Chapter 5 : Dealing with losses
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Dealing with losses
A soft voice called her and Rosabella tried to open her eyes and respond to the sound. She tried to open her mouth but couldn’t and her eyes too stayed shut. It was like she had no control over her own body. She tried to move anything, but nothing worked.
She then tried to remember what had happened and what could possibly be wrong.
As the memories came flooding back to her, tears found their way to her eyes. A scream fought to break to through her mouth. And her hands wanted to touch her abdomen.
Her grief won over her weak body and with a loud cry she shot up from her lying position, her hands touching her stomach.
Two arms encircled her body and she smelled the cologne of Regulus. She cried and tried to speak. She had to know. Was her baby alright? Would he still become a father. No biological but in every other way.
Yet the words could not form in her mind and she knew it was because she was afraid of the answer.
She looked up at her fiancé to find his own eyes shimmered with tears and she no longer needed to ask the dreaded question. The answer was evident in his sad looking eyes. Her heart broke into a thousand pieces and he pulled her close to him again. He kissed her forehead and just stayed silent. There were no words to say at this point.
Two weeks it had been to the day and Rosa still could go through a day without crying over her lost baby. Her mother had been so livid with her husband that he had been banned from the house for at least a month. She knew her daughter needed time and space. She could not use his presence as she took her time to heal. In a month Romana would look see if her daughter was ready to face the killer of her child again.
William on the other hand had been so shocked by the news of her pregnancy and the loss of it by his hands, that he had willingly packed his bags. It wasn’t that he liked the girl but the Black’s were very powerful and a child would have connected the two families forever.
It had been two months since she lost her baby and Rosabella still found it hard to concentrate on the wedding planning. She still wanted to marry Regulus yet she wasn’t ready to do it any time soon. She needed to mourn the loss of the unborn child as young as it had been. She needed support while mourning but her loved one had been forced to leave. He needed to finish his education and he hated it. All he wanted to do was be with Rosa and hold her in his arms as she cried. Still he knew he had to make it through his last year at Hogwarts. If not he was never going to be able to support her, without help from his parents. He needed to stand on his own two feet. And he needed to be a good man for Rosabella. How else would they ever be able to create a baby of their own.
He wanted to have his baby’s with her. Only with her. And he hoped that after this fiasco with his brother, he was the only one on her mind as well.
He hoped she would someday love him the way he loved her. Someday. Someday soon.
Rosabella missed Regulus. And she really wanted to be with him, be his wife and mother to his children. Yet at the same time she still could not forget about Sirius. He was still on her mind and as much as she tried to deny it, he had been the father. He needed to know, she needed him to comfort her. Yet she didn’t want to bring the pain of losing something you never knew you had. She needed him to be happy. Therefore she needed to stay out of his life.
The days had grown darker and if anybody saw her near him, it might not end pretty. He had to forget about her and she needed to concentrate on her wedding.
And as she did just that, planning and organising for the day that was to go down in history as the most beautiful day of her life, she forgot about time and the year was over before she knew it.
Her wedding dress hung in her closet and everything was set. Tomorrow was the day. Tomorrow she would take his name as her own. Her arm straightened out the blankets she was under and she missed the body that was supposed to be underneath them. Beside her. Yet as tradition acquired, the groom could not see his bride the day before the wedding. It didn’t matter to anybody that Rosabella and Regulus had done anything but follow traditions and they were separated the morning before. She smiled ruefully and closed her eyes, hoping to sleep in soon.
She needed to look her best.
The morning came and she was awoken by the dozen women fussing over her. They fixed her hair, then her makeup and last but not least helped her into the dress that many had already swooned over. Overall the girl looked like she had stepped out of a fairytale and she therefore could not truly understand the feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her things weren’t all that.
She smiled at her mother, as Romana asked her precious daughter never forget her.
“How could I forgot you mother?” Rosabella asked and her mother looked down with her bloodshot eyes.
“Have I been a good mother? ” her mother said softly and Rosabella pulled the crying figure into a hug.
“you’ve been great mom” Rosabella said and her mother hugged her back carefully, she did not want to ruin the dress.
A knock on the door signalled it was time. Time to walk down the aisle. Escorted by mr. Black, for Rosabella could not bear to walk beside the man that had killed her child and abused her for so long. They walked down the long rows of people and she gave them all a smile through her thin veil. Orion felt proud to call her his daughter in law and beamed down upon her and looked proudly to his handsome son. The were a pretty couple and they radiated happiness when they were together. At the end of the aisle he lifted her veil and kissed her cheek. She smiled up at him and he hugged her close.
They exchanged their vows, promising to love each other for forever and a day, and kissed for the eye of everyone that had been present. They smiled and walked out of the church. Afterwards a huge party was opened by a dance of the happy couple and there had not been a single person to see the doubts present in the eyes of both the bride and groom. Nobody but them. She saw his worries and had no way of comforting him, for she knew her eyes were filled with worries as well. She loved him and he loved her, there was no doubt. But there would always be a dark cloud hanging above their heads. The cloud that could also be named Sirius Black. They would most likely never get passed that, yet neither one was willing to leave the other behind either.
The bouquet was thrown and caught by the hands of Narcissa Black. Ironic as it was, because only a few weeks earlier had there been a date set for her wedding to Lucius Malfoy. They smiled at one another knowingly for a moment, until Rosabella turned to leave the room. Time to leave for their honeymoon. A long nice vacation to wherever. Rosabella hadn’t had a clue until they arrived. Regulus had arranged it together with his mother. A surprise for his beautiful wife. Rome, the city she had been born in.
For two weeks they visited family members that had not seen in years and the next two weeks they spend viewing all the gorgeous history the large town had to offer.
And for that one month, they were happy. The world back home did not matter and all was well. All was fine. They were together, what else could matter?
As they came back home the war had been in full turmoil and everything had changed. Their happy days soon were over and Regulus was sent of to fight. Fight against his brother. To fight against the light. Regulus did not know how long he could put up with that.
Rosabella was left at home fearing for his life, not able to do a thing to secure it. After all she was a wife now. The way most men saw it at that time, women were supposed to sit and be quiet. And they should only speak when spoken too. Rosabella soon got tired of this life. She wanted to be a wife, but only when her husband could be with her more often. She wanted him, no she needed him to be with her. She needed him to feel the slightest bit happy. And with days so dark happiness was in order for survival.
But her happiness was soon provided when she received the news he would be home for a whole two weeks. The reason wasn’t very honourable or polite, but she was happy with it none the less.
It had occurred to the other men, Rosabella was still not pregnant. She still had not given birth a strong boy and they needed to keep the families growing for many were dying as well.
She smiled as she held him in her arms at night after they tried to make baby’s. Both wanted to have one. Yet they could care less if it were a boy or girl. They’d be happy as long as it were healthy.
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