AN: The Bachelor and Bachlorette parties, just as planned.
Be ware: VERY LONG. (At least compared to my other chapters.)
Enjoy! R & R!
Chapter 24: The Basic Spelling Every Woman Ought to KnowORLight Up the Sky
They had done it. They had gotten their wedding planned in less than three months. (Not that that was such a problem; they had been brainstorming for eight months.) And it was December 31st already.
It was time for their bachelor and bachlorette parties.
Now, it should be common knowledge that a true bachelor and/or bachlorette party involves alcohol, lingerie and food. Fred and Hermione’s parties entailed all these certain things.
Fred had decided to let his twin, George, make all the arrangements for his bachelor party. He knew George would do his last day of bachelor-dom justice, just as Fred had done for him.
So, on December thirty-first, the males participating in the festivities (Arthur, Bill, Charlie, Percy – the prick, Ron, Harry, Lee Jordan, Oliver Wood, George, and, of course, Fred) met up at Fred and Hermione’s flat at five pm; cocktail hour.
“Fred, you’re going to love what I’ve planned for you. No doubt about that,” George said.
“I certainly hope so,” Fred said back.
“Oi, George, where’re we going?” a very excited Lee Jordan asked.
“You’ll see, Lee. Don’t you worry,” was George’s reply.
Once all the guests were ready, George gathered them all around a light bulb.
“A light bulb?” Fred questioned.
“Yeah. A light bulb. I thought it was cool,” George replied, picking it up and examining it above his head.
“Oh. I thought you were trying to be clever, like this party of yours is a bright idea.”
George didn’t get it. You could tell by his blank expression.
“Oh, never mind. It’s a Muggle thing Hermione told me about.”
George and everyone else nodded as if they knew what Fred was talking about. (Minus Harry, of course; he actually did know what Fred was talking about.)
“Well, anyway, this light bulb is a portkey. It will take us all to our destination in twenty seconds,” George said, placing it on the nearby table. “Take hold.”
So, the ten men found an empty place to put a finger to the light bulb, and twenty seconds later, they were at their final destination.
It was a wizard’s club.
“Damn George! I’m having you plan my bachelor party whenever it is that I get married,” Lee said.
Arthur cleared his throat a little and Percy flushed a tad, adjusting his glasses in front of his dilated eyes.
“George, you certainly outdid yourself,” Fred said amazed, as he watched a pretty blonde onstage do something that requires a good amount of flexibility and dexterity. Fred sobered up a little. “All of you are sworn to secrecy about this bachelor party, for your information. If Mione found out, we wouldn’t be able to have children. Or rather, I wouldn’t.”
Fred turned towards him. “Do you want me to tell Katie?”
Oliver paled considerably and quieted as Fred mentioned his fiancé.
“I thought not.”
“Well, let’s get to it then,” Charlie said, clapping a hand on Fred and Ron’s back.
Ron managed to squeak out a little giggle.
“What are you laughing about?” Bill asked, hearing the high pitched noise that was emitted from Ron’s mouth.
“Nothing,” Ron stuttered, turning red.
“Damn, I should take Hermione here,” Fred wondered out loud, completely contradicting his earlier statement about swearing everyone to secrecy so that Hermione wouldn’t find out about this.
“Son, was that meant to be heard by all of us?” Arthur asked his son.
“Did I say that out loud?” Fred choked. (He obviously was very uncomfortable about that. I mean, it was his family that heard that.)
George took them to the back room. It had a perfect view of the stage. And everything on it.
Fred sat at the head of the table.
“Gentlemen, take a seat,” a very beautiful woman dressed in what looked like five small lace doilies said.
Doily-woman walked over to Fred in her five inch heels.
“Is there anything I can get you boys?” she asked, bending over a little.
“Lots of firewhiskey, miss,” George said.
“Alright then. I’ll be back. And the name’s Roxie.”
Roxie winked at Ron before he burst into a fit of giggles.
“Roxie! Roxie Boxie. Foxie Boxie,” Ron said before he burst into another fit of giggles.
