Chapter 20: How To Save A Life
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Kara Dorey was sure that being the school slut had perks. Not only did all the guys want you, but when you see every dorm in the school you learn some things. So when Kara went to the 5th year Slytherin dorms with Andrew Beatrix she expected to find some embarrassing things of Andrew’s. What she never expected to find was something embarrassing about Regulus Black, or even better Jamie Smith.
“Well Ms. Smith,” Kara said glancing through the stack of photos she swiped, “I finally have what I need to break you.” Kara placed them on her bedside leaving one with Jamie throwing her head back laughing with Rory in her lap on top.
“Regulus,” Jamie said slowly, “What do you mean they are missing?”
“Well when I came back every picture I had of Rory and or you were gone,” Regulus stared at her carefully, “I am so sorry Jamie.”
“Who do you think would take them,” Jamie uttered softly sliding down to the ground. Regulus slid down next to her and whispered.
“I don’t know I really don’t,” He stood up slowly, “Look, I am going to go find out who did. I’ll let you know as soon as I have any word.” And with that Regulus left Jamie there to cry on the ground.
“So the pictures are missing,” Tyler confirmed after Jamie retold the story to him and Lily. Jamie just nodded as she sunk to her knees.
“What do I do?” She sighed deeply, “What do I do?” She held Rory close to her and began to sing in her ear. Lily and Tyler shared a look with each other deciding whether or not to say what they both were thinking.
“Jamie,” Lily said softly and gently, “Maybe, just maybe, this is a sign?”
“A sign,” Jamie said looking at Lily confused. She looked down at Rory who gave her a toothless grin. It surprised Jamie on how happy Rory was, she hardly ever cried.
“A sign that, I don’t know, maybe you should tell Sirius,” Lily said softly. She was slowly spinning around in a computer chair, always keeping her eyes on Jamie.
“I…I want to,” Jamie whispered slowly, “But I’m scared. I’m terrified. What if…” She took a breath and looked at them. If she couldn’t trust them, who could she trust? “What if Sirius doesn’t want me anymore? Or worse, doesn’t want Rory? What if he doesn’t believe it’s his or just refuses to be apart of it?” Jamie bit her lip to keep her tears from falling over. “What if he doesn’t love us?” Tyler quickly moved over to Jamie and sat down next to her. Tyler gently rubbed her back.
“Jamie,” Tyler whispered softly, “He needs to have the chance, right? And if he doesn’t love her, then she has enough love to go around.”
“But not the love of a father,” Jamie said picking Rory up.
“He’ll love her, Jamie,” Lily said leaning over and grabbing Lily’s hand. As Jamie gave Lily a soft smile there was a knock on one of the portraits. Jamie slowly walked over to the portraits and called,
“Knock again.” The person knocked again and Jamie heard it come from Dumbledore’s portrait. She pulled it open and Dumbledore was standing there rocking back and forth from his toes to his heels, “Hello Professor!”
“Hello, Jamie,” He said, “Might I come in for a moment?”
“I’m so rude,” Jamie moved out of the doorway, “Of course you may come in.” She showed Dumbledore to a chair, “Would you like something to drink or anything to eat?”
“A smidge of tea would be nice,” Dumbledore said. Jamie moved to the kitchen and put the kettle onto the stove. Tyler handed Rory to Dumbledore. When Jamie came back with tea Dumbledore handed Rory to her. Dumbledore leaned back into his chair and took a deep sip of the tea. “Ah, yes. You have a future in a coffee house, Ms. Smith.” Jamie smiled as she sat on the arm of Tyler’s chair with Rory in her arms.
“So I have some good news,” Dumbledore said lightly once he finished his tea. Jamie raised an eyebrow as if to say ‘do tell.’ “Well one woman in this room had been named valedictorian.” He paused as Jamie sucked in her breath. Lily glanced at her and prayed that it was Jamie. “Congratulations…Jamie.” Jamie jumped up with a gigantic smile on her face.
“Really?!” Jamie gasped biting her lip to keep herself from smiling too much.
“Yes, I’m deeply sorry, Ms. Evans,” Dumbledore said frowning slightly, and turning to Lily, “I hope you are not too distraught.”
