note: Thanks for being so patient! It's finally up! I know this chap isn't as funny as the first, but I promise that the girls get up to some cheeky things in chap 3- this is more of a lazy, linking scene...
I was going to go in the direction of 'Why is she called Moaning Myrtle' but I thought that might be taking things a little too far!
Anyway, thanks for taking time to read and pretty please leave a review for me ^_^

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