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Ungratefulness by essenni
Chapter 1 : Ungratefulness
 
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A/N: Thanks to my beta, catkasimir!

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It had all started in his childhood. His mother had always been too concerned with pleasing his father, who didn’t love her, to notice Severus who had  always been by her side, helping her with housework and giving his love to her. He had been a good child, he had respected her, listened to her, done everything she had asked, carried out her orders, but she had never been grateful. He had studied hard and had received best marks to please her, but she had never cared.

There’s no use talking about his father. He would have to be grateful, just because Severus had not killed him. It is impossible to describe how much Severus had wanted to do that. He had hated the way his father treated his mother and in his childhood he had sworn that he would kill his father someday, but he never did.

He had suffered from his parents’ ungratefulness and he had imagined that everything would change, once he attended Hogwarts. He had read all his mother’s books and had practiced spells with her wand. He had wanted to excel at school and be someone whom other students would look up to and admire. He had imagined countless times how he would help his peer students with homework, how he would teach them and how they would thank him. Those were just illusions of an inexperienced boy. Who says ‘thank you’ to an awfully looking boy who additionally is poor and not  of a respected family? Who would even ask him for help? People  do not want to be near to people like him, because they can harm their reputation. It would be humiliation in the eyes of others to be seen together with a poor, greasy boy - with an outcast. He had been good enough, only for the Gryffindor pranks. By the end of the first year, Severus had understood that there’s no use in trying to help  people. He had just wasted his time and had gotten nothing back.

Lily called Avery and Mulciber his friends, but  that was not true. He had hung around with them just in the name of power. Snape had wanted to be respected and to have power. He had needed someone to see as a form of friend, too. No one had known that he had been friends with Lily. He had needed to have someone to call a friend. Maybe other people think that it is alright to be an outcast who is humiliated and without friends as long as it is a person like Severus, but it is not. People like him have feelings, too, and can be hurt. Slytherins were no pleasant people, but they  saw a potential in Severus. They had known what he was capable of and they had known where he could use his skills later. Snape had shown them some of his own spells, but of course they found it was something that Severus was supposed to do. Why should they thank him for sharing his inventions?
 
It was quite understandable that he had fallen in love with Lily. She had been his only friend during his whole childhood and at Hogwarts. Of course Lily had known how clever Snape was, but she  never could tell anyone else about it. Even she didn’t want everyone to know about their friendship. How could she – Miss Perfect – be friends with a greasy Slytherin? No one would have understood that. She had feared for her reputation, too, just as everyone did. It had not mattered to Severus as long as he could still share some moments with her. Love is blind. He didn’t understand her disrespect as long as she had been good to him, but one moment had changed everything. She couldn’t forgive him for calling her a ‘Mudblood’. But what could he do? It had really just slipped out; he was used to using that word. He was in Slytherin. Everyone used that word there. He couldn’t defend Muggleborns in the company of Slytherins. He had already had enough reasons to be an outcast; he didn’t have to be a Mugglelover, too. Lily didn’t like his Death Eater friends. How couldn’t she understand that those were the only friends he could get?
 
Everyone thought that Lily had had a skill in potions, but no one knew that it was Severus who had taught her everything she knew. Even Slughorn didn’t know that, but he had always liked Lily more. Of course, who wouldn’t? Who wouldn’t choose Lily out of two excelling students? She was nice and she was beautiful,  that had always been  sufficent.
 
Severus had done so much for her. He had introduced her to the Wizarding World, told her everything before she went to Hogwarts, so that she wouldn’t be different from the Pureblood kids. He had helped her with her studies. She would have never had such good marks if it had not been for him, and yet she had been ungrateful and had resented him, because he was a Slytherin.

After losing Lily, everything hurt less, but still, somewhere deep inside, it did. For example, he had brewed Wolfsbane Potion for Lupin. He had needed that potion very much and Snape was the only one capable of brewing it. As always, his help had not made him better in Lupin’s eyes. Was that not ungratefulness? Snape had not told anyone except Lily about Lupin’s ‘fury little problem’. He had wanted to do that very much. He had wanted everybody to know that the Marauders were not nice and white, but he had not done that. Snape knew what it was like to be an outcast. He had had much softer heart at that time. He had not hated Lupin so much to make his life miserable. However, Lupin had never shown any gratitude and disliked him.
 
Then there was Albus Dumbledore. He had been the only one, who had trusted Snape and who had known all his secrets. Severus had not been closer to anyone than Albus and Lily, but still, even from Albus, he had received ungratefulness. Albus had made him do the greatest ordeal of his life – to kill him. Did Albus really think, that it would be easy to kill him, even if he was dying anyway? What did Albus put Severus through by pleading him to kill? After Severus had lost the only person he could trust, he was hated by everyone, except Death Eaters. It could be easier to die than to live and be hated by everyone, to be guilty of a murder he had not even done. Eventually, that had led to Severus’s death. No, that old man definitely had not been grateful; otherwise he would not have put Severus through all this.

If the adults in his life could not value him, then what could he expect from his students? He didn’t mean all of his students. He knew that they hated his teaching methods, but there were two who were in his debt  – Harry and Draco.
 
Draco knew that Snape had taken the Unbreakable Vow to protect him, but did he care? No. He had not minded that Severus would have to die if he broke the Unbreakable Vow. Draco cared just for himself. As if Severus had wanted to take that Vow! Severus could have helped him, but he had been too proud to accept his help. Draco knew how hard it was, to kill a man. He had not been able to do that. Snape had had to kill the only man who had trusted him because of Draco, but Draco didn’t understand that. He had never been grateful.
 
Severus had done much for Harry. Harry knew that Snape had muttered a counter-jinx during a Quidditch game to hold him on the broom. He had tried to save Harry from  supposed mass murderer Sirius Black. Well, he had not done that just for Harry. He had wanted to kill the betrayer of Lily. He had wanted to kill the man who was responsible for the death of the only woman he had ever loved. Snape had tried to teach him Occlumency, but Harry had not taken those lessons seriously. Why  did he? Only because it was just Snape teaching him? He had always been ungrateful.
 
Only when Harry found out, that he had helped to destroy the Horcruxes by delivering the Griffindor Sword to Harry, and that he had pleaded Voldemort until his last chance to go and find Harry, so he would be able to tell him that he was the last Horcrux, had Harry started to respect him, but what was it worth? Snape never knew that; he was dead after all.
 
As we reflected upon Severus’ life, there is another one person worth mentioning. And as it often is, the last person is the most interesting. It is Lord Voldemort. Voldemort had killed  Severus, killed him for nothing, but can we call him ungrateful? No, we can’t. Lord Voldemort had appreciated everything  that Snape did. He had valued his servants for their abilities and the information they could get. Snape had been very valuable and Voldemort had regretted that he had to kill him, he had truly regretted it. It wouldn’t be correct to call him ungrateful. He had killed Snape out of a need. He had to master the Elder Wand and he would not spare even his most valuable spy for such a reason. He was evil after all, he didn’t have feelings and he wouldn’t feel remorse.
 
And do you know what? Even if Lord Voldemort had been ungrateful, his ungratefulness had not hurt so much. Severus had betrayed him in the end.

***

This is my first story so I would like to know, whether I should write more or it is dreadful and I shouldn't mess fanfiction with my stories. So, PLEASE, leave a review.

Bear in mind
that English is not my native language.




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