“No, Professor,” Lily said lightly, giggling, “This is great news.”
“I’d thought that you’d react that way,” Dumbledore said lightly, “You are working on your head’s speech I presume?”
“Yes, it’s almost done,” Lily said brightly, “A few more tweaks to more out.”
“Uh, professor,” Jamie said quietly, “The school board approved me being valedictorian?”
“Yes, they did,” Professor Dumbledore answered back.
“Even with Rory?”
“They don’t need to know about Rory,” Dumbledore said quietly, “This award has nothing to do with your past personal history. This just has to do with your schooling. I don’t believe that they need to know. Unless you would like to tell them?”
“What would happen if I did?” Jamie asked quietly, looking at her hands.
“The school board is very small minded. Unfortunately they would most likely take away the award and speech. It is your choice, Jamie. Rory is a big part of your life and if you want the school board to take that into consideration then I will inform them.”
“No,” Jamie said lightly trying to smile, “I’ve went to so much work to make sure the school board didn’t kick me out, why mess it all up now? There are only a couple days left, I can handle it.” Dumbledore smiled lightly before thanking them for the tea and leaving. She noticed both Tyler and Lily staring at her, “What? I can handle it.”
Jamie walked down the hall slowly. Then she moved it up to a quick jog. Soon she was running down the halls weaving in and out of people. ‘I can handle it,’
Jamie thought, and continued to run, ‘I can handle it
.’ Jamie moved quickly through the crowds of people getting out of their last classes. She bumped into someone and fell to the floor.
“Oh! I’m sorry,” Jamie said grabbing the hand that was offered to her, “Oh, hey Colin.” Colin smiled down at Jamie and ran a hand through his bright red hair.
“Wotcher, Jamie,” He said, “How are you?”
“Fine,” Jamie said softly, “How are you?”
“Good,” Colin said smiling, “I heard you were made valedictorian.”
“You heard right,” Jamie said smiling brightly. Suddenly her vision went dark and she felt cool hands go over her eyes.
“Guess who,” Said the smooth voice. Jamie smiled.
“Hello, love,” Jamie said softly. She turned around and stared up at Sirius’s grey eyes, “Just the man I was looking for.” Jamie turned back to Colin, “I’ll see you around, Col?”
Colin just looked from Jamie to Sirius, “Yeah, I’ll see you.” He slowly walked away and Jamie turned back to Sirius.
“So,” He said brightly turning away from Colin, “You were looking for me?” Jamie smiled lightly and wrung her hands nervously.
“Yeah,” Jamie said softly, “I have something to tell you.” Jamie opened her mouth to start her long speech which she had said over and over again in her head but there was a cough from behind her. Both Jamie and Sirius turned around to see Kara standing there. Kara was wearing long sweatpants that said ‘Juicy’ on the arse and a cropped top that barely covered her bra line, “May I help you, Kara?”
“Dorey, go away,” Sirius growled wrapping an arm around Jamie.
“Not here to talk to you, Black, here to talk to Smith,” Kara said lightly.
“About what,” Sirius said tightening his grip.
things,” Kara said with a light smirk.
Jamie immediately paled and reminded herself to breath. Jamie began to think. ‘She can’t know anything, can she? Maybe she has the pictures…but how would she get them in the Slytherin dorms? Especially since Regulus is a fifth year.’
“I just wanted to tell you that I got valedictorian,” Jamie said turning to Sirius and forcing a smile.
“That’s great,” Sirius said smiling. He lifted Jamie up and spun her around, “Come on, let’s go celebrate.”
“Go ahead to the Gryffindor Common Room,” Jamie whispered, “I have to handle her.”
“You going be ok,” Sirius asked lightly.
“Yeah,” Jamie said glancing at Kara, “I’ll be fine.” Sirius walked backwards a few steps before turning away and walking away slowly. Once he turned to corner Kara quickly grabbed Jamie’s arm and dragged her into the D.A.D.A. classroom, “What?” Jamie snapped snatching her arm away from Kara. Kara slowly sat down on the top of the teacher’s desk.
