Chapter 8 : Blame It On Me
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What did he mean by the Potters? Were Mr. and Mrs. Potter dead? Was James dead? It made Shay sick just thinking about it. It was one thing to have Mr. and Mrs. Potter dead, the people that have been so kind to her. But if James was dead, what would she do? What would Sirius do? And how could Sirius just leave her like that, without telling her the details? She wanted to know what happened. Cillian wouldn’t stop crying and she could only imagine what he saw.
“Shay, where are you?” Shay heard Niki’s voice yell.
Shay rushed into the living room to see Niki, Remus, and Peter standing there.
“Can you guys tell me what’s going on?” Shay asked, still trying to comfort Cillian.
“Niki, why don’t you take the baby and I’ll tell Shay what happened,” Remus said and Niki took Cillian from Shay.
“There was a Death Eater attack on our party. The Order was there but we couldn’t save everyone. Katherine and John Potter are dead,” Remus said and Peter shifted his weight nervously.
“How’s James doing?” Shay asked and wiped tears off her cheeks.
“You know how James is, he doesn’t like to show people he’s hurt. Lily is with him right now. I don’t think he’s ready to talk yet,” Remus said and sat down.
“Is Sirius there too?”
“Yea, he told us to wait here until he gets back. I need you to do something for me Shay,” Remus said and looked at Peter.
“I’m going to go check on Niki,” Peter said and left the room.
“What’s wrong Remus?” Shay asked.
“Do you have any alcohol in the house?” Remus asked.
“Throw it away before Sirius gets home,” Remus said and Shay gave him a weird look.
“You know how Sirius gets when he blames himself for things. He likes to drink, right?”
“Yea, I guess he does.”
“Well, Sirius may blame himself for the Potters death,” Remus said,
“Why?” Shay asked.
“The Death Eaters were after Sirius and Cillian. We don’t know why, but they were and the Potters were the first to block the Death Eaters while Sirius tried to get Cillian out of there. He blames himself for their deaths.”
“They were after my baby?” Shay asked and was scared for her child.
“Yes, it could be for any reason. The Order is going to try to find out why. But you need to focus on Sirius. Cillian is safe as long as he’s here with us.”
They all waited around for a couple hours for Sirius to come back. He finally did return, looking extremely tired.
“Hey,” he said to everyone in the living room.
Shay got up and gave him a hug.
“We’re going to get going,” Niki said and they left quickly.
“How are you doing?” Shay asked.
“I’m fine. I just can’t believe that their gone,” Sirius said and sat down.
“How is James? When you left I wasn’t sure if he was gone too.”
“I’m sorry, I had to leave right away. James is in denial I think. He didn’t really say to much, which is scary,” Sirius said and closed his eyes.
“Do you want to talk?” Shay asked and brushed the hair off his forehead.
“Actually, I could use a drink,” Sirius said.
“Sirius, I threw out all the alcohol.”
“Why would you do that?” Sirius asked and he seemed upset.
“Remus told me what happened. I just don’t want you to do anything stupid. I’m just looking out for you Sirius,” Shay said and put a hand on his shoulder.
“So you don’t trust me? You don’t think I can control myself,” Sirius said and got up.
“No Sirius, I’m just trying to help. I know you’re feeling hurt right now. I want to be here for you,” Shay said.
“You don’t know Shay. You didn’t see them die. They’ve always done everything they could for me. I couldn’t do anything for them,” Sirius said and opened the front door.
“Where are you going?” Shay asked and got up from the couch.
“Anywhere but here,” Sirius said and started out the door.
“Sirius, nobody blames you,” Shay said but he was already out the door.
“Are you almost ready?” Shay asked Sirius.
They were heading out to the funeral.
“Yea, did they pick up Cillian,” Sirius asked.
Niki’s aunt and uncle agreed to watch Cillian while they were at the funeral.
“You look good Sirius,” Shay said and kissed him on the cheek.
“I still think I should have cut my hair,” Sirius said and seemed annoyed with himself.
“Sirius, don’t worry. You’ll be fine,” Shay said and Sirius looked back at her.
It’s the first time they had eye contact in days.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so horrible the past couple days,” Sirius said.
“Don’t apologize Sirius, you have no reason to,” Shay said.
“I had no reason to get mad at you though.”
“Sirius, do you remember when Damien died and how much I took it out on you? I know how it feels to lose someone so close to you. They were like parents to you Sirius. You have to have your chance to mourn,” Shay said and touched his arm lightly.
“What has been going on with us lately? We can’t seem to get along for more than a day,” Sirius said.
“We’re going through a rough patch, but I think we’re almost out of it. Sirius, I’ve been having my doubts about us but I always come to the conclusion that I love you and I don’t want to be with anyone else. I’m going to be there for you today, just like you were there for me,” Shay said and kissed him lightly.
“I know I haven’t said it for a while, but I love you too.”
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