Chapter 2 : explanations
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"It was not your fault Severus, you know this. Nothing could have stopped their deaths, and deep down you know that" said a soft voice. Severus looked up and saw two bright blue eyes piercing his.
"James, would you mind coming here?" Dumbledore asked politely.
"Why? Why on earth would I want to talk you, you and that slimy git!" he said as he pointed at Severus, his whole body shaking.
"James, Severus has changed a great deal. Listen to him, please, just come" Dumbledore said convincingly.
"Fine" James said under his breath
and suddenly without warning, he broke out furiously
"I thought you loved her Snivellus, why? Why the heck did you call her it? She’d never had such a good friend before, you dickhead you broke her heart! And why did you become one of them? And-" James was interrupted by Dumbledore
"All will be explained in time James, Severus, kindly tell James how exactly Harry has been able to get this far" he said
"well, when you and Lily died, I... well I... I made a vow, an unbreakable one, to Dumbledore, to... protect your son. And well afterwards, I started to wish I hadn’t and I... I realised at that point that... I’ve been jealous of you, my whole life, and I, well I ..."
"I’ve had enough of this rubbish, excuse me Albus." and with that, James returned to Remus, who was still on the floor, his wife grasping his hands, as if she couldn’t bear to lose another of her family, even if only for a few seconds
"Severus, you will have to tell them, you realise" Dumbledore strode away, rubbing his hands together
Severus closed his eyes and wondered how he would explain everything. A few moments later he had the answer. He would make all those he knew sit down and listen to him, and then he would drink his own verisaterum. Yes... he thought, that would answer their questions. I’ll do it tomorrow.
Severus left this area, and went to a house he recognised from when he was a little boy, the house he wished he and his mother could’ve lived in. as he entered the room, he immediately knew that this house was like the room of requirement, as everything he never had in life was now there, even though they were the last things he wanted now.
He hit the bed, and within twenty minutes, he was having a terrible dream. Harry, the boy he had protected like his own son, was facing Lord Voldemort, unarmed, and then, with a flash of light, Harry was dead.
The morning dawned beautifully, and Severus took out his last bottle of verisaterum.
He walked back to where he had arrived in this place. He sent his patronus to Dumbledore, who gathered everyone who needed to listen to what Severus would say today.
They all arrived at the same time, Remus, Lily, Tonks, Mad -Eye, Sirius, and then one he didn’t, Fred Weasley, his freckled face smiling, although there was an air of sadness around him.
“Now, I know that almost everyone here hates me, but… today, I explain my actions.” Severus said quietly, although he knew everyone had heard him. He drank the verisaterum and started “You all have questions; I now have nothing to hide. Ask them.”
“Well if you have nothing to hide… why did you become a death eater you fool?” Asked James
“Of course James. I became a death eater, because the only person I ever loved, had abandoned me, and I knew she would never speak to me again. There was a void in my heart that I foolishly hoped Voldemort could fill. I knew he would not, but I was so angry with myself that I thought it would be a punishment that would last my lifetime, and it did. But just before Peter leaked your secret to him, I went to Dumbledore, asking for forgiveness, and he gave it. Since that day, i have done nothing but support the order of the Phoenix." Severus finished bitterly.
"Why did you call me a mudblood" lily asked suddenly
Severus was shocked. Hadn't he already explained it?
"Very well Lily. I was... in love with you, aa--and i still am, but i saw that i would let anyone die, even your own child, if you could be saved, so, i said it to keep you away from me, but once i had done it, i realised that i could change and that i was a dumbass for ever thinking anything could stop me from loving you, even if you hated me. Then, after i tried to regain your trust, i realised that i had just screwed up my life so badly that i tried to kill myself, but James stopped me, and then i knew i could never repay him, so i stopped even looking at you, I let you slip away from me, and towards him." Severus was shocked at himself, he had never told anyone any of this, not even Dumbledore, and know he was spilling his heart in front of those that had made him, destroyed him, cared for him, and hated him. he had to stop.
"Why did you hate our son?" James and Lily asked in unison
"Hate him? i never hated him, honestly. I had to pretend that i hated him to stop him seeing me as a "friend" because he reminded me not only of you two, but of my mistakes in life. Every time i looked at him, i saw myself calling Lily a mudblood again, and i saw you saving my life James. I couldnt live with those memories haunting me every day, so i made him hate me... simple enough really... he's alot like you James." Again, Severus wanted to stop himself, but he couldnt. Luckily, no more questions came, and he asked tentatively "is that all?" before running back to his house.
"Severus... I want to speak with you" Lily shouted, although not angrily. "SEV, listen to me, STOP."
Severus stopped running and turned to face Lily "Come to gloat at me have you?" he asked furiously
"what? of course not... Listen Sev, is it true?"
"is what true?"
"What you said?"
"i said alot. what do you want to know?"
"IS IT TRUE?" Lily screamed at him
Severus didnt reply, but simply cast his patronus, and walked away from her
"SEVERUS SNAPE. LOOK AT ME" she yelled, before she dropped to the ground, her beautiful eyes full of tears "please Severus"
he turned to her, and saw the woman he loved, crying because of him. He approached her, his head hung in shame. He sank to his knees, and whispered in her ear.
"Lily Potter, I'm sorry, and... I love you" his voice trembled
"Severus Snape, I love you too"
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