“Smith, let’s be honest here. I don’t like you,” Kara said pulling out a nail file. Jamie bit her lip to keep her from saying, ‘Really?! Because I thought we were best friends.’ “So obviously I wouldn’t pull you in here unless I had a good reason.” Jamie thought better of answering so she just nodded. “So let’s be blunt…I know your secret.”
“You do,” Jamie said slowly.
“Yes, and I figure the only way that Regulus would have those pictures was if it was his niece. Does Sirius know?”
“Yes,” Jamie lied, “He does.”
“Good, then I’ll go ask him what she’s like,” Kara said moving towards the door. Jamie quickly moved in front of her with a ‘No!’ “So Black doesn’t know.” Jamie sighed, defeated and nodded.
“Look, Kara, please don’t tell him. I know that you and I don’t get along but he needs to hear it from me.”
“I won’t tell him,” Kara waited for Jamie’s sigh of relief, “If you follow my conditions.”
“Or should I say condition,” Kara said smiling slightly. Jamie gripped the back of a chair tightly and her knuckles turned white. It was just the irony of it all. She made it through the whole year without anyone finding out about Rory. Now it was Kara Dorey who found out about it, and it was Kara Dorey who was blackmailing her.
“Condition,” Jamie said lightly furrowing her eyebrows. She tried not to let Kara see how much she was panicking, but in all reality she was freaking out.
“Just one, Smith,” Kara said, “And no one finds out about the little brat.” Jamie bit her tongue so she didn’t lash out at Kara. She realized that she was in no position to try to hurt Kara in a physical or verbal way. Jamie nodded as to tell Kara to continue, “I want you to break up with Sirius Black.” Jamie closed her eyes and bit her lip willing the tears to just stay put. She had a feeling that this was going to be what Kara wanted. Taking a deep breath Jamie opened her eyes. Jamie was surprised to see Kara staring straight back at her. Kara’s hazel eyes bored into Jamie’s and Jamie saw Kara for what she really was; an insecure little girl, who was just trying to get what she wanted. The question was if Jamie was going to let her have it.
“So it’s either breaking up with Sirius, or Sirius finding out about Rory,” Jamie concluded to Tyler and Lily as she watched there jaws drop. She bounced Rory on her lap and sighed, Rory was twenty months old. It must be a rough life when you are only twenty months and already in hiding.
“Jamie, tell Sirius,” Lily said, “Tell him on your own before Dorey does.” Lily noticed Jamie fidget, and so didn’t Tyler.
“No,” He whispered softly. Jamie eyes welled with tears but she made sure they weren’t going to fall, “Jamie…you aren’t thinking about actually breaking up with him?” Jamie bit down on her lip hard.
“Tyler,” She whispered, “What choice do I have? What do I do instead?”
“You tell him, Jamie,” Tyler voice rose, incredulously.
“And what happens if he doesn’t want Rory? Then what do I do? When she grows up and asks ‘where’s daddy?’ it’ll be so much easier to say I never told him than to say he didn’t want you.” Jamie lifted Rory up as she stood and held her tight, “I love you both very much, and value your opinions, but this time it’s my decision that is going to stay. Kara will get what she wants.” Jamie added softly, “I’m sorry.”
“Do you honestly think that you are doing the right thing,” Tyler said, holding her hand.
“For Rory? Yes,” Jamie quickly replied.
“Then I support you.” Tyler lightly patted her hand, “I will always support you if you’re sure it’s right.” He stood and stretched. He gently lifted Rory from Jamie’s grasp and whispered, “Past our bed time, right?” Rory giggled and nodded before placing his head on her uncle’s shoulder. Jamie watched them walk away before turning back to Lily. Lily was pursing her lips in a way that made Jamie sure that she didn’t agree. But Jamie knew that this was what she was supposed to do.
“I know that you don’t approve, Lily,” Jamie said, “And I know that I didn’t hold back last time I didn’t approve, but Lily…this isn’t for me. This is for Rory. I know it’s only fair if I listen to you, so I will. Yet, Lily, its not going to change my mind. I am sure that Rory is going to be hurt no matter what. It just the matter how much of a hurt it is.” Lily looked at her friend’s face carefully. Lily realized that Jamie was protecting Rory in the only way she knew how.
“I understand,” Lily said, “I don’t agree, but I do understand. And that’s all I can do, is try to understand it, and then help. Right?”
“Right,” Jamie smiled watery, “So what do I say to Sirius?”
“I don’t know,” Lily said softly, “Maybe tell him that you still love him but need a break?”
“He’ll try to find answers,” Jamie said, flopping back and groaning, “And I thought raising and hiding Rory was going to be the most difficult thing I did this year.”
‘Step one: You say we need to talk,’ Jamie thought over the list she had made over and over again within her mind. She was leaning up against a wall right next to the boys’ dormitory waiting for Sirius to come down. She heard the thudding of foot steps coming down the stairs, and once she heard the laughter she knew it was Sirius. Sirius came out along with Remus and James on each side, Peter trailing slightly behind.
“Hey,” Jamie said pushing herself off the wall. She realized that she could easily have walked up the staircase asked to speak to Sirius, and done it then. However she just wanted to hold it off. Knowing that he was her boyfriend for one more second gave her hope, “Can we talk?” Sirius took a step back, and glanced towards his friends. He bit his lip nervously, that was not a good sign. “It’s just a talk,” Jamie said smiling lightly, trying to act as if it was just a talk. Jamie led Sirius over to a chair that had a large window to the right. Jamie smiled politely at Sirius as he took a seat towards the left, she stayed right.
“So you wanted to talk,” Sirius said with a grin that didn’t quite meet his eyes. Jamie was too quiet and too calm, and it meant something bad.
“Sirius,” She said slowly, leaning forward, “I know that you have this big plan for after school, and that’s great…for you… But I want to experience the world and I want to try things differently. And in order to do that I need to make my own plan, which is going to be unattached.” She looked up from her hands to see his jaw slightly opened.
“Your plan is to have no attachment,” Sirius said, trying to comprehend. When Jamie nodded, only one word uttered from his mouth, “Liar.”
“Excuse me,” Jamie challenged raising a perfectly waxed eyebrow.
“You heard me,” Sirius said narrowing his eyes slightly, “Your plans aren’t to be unattached… You want to know what I think? I think that you are freaking out because of the bet again.” Jamie exhaled slowly and decided to go with this, anything to get out of there faster.
“You know what, Sirius, your right,” Jamie said standing up, walking backwards so she could continue to look at him, “I am not over the bet.” Jamie took another step back as Sirius took one forward.
“Jamie,” Sirius sighed lightly.
“I’ve told you this all along that I wasn’t sure if I could get over it,” Jamie said tears filling up her eyes. “I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“Jamie, this is ridiculous,” Sirius began to raise his voice, “And you know it is! We love each other! Don’t loose that just because I screwed up years ago!”
Jamie lowered her voice as heads began to turn, “I’m sorry Sirius, but I know what’s best for me. I don’t think you’re it.” Sirius head snapped towards her at these words.
“So why wait until now?” He roared, causing several people around the common room to jump, “Why didn’t you break up with me months ago?”
“Because I tried to get over it Sirius,” Jamie cried, no longer lying. Now when she referred to it, she meant the lying she did to him over the months, “I tried to forget about it, but these lies are tearing us apart, Sirius!”
“Jamie,” Sirius furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “What lies? We aren’t lying anymore! How can old lies tear us apart?” Jamie quickly put a hand over her mouth to attempt to hold in a sob. She was confused, and now she was alone.
“Goodbye,” She whispered, before turning around and sprinting out of the common room. Sirius glanced around the common room to see everyone staring at him. He glanced towards James, who mouthed, ‘Go after her.’
And with that Sirius sprinted out screaming, “JAMIE! JAMIE!” He reached the end of the corridor and it was completely empty. Sighing he slid down to the ground, against the wall. He pushed his head into his hands and concentrated on breathing. ‘What did I do wrong?’
A.N.: DON'T HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SORRY!!! AHHH. I will be gone for TWO weeks, so here is the amazing preview that I will give you.
"Is she mine," Sirius croaked, staring down at the little girl's face.
Now you can stare at that for two weeks, or Review and I may try to find a computer to update...hehe your choice. REVIEW!