Chapter 1 : The Doughboy Incident T_T\"
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Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter *evil penguin lawyers attack* ok! JK Rowling owns anything/everything related to Harry Potter
Harry James Potter woke up July 31st to a pair of luminous, tennis ball eyes staring at him, much like in his second year. He jumped and fell out of bed. Dobby cringed and peered at Harry.
"Is Harry Potter sir ok? Dobby meant no harm. Dobby must punish himself now" Dobby then proceeded to pull out his fingernails, using tweezers.
"Stop it Dobby!" Harry took the tweezers away, secretly plotting evil things he could do with them. "What're you here for?" he asked, straightening his glasses and looking at his clock. 3:26 AM, when every other sane human being would be in bed. Notice the use of the word SANE.
"Harry Potter sir, such an honor it is. Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts," Dobby said solemnly. Harry had an odd sense of deja vu. Dobby sniggered. "Dobby pulled a fast one, Dobby pulled a fast one!" he chanted, bouncing on the bed.
"You've been hanging around Fred and George too much," Harry grumbled. "Now why're you really here?"
"Dobby has come to take Harry Potter sir away, for an extraordinary thing has happened" Dobby said mysteriously widening his already bulging eyes.
"OK!" said Harry eagerly, pulling a sweater over his pajamas.
"Harry Potter must pack his trunk. Harry Potter will not be coming back to Privet Drive"
Ten minutes later, Dobby and Harry had taken a port key to number twelve Grimmauld place. The place appeared deserted when all of a sudden, the house elf heads started singing happy birthday. Dobby shrank away from the head.
"Happy Birthday Harry!" a small Pillsbury doughboy chirped. An army of Pillsbury doughboys appeared at the kitchen door.
"Happy Birthday Harry!" The army of PDBs (Pillsbury doughboys) said in unison. Harry felt a strange urge to poke the small DB's stomach. He did so, listening to the satisfactory 'Hoo-hoo' it emitted. Harry giggled and continued to poke the doughboy, filling the hall with 'hoo-hoos' Fred and George appeared in the doorway, snickering.
"Hey Harry!" George said cheerfully
"Good ta see ya mate!" Fred continued
"Like the Doughboy doughnuts?" George said evilly. Harry only giggled and poked the doughboy more. At the mention of 'doughboy doughnuts', the army of DB's glanced at each other, shrieked and started running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
"Fred!! George!!" A Doughboy that sounded uncannily like Ron leapt at the twins. They backed up a few steps and let the doughboy belly flop onto the floor with a SPLAT! Harry giggled and continued to poke the doughboy.
"Pokey pokey pokey pokey!" he chanted, giggling childishly. The Doughboy punching Fred and George with doughy fists.
"Nice shoes Harry," it said before going back to attacking the twins. Harry stopped poking momentarily, looking down. He was still wearing one pink, fluffy bunny slipper and one vivid blue Pikachu slipper. Blushing, he ignited them, forgetting that his feet were in them.
"Ooooooooooooooooo...fire..." A very tall skinny doughboy reached for the flames as Harry screamed like a little girly and hopped around. Then, the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place banged open, revealing a slim figure in a cloak.
"I've come to suck your blood!" it said in a Transylvanian accent, leaping into the light.
"Professor McGonagall!" The pyromaniac DB glomped McGonagall, smothering her in a french kiss. She screamed shrilly.
"Who are you?" she shrieked, hitting him round the head with her cane.
"Draco Malfoy at your service!" the DB exclaimed. A bearded DB moved forward.
"Minnie's mine!" it snarled, eyes turning blood shot and veins popping out.
"Of course not, you old crack pot," 'Malfoy' retorted. McGonagall screamed, ran out the door to St. Mungo's, locked her herself in a padded cell and was never heard from again.
Then the door banged open a second time revealing...
A/N: I'll update later today...my stomach is demanding breakfast at the moment...my stomach is the supreme ruler...I must obey..