This was originally a songfic, but I recently decided that it would be much better if just a one-shot. I also edited it a bit. so anyway, everything belongs to JK, and..well, enjoy!
Lily tossed in her four poster bed, brushing away the hair that stuck to her tear-stained face. Dreams floated in and out of her mind; visions of the one who had caused her this awful night's rest. It had only been one night since she had ended her relationship with James Potter. Just
one night. How long would it take to get used to the situation?
Why had she broken up with him? Was it a mistake? No, no no no. Lily had thought very thoroughly about what she should do. Should she stay with him just to be blown off later? or should she end things while they were ahead? The aches inside told her that she had indeed done the wrong thing.
We'd never last, she told herself, turning onto her side. He was so different than her! While Lily was shy, reserved, and in the library, James was outgoing, reckless, and in the quidditch pitch. How had they ended up together? It had been James' idea in the first place. She allowed a small smile to spread on her face. He had followed her around since the first day they had met on the train continually asking her to go out with him. Of course, she had refused. His reputation wasn't very attractive to her.
It wasn't until their last year of Hogwarts that Lily even considered being
near him. Partially because he was Head Boy and partially because he had finally grown up...at least a little bit. He was still immature enough to be the same James Potter she had always known, but somehow he had matured enough to make her hatred of him decrease. Decrease so much, that when he asked her to go out with him on the fourth day of seventh year - for it took him four days to ask her, very unusual for him - she surprised everyone by saying yes.
As Lily remembered the look on James' face when she had agreed to go out with him, her smile grew.
They had been inseparable for a little over two years. Together, until...
Her smile disappeared.
...Until she realized how incredibly stupid she had been. He didn't really love her. How could he
really love her?
With the war going on around them, young witches and wizards were getting together just for the sake of being with someone in these last days. Alice and Frank had gotten married almost a week after leaving school. Lily was happy for them, but didn't approve of marrying someone so quickly. Did they really love each other, or were they marrying out of fear? Was that the only reason James was with her? Was that the reason why she had said yes to him?
Even when she finally drifted into an uneasy sleep, Lily was still haunted by his painfully handsome face. Dreams of James continued to disturb her slumber. She dreamed he was with her, holding her, kissing her, touching her, making love to her. To any other girl, these visions would have been pleasant, but to Lily they were nightmares.
She had more trouble getting out of bed the next morning than she had trying to get to sleep. But she had to get up. James couldn't know how awful she was feeling. He had to think that it was life as normal...like he hadn't meant the world to her. Like she didn't care.
But I do, she thought as she leaned weakly agaisnt the shower wall.
It took her longer than normal to get ready for work. She skipped putting on makeup to make up for the lost time. Not wanting to get dirty, Lily tossed aside the idea of using the Floo Network and apparated instead.
She landed in an alley just past the visitors entrance to the Ministry of Magic. The very spot that she and James used to meet before work. She hadn't meant to land there. Old habits die hard.
James.
Tears threatened to fall, but taking a deep breath, she managed to hold them back. It wasn't so hard when she numbed her mind. When she thought of nothing.
"Brings back memories, doesn't it?"
Lily jumped and turned towards James Potter's voice.
"Especially that dark corner over there." He continued with a hint of a smirk.
A blush rose to Lily's cheeks as she remembered the events that had transpired in that certain corner.
"What do you want?" She asked wanting to sound cold, but only managing to sound nervous.
"You made a mistake, Lily." he said seriously, taking a step closer.
She cringed. Mistake. That word again.
"James, I'm sorry!" She cried, leaning against the brick wall for support, "I'm confused and we're...I think it's for the best."
"Have you thought about how this makes me feel?" His voice was laced in anger.
She rounded on him, "Is it always about you, James?"
"Lily, please."
"Oh, wait. That's a bloody stupid question. Of course it's about you! It's always about you, isn't it?" She was screaming now. Can't he just leave her alone? Why must he make it harder for her?
He said nothing. Only looked away angrily.
"I'm sorry, okay!" Lily exclaimed, the tears had burst through her barricade and now slid down her cheeks, "Do you think that I've enjoyed this? That I did it for fun?"
He shook his head softly, looking away, but said nothing.
She looked away also.
"I can change, Lily." James said so quietly that Lily wasn't sure if he had said it at all.
"I've thought this through, James. It's time to let go."
"I don't want to let go." He replied before closing the space between them and pressing his mouth to hers.
Lily melted underneath him like she always did. How was it that even after all this time his kiss just never got old?
"Don't tell me that you won't miss this." James murmured against her now red lips, his hands tangled in her equally red hair.
"That would be a lie." She said urging his lips to hers. And it would be! who wouldn't miss it?
He kissed her hard and passionately. He knew this was his last chance to get her back. Moving his lips to her ear, he whispered, "What do you want, Lily?"
"I..."
When she faltered, he brought his lips to hers again, pulling on that beautiful mouth that he loved.
"Forget reason." He said before kissing her again, "Forget what you know is right and tell me what you want!"
"You want me," he said harshly, pulling away, "I
know you want me! Stop making excuses, Lily! You were happy and that scared you."
She turned her head when his gaze became too intense.
"What if this doesn't work?" She said quietly. "What if
we don't work?"
"If we didn't work, Lily," James grumbled, holding her tighter against him. "Then we would have broken up a long time ago."
Slowly, she turned back to the man standing in front her. The love in his eyes wasn't hard to see.
Maybe he wasn't the one for her. Maybe they would break it off in a few weeks. Maybe she would find another man.
But as for now, who was she to deny what her body and mind longed for?
Lily laughed as her body suddenly felt light, the dead weight feeling of guilt in her stomach gone. Her laughter caused a confused look to appear on his face. But the look quickly vanished as her willing mouth landed on his in a kiss that cleared all doubts from both minds.
The End
Printer Friendly Version
