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Confessions of an anorexic by Sirius_babe
Chapter 14 : Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friends
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 30


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A/N: Sooooo, final chapter is FINALLY up :D hah, I just felt so happy today (for some odd reason) so I thought I should update for y'all, so when it's updated you can be happy... even though it's the last chapter... oh well :D hope this is a good enough end for y'all, and if it isn't... well, it isn't really the end is it? ;) nooo, it's not... well, read on my happy little.. uh readers?? =P and review if you're nice ;) (but either way, thanx for reading this far!!) 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything... ok I lie... I own Jackie... XD and aren't you all just happy about that? ;)


I look around my room once more before I turn around and head out. It’s my last day at Hogwarts today. I’m leaving for Madhouse in two hours. Dumbledore has arranged for the house-elves to bring my suitcases to his office, and I’ll floo-powder myself from there.

 

Right now I’m meeting Sirius by the lake. Lily, James and Remus will meet us there in an hour. For now, it’ll be Sirius and I saying our goodbyes. Assuming I don’t come back for seventh year of course.

 

I walk through the portrait hole, and down the corridors and stairs, knowing this could very well be the last time I do so. Wow, guess it did have some sentimental value after all. All the portraits on the walls, watching me as I go, whispering about where I’m going. They probably know. At least that’s what my nervous brain is thinking, as I walk through the door, and towards the lake.

 

Sirius is already sitting under ‘our’ tree (as he called it, if I remember correctly), and I feel suddenly heavy hearted as I close in on him. He smiles when he sees me, and holds his arms open for me to sit down in his embrace (which I do, obviously).

 

“Hey…” I mutter sadly as I lean against his chest. He’s stroking my hair, it’s really nice.

 

“Hey back. How’re you holding up?”

 

I shrug. How am I holding up? I don’t even get to finish year five at Hogwarts, though I guess this is a little bit more important… maybe.

 

“I’ll be fine…” I say unsurely. Truth is I’m terrified! I’m leaving behind everything I’ve ever known (not counting my dad’s house here!), and I’m doing it on my own. Oh how I really wish Sirius could go with me. Why can’t he have anorexia too? Little bastard!

 

Oh no, BAD Jackie. You don’t want your boyfriend to have anorexia! That’s mean.

 

Oh my God, you’re right. BAD Girlfriend Jackie. I want him to be happy. And I should especially be happy, seeing as he didn’t break up with me after learning my secret.

 

“Now, why don’t I believe you?” asks Sirius and cocks an eyebrow at me. I sigh. Right, forgot that he obviously knows me a little bit more than perhaps wanted (he’s the one who found out about my anorexia after all… damn that making-out-on-his-bed idea!).

 

I shrug again. “Ok, fine, so maybe I’m a little bit… nervous. A little bit I mean.”

 

He smirks at me. “A little bit? JayJay you’re shaking.”

 

I look down at my hands in my lap, and then I feel my shoulders shaking too. Hmm… I hadn’t noticed. 

 

“So… have you eaten today?” asks Sirius, and I stiffen. I look up at him, afraid to answer. Because obviously I haven’t eaten! Does he want me to puke it up again? Because I would; especially today when I’m feeling so shaky inside.

 

“Right, sorry. I’ll ask again when you come back,” he says slowly, and shrugs it off. How nice of him really. To accept it like that. Though I am going to Madcamp to get better, so he doesn’t have much he can say anyhow.

 

“When I come back?” I ask with raised eyebrows instead, smirking a little at him. We haven’t really discussed it, but I’m sure he knows I might not be coming back. I mean; he has to know.

 

“Yeah, JayJay; you’ll come back in a year, to finish year seven with me. You know that.” he says it like a little child afraid of losing his dog or whatever, it’s so adorable! I have to hug him!

 

“Oh Sirius!” I say as I fling my arms around him. He answers by putting his own hands around my waist, and I find myself on his lap suddenly, with my knees on each side of his waist.

 

“You’ll come back JayJay, you have to. Tell me you’ll come back to me?” he pleads, and holds me tightly. And I can sincerely say I’ve never felt as loved as I do right now. It’s a wonderful feeling, truly. So what do you expect me to say? I can’t crush his little hope of me returning to him now, can I? In that case what kind of girlfriend would I be?

 

“Of course I’ll come back Siri, if you wait for me.” I whisper in his warm embrace.

 

“I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever JayJay!” he states, and I smile up at him.

 

“Thanks Siri.” I say, biting my lip unsurely at how close our faces are now. Truth is; I want to kiss him, but I’m afraid. Obviously, I’ve never been on-coming when it comes to boys. Lucky for me that can’t be said for Siri, and he closes the gap between us in a swift move and our lips crash together. Now, I’m just gonna assume I’m a good kisser, since Sirius deepens the kiss soon after, and his hands start travelling up and down my back. I’m fingering with my own in his hair; his soft, soft hair that I’ll miss dearly when I’m gone. I’ll miss all of him of course!

 

I loosen my fingers from his hair, as we break apart shortly for breath before I bring my lips down on his once more. Now that is a breakthrough for me, but I’m just all feelings right now, so who’s to blame me?

 

This time though, I put my fingers on his chest, and grab his shirt collar tightly, as if to assure myself that he can’t slip away. That this won’t end just yet. Because I don’t want it to end. It feels too good.

 

“Jackie…” whispers Sirius quietly as we pull apart and I settle for leaning my own forehead against his. My eyes are closed but I smile nonetheless.

 

“Yes?” I whisper back, don’t want to blow the peace.

 

“I love you.”

 

I don’t even think about it before I respond; “I love you too.”

 

Ok, time to FREAK out. Freak one: Sirius just said he loved me?!?! How’s that possible, we’ve only been together for like a month or something. Freak two: I told him I loved him back! Still only been together for like a month!!! Freak three: I think I might actually do!! Love him I mean. I think I might. Oh my God, what am I gonna do now?!?

You know, this really isn’t the best time to come out and say ‘I love you’, considering I’m leaving in less than two hours. What was he thinking??

 

That he loves you?

 

SHUT UP! I- he loves me… how sweet.

 

Yeah… except you’re leaving him.

 

Oh no. I’m leaving him! I can’t leave him; I’ve just bloody said I love him! Argh, why and how do I get myself in these situations?

 

“Sirius I-I…” I stutter, not sure how to say it.

“Shh… its ok. We don’t have to do anything. Just come back to me in a year. I’ll wait, as will our love.” He cuts me off, and smiles up at me. He is so sweet, is all I can say. Or nod, as I do to Sirius.

 

“Ok.” I say and nod again. “Ok.” I lay my head on his shoulder, and we sit like that for some time. Actually we sit like that for a long time, until Lily, James and Remus comes over and joins us.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving JayJay,” says Lily sadly. “It’s a little bit unreal.” I agree. It is highly weird that I’m actually going, but I will come back soon. I’ve already promised Sirius.

 

“We’re gonna miss you,” says James, and Lily nods tearfully, and James puts his arms around her for comfort. Aw, they make such a cute couple.

 

Remus just looks sad. I guess he’s not one to really show his emotions like that. I smile weakly at them.

 

“Guys, you’re making it harder for me…” I whisper sadly. Lily laughs as tears roll down her cheek.

 

“Well, it is sad Jackie,” she says, and I nod in agreement. Sirius looks at his watch, and then back up at me and I know it’s time to go.

 

“I’m gonna miss you all,” I say as I get up. They stand up as well, and I hug them each once before I turn to Sirius and throw my hands around his neck. He lifts me up and swirls me around, before he puts me down and kisses me one last time before I leave them outside.

 

“Bye!” I smile and hurry inside before tears start rolling down my face; I didn’t want them to see how scared I really am about leaving.

 

I hurry towards Dumbledore’s office, where I am going to floo-powder my way to the “rehab” thingy. Exciting.

 

“Jackie, wait!” I turn around surprised, and see Remus running towards me.

 

“Remus?!? What are you doing?” I ask shocked, I already said goodbye didn’t I?

 

“I just wanted to say… that you know… I’ll miss you, when you’re gone. A lot.” he shifts his eyes to the floor and I think I see a blush creep across his cheeks; is Remus Lupin blushing at me?!?!? The sky’s falling down, said Chicken Little.

 

“Aw, Remus, you know I’ll miss you too! But as you said; it’s for the best. I’m just sorry it ever got so bad in the first place,” I say truthfully, eyeing him, wondering why he really came running after me all this way.

 

“Well I…” he stops, and I don’t even think he’s going to finish the sentence when suddenly he throws his arms around me and hugs me. I’m so startled I don’t react at first, but then I pull myself together and slowly put my arms around his waste. This is nice. And I can’t help but notice how well we fit together, our bodies and height I mean. It’s like we were made to fit each other, and belong together… except I belong with Sirius and this was just an I-won’t-see-you-for-one-year feeling thingy taking over. I mean; clearly.

 

He pulls away, and I smile up at him. “I have to go now…” I start, and he nods understandingly, returning the smile. I then leave him too behind, and walk the rest of the way to Dumbledore’s office. As I stand outside his door, about to knock, I realize this is it. A new life is about to begin as I hear Dumbledor’s voice through the door; “Come in!”

 

 
A/N: The End... felt like writing it... XD sooo, I just want to say a big Thank You to everyone whose (sp?) read this story, and everyone whose reviewed it. It's really made my day (many of my days) to come home and reading all those positive reviews, and see how many poeple has read my story. 
So all in all what I'm trying to say is; if it hadn't been for all of you, I wouldn't have kept writing, and this story wouldn't be anything without you!! Love y'all!!! <33

... omg, I'm getting emotional now :S ok, happy thoughts!!! um... Sequel?? yay ;) 


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