Chapter 4 : revelations and realisations
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But she wouldn’t budge. He wished she wasn't so stubborn.
“Sev… you do know that I care about you right?”
“Yes Lily, I figured, otherwise you wouldn’t have made me your famous cookies now would you?”
He replied, an air of accomplishment in his voice, although it was mingled with curiosity.
“well, I don’t think that I can be near you anymore…you make me feel as if marrying James was a mistake, and I know that it wasn’t. I missed you so much, and I felt guilty for never forgiving you.” she sobbed as tears welled up in her eyes. “I learnt not to love you, and it was almost impossible. Didn’t you realise that if I wasn’t in class or eating in 6th year, I was in myrtles bathroom, trying to take my mind off you by doing extra potions for Slughorn. But that didn’t work because extra hard potions made me think of you and your potions book. So I just blocked out all emotion and tried to teach myself occlumency. I’m still not sure why, but I was never able to master it as you did.” She continued as she leant against the bench, her knuckles as white as the marble it was made of.
Like mother like son I suppose Severus thought to himself
“And then you became a death eater in 7th year and I couldn’t handle it. I nearly killed myself because it made me so sad to see you slipping into the dark arts. I had to get revenge, and there was James, acting like a normal person for once. I think it was right after McGonagall caught him with that snitch he stole, and I saw him looking vulnerable. So I started talking to him, and I could see you getting more jealous every day, but I was enjoying seeing you hurt like you hurt me. But then the strangest thing happened, I started to respect James and enjoy his company, and before I knew it I was in love with him. It was never as strong as my love for you. I love you as a friend, but James is my husband, and I love him with all my heart, as I once loved you.” And then she was in tears, her short sharp breaths breaking the awkward silence.
Severus walked towards her, embraced her in a warm hug and whispered “I understand, I understand that you don’t want to be near me but I need to be near you, your mere thought kept me fighting for your son when I was alive! Can you not see what you mean to me? You are what kept me fighting, and your very presence makes me feel whole again. I need you to tell James now. He deserves to know his only son has saved the world once again, but this time for good” He left her in the kitchen, grabbed a cookie and left his house.
James went outside. Where is Lily? She better not be talking to snivellus, if she is, ugh he thought. Severus was walking down the road towards him, with something familiar in his hand. As he got closer, he could smell it, her cookies, the cookies she only ever made for him. Something had definitely been going on while he was talking to Lupin and Dora, about their beautiful son Teddy, and how Harry had saved their marriage. Harry was so like his mother, his beautiful wife Lily, goodness how he loved her, but then Snivellus had arrived and she had changed, into a woman he hardly knew. They had talked about her relationship with Snivellus, but they never really delved into why she stopped loving him. He had just assumed that Snivellus had broken her heart because he didn’t love her, but he wasn’t really sure.
“James” Severus said aggressively “Your wife is in my house, the kitchen to be precise, she has some news for you about your son”
“What have you done to him? I knew you were evil, if you’re the reason he’s dead I swear I will make you regret everything you’ve ever done!” He ran off
“Always jumping to conclusions, a bit of bloody respect would be nice. That arrogant toe rag!” Severus said under his breath.
Lily was still crying when James reached Severus’ house. Fuming, he stormed into the kitchen and slammed the door. He felt like hitting something, but instead he aimed a kick at the vase on the side table, but missed, hitting the wall and stubbing his toe. He walked into the kitchen, wishing his temper didn’t get the better of him and saw Lily, sitting on the floor, as white as a sheet with her head in her hands.
“Lily, oh Lily, come here, come on” He sat down beside her and wrapped his arms around her and pulling her towards himself. He could feel her heavy breathing against his chest. “Lily, what’s wrong?” he asked after a while.
“Its Harry, he’s… safe and Voldemort is dead and… Sev died to save him, our son, Harry! I- I don’t know what to feel, anger, sadness, happiness, frustration or something completely different. I just don’t understand!” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“What? He died to save our son? My spitting image? But, I thought he hated Harry, how? How did he do it? I know I would’ve hated his son if our places were switched. I’ve made a terrible mistake Lily” he said, his eyes boring into Lily’s.
“I think we all have” said a familiar voice “I think you should not jump to such conclusions James, its one of your few flaws.” And there was Dumbledore, munching on a cookie delightedly, beaming from ear to ear.” I suspect an apology may be in order James, I will either stay here with you Lily, or you can both go to Severus. He is standing on the edge of the forest.”
“I want to come James, let’s go”
They left the house, holding hands and smiling at each other. Their eyes connected for a moment, but the green eyes looked away from the brown
“James, Sev still loves me, and I told him I love him as a friend, and he accepted it. He accepted that I love you more than I loved him, and he kissed me, and then he tore away from me and told me to go to you. He really does care about us.” She loved that they could be open like this together.
“You mean, he stopped himself from doing what he’s always dreamed of? Wow, now that’s brave! Maybe Hogwarts does sort too soon” He was amazed, Snivellus,the Snivellus, who had made Lily’s life hell, had stopped himself.
They reached the forest, and sure enough, there was Severus, lying on his back, staring at the sky. As they drew nearer he became aware of their presence, and sat up.
“Hello Lily, James. I guess you’ve told him then?” He spat at them, furious not at them, but at himself. He didn’t care about James, why had he stopped himself? Love, he thought, Love makes you do insane things. Maybe I’ve learnt to love Harry. Now I think of it James is much easier to look at after seeing Harry for the last time.
He stood up, and looked at Lily, whose green eyes were surveying him. I must look like an idiot he thought. And he was right.
“Sev? What on earth is on your shirt?” she giggled. He was covered in bark and there were twigs stuck in his hair. He cleaned himself up and looked at her again.
“Severus. I’m sorry.” James said. Severus walked towards him and said
“Love makes you do crazy things, and I love Lily, and I’ve learnt to love your son. I have as much to be sorry for as you do. I saw what I expected to see in him, and I saw you. But I don’t loathe you anymore, and I’m pretty sure, as you just called me Severus for the first time in your life, that you don’t loathe me.”
They shook hands and embraced each other in a brotherly way.
"So I guess you're even then." Said Dora "You're not such twerps after all." She giggled. She was happy again, because she knew that Harry was alive and well, and after saving the world from Voldemort, being a godfather would be a breeze.
Fred had just arrived "What the heck is going on here? Don’t you hate each other? Or have I just been living on Uranus for the past 18 years?'
"Fred, don’t say that, they've just accepted each other, now is definitely not the right time to be joking around." Remus said sarcastically.
They all burst out laughing, not just at Fred's lame joke, but at the stupidity of their past, the stupidity that was only stopped by death.
"I propose a toast" said Dumbledore, conjuring up some fire whisky and glasses "To friendship, love, and overcoming long running feuds. To James and Severus"
"To James and Severus"
I think the ending is a bit corny but oh well... its finished!
thankyou to everyone who's stuck with it the whole way through, thanks to all the reviewers and especially thanks to all my friends that have criticised, praised and edited my story.
its been a long time coming! but they're finally at peace
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