“D’you know that bird?” Lee asked.
“Know her? She’s Margaret’s sister. Her fraternal twin actually; Roxie’s older. Roxanne and Margaret Box. Well, she’s not a Box anymore since she got married four months ago.”
“And she still works here?” Arthur asked, trying to pay attention to his sons and not the other gender in the room.
“Yeah. Her husband owns the place with his brother. But, she only does the waitressing,” Ron said matter-o’-factly.
The Weasley men ‘ahhed,’ now completely understanding the situation. Harry, Oliver, and Lee just got blank expressions on their faces. (It’s not that they didn’t understand, they just didn’t think the explanation deserved any ‘ahs,’ or whatever. It wasn’t worthy.)
“So, Roxie taught Margaret all she knows?” Harry asked, not intending to be suggestive.
“No, Margaret taught Roxie.”
(Ron didn’t get what he’d just revealed to his dad, brothers and friends until Fred whispered it to him when he wondered why everyone was laughing at him.)
Enough banter! On to the real fun and games.
The bachelor party was having quite a lot of fun. First of all, they had alcohol, and lots of it. Second of all, they had scantily clad woman dancing around them and serving them. And third of all, they had “man” food, whatever the hell that was.
Fred, being the man of honour at this party, got a lap dance from a very well-endowed Swede named Svetlana. Or maybe she was German? Or Russian? Who knows?! (Who cares?!)
Lee, on request from the as-good-as-drunk bachelor Fred, also got a lap dance. He was somewhat dazed afterwards. The alcohol very well might have had a little influence as well.
Anyway, these men at Merlin’s Hideaway were having a bloody wonderful time.
Let’s look and see what it was like at the bachlorette party.
Now Ginny, being Hermione’s best friend, thought it quite appropriate for her to arrange the bachlorette party. So, that’s what she did.
Ginny had sent out invitations and everyone she’d invited had replied with a “yes, I’m coming.”
Seeing that Fred’s bachelor party was meeting up at Fred and Hermione’s flat, Hermione’s invitees (Jane Granger, Molly, Ginny (duh), Luna, Fleur, Nadia, Alicia, Angelina, Katie, Margaret, Lavender, and Parvati) gathered at the Potter’s home, the Glade. (Evan and Bryrony were with a babysitter, as well as Adelie, Andre, Armelle, Aurelie, Cea, and George and Alicia’s two month old daughter Abena.)
“Oh, Hermione, this is so exciting! You’re getting married!” Lavender Brown-Thomas squealed. “Married life is amazing. Like, it really is. You’ve no idea. Except when your husband decides that he likes hearing about a Quidditch match more than your day at work and he doesn’t have the time to even appreciate the wonderful meal you’ve made and –”
“It only gets better darling,” Jane Granger told her daughter.
Molly nodded in agreement with her new best friend Jane.
Ginny decided then that it was high time to head to their final destination.
“Alright ladies. We shall be going in a few moments,” Ginny said, grabbing a very high high heel off the table it had been sitting on. “This is our portkey. It will activate in thirty seconds, so everyone take hold.”
Thirty seconds later, the group of women were whisked to an interesting place that involved male dancers that were very fit.
Molly gasped. Jane gasped.
“A wizarding Chippendales?” Jane murmured.
“Ginny! You didn’t!” Hermione cried.
Ginny giggled. “Welcome to Morgana’s Secret, ladies!”
“Hey, I went here for my bachlorette party too!” Alicia cried. “Well, for one of my bachlorette parties,” she amended, looking at Katie and Angelina.
Ginny snapped her fingers and five shirtless and very good looking wizards appeared in front of the women.
“Hello boys. We’re the Granger bachlorette party,” Ginny said.
The man that seemed to be the “leader” stepped up. “Which one of you lovely women is the lucky lady who is getting married?”
Ginny pushed Hermione forward. “She is.”
“Well then, your chariot awaits you.”
The leader backed away to reveal, indeed, a chariot that was being held up by four very strong wizards.
