Chapter 5 : Adjusting
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“Sirius, it’s your turn,” Shay said half a sleep while shoving him out of bed.
It had been a month since Cillian was born. At night they took turns getting up with the baby and the late nights and early mornings were starting to wear on them.
“Ok, I got it,” Sirius mumbled as he clumsily rolled out of bed.
Sirius loved his son, there was no denying that. But he needed some damn sleep too.
“What’s wrong buddy? Your mom just fed you an hour ago,” Sirius said as he picked Cillian up out of his crib.
Cillian instantly stopped crying and Sirius laughed.
“I guess you just wanted to spend some quality time with Dad. Exact opposite of me though. The less I see my dad the better.”
Sirius looked down at Cillian. The looked almost identical. Same black hair, same gray eyes, same nose, and same smile. Most Blacks look the same. He and Regulus were almost identical. Bella could pass as Sirius’s twin. So it was no surprise to him that Cillian looked like him.
“So how do you like life so far?” Sirius asked, continuing his one way conversation with his son.
Cillian just kept staring at Sirius, blinking every once in a while.
“How hard can your life really be yet? I’ll make sure you have a good life though. The best your mom and I can give you. You are really going to like your mom when you get older. I’ve never loved someone so much in my life, except for you. I hope you will like me too. I’ll teach you how to play quidditch, I know some pretty cool pranks. If I don’t teach you, your godfather will. James was the only family I had for a while, he’s a pretty good guy. Your godmother Niki will make sure you stay grounded. She always does it for me. Remus and Lily will make sure you’re the top of your class. Peter will teach you how to be a good friend. You have a lot of good people around you Cillian,” Sirius said and looked down at his son.
He was sound asleep in Sirius’s arms.
“Sorry for talking your ear off,” Sirius said as he tucked Cillian into his crib.
“I love ya kid.”
Shay and Sirius had gotten into their own routine since Cillian was born. They woke up around five every day. Sirius jumped in the shower and Shay tended to Cillian. Shay and Sirius had acquired a house elf named Binky and she made breakfast for them. This was a good thing because neither Sirius nor Shay could cook to save their lives. Then at seven Sirius left for work. He hadn’t started his auror training yet, so he just filed papers at the Ministry. Shay stayed out home with Cillian. People were at the house frequently, for the Order, or just to see the baby. Shay enjoyed the company she got. She only saw Sirius at night and when he was home, he was with Cillian most of the time. Shay understood because Sirius didn’t get to spend as much time with Cillian as she did. Binky would make them all diner and then Cillian would go to bed around eight. After he was to bed, Sirius and Shay usually talked about their days, even if the days were consistently the same. Then both of them were asleep around ten. That’s what their day was like. Beside the fact that they were still part of an organization fighting evil wizards, they had a normal life. They liked their normal life and got upset when it went awry.
“Daddy will be home soon,” Shay said trying to sooth her crying baby.
Cillian had been sick all day and Shay was waiting for Sirius to get home to help her. She needed a break. It was very unusual for Sirius to be home later than six. It was already eight o clock. Shay hoped that nothing bad happened but she was getting a little angry.
It was now ten and Shay finally had Cillian to sleep. He was running a tiny fever and Shay was worried about her baby, but she knew he would be fine. Shay rested on the couch and Binky had brought her some hot tea when she heard the door creak open. Shay got up from the couch and went to see if it was Sirius. She couldn’t take any chances if it wasn’t.
“Sirius, is that you?” Shay asked quietly.
“Yea, I’m home,” he said back and closed the door.
“So where the hell have you been?” Shay asked harshly.
“There was an emergency Order mission. I had to leave work early,” Sirius said and hung his coat up.
“Same old, same old. Nobody got hurt, thanks to us,” Sirius said and then gave Shay a hug and kiss.
“How was your day?” he asked.
“Well, Cillian is sick. He’s running a fever but he’ll be fine. The only help I had today was Binky. Sirius, I didn’t have a break today. I just got Cillian to bed ten minutes ago. I know there was some mission thing today, but I would have appreciated a heads up. Not only was I taking care of a sick baby, but I was worrying about you,” Shay said, wanting to yell but couldn’t wake Cillian.
“Shay I’m sorry. Today must have been rough. But I had to go on the mission. If I would have had time to tell you, I would have.”
“Sirius you’re a father now. You have responsibilities. One of your responsibilities is to be home with us,” Shay said.
“Shay what do you want me to do? I can’t just walk away from the Order. We signed up for it. You wanted to sign up for it. I’m sorry if you’re night went bad, but if you want me to quit my job and stay home with Cillian than I will. You can get a job then,” Sirius half yelled.
“Sirius I would love to be doing what you’re doing. But we have a child. I stay home so you can go and work. You are the one that’s going to be able to have the job I always wanted. I sacrificed things when Cillian was born. What are you going to sacrifice?”
“I have sacrificed things. I wake up, go to work, come home, and then go to bed. That is my life now. I don’t see my friends; the only time I get away from the house is when I’m at work or on a mission. You are blowing this whole thing out of proportion. I saved someone’s life today, and you don’t even care,” Sirius said harshly.
“No Sirius I don’t care. I’m sorry that Cillian and I are such an inconvenience to your life. But you’re not supposed to be a hero, you’re supposed to be a father. Start doing a better job,” Shay said, going in for the low blow.
“Don’t you dare say that I’m a bad father. I love Cillian more than anything. I would do anything for him. I’m sorry that you’re not getting all my attention Shay. But the world doesn’t revolve around you anymore,” Sirius yelled.
“Fuck you Sirius. My world revolves around Cillian. Yours revolves around yourself. It always has and always will,” Shay said in a low voice.
“Shut up. I’ve had enough of listening to you. I’m sorry I didn’t get home on time one night. I’m sorry that I didn’t appease you. I’m sorry that you actually had to take care of Cillian all day. I’m sorry that I do everything for this family. You know what Shay? Fuck you!” Sirius yelled.
Cillian started crying after Sirius’s yell.
“Damn it Sirius! You just woke him up. He needs to sleep. He’s sick,” Shay said angrily.
“I’ll take care of it,” Sirius said, feeling bad for waking the baby up.
“No,” Shay said and put a hand out in front of him, “you obviously miss your friends too much to be a father right now. Why don’t you go to James’s? Let me finally do something for the family,” Shay said viciously and walked away.
“Shay,” Sirius called out.
“Leave!” she said before turning the corner.
Sirius was defeated so he got his coat and left. This battle could be fought tomorrow.
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