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Chapter 1 : Rememberance
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Had it really been that long? She thought hard. It had. She had been 16 when he first approached her. He had been her age now, married with a young son. He also had a dangerous secret for her family, and an indecent proposal for her. She had been repulsed by it, but then what choice did she really have?
So, for ten years, she had bought her beloved brother's pardon with her sacrafice, and for that sacrifice, her family had thrown her to the wolves, calling her a whore, and her sacrifice a sin. Her brother never spoke to her, except to insult her. Her parents not at all. She was an outcast, but her brother was alive. It was worth it. But it did leave her with no one to turn to but Lucius.
Truthfully, she couldn't say he had been cruel to her. Quite the opposite. He treated her well. She had a beautiful house, nice clothes, expensive jewelry, almost everything she could want. She would never have his name, or his child, but she tried to content herself with having his nights. What ever it was he may want from her that night.
At first, it seemed he wanted nothing more than to know he had the power over her to make her do anything. For two years, he did nothing but touch her, and kiss her, to feel her young, warm body beneath his hands. He had pulled her into vacant rooms at parties, apperated into her bedroom late at night, even had her meet him at the Inn in Hogsmeade during her months at Hogwarts. Yet, he never had sex with her. She had asked him, why, once. He simply replied that fruit picked to soon was often bitter, and turned sour too easily. Then returned to kissing her as though she had not even spoken.
That had all changed the night of her eighteenth birthday. Her parents had held a ball in her honor. All of the promenant pureblood families were invited. She didn't know if it was that he had simply decided it was time, or if he had been jealous of the young men she had been dancing with. All she knew was that she hadn't even seen him that night. She had seen Narcissa, so she knew he was there but refused to go looking for him, or to behave as though she cared where he was. Then one moment she had been waltzing with Severus, the two of them laughing over a Madame Black's horrible looking bright pink dress robes the next she had turned to her next partner and found herself in Lucius's arms.
Are you enjoying these boys' hands on you, he growled. Feeling wickedly, she replied, yes. Fury passed through his gray eyes. Well, he said, pulling her scandously close, pressing her against his body. I shall have to do something about that. After I have Narcissa and Draco home safely tonight, I shall come to your bedchambers. Wear just your dressing gown and wait for me. It's time I show you who you truly belong to. Unless you prefer I have a talk with the remaining loyal DeathEaters.
She shook her head and just as quickly found herself back in Severus's arms. And got herself berated for dancing such a way with any man but esspecially a married one. If only Severus had known.
Even that night Lucius hadn't been cruel to her. He had given her a potion to prevent pregnancy, and one to ease the pain she would feel, before he began. He was truly an excellent lover. Even she had known that, though she had nothing else to compare it to. She had completely sealed the contract, and bought her brother's pardon that night.
Then, Severus had caught him in her room, and her secret was found out. She had thought they would kill each other that day. But, in the end, it was she who had suffered most. Since she couldn't tell why she would lower herself to being Lucius's misstress, she was banished from the house, her name removed from the family tree. She had no where to go, and her contract to still fullfill, so she went to Lucius.
He put her up in a nice house, kept her as well.., his toy. His plaything to spoil. Her only reponsibilty was to keep him happy. She could cook for him. Clean for him. Make love to him for hours, even though at the time, the emotions weren't there. Whatever he wanted of her, she played the part.
Slowly, he came to trust her, or maybe it was just that he knew as long as there were still those loyal to Voldemort, he would always have the upper hand on her, so he could let his guard down.
He began to confide things to her. Tell her things. How he had never loved Narcissa nor she him. They had been bound together in an arranged marriage before they were even born. Now, what was done was done, and Narcissa like the Malfoy name and the power and money that came with, and would fight anyone who tried to take it from her.
Then there was the night he showed up soaked in blood, eyes vacant, and body trembling. She had heard rumors, of mud-blood murders and muggle- baitings going on of late, but she would never ask. It wasn't necessary for her to know. She merely took him in, cleaned him up and held him until the trembling stopped. He never said a word that night. Never made a move. Just simply buried his face in her neck, wrapped his arms and legs around her body and held tightly to her, as if afraid he would disappear if she let go of him or him of her.
After that he turned to her more and more for comfort, rather than just a good time, away from his usual world. It was somewhere along in there, that she began to realize she loved him. She would trade nothing for his presence in her life, except...well, maybe for Severus to know why she made the choices she did. To forgive her for them, but that would never happen.
She turned on her side and pulled his arm around her waist. With one manicured fingernail, she traced the skull and snake on his forearm. The Dark mark. It had grown darker and more pronounced against his skin in the past few months. That was all the proof she needed that Voldemort was back. She once again stood to lose all she had to love. It was no longer garunteed that Lucius would be back to see her, and unlike Narcissa, all she would be left with was things.
Narcissa would always have Draco, no one could ever take him from her. But, she wouldn't have...., Oh, yes, she would. A dark smile danced across her lips. In ten years she had never so much as asked him for knut, much less anything else. Everything she had, he had given without a word from her. But it was about time she started asking.
She turned in his arms, surprised to see him looking at her.
"What are you thinking about so hard?" he questioned.
"Something I want."
She took a deep breath, it was now, or never. "I want Severus to know why I did what I did all those years ago."
Lucius stared at her for a moment then nodded. "He will know and he will understand. I can't promise when, but I do promise he will know."
She kissed him again and slid her arms around his neck, her other want, eating away at her, but she was unsure if she should ask for anything again so soon.
"Is there anything else you want, my pet?" He asked, sensing her uneasiness.
She raised up on her arms so that she was looking down at him. "Yes."
"What is that?" He was almost teasing.
"A baby." She raised up over him and slid her leg across his waist to straddle him. Then smiled and kissed him deeply before he could answer.
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