Chapter 9 : Dinnertime Discussions (Heated Ones at That)
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“No.” She replied, not even looking up from her plate to look at his eyes, she knew exactly what he was about to ask.
“I haven’t even asked you yet!” James laughed.
“You don’t need to.” She snapped, her attitude contradicting his completely.
“Not even if…?”
Lily interrupted half-heartedly as though she was bored, “Not even if I was paid a million galleons, Potter.” She confirmed. Suddenly, James’ good mood evaporated.
“Harsh. Prongs, why don’t you just give up on the Ice-Queen and date someone who actually likes you? Believe it or not, some birds are crazy enough to like you over me…” Sirius rolled his eyes as though it was unbelievable that people could favour someone over himself. He spoke as though he didn’t realise Lily was sitting just three seats away – as tactful as ever.
“Girls,” Lily snarled. “Not chicks, birds, quines, babes or hotties. You know, I wonder why anyone would date chauvinist pigs like you…” Lily's voiced trailed off, and she returned to her meal.
“Then again, I’m surprised anyone could fancy a complete tart like you unless they’re looking for a one night stand, so I take it we’re even.” With that Sirius, who was convinced he had won, took a rather large bite from his chicken leg. Sirius seemed to enjoy commenting on the relationship Lily had with her “boyfriend” Craig, a Muggle. Apparently it should be impossible for a witch and Muggle to date under such conditions.
“Oh believe me, I am leagues above you.” Lily retorted somewhat calmly, she had been called many things in her life; a tart was new on the list.
“Keep telling yourself that and maybe some poor guy will believe you and find out the hard way that you are frigid and not the slut you dress like.” replied Sirius, speaking through his large mouthful, spraying chicken out of his mouth.
“Padfoot, leave it,” James warned, trying to get his friend to stop insulting the love of his life, and failing.
“Whatever, mate, just don’t let her get the better of you.”
“I wont.” James promised, his eyes not leaving Lily. Lily’s eyebrows rose, and she snapped.
“Get the better of me? Get the better of me? He isn’t getting any of me! Let alone the ‘better of me!’ Her face was no longer calm. Her voice trembled with hurt, anger and frustration; her emotions a tangled mass of hurt, confusion and anger. Lily stood up from the Gryffindor table, and vacated the Hall leaving the Halloween feast behind her.
She was not aware of where she was heading, all she knew was that she had somehow found a room opposite Barnabas the Barmy. She entered the room feeling rather apprehensive, to set her eyes on a room no smaller than her living room at home equipped with all the necessary furnishings to do have a large ‘think’.
She had no sooner sat down on an extremely comfortable plush settee; than James had entered the room looking slightly flustered and had a miniscule bead of sweat creating a shiny patch on his forehead.
“Hey! Lils! Been looking for you everywhere. Why did you run out on –“
“Oh don’t even start with the ‘Hey! Lils,’ thing, we both know where it’ll get us. Why can’t you just leave me alone for once?” Lily said, instantly sitting up-right and snapping out of her "calming" session.
“Not until you agree to go out with me.” He said, flashing his famous cheeky grin.
“Shame, I’m just going to have to put up with you forever then aren’t I?”
“Lils, I know the reason you wont go out with me is because of that Chris bloke, but seriously aren’t I ten of him?” James asked, meaning every word he spoke. Why couldn't she see that he actually cared about her? Why did she fail to see that for the first time in his life, the girl he had his eye on wasn't just "some girl"?
“Firstly, how many times do I have to tell you? It’s Evans,” she placed an extravagant amount of emphasis on her last name, as if saying it like that would make him remember from then on. “Secondly, it’s Craig, and you can’t judge him, you’ve never met him. And thirdly, I’m not in love with him, he proved to me we are just a casual fling, making you and him about equal.” Lily scowled, she remembered the sight she saw when she returned home and went to his house in search for her boyfriend in her third year. A vast shiver ran down her spine, causing her to shake and for goosebumps to accumulate all over her body. “And believe me, that’s not a compliment.”
