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Chapter 14 : You Tortured Me Into Admitting The Truth - And I Think It Makes Me Love You More
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A/N: Big thanks to Jessi_Rose for the incredibly gorgeous chapter graphic! Also a big thanks to all the readers, you are all so amazing!
“I’m sorry Harry, last night was purely physical, it didn’t mean anything to me at all, and to be completely honest, it never will.”
Ginny felt the words leave her mouth, understandably, since she practically had to force herself to say them. Her voice taking on an unnatural tone as she tried desperately to convince herself that what she was saying was the truth. Her voice hitched for a moment as she remembered a particularly graphic moment from last night involving her legs wrapped tightly around his torso, and she blushed. It was just physical she tried to tell herself, although that was hard to do when she knew damn well, nothing had ever been just physical when it had come to Harry.
“Dammit Ginny!” Harry yelled, frustrated by her statement. He knew she was lying, it was written all over face. Had she stood before him and honestly said all that they shared was a physical desire for one another, he would have walked away. It would have killed him inside, but if he really thought that was what she wanted, he would have done it.
This was her flaw, he knew that now. No woman is perfect, and while he had always thought of Ginny as being as close to perfect as any woman could be, he knew deep down that she had her flaws. She had a short temper, was incredibly head-strong, and countless other things that he overlooked because loving Ginny meant loving all of her. This incessant need to make life easier for everyone though, that was the one flaw that could drive them apart, and Harry knew he was going to have to battle that flaw for the rest of his life. Would it be easier to give up and let her walk away? Maybe. Would he regret that decision for the rest of his life? Most certainly.
“I will not let you do this again,” he whispered softly as he looked at her. “I will not let you walk away from us, because as much as you want to pretend and deny, there will always be an us.”
“Too much time has passed,” Ginny replied, her eyes filling with tears. Silently she cursed his ability to say the one thing that made her want to abandon this entire shenanigan and never leave his side. She took a deep breath and said the words that would break her own heart as much as his. “I don’t love you anymore, I’m sorry.”
“No,” Harry stated, his face hardening as he stepped towards her and grabbed her wrist firmly with his hand. Slowly he let his fingers dance softly against her palm, and he heard her sharp intake of breath. “I let you walk away all those years ago because I thought it was what you wanted. I spent years looking at that engagement ring and wishing it was on your finger, because I thought you didn’t love me anymore. I lost out on fifteen years with my daughter and sixteen years with the woman I love because I didn’t know any better. Well dammit Ginny, I know better now and I am not losing another minute with either of you!”
Ginny felt the blood drain from her face as she heard the words engagement ring, and yet her mind was still whirring, convincing her to deny her feelings, to deny everything. She struggled to form a sentence, but it was proving difficult as the words engagement ring were still plastered in her mind, and Harry’s hand had abandoned it’s hold on her wrist and was now moving up her arm.
“Physical,” was all she managed to blurt out sounding like a broken record, and not a very convincing one at that. “It’s just physical Harry.”
Harry could feel his patience waning, he knew that Ginny could be stubborn when she wanted, but this was getting ridiculous. It seemed that talking was getting them nowhere, and that he was most certainly going to have to take action. He just hoped that Ginny was smart enough to realize that there are some things that you cannot deny, no matter how hard you try.
“I suppose you’re right Ginny,” Harry conceded, trying a different approach.
“I am?” she asked her mouth falling open, and doing her best not to feel offended that he had changed his opinion from caring deeply for her, to just wanting her physically in the space of three seconds. Hell, even Malfoy had more tact and manners than that.
Harry could have answered her, he could have said something extremely convincing and suave, but he wasn’t a very good liar, and by saying that she was right again, he would surely be giving away the fact that he thought she was acting like the world’s biggest sodding moron. Being a wonder at improvisation, Harry took a different route, deciding if all Ginny wanted was something physical, than by golly, he would get physical.
Before she even had a moment to think Harry was closing what little space was between them until his body was pressed up against hers. Granted there was space behind her, so if she wanted she could most certainly pull away, but she found that she didn’t want to pull away. There was something calming about the feeling of his body right against hers, a feeling that only he could evoke in her.
His hand swept through her unruly hair as he roughly dragged her lips to meet his, slowly seeking entrance to her mouth with his tongue. She felt her own arms wrap around his neck of their own accord as she pressed herself against him as she sought more. He pulled away from her, their heavy breathing filling the air as let his hands linger down her back.
“Are we still maintaining that this is just physical Gin?” Harry asked breathlessly as he looked at her flushed face.
“Ye…yes,” Ginny stammered.
“I’m not trying hard enough then,” he concluded before capturing her lips again and stumbling towards the bedroom, his arms wrapped firmly around her waist.
Sunlight was streaming through the windows in her bedroom, the beams of light falling invitingly on the unmade bed where they had laid only hours earlier, intertwined together. Awkwardly they made their way to the bed where he gently laid her down on the bed, holding himself directly above her as he kissed her forehead. He could feel her hands grabbing at his shirt, tugging at it desperately and it took all his self control to not ravish her properly then and there.
It wasn’t long before most of their clothes littered the ground around the bed, as Harry let his hands travel up Ginny’s legs, the roughness of his palms contrasting against the silkiness of her skin. He could feel her gasping for breath, and most likely control, as he continued the assault on her body, nipping lightly at the sensitive patch of skin under her ear. Just as his hands reached her thighs, he pulled away, and he smirked as he heard her practically growl in his ear.
“How about now Gin?” Harry asked with dancing eyes.
“Go to hell Potter,” she snarled back, knowing full well what he meant.
“Not without you Weasley,” he answered before placing his hands back on her legs and pulling her towards him.
Slowly Harry continued to torture her, his hands moving up down her body until she nearly insane with everything that he was making her feel. Every touch, every breath was making it more difficult to feel like she was in any sort of control. Not to mention, with every second she knew that nobody in their right mind would ever call this just a physical attraction.
Sex, it was supposed to be just that, sex; it wasn’t supposed to mean anything to her. She was supposed to just block everything out, to forget that she had wanted this man for as long as she could remember. She was supposed to be remembering that she could never have him for keeps, that it was too dangerous, for both her and Eloise.
That was easier said than done however when Harry’s wasn’t right next to her, completely naked, and doing his best to torture her into submission. Ginny wasn’t the begging type by any means, but right now Harry had certainly put her in a position where she was to the point of throwing out all of her principles and pleading with him, she needed him, and she needed him now!
“Please Harry,” she whispered into his ear breathlessly.
“Please what Gin?” Harry asked, his own breathing heavy, as he attempted to stay in control.
“You know what,