Author's Note:
I only own Alicia and the plot.
Enjoy!
*****
"Are you ready to get married?" Sirius asked, patting his friend on the back as they stood in a classroom, waiting for James' wedding to begin. Twenty-one-year-old James smoothed out his tuxedo and looked to the ground. He sighed heavily and shook his head, "Sirius, I don't know if I should go through with this..."
"What?" Sirius asked, moving in front of James, "Why do you think that? You love Alicia."
James squeezed his eyes shut and whispered, "See. That's where I'm not so sure."
"What do you mean?" Sirius asked. He pulled up two chairs and told James to sit down. James did so and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. James avoided Sirius' question for a moment, thinking hard to himself. James whispered, "I should never have broken it off with Lily...I don't know why I did it. I still love her and I know she loves me...I asked Alicia to marry me, because I thought it would help me put Lily behind me, but it's not." Sirius pursed his lips together and closed his eyes. He didn't know what to say to that. James continued to speak, "I can't leave Alicia now, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her. We're not meant to be. You know the nights when she would tell you that I had to go out of town for a mission?"
Sirius perked up his eyebrows and nodded, "Yeah. The little one-nighters, right?"
James nodded and then whispered, "I never went on those..."
"Y-You what?!" Sirius asked, confused. James whispered, "I made them up. I was lying to Alicia."
"Then where were you on those nights?" Sirius asked, dreading the answer. Deep down, Sirius knew what it was and he didn't want James to say it. James never seemed like the kind of person to do that. James stood up and walked to one of the windows. He looked down to the Hogwarts grounds and sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, "I-I was with Lily..."
"James..." Sirius gasped, shaking his head. He couldn't see his best mate doing that. Sirius questioned him, "Affair-like?" James nodded and looked down. He then burst out, throwing his hands into the air, "See! I don't know why I broke it off with Lily when I'm having an affair with her! I can't stand to not be with her! I love Lily so much..."
A knock came from the door and James lifted his head, jerking it to the door. He cleared his throat and said, "Come in." When the door opened, James straightened up at the sight of Lily. James stuttered, "H-Hey..."
"Hi." she smiled lightly. Sirius cleared his throat, not wanting to be in the same room as them and excused himself from their presence. Lily closed the door behind Sirius and smiled to him. She whispered, "You look so handsome, James..."
James whispered, looking away from her, "Thank you, Lily."
Lily quickly wiped at her eyes and James knew that she had been crying. James turned away from her, trying to ignore her striking beauty in her black, slimming dress, her hair pulled up into a loose bun on the top of her head. He braced himself on the window sill, trying to find his strength, and he choked out, "T-Thank you f-for coming..."
Lily whispered, walking up behind James, "I had to come see you." She placed a hand on his back as she stood behind him and waited for him to look at her. He gave in quicker than she had expected. He turned around and ran his fingers over her cheeks. He whispered, "You're so beautiful..."
Lily turned her head away from him, biting her bottom lip so her sobs wouldn't escape. Lily then quickly turned back and begged, cupping his face in her hands, "James, you know I love you! Please! Come away with me!"
"No, Lily." James whispered, "Don't ask me to do that. I'm marrying Alicia."
"But you don't love her anymore!" Lily sobbed. James let a tear fall down his cheek. He shook his head, "No. I do love her. I just love you more."
"James, you waited for me to fall in love with you all our years at Hogwarts! I finally fell in love with you in our seventh year a-and we dated for two years! Why did you break up with me if you loved me so much?!" Lily cried loudly, grabbing James' arms and making him look at her. When James looked into her emerald eyes, he gave in, "Because I don't deserve you..."
"Cut the crap, James!" Lily yelled. She lowered her voice and whispered, "I know you want me, but why do you keep denying it? You express your love to me by coming over to my flat every other week and making love to me, but you can't say it to my face! What is it!? What is it that makes you deny it?!"
James didn't say anything. He continued to look forward until Lily spun him around and sobbed, "Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me..." James looked her in the eye and opened his mouth. When he saw her emerald eyes glistening with tears, he turned away and squeezed his eyes shut. Lily whispered, "I knew it. There isn't a reason. You love me."
He turned around and let a tear fall down. He whispered, entwining their hands, "Please don't do this to me..."
"James, I decided to give you a chance when we were seventeen and that was the happiest I had ever been! When you broke up with me everything just came crashing down. Why did you do it if you still loved me? Why have you been denying our love for each other?"
James turned to face her and he placed his large hands on her shoulders, so small and delicate. He suddenly got a flash of one of the many times they had made love together. He lost what he had planned to say. Lily whispered, "Kiss me then. Kiss me one last time..."
When James looked into her eyes, he couldn't hold himself back. He kissed full on the mouth and found himself falling into her trap. He couldn't bring himself to stop kissing her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeper, working her mouth open with her jaw. He stumbled backwards, surprised to feel Lily pushing him back. She backed him up against a desk and climbed on top of him. He choked into her mouth, "Lily, someone could walk in!"
"That makes it even more exciting..." she moaned into his mouth, running her hands along his tuxedo. James grunted into her mouth, lost in her touch. He reached into his pocket and took out his wand, locking the door with a simple wave. He dropped his wand on the ground, replacing his hands on Lily's neck, slipping them into her dress. She moaned, rolling her hips into his, "Why can't you see that we're meant to be together...?"
"I do see it, Lily..." he whispered. He continued to kiss her romantically, running his hands all over her body. He couldn't control himself.
When he was with Lily, Alicia didn't matter...
She didn't matter that she was his fiancee, about to become his wife. Lily pulled up her knee-length dress so James fell into the crook of her legs. She panted into his mouth, "We have an hour..."
James quickly sat up on top of her, shaking his head, "No, Lily. No. I can't do this. I love Alicia. I'm marrying her. We can never be together again."
Lily shook her head as tears formed and she whispered, "James, you don't mean that. If you meant that, then you wouldn't have kissed me back! You wouldn't have let me snog you!"
"Yes, I do, Lily..." James whispered. He stood back up and walked to the mirror. He flattened out his hair and straightened out his tuxedo, rebuttoning it. He tried to cover up the looks that he had just been snogging someone other than his future wife, nearly having sex once more. Lily got down from the desk and straightened out her dress, wiping her smeared mascara from her face. James whispered, not looking back to her, "Goodbye, Lily."
"Goodbye, James..." Lily huffed, walking to the door and unlocking it. She looked to James one last time and left the classroom, trying to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks. James sighed heavily once she left, proud of himself for being able to control his decision to not make love to her once more. However, he desperately wished Lily was wrong about his feelings for her, but she was correct...
He loved her terribly and he didn't remember why he broke up with her. When James had proposed to Alicia, he had been positive that he wanted to marry her. Now, he didn't know at all. He and Alicia had had a wonderful relationship and he had been able to completely shove the best relationship he had ever had with someone, with Lily, out of his head. He had loved Alicia so much. He had wanted to marry her.
Now, he was so certain that Lily was the one for him, but he couldn't continue to have an affair with her.
He suddenly remembered when they had decided to be together again, even when James was engaged to Alicia.
James was living down the street from Lily, Alicia living in her own flat all the way across London. He had proposed to Alicia the night before. James decided to go and visit Lily. He knocked on the door to Lily's flat and saw her answer. She smiled lightly at the sight of him and allowed him to come in. He whispered a feeble thank you.
He said as she closed the door behind him, "I wanted to come and visit."
"Well, that's nice of you." Lily said, walking into the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of iced tea and offered James a glass. James, knowing he still loved her, found himself staring at her consistently. James said suddenly after a moment, having to get his feelings out then and there, "Lily, I'm sorry I broke up with you and I know it's been year, but I still love you..."
Lily stopped suddenly and turned around. Somehow she always knew. And even though she knew it was rude of her, she had always wanted a moment like this to come back up. She pursed her lips together and said, "What about Alicia?"
"Lily, I love you!" James said, rising from his chair. He walked around the counter and cupped her face in his hands. He whispered through tears, "I never should have broken up with you." He kissed her fiercely and moaned into her mouth, "I love you so goddamn much..."
"I love you too, James..." Lily said through sobs. James pulled away and hugged her to his body. He whispered over and over, "I'm so sorry..."
Lily lifted her head to James' and kissed him again. They both gave in and James swooped her up into his arms and left the kitchen. They both sobbing loudly for no apparent reason as they stumbled along the hall and into Lily's bedroom. James fell against her and he immediately reached for his own shirt, pulling it above his head. He kissed her again, Lily running her hands along his back. She said through tears, "Oh, god...I've missed your touch so much."
"Lily, please." James said, drawing his lips away from hers. He brushed a strand of her fiery hair out of her face and whispered, "We won't tell anyone. I have to be with you. I love you and I can't keep ignoring you. Please...No one will know."
"J-James, do you mean..." She stopped stroking his cheek and then stuttered, "A-Are you suggesting that we have a-an - "
James cut her off and kissed her, moaning into her mouth, "An affair..." He kissed her further, helping Lily unbutton her blouse. James dropped it on the ground and then unclasped her bra. James kissed her neck and moaned, "I'll do anything to be with you. I just need you so bad. I'll do anything. Even if it means betraying my faincee..."
James closed his eyes and wrinkled his nose, furious with himself. First he had betrayed Alicia, and then he told Lily that he would do anything to be with her. What kind of fool did
that?!? If he seriously would have done anything to be with her, then he would have broken it off with Alicia when he had the chance.
A knock came from the door and James whispered, "Come in..." The door creaked open and Sirius smiled lightly. Sirius said, "It's time, James."
James sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. He nodded and left the room, walking into the entrance hall with Sirius. James and Alicia were getting married in the Great Hall, but there weren't that many people attending the wedding. James and Alicia had wanted the wedding to be at a special place, but a small number of guests. James walked into the entrance hall and stopped briefly at the sight. There were roses everywhere and the hall looked like anyone's dream wedding.
It would have been James' dream wedding, if he had just been marrying the right person.
He walked to the front where Professor Dumbledore was standing and took his spot. He looked to the crowd. He saw his friends, his family, Alicia's family, and then he saw Lily, crying silently in her seat. Lily lifted her face and she and James made eye contact. She mouthed "I love you" before turning her head away.
James swallowed a lump in his throat and waited for the ceremony to begin. It began sooner than James would have liked and he slowly watched Sirius and Alicia's twin sister walk down the isle as the best man and the maid of honor. Lily had, of course, been asked to be a bride's maid, but she had denied it, most likely because it would be too painful for her to do. The wedding march began and James straightened up, putting a smile on his face. He saw Alicia and he lost his breath at the sight of her. Her golden curls were flowing down her back and her blue eyes were glistening with happiness, but as Alicia came to stand by his side, it didn't feel right.
He felt what was left of his happiness fade and Albus Dumbledore began to marry them. It passed quicker and quicker by the moment and James knew it was too late to turn his back on Alicia now. James found himself choking, trying to find his breath when Professor Dumbledore said, "Do you, Alicia Marie Baker, take thee, James Harold Potter to be your husband?"
Alicia smiled into James eyes and said, "I do."
James saw out of the corner of his eye, Lily rising from the crowd. He could see her mascara running down her cheeks. She was slowly pushing through her isle and then silently walked out of the great hall. Seeing James marry someone other than her must have been too painful. James closed his mouth at the sight of his ex nd then felt tears well in his eyes. No one else had noticed her leave.
Professor Dumbledore said, "Do you, James Harold Potter, take thee, Alicia Marie Baker, to be your wife?"
James looked into Alicia's face and he felt all of his happiness fade. A tear fell down his cheek and he looked down. He knew. He knew that if he continued he would either have to betray his wife and sleep with another woman behind her back, or he would have to stop the wedding right now and do what he knew was right. He didn't have the courage to do either...
As the crowd drew in a sharp breath at James' hesitation, he found his strength. He didn't care that he would put shame on his parents. He didn't care that he would embarrass Alicia beyond imagination. He only cared about Lily, her happiness, and his love for her.
He shook his head and whispered, "I'm sorry. I can't..."
"W-What?" Alicia stuttered, tears welling in her eyes. As the crowd began to murmur, James whispered, wiping the tears from his eyes, "I'm so sorry, Alicia. I just can't do this." He kissed her cheek and whispered, "You look beautiful." and he left the altar. He walked down the isle as the Great Hall began to erupt with people talking about James. He walked out onto the grounds and listened for the sound of sobs.
The reception was to be held outside on the grounds, a reception that wouldn't take place anymore. He saw Lily standing by the lake's edge, her head hung low and her arms folded across her chest. He smiled and sprinted down the grounds. He yelled at the top of his lungs, feeling as if a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders, "Lily!! Lily!"
Lily spun around and sobbed harder at the sight of James sprinting down to her. He stopped in front of her, panting and he said, "I couldn't do it, Lily. I just couldn't. It's you I want to be with!"
"Oh, James..." Lily smiled, wiping her tears. James kissed her passionately, feeling free to do so. He picked her up and spun her around, Lily laughing happily. James set her down and Lily asked, "But what are you going to do about Alicia?"
"She'll understand..." James whispered, "She always does." Lily nodded and threw her arms around his neck. James whispered, kissing her hair, "I love you and I'm never going to leave you again. I promise..."
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