James didn’t know whether to be kind or laugh it off, then he remembered what Sirius had told him when James was going through the “make her jealous by going out with others” phase. ‘Mate, chicks dig sensitive guys, that’s why I’ve always got a girl in the equation!’ He had said, at the time, James had laughed it off, but now it seemed that although the advice was a tad hypocritical, it was also legitimate. James went for the sympathy option.
"Lils, shh,” he comforted her. He could see the effect her memory of the event in third year had on her. “I know what makes a decent guy, because I am one, I mean, not because I’m like … secretly gay or anything…” he tried to lighten the atmosphere, and then went in for the kill. “Lily, you can talk to me, you know that right?” He went to give her a hug. She followed suit, but pulled away when she realised how vulnerable she had made herself.
“You really are heartless, aren’t you?” She raged, jumping from her chair and practically spitting out her words. “I mean pretending to be sympathetic about my “boyfriend scenario” and then turning it into a chance to “get” me? I mean, talk about lowering standards, and to think, I didn’t even know you had any standards to lower!”
“Me? You have the nerve to call me heartless?” James cried, joining her by springing up. “I really am here for you! Who’s the one not even considering for a minute that the person asking them out might actually want to be with them? Who’s the one saying “no” before the person receiving the answer has a chance to speak? Lily, you are! I’m the one who is getting rejected everyday! You are the one that’s letting me down everyday. I have loved you from day one, the moment I saw you in Diagon Alley, when I saw the light reflecting off your hair, when I saw your stunning eyes, I was mesmerised instantly! Yet you don’t get that do you? You think I’m the one that’s heartless? Well, let me say one thing Lily - "
“It’s Evans to you.” Lily interrupted.
“Exactly my point, Lily. You don’t listen, you want to, but you’re too self-centred and bloody well heartless that you wont let yourself. Or maybe you aren’t big enough for once to let everyone else to be right, and follow your heart, if you even have one, instead of your head! You know what, I’m not going to waste my love on someone like you; you’ll just end up hurting me.” James walked off. ‘Perfect.’ Thought Lily, ‘not only am I in love with someone I vowed to hate, but that person also happens to be hot, sensitive, and in love with me’.
James sprinted to his dorm, tears of anger, hatred, disappointment and sadness were welling up behind his eyes, ‘I will not let her win, she isn’t worth crying over’ one side of him thought, while his other side retaliated with, ‘surely if you love her, she is worth the wait, no matter how long the wait is?’ The battle between his two sides continued while he stripped and changed in to pyjamas and slipped under his covers, praying to God that his friends would be a while returning from the famous Halloween Feast.
Lily jumped onto her bed, her fists curled causing her long, freshly manicured fingernails to make moon shaped indents in her hands. Why was it that whenever he came close to her that she fired up, no matter what mood she was in prior to his appearance? ‘Why can’t I let myself love him? He isn’t that conceited prat he was in first year; he wasn’t ever a conceited prat, that level of him was for show. Yes, he has his good and bad points, hell, we all know that, but what is it that gets under my skin? He would never cheat on me, or, at least, he claims he wouldn’t.’ Like James, there was another side to her argument, ‘You still love Craig, he broke you by getting with that other girl. Imagine what would happen if he finds out about James’ however the pros out weighed the cons, ‘Craig was… whatever, he was like a casual fling compared to James…okay, Craig is hot, he’s kind, he’s sensitive, I love him…” the other side asked, ‘then what’s wrong?’ “He’s not James.” Lily concluded aloud. She was, once again, in too deep.
Disclaimer: I am not JKR - please remember that.
Note: I am starting to really get into this story again, so I hope I can keep it that way and keep writing. Please review, I really want to know if the story is getting any better. I know some bits of this really need to be adjusted, and more chapters added, but I'm only human, I need to take it step at a time...I really just want to know what you think. Thanks to everyone for reading, and especially those who have reviewed and/or favourited this story!
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