“Oh my god,” was all Hermione could say as the leader effortlessly lifted her up into the chariot.
The man-powered chariot smoothly brought Hermione to the back room, the special bachlorette area. The rest of the bachlorette party followed the men carrying the chariot like puppies. (Even Jane and Molly.)
The leader, whose name apparently was Carlisle, took their drink orders. They ordered a lot of alcohol, and they didn’t just order the wizarding kind, but the Muggle kind.
Being women, the guests had decided that they would buy Hermione wedding presents. Hermione had insisted that they not give her anything, but Ginny gave them the go-ahead. After all, it was Ginny’s bachlorette party for Hermione.
So, after five or six rounds and a few strip teases and dances, Ginny decided that Hermione should open her gifts.
“Oooh oooh! I want to go first!” Lavender cried as she pulled a small little package from her bag. She grabbed her wand and took the spell off of it. It grew three times its size. “Here you go Hermione. I hope you like it and that it works quite efficiently.”
Lavender’s smile was so wide, and almost fake-looking, it made Hermione wonder if it hurt her face and why she was smiling so big.
The package was wrapping in an embossed ivory wrapping paper. Very wedding-ish. Whatever the package held, it was kind of large and heavy; it was rectangular shaped. Like a book. But what book could Lavender Brown-Thomas possibly be giving Hermione that she didn’t already have?
Hermione smiled hesitantly at Lavender before slowly tearing the wrapping paper off.
It most certainly was a book. But not any book Hermione had ever thought of buying for herself.
“The Mystical Witch special edition of the Kama Sutra,” Hermione said slowly.
“You’ll love it!” Lavender giggled.
Hermione looked at Ginny. Ginny’s eyes were wide. Ginny mouthed to Hermione, “Oh my god.”
Hermione looked back at Lavender and tried to hide her utter amusement and shock. “Thank you Lavender. I’m sure this will be a very…stimulating read.”
Hermione was trying so hard not to laugh. Not to mention Ginny. And Alicia, Angelina, Katie, Nadia, Fleur, Luna, Molly, and Jane. Parvati was nodding, completely agreeing with Lavender. Margaret was sort of looking into space.
“I have one myself, and let me say, it’s interestingly satisfying,” Parvati said. “Lav gave it to me for my bachlorette party and it has done wonders.”
Parvati paused, looked so very serious. Suddenly, her face did a 180. She rummaged through her own bag and brought out a package of her own.
Once she took the spell off of it, it was much larger than the Kama Sutra. It was longer and thinner, and by the looks of it, it could’ve been a game. A board game. But what kind of board game? Hermione had no bloody clue.
“Wow. It looks like a board game!” Jane said. “Hermione, darling, maybe it’s Parcheesi!”
“I don’t think it is, Mum, but there’s always a possibility,” Hermione said laughing.
So, as Hermione was removing its shiny gold wrappings, Hermione couldn’t help but go through all the board games it could be.
And when all the paper was gone, Hermione was very surprised.
“Strip Chocolate: An Imaginative Board Game.”
Parvati squealed. “Read the instructions on the back!”
Hermione turned the board game over, wondering why why why.
“‘Everybody wins when you and a partner play this delicious game. Draw a Strip card and remove a piece of clothing. Draw a Chocolate card and paint a design on your partner. Additional Dare and Favor cards up the ante – and the fun! Comes with chocolate body frosting, dice, paintbrushes. Great gift for a honeymoon or romantic getaway. For two adult players.’ Well, this should be very interesting as well. Thank you Parvati.”
“Oh, Hermione, please open mine next,” Jane asked her daughter. “I think you’ll appreciate it very much.”
Jane got the bag that she had brought with her. It was a pretty large bag and quite heavy. It was a shiny silver colour with golden rings and golden bells and red lips and bright white doves all over it. Very wedding-oriented.
Hermione gladly took it. She pulled out the tissue paper on top and stuck her hand into the bag.
She brought out five books.
Otherwise Engaged: A Novel by Suzanne Finnamore. For Better, for Worse: A Novel by Carole Matthews. Hitched: The Go-Girl Guide to the First Year of Marriage by Julia Bourland. I Like Being Married: Treasured Traditions, Rituals, and Stories by Michael Leach. And lastly, a journal: The Marriage Journal of Jane Elizabeth (Harrison) Granger.
Hermione looked to her mother and saw that her eyes were teary.
“Thank you, Mum. I think these were just what I needed,” Hermione said as she stood up and walked over to her mother to give her a huge hug.
“I knew that I was eventually going to have a child when I said yes to your father, and I always hoped I’d have a daughter so I could give it to her. And if I didn’t have a daughter, I’d give it to my daughter-in-law so she could give it to her daughter, and so on and so forth. I’m just glad that I get to give it to you.”
Hermione was tearing up at her mother’s words.
“Thank you so much Mum. You have no idea how much this means to me. I love you so much.”
And so, Hermione and her mum, Jane Granger, got their perfect mother-daughter moment. Hermione couldn’t have asked for anything better, and neither could Jane.
Hermione and Jane took their seats again after drying their eyes and a few more hugs.
Then, Hermione was given another gift from Margaret.
“Seeing that books were a common thing to get you, I also got you one. It’s a little different from the others, seeing that it isn’t the Kama Sutra, no matter how useful that is, or some amusing fiction, or a wonderfully insightful journal from your mother on her marriage experiences, but rather, something very silly from me. It’s my personal ethics about keeping any relationship work and such,” Margaret said, handing Hermione a green leather-bound journal. “It has quotes, and things of my own creation that should be in the Kama Sutra, and little pick-me-ups, and funny drawings and cartoons I’ve collected over the years. I’d never found anyone special enough to give it to, but then I met you. I thought you were the perfect candidate.”
Hermione was in awe. “Margaret, that is so very sweet of you! Thank you so much! I don’t think I could have ever been that creative.”
“It’s nothing. My family says I have a certain knack for being different. But before you read any of it, I need to put one last quote in it. It’s my favourite, which I happened to have forgotten to put in.”
Hermione handed Margaret the book and Margaret quickly wrote the quote on the inside cover. Margaret handed it back to Hermione with it open.
“‘A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's the basic spelling that every woman ought to know,’” Hermione delivered.
Every person present in the room sighed in contentment, reveling about every kiss they’d ever had. The quote was so very true.
“That is a lovely quote,” Molly said thoughtfully. She would have to speak with Ron about when he was deciding to propose to Margaret.
A few minutes passed before anyone else spoke. Then Alicia, Katie and Angelina thought it was their turn to present Hermione with her present.
“Seeing that we aren’t at all creative, we decided we pull our money and get you something exquisite. I think Fred would appreciate it,” Angelina spoke for the three of them.
Alicia handed Hermione a very light and plain-looking white cardboard box. Only one thing came to Hermione’s mind: lingerie.
And oh, was she right.
And oh, did it make her uncomfortable.
There was a very small scarlet lacy thing that didn’t look like it could leave very much to the imagination at all (not that that was the point) and there was a bra and panties set in the same material. Oh, and a black silk robe, that went only mid-thigh.
“Well, thank you,” Hermione said after a few moments. “It was certainly what I was expecting to find. I’m thinking that Fred will be very happy.”
“I have one very similar,” Katie quickly said. She was marrying Oliver in a few months, after all.
Hermione laughed as Katie blushed a little. Before long, everyone else was laughing.
Randomly, the very-quiet-until-now Luna spoke up.
“How many children are you and Fred planning on having, Hermione?” Luna asked.
Hermione looked to Luna and smiled. “That is a very good question, Luna. I’m surprised no one else asked that question. Fred and I have decided that we do not want any more than seven children. Seeing that Molly has successfully raised seven children, it couldn’t be that difficult.”
“Well then, I think you’ll appreciate my present. It will protect you from cumilinksees [coom-ih-link-seize. They steal fertility, you know.”
Hermione’s eyes got wide and her face protested a she tried so very hard not to laugh.
Luna handed her a small jewelry box that had been wrapped in an issue of the Quibbler.
Hermione opened the box to find a pearl painted red with brown-coloured feathers stuck to it. It had a smell very similar garlic.
“Thank you Luna. I – I think it shall be very useful.”
Luna smiled, pleased with Hermione’s gratefulness.
“Just stick it under your bed, still in the box, and you’ll be safe. And I got you something else. Something just for you.”
Luna handed Hermione another box. Hermione opened it to find a beautiful pearl bracelet with blue diamonds.
“Luna! This is gorgeous, but you shouldn’t have spent so much on me! These are very rare blue diamonds!”
“Well, I should have since you were kind enough to let me be the Vice President of S.P.E.W. And you happen to be a lovely boss and friend.”
Hermione embraced Luna. “Well, then, thank you very much.”
Fleur finally spoke. “Vell, seeing that you are now goeeng to be my seester-een-law, I got you someting very Weasley.”
Fleur passed Hermione two squishy packages, one small and one large. In them, Hermione found something very Weasley indeed: a pair of red, hand-knitted socks and a matching sweater, with a golden ‘H.’
“I made vem myself. I ‘ope you like them. Molly has been teaching me.”
“Fleur, that was so very kind of you. I’ve tried knitting before, and it is certainly not easy. I love the sweater and the socks. You can never have too many socks. Thank you very much,” Hermione said sincerely.
Hermione gave Fleur a kiss on each cheek (like those French do). Fleur was absolutely beaming at Hermione’s praise.
Nadia finally decided to give Hermione her gift.
“Being Romanian, you know, we have goats. So, using my muzzer’s fasher’s seester’s niece’s goats, I made you these.”
Nadia gave Hermione a basket filled with lotions and creams and soaps.
“They vill make your skeen very soft. And I put some magic in ze products so you will smell very nice. Fred will like it very much, and you will too.”
“Nadalyna! Thank you! I’m sure I’ll love them,” Hermione said before giving Nadia a big hug.
It was now Molly’s turn to give her soon-to-be daughter-in-law her gift.
When Molly pulled out her wrapped present, Hermione could just tell it was some type of book.
“I hope you like it Hermione. I thought very hard about this.”
“I’m sure I will Mrs. – Molly,” Hermione assured her.
Hermione tore off the wrappings to find, indeed, a book.
A very special book.
It was a photo album. Of Fred.
“Oh my gosh,” Hermione whispered.
“I thought you would have liked to see Fred and how he grew up to be the man he is today. I’ve also got something else for you.”
Molly brought out another present.
Hermione opened it, too, to find another photo album. But it was empty.
Molly pulled out her wand and tapped the cover of the album.
It magically transformed. Instead of the moldy green colour it was, it was now a creamy ivory with lace trimmings. On the front cover, it said “Fred and Hermione’s Wedding Memories.”
“This was really from your mother and I, since we thought it was appropriate.”
“Thank you! I hadn’t even thought of having an album dedicated to our wedding! Thank you so much Molly and Mum!”
Hermione was just overjoyed. She couldn’t ask for any better friends and family.
“Thank you so much everyone for coming and just being here for me,” Hermione said to her party.
“Don’t think you’re done just yet, Hermione Jean Granger, soon-to-be Weasley,” Ginny said. “You have yet to see what I got you!”
Hermione almost dreaded hearing this. She loved Ginny to death, but she had no idea what to expect when Ginny had surprises. Generally, they were crazy and over-the-top. But that was Ginny.
Ginny placed in front of Hermione a very large box. A clothing-type box. A box that stores put clothes in when it’s a gift.
Oh dear god.
That was all Hermione thought when she saw what was in the box.
Hermione looked straight at and glared. Her glare seemed to say “What the bloody hell were you thinking! I don’t think I’ll EVER wear this!”
“Come on Hermione! Bring it out; we’d like to see what Ginny got you!” Lavender said.
“Oh, yes please. We’d like to see,” Parvati said.
“We’re all married women,” Alicia said. “Except for Katie, Angelina and Margaret, but Katie’s close.”
“Yeah, there’s nothing we can’t take,” Angelina said.
It’s not what you can take, but what I can, Hermione thought to herself.
So, hesitantly, Hermione brought out the thing.
It was possibly skimpier and lacier and racier than everything that Alicia, Angelina, and Katie had given her. And the fact that it was white almost made it worse.
“Don’t you like it Hermione?” Ginny asked.
“Sure,” Hermione said. But secretly, she thought, Sure I would, if I was a hooker.
“You know, Fred will love it. He’s apart of the male species. He’s bound to,” Margaret said.
That was one of most normal things Hermione had ever heard Margaret say; she knew it had to be true.
“No buts, Mione. To make you feel better, let’s ask this table of your friends and family who owns or, at one point, has owned something very similar to this bridal lingerie,” Ginny said before looking at each person present. “For those who have, raise your hand.”
Ginny raised her hand. So did Fleur, Nadia and Alicia, and Lavender and Parvati, and Margaret and Luna, and Angelina and Katie. Even Molly and Jane!
Hermione wasn’t really surprised. And it wasn’t that she didn’t like it, she just didn’t feel comfortable with her mother knowing about her intimate apparel.
But hey, now they knew, and there wasn’t anything Hermione could do about it. She would just have to wear it and surprise Fred. (Because he certainly would be surprised.)
Nevertheless, the party continued. More alcohol and dancing and visits from the men working at Morgana’s Secret. It was all good.
And then it was almost midnight. The Carlisle-the-very-sexy-dancer at Morgana’s Secret told the bachlorette party that there were going to be spectacular fireworks to bring in the New Year. So, seeing that this news excited the filled-to-the-brim-with-alcohol women, they rushed out of Morgana’s in their stilettos out to the snowy sidewalk.
At the same time that the women were being told of the fireworks display, Roxie Knocklehurst (formerly known as Roxie Boxie) told the bachelor party about the extravagant fireworks to bring in the New Year. So, since this news excited these filled-to-the-brim-with-alcohol men, they stampeded out of Merlin’s into the snow.
And lo’ and behold…
Hermione walked out into the snow and ran into Fred who screamed like a girl in surprise.
They were both very surprised to see each other on this night on this street.
“How was your party?” they asked at the same exact time.
“Good,” they both answered laughing.
Then the crowd that had just formed in a matter of moments began counting down. You could hear the roar of “forty-nine” echoing down the street.
“You were at Merlin’s, weren’t you?” Hermione said suddenly, a huge smile on her face.
“Yes. And you were at Morgana’s, correct?” Fred said, grinning just as widely.
“I was. It was fun and entertaining.”
“So was Merlin’s.”
“I can imagine.”
“You know how much I love you, right?”
“Of course I do. You love me to the end of the universe and back an infinity amount of times.”
“And you love me to the end of the universe and back an infinity amount of times.”
Fred and Hermione were standing face to face, Hermione looking up into Fred’s handsome face.
The crowd screamed “twelve.”
Hermione smiled and Fred smiled and they took each others hands. They looked around and saw their friends and family huddled together, counting down to the New Year.
“Seven, six, five, four, three!”
“I love you,” they told each other as the crowd got to ‘two.’
On ‘one,’ the sky erupted with hundreds of fireworks and the sky was on fire.
Fred and Hermione kissed and kissed, christening the New Year with their love.
Fred wrapped his arms around Hermione and pointed to the sky.
In a spectacular red, it read ‘I Will Light Up the Sky for You Hermione. Love Always, Fred.’
The only thing Hermione could do to Fred was kiss him.
AN: The end. I know. It was a little sappy and a little long (4373 words), but I know you loved every word of it. (Or at least I hope you did.)
R & R!
A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know. -- Mistinguette (as quoted in Theatre Arts, Dec 1955)
Light Up the Sky taken from the song ‘Light Up the Sky’ by Yellowcard. (I thought it was appropriate.)
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