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Hate Me for the Things I Didn't Do by silverotter1
Chapter 1 : Hate Me for the Things I Didn't Do
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 11


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A Dramione Song-fic based on HATE ME by Blue October dedicated to BlueOctober fans **Song words and lyrics by Blue October

A/N: I have just recently discovered Blue October and to everyone who loves them- this for you. I hope you enjoy it. cheers!

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                 Song Verse One: Hermione
In the darkness, she lay on her four-poster bed in the dormitory of Gryffindor Tower. The rain fell in sheets against the turret window pane as the wind whipped mercilessly and licked round the tower, bellowing an eerie serenade to accompany her sorrow. She didn’t cry- she was beyond that now. She struggled to block out thoughts of him as not to lose her head but the more she tried, the more the memories came; crawling out from the black nothingness that she tried so desperately to suppress them under.

The memories of him played like movies in her minds eye; the visions triggering raw emotions, like a trip-wire, even after so many months without him. Without his warm touch on her skin causing heat to flood her body; without his possessive gaze consuming her in a glance; without his soft mouth and deft tongue on her, exploring her, tasting her making her sore with him to places she’d only dreamed of before they were together. Such pleasure she had never known, but now- now… it just hurt. She felt as if she were being burned alive; the pain of losing him was too much too bear. Her brain was reeling in agony and she longed for release from this prison of anguish.

She knew it had been hell for him. He had endured wrath from his family, from his friends; but he hadn’t cared. He told her she was worth it all and a thousand times more. She just wanted peace for him now. She had felt the pang of guilt when he bore the taunts and abuse from his fellow Slytherins; all to be with her- a muggle born. The abuse his father unleashed on him had been the worst of all. She recalled so many times her small hands had held nettle soaked cloths to the cuts and bruises Lucius had left on his son’s face.

She had endured her own share of misery- from Ronald, from Harry. Even some of the Professors had looked on her with disdain because she had chosen him. And through all this he had never once said those words to her, never told her he loved her. Oh, she knew that he did… or he had. She had known every time they touched and he transformed- his eyes from cold and hard to warm and yielding; his mouth from drawn and sneering to full and inviting; his touch from rough and unkind to a loving caress. Yes, she knew he had loved her; still she had wanted him to say it to her face. Even now she still wanted him to reach out to her, to hear his voice say her name and declare his heart belonged to her.

But then hadn’t she been the one to say she wanted space? She had seen the pain flash in his eyes and then anger…

       Hate me today
       Hate me tomorrow
       Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you 




                 Song Verse Two: Draco
In silence, he slumped on the cold stone floor of the Slytherin Dungeon, his back against the hard bedstead of his four-poster, head in his hands which continually raked through his long blond locks. He hated sleeping in his bed- since she had been there with him that last time- it just reminded him of what he knew he could never have again. He could not stop thinking of her, wanting her, needing her even after all these months.

His thoughts scattered as Crabbe and Goyle barged in to the dormitory asking if he wanted a hit. They’d nicked ingredients from Snapes store cabinet again and had concocted their favorite mix of magical hallucinogens. A wild ride to be sure, but he was done with it. He’d been sober now for three whole months, an accomplishment that she had helped him with. He knew his addiction had put a strain on their already fragile relationship; that shit had helped to tear them apart and it’s the one thing he would never touch again. He screamed at them to get the hell out of his sight before he sent them on a ride from which they’d never return.

In their wake, they had left him silent and suffering, thinking only of her and how the pain of leaving her was a million times worse than any mental or physical distress he had endured to love her. And he knew she had loved him. He had felt it even when he was stoned out of his mind and she had held his head above water as he tried to drown in his addiction. It wasn’t easy being Lucius Malfoy’s son and he often wanted to erase who he was, forget who he was. But she had helped him see his life as worth something. She had made him feel. And feeling was something he had been taught not to do. He was once reckless and she’d helped him to take caution. He could be brutal and she would help him find gentleness. He would act out in self-destruction and she’d build him back up again. He had opened himself to her completely and fully; not only had they shared everything two can share physically, but they had been linked emotionally as well.

Strident thunder cracked far above and he imagined her up in her Gryffindor Tower listening to the storm rage on and he wondered if she ever thought of him. She had made him feel good about himself, like his own thoughts mattered. He wasn’t used to thinking for himself. It was far easier to be programmed by his mother, and led by his father. After all, what was he but the pure blood son of a Death Eater? But she alone had changed him. She was innocent and uncorrupted and good. He was not. He had a destiny before him that had been laid out since his birth. Neither one of them could change it. It was as simple as that. The hard part was dealing with that reality. He wished he could run- just get so fucking far away that he never would cross her mind again. Cowardice had got the better of him though, as it always had. He had told her to do whatever it took in her heart to leave him behind. “Go fuck Potter or Weasel!”- he had told her. Or better yet, he had given her permission to shag his best friend, Blaise, in case she had cultivated a taste for the dark side. She had slapped him when he’d said that. The love she had had for him in her heart at one time was probably long gone. Surely she hated him now. 


       Hate me today
       Hate me tomorrow
       Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
 



                 Song Hook: Draco & Hermione
…Their time at Hogwarts was over. He stood on the platform by the train waiting to see her one last time, knowing he might never see her again. He recognized with full force he wasn’t man enough to stand by her and besides, he had hurt her so much she would never take him back. She’d be better off without him anyway. His biggest mistake he knew, was never telling her he loved her. And then he saw her in the last car; alone, her pale face in the compartment window. At once, her sad eyes found him and he raised his hand to wave, mouthing one word: goodbye

…a strangled sob of anguish escaped her lips as she looked away and she recalled the day he had ended it. He had tried to hide his secret pain, tried to veil the tears in his blue-gray eyes, but she had seen. She had taken his face in her hand then collapsed in his arms begging him to make it go away; the pain that pierced her heart at his harsh, callous words. She had just wanted to make his smile come back and shine just like it used to be. She had whispered, “How could you do this to me?”…

…he though back on the day he had let her go, remembering she had cried to him ‘How could you do this to me?’ …

       Hate me today
       Hate me tomorrow
       Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

       Hate me in ways
       Yeah ways hard to swallow
       Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you 


…and he had told her he was a Slytherin, a pure blood and he could do as he damn well pleased. Even as it tore his heart out, he had done it, ended it and it was over…

…she recalled not being able to breathe. He had taken everything from her… yet she had given it willingly. Once, he’d made her feel so alive and now he had made her wish she were dead…death, the only escape from this pain that engulfed her.

…She had brought life to his dead soul and now that she was gone he was left an empty shell. Leaving her had ripped out his heart; had made him wish he were dead…death, the only thing that would set him free from his torturous life. 


       Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you 

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A/N: first ever song-fic! Let me know what you think! Reviews appreciated!




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