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Seize the Day by sunshinedreamr
Chapter 1 : Seize the Day
 
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 25


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WARNING: Before you read any further, be forewarned that this story does contain SLASH. If this bothers you or makes you feel uncomfortable, there is a handy little X button in the upper right hand corner of your screen. For those of you who still want to read it, enjoy, and remember to leave me a review please!

Disclaimer: The characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The song is called “Seize the Day” by Avenged Sevenfold.

~*~

They say the moment before you die your whole life flashes before your eyes. I was never quite sure if I believed this … it always sounded somewhat ridiculous to me … like something eccentric that would come out of that fraud Trelawney’s mouth. I suppose I can be that way though. I don’t like to believe in things I can’t see or touch. And death was something that seemed so intangible and elusive to me … something even past my wildest dreams -- or nightmares. When I thought of death, it was as if it were only some sort of inexperienced and unexplained theory. No one can truly say what it is like to die unless they have been in such a predicament, and by the time they are dead, what is there to say of it?

Therefore, I came to the conclusion that people who spoke of being mere inches from the great unknown and seeing their ‘life flash before their eyes’ are all a bunch of nutters – for lack of a better term.

And now, it almost pains me to admit it (bloody Gryffindor pride) … but I was quite mistaken in this belief. Actually, I found I‘d been wrong about many things as of late … more than I would like to admit.

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here,
Too many people to ache over


Lying there on the cool mossy grass staring into the inky black sky that looked as if a velvet cloak speckled with sparkling diamonds had been draped across it’s wide expanse, in that trance-like state between reality and dreams – between life and death – small glimpses of my life fluttered through my mind. However, I wouldn’t call these visions ‘flashes’ … more like shadowy blurs. I saw myself as a child after reading my very first picture book at age four and a half and how overjoyed Mum and I were. I saw myself the day I got my letter from Hogwarts saying I had been accepted into the school, and for the first time remembered the incredible amount of skepticism I had felt that day after reading the words, for of course, those were the days I didn’t believe in magic. (I don’t believe in anything I haven’t experienced for myself, remember?) And then I saw myself in school, on some wild rule-breaking escapade with Harry and Ron (speaking of the two, I wonder where they are now?), and then, with a pang in my heart, I saw her … the day she’d poured out her heart to me, and I’d stomped on it viciously as if it meant nothing. As if she meant nothing.

I see my vision burn,
I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past


Coming to, I realized for the first time that I must have fainted. I had to of. The last memory I had was a horrifying scene of hectic chaos. People running with terrified, anguish filled screams of agony … just thinking about the shrieks made my ears ring. But now, even with my ears ringing at the memory, an eerie silence enveloped the chilly night air. The sky was still dark, just as it had been during the battle, and so I concluded that I’d only passed out for a few hours, or I had been unconscious for days. No, I told myself, it couldn’t have been days … someone would have seen me … woken me …

But what if there was no one alive to find me?

Suddenly feeling quite sick, I rolled over onto my side by means of my weak and shaky arms and retched. Only after my insides had been properly released did reality begin flooding back to me like a tidal wave. The reason I had been knocked out in the first place surfaced to light, and with wide eyes and an aching heart because I knew what I was about to see, I whirled my head around, and my worst fear was confirmed.

For there in front of my very eyes, was the brave girl who had sacrificed herself and saved me from the killing curse by Lucius Malfoy – the mysterious girl who haunted my dreams, even in the unblinking stare of death. Her flaming red hair flailed messily around her shoulders like a veil gone askew, her legs twisted at an odd and seemingly uncomfortable angle beneath her, her deep brown eyes glossy and hauntingly vacant. I took in the sight before me and almost forgot to breathe. My heart felt as if it had leapt from my chest and caught in my throat, and I didn’t know whether to scream for help or topple over her body in despair.

I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you


My breath finally issued from my mouth and I suddenly felt very overwhelmed. I felt as if I were hyperventilating … with every breath I took, I felt I could not catch enough oxygen, and my insides were screaming for more – drowning. Small odd sounds began to sputter from my mouth, and it was moments later until I realized that a flood of tears had leaked from the crevices of my eyes and streaked down my cheeks as if a storm cloud had suddenly burst open, unable to retain another drop of moisture.

Her vibrant hair glowed in the moonlight, giving it a vivid shine I had never before realized until this moment. “Ginny …” my voice came out hoarsely, and I felt as if this was the first word I had ever spoken in my life. Raising a trembling finger to her hair, I touched it cautiously, afraid to touch her … she looked so very fragile. One touch might break her … “Beautiful even in death …” my voice cracked as my fingers stroked her hair. The texture of it’s smoothness beneath my fingertips almost made me pull back as I remembered the last time my fingers had been entwined through it. Only, Ginny was alive then -- very much so alive … and filled with emotion, and bravery, and passion …

I see my vision burn,
I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)


To think that only a week ago was the night it all began. I had stayed up late in the red and gold Gryffindor common room, well past midnight, knitting hats and socks for the house-elves. Of course, Harry and Ron were very bored with this. They had never taken much liking to S.P.E.W. Only Ginny remained, and as Harry and Ron left, I stretched my arms out over my head in what must have been a very obviously fake yawn.

“I suppose I’ll turn in too,” I said after yawning with more exaggeration than necessary.

Ginny actually smirked at this, as if she could see right through me. “Really?” she asked, “Because only a few moments ago you were begging Harry and Ron to stay awake with you, insisting that you could go on knitting like this all night.”

I opened my mouth to speak but wasn’t sure what to say. I was never very good at lying. “Well, I – it’s just that I only just realized …”

Ginny folded her arms across her chest.

“You see,” I tried again, not looking Ginny in the eyes and instead occupying myself gathering up all my yarn and knitting needles, “I have Arithmancy first thing tomorrow morning, and I –“

Ginny shook her head and stalked over to me on the floor near the crackling flames of the fire. “Hermione,” she began, staring into my face. My eyes were still averted from her gaze although I could feel her boring holes into me like daggers piercing my skin. “You’re nervous.”

This time, my head snapped up to face her. “What?” I asked, my voice suddenly becoming unnaturally high pitched, “Nervous? Ginny, don’t be silly. What would I have to possibly be nervous about?” And I began to stand up from the floor with a bundle of knitting cradled tightly in my arms, but Ginny caught my arm and pulled me back down so I was yet again kneeling in front of her.

Unblinkingly, Ginny went on, “You’re afraid to be alone with me … after what I told you yesterday …” her voice trailed off and her cheeks flushed pink behind her array of freckles.

Ginny was, of course, correct in her assumptions. I had done everything in my power to avoid her since the day before when she’d told me she liked me … as more than a friend. It scared me to death -- terrified me, actually. I tried to convince myself it was only the shock of finding out that my best friend liked girls, but now I know better. I was afraid because I liked her as more than a friend, too.

When I said nothing, Ginny said, “I just … I just want you to be honest with me. That’s all. Because that day that we spent alone together in Hogsmeade, I felt like … I don’t know … like maybe you liked me too …”

I took her small, trembling hands in mine, desperately attempting to ignore the butterflies fluttering about in my stomach as if they were dancing the tango. “I do like you Ginny. You’re my best friend …”

As soon as I’d touched her skin, I’d felt an urge to pull away. And yet, there was an even stranger urge there – a stronger urge … to pull her whole body into mine. What am I thinking? She’s a girl! I scolded myself, I couldn’t possibly be attracted to a girl … But even as I thought the words in my head, my eyes seemed to be magnetically locked to hers. I longed to run my fingers through her hair, to feel her touch on my cheek, to linger over her lips … The very thought of it was exhilarating and deathly terrifying all at the same time, so I pulled my hands away from hers immediately and broke away my gaze, instead fixing it on the brilliant orange glow radiating from the fire. I would not look at Ginny. I would not notice the way the shadows of the flames seemed to dance over her skin seductively. I would not think of the way the heat it penetrated made me want to pull Ginny into an embrace. I would not think of any of it. Perhaps if I pretended these feelings did not exist they would vanish.

Although I could not see the look on Ginny’s face, I could tell from her tone of voice she was heart broken. “Well, right,” she said, “If that’s truly how you feel, then I won’t bother you with it again. It was silly of me, really … to think that you … oh, never mind. Let’s just forget any of this ever …” and her voice trailed away as if she were too embarrassed to even try to finish her thought. From the corner of my eye I could see her rising to her feet. But I didn’t want her to go.

My heart felt as if it were pounding out of my chest. It took every ounce of bravery and strength I had in me to choke out a sound. “Ginny,” I managed, as I again took her hand and pulled her down toward me. Her pool of deep brown fathomless eyes were staring into mine, and I could tell she was just as nervous as I was. I inhaled deeply.

“Ginny … I can’t like you.”

I hadn’t seen her hand rise to my cheek. She gently brushed it over my skin and I shuddered under her soft touch, closing my eyes briefly and opening them again to see her still staring at me with the same intensity. “I didn’t ask you whether or not you could like me,” she said in almost a whisper, “I asked you whether or not you do. What are you so afraid of?”

For the first time in my life, I was speechless. Thoughts swam about through my mind, but none of which I could ever convey aloud, for I felt I was so completely engulfed with thoughts and emotions at that moment, I was utterly confused as to which one was right. Ginny had brought up a point I hadn’t even considered. In all honesty, yes, I did like her. But I had never felt that way about a girl before, and so I suppose I felt that even though I did have feelings for her, maybe I shouldn’t …

But suddenly, all thoughts of what was right and wrong vanished, and that fleeting temptation to look toward the direction of the dormitories and see if anyone was watching melted away like mercury, and an odd feeling washed over me that I simply did not care anymore. Ginny was in front of me, and right now, she was all that mattered. Ginny Weasley had suddenly turned into my whole world, and all I knew were her soft rose-petal-like lips over mine, and her hand caressing my cheek, and my fingers running through her bright red hair …

I was overwhelmed by everything about her, from her touch, to her scent, to her taste. But even still, a little voice in the back of my head had plunged through the barriers I had set up and kept repeating over and over, This isn’t right … this just can’t be …

“I can’t.” And by a force that felt as if not by my own will, I broke away from Ginny’s kiss, shook my head, and bounded up the stairs to the girl’s dormitories, leaving my knitting by the fire, and Ginny alone and possibly more confused than I was.

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here,
Too many people to ache over


That was the last time I had spoken a word to Ginny Weasley. The week after that night went by in a very awkward fashion. I noticed she stopped tagging along with Harry, Ron, and I, and instead focused on spending more time with her friends in her own year. But still, whenever we passed by each other, I would watch her for a moment, and then turn my head swiftly away once she noticed me staring. But the ironic thing is, I know she was doing the same thing when I wasn’t looking. I knew what she was playing at. She was simply waiting for me to come around … to finally come to my senses and live up to the true name of Gryffindor and show some courage. For Ginny was right … what was I so afraid of? Why couldn’t I have just pushed my petty little fears aside and done what I really wanted to do more than anything and simply be with her?

Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here so where do we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?


Well, I thought, with my head resting on Ginny’s un-rising chest in the darkness of the battlefield, unable to even remember lowering my head there, It’s too late to be with her now … My arms clung tighter around her small body as my tears left patches of wetness along her shirt. “I was – a fool – Ginny …” I heaved between heavy sobs into the fabric, where mud and grass stains now mixed with my own tears of anguish and remorse.

I see my vision burn,
I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)


With all the strength left inside of my body, I rose my head to look into her face – into those dark eyes which always found a way to see right through to my soul … into those lips … those lips which had brought a whole new world to light in my life … a world I would never have the pleasure of tasting again. And so, I closed her eye lids with my fingertips, and lightly traced them over the outline of her lips, regretting everything I’d said to her. More so, regretting everything I didn’t say to her.

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here,
Too many people to ache over


And it suddenly made sense. My greatest fear was of my own disbelief – of things I didn’t understand … of things I wouldn’t allow myself to understand. Because of this … this wall … I had put up, preventing myself to even consider that something like this could ever happen to me, I failed to tell Ginny the most important thing I would ever tell anyone … that I wanted to love her …

Trials in life,
Questions of us existing here,
Don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real


Wiping my tears away (which was quite useless because they kept flowing anyway), I scrambled clumsily to my feet and stared down at the only girl – the only person -- I’d ever loved through blurred vision, straightening out her legs so she wouldn’t forever rest in a tangled mass of awkward limbs.

So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again?
Whoa, so I never want to leave you and the memories of us to see
I beg don't leave me


Finishing my job, I looked up from Ginny Weasley’s dead body only to find myself face to face with a dark figure. I gasped in horror as he emerged from the shadows and stepped into the moonlight, his bright white-blonde hair rippling in the night breeze. My wand was at his throat in one swift movement. Unfortunately, his reflexes were equally quick. We stood at wand point for a long moment, long enough for my infuriation to boil in a white-hot rage.

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here,
Too many people to ache over


“You killed Ginny,” I hissed through clenched teeth, staring daggers into him with repulsion loathingly. My heart felt as though it were jack-rabbiting in my chest with a maddening desperation bordering insanity.

“The blood traitor?” came the drawling malicious voice of Lucius Malfoy, “Yes, indeed. And you, Mudblood, shall meet the same sticky fate.”

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks in such exasperation that I had never before felt in my life. A fury filled vehemence I would not believe to have existed had I not been experiencing it at that moment.

Trials in life,
Questions of us existing here,
Don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real


“Avada Kedavra!”

There was one final flash of a blinding emerald green light as the loud sickening thud of a body hit the ground.

But whose?

Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day
Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home


THE END?

~*~

A/N: Thank you for reading! I love reviews, but I’d appreciate it if any and all homophobic comments are kept out of it. I’m more interested in seeing what you think of my writing style rather than the pairing. :)

REVIEWS ARE LOVE!




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