Chapter 44 : Conscience
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I think I figured out how it worked. The very first time I had used the power, though it wasn't intentional, was when I was angry at Snape. There was nothing more that I wanted but hurt him, and that's what happened. Then, with what happened with Fenrir, I had an increasing rage building up towards him. I think anger is what triggers it.
So, and I thought about this many times, my anger towards my mother was at a pretty high point. I was somewhat hopeing I could use it on her, you know, as a test.
"Do you even hear yourself, Aleesha?"
I froze in midstep. That voice! It was that voice, the voice. It echoed in my head like it was bouncing off uknown walls.
"Long time no speak," I said quietly, knowing I really didn't have to talk outloud for it to hear me. Truthfully, I was kind of missing the voice buzzing around my head like an annoying fly.
"You can't do that to your mother," the voice said seriously. "She's only human."
"Hadly," I muttered scornfully, glad that this time when he vistited I wasn't surrouded by students who thought I was talking to myself.
"Have you thought about what I said to you on my last visit?" the voice asked calmly, ingoring me again. "Have you figured anything out?"
"You know, it would help if I knew what I was supposed to be figuring out," I said dryly. I continued before the voice could interrupt me. "My friends know something is up, and it's just a matter of time before they find out, besides James."
"Do you think they should find out?" the voice asked.
"I don't know," I said in an irrated tone. "It could either have a positve outcome, or a negative one."
"Do you think they could help?" the voice went on.
"Would you be willing to risk it?"
I sighed, why couldn't anything ever by easy? Just tell me the answer and everyone can get on with their lives.
"Listen," I said. "I don't know if I'm willing to risk it. I don't want to lose everything I worked for hard for."
"And lying to them is better than telling the truth?" the voice asked.
"It's not better," I said. "But it is easier." This time, I did hear the voice sigh, so I changed the subject to something that had been bothering me for a long, long time. "You said you knew how my father died. Would you mind telling me?"
"It's not a big mystery, Aleesha," the voice said. "Just use that brain of yours. It'll be easier than you think."
"A hint might be nice," I said innocently.
"Trust only those closest to you."
"Another hit maybe?" I asked.
"Figure it out Aleesha," the voice said.
"It won't kill you to tell me," I said bitterly. "That is, if you can die. Can you die?" The only response I got was a chuckle. "Are you my conscience?"
"No, no, Aleesha," the voice asurred me. "Not your conscience, but I am connected to you in a way."
"Who, or what are you?" I asked. "I mean, for all I know you could be some lunatic using a spell on me."
"I'm more considered of a who," the voice replied. "Yet, a what would describe me too."
"Well that's loads of help," I sighed. "You can't make anything easy can you?"
"Life isn't easy, Aleesha," the voice said.
"Especially when you interfear with it," I muttered. "You make it even more difficult than it's supposed to be."
"You're the one that makes it difficult, dear," the voice said softly, almost in a teasing matter. "You take things that are being handed to you instead of refusing it, even when you know you should."
"Try being handed something by 'Voldemort'," I said, rolling my eyes. "It's not really a 'yes or no' answer."
"It seems you have some thinking to do," the voice said, echoeing inside my head. "Just call me if you ever need me."
"That's so not fair!" I exclaimed. "You can't leave me answerless! Hello? Are you there?"
"I always thought you were a lunatic," a voice sneered behind me. "But now you've just prooved it. Talking to yourself are we?"
"You know, mother," I said, turning slowly to face the sick woman. "I have never thought highly of your opinion. What makes you think it'll change now?"
"You know, daughter," my mother mocked. "I had never given a damn what you thought either. You're just a dirty werewolf."
"The man you're so, passionatley in love with is a werewolf," I said, rolling my eyes. "And he's the one that bit me."
I hope you still don't hate me. Please, just meet me noon tomorrow in the field just down your street. I really want to explain things more thoroughly. And, if possible, could you please try talking to Sirius for me. I miss him.
I tied the letter to a large, brown tawny owl and sent it off through the open window. The clear night sky was full of so many stars that it lit up the whole sky. It was scary to look at the moon, knowing that in less than a weeks time it would cause me to change into one of the earth's most disgustingly, vile creatures; the werewolf.
I shook my head sadly to myself. I was considering, for the first time in my life, to just end the hell I was living through. But I was only considering.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed. . . Please review!
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