Chapter 2 : Possibility Two
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Disclaimer: I only wrote what my name (Nessa) is above.
Rain God says, "Hey, why didn't you die, you bizarre, cross-dressing, perfume-wearing weirdo?"
"Yes, why didn't you?" Voldemort adds.
Rain God exclaims, "HUH?! There're more of you?!?"
"Well yes," Voldemort answers. "I achieved near-immortality myself, and I shared the secret with my beloved in our last moments on earth together."
Harry emerges from behind Voldemort.
Everyone emerges from behind various rocks.
" ... DAMMIIITTTT!!!! I thought I could finally rule the solar system without you pesky humans in the way!!! WHY did you have to SURVIVE?!?!" yells Rain God.
Fawkes says, " ... Hot d**n, but that's what I call a real man. Just look at him. Total Byronic hero. Rain God, you up for some lovin'?"
Rain God faints.
"I'd take that as a "yes" wouldn't you?" Fawks asks.
Kingsley answers, "Whatever."
"Do shut up," Harry agrees.
"Now what should we do?" Everyone asks.
Remus says to Mundungus Fletcher, "Daddy?"
Mundungus Fletcher says, "I, I, I... Oh lord. Snape, I though the whole idea was that I never had to get involved, except with the money?!"
"You... you didn't want me?!" Remus asks.
Snape hugs Remus slightly distractedly. "Of course we wanted you dear. Mundungus... Dung... Love... I've... I've really missed you all these years. The money helped, but it wasn't you..."
Mundungus Fletcher asks, "S--- Severus?! You really... still want me?!"
"Y'know Kreacher, you really suit those stockings..." Tonks leers a little.
Sirius yells, "THAT'S IT!! ME AND THE INFLATABLE CARROT ARE ELOPING!"
Dobby exclaims, "No, no Ron, don't take it like that! I'm only trying to look after your personal wellbeing! Think of the money you'd have to spend on spa weekends to rectify the damage!"
Ron, sobbing wildy, asks, "Why-- why can't you just wear stilts??!"
"I must confess; I'm afraid of heights!" Dobby confesses.
Ron says, "I'd face spiders for you!"
Remus cries, "My daddy doesn't love me!!"
"Dang it, that's my carrot!" Tonks shouts.
"Ron, what the heck are u doin' here?" Hermione asks.
"Admiring those lovely spiders!" Ron answers.
Harry says, "Bloody! Spiders are terrible creatures, dun even have a glance at them!"
"Spiders... spiders... i haven't read them in any books!!!" says Hermione.
Dobby says, "Oh my, it’s true – you really would face spiders for me! I feel so honoured. All right, I’ll try the stilts. But promise me you’ll catch me if I fall!"
"Anything for you, anything!" Ron answers.
"Yes, Mundungus, I still love you." Snape strikes fetching pose, with light glancing off the few diamonds remaining on his skimpy costume and causing rainbows to arc through the air.
Mundungus Fletcher sways and croons. "What a wonderful wooorld…"
Kreacher says, "That blighter’s stolen your carrot?! Then I shalt take it back from the villainous felon for you! In fact, why don’t you join in? Shall we call it a date?"
"You’re on, hot stuff!" Tonks says.
"Someone! Someone love me! I’ve never felt so alone!" Remus sniffles.
"Oooh, what're they doing in the bushes?!" Kingsley gets out binoculars. "Oh my! Alby-baby, take a look at this! Hohoho! We'll be hearing the patter of tiny feet around this place before too long, I wot, har har har."
"You-- you-- YOU AND CARROTY?! You mean, she's finally found someone?! I'm so glad! She's been so down lately, saying no-one'll ever accept her for who she is! Oh, joyous day!" Tonks sobs happily into Kreacher's shoulder.
"This might not be Paris, dream-eyes, but we're together, and that's all that matters." Voldemort spreads blanket in crater and sprinkles rose petals around. "Let us lie back and look at the stars, heart-throb mine."
"Oh Voldie-darling, you're right!" Harry lights candles. "Just think, our love has taken us to the moon... We must be the most romantic couple in history." He gazes into Voldemort's glowing red eyes adoringly.
Snape and Mundungus, spotlit by stars on stage-like rock, sing, " 'Cos we are gonna beeeee, forever, you and meeeee..."
Remus yells, "... I CAN'T STAND ANYMORE!! MAD-EYE, TAKE ME NOW!"
Hermione and Ginny say coyly, "Fawkes, dear, we like your new look..."
Dumbledore takes binoculars. "Whoo-ee! I didn't know you could do that with a ghost!"
"Just a minute my wolfish lover! I must prepare for our one night stand!" Mad-Eye pops off wooden leg. "Wouldn't want someone to get hurt now, would we?"
"You-you really think I look good like this, do you two?" Fawkes turns his head to side. "How about from this angle? What'd ya think about me now?"
Hermione shares look with Ginny. "Well, execpt for that wart on your beak..."
Ginny says, "Well, no, I think Fawkes' beak looks perfectly okay, there's juz something wrong with its wings... what's under it?"
"Oo nothing," Fawkes says, "juz a book for leisure reading."
"WHY YOU DIRTY THEIF! GIVE ME BACK MY WOODEN LEG!!!" Mad-Eye Moody attempts to chase after Fawkes, but, due to his general lack of a leg, falls into a large crater.
"But Mad-Eye sweetheart, you don’t need your leg for tonight, remember?" Remus climbs down into the crater armed with blankets, cream, and a large umbrella.
Fawkes says, "Hohoho! Baby, I’m a rich man! Er. Bird. Whatever. I got the leg, now pay up Kreacher!"
"Dobby darling, sweetheart, love. I have known the truth for some time now. Just the sight of you wavering around on those ridiculous contraptions fills my heart with ecstasy. The fact of the matter is… I LOVE YOU TRULY!" Ron goes down on one knee. "Will you marry me?"
"…" Dobby falls off stilts.
"All right, all right, you money grabbing bald-thing. Here are the last of my riches: my favourite tiara and the toe ring that I only ever wore on special occasions." Kreacher sobs a little. "But moving swiftly on! Please accept this token of my lust, Tonks dearie."
Tonks says, "Good heavens! You stole the leg… for me? I… I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so touched in my life."
Ron stares at Dobby on the ground. "So was that a yes or a no?"
"Hey! This is our romantic crater!!" Harry yells.
Voldemort adds, "Go declare yourselves as a couple somewhere else!"
"NO! I have been waiting for too long! I don't care if you're here or not!" To Mad-Eye, Remus says, "Take me!!" and glomps.
Voldemort, nose (or where it would be) in air, says, "Well, come on Harry-poosie-pie, we'll find another romantic crater to fulfill our romantic desires in."
Sirius emerges from bushes holding Carroty. "Hey everyone, guess what!"
Everyone asks, "What?"
Sirius says, "Me and Carroty--"
Snape pauses from singing. "Carroty and I." To Mundungus, he says, "I'm terribly sorry, the motherly teaching side of me you know." He resumes song.
Sirius continues, "--have some wonderful news. Carroty, would you like to tell them?"
Carroty cannot speak due to being inflatable carrot.
Sirius says to Carroty, "Then I'll tell them." He says to Everyone, "We have discovered that we cannot become pregnant, and so we'll be adopting!"
A/N: Sorry that's all we've got. Hope you've enjoyed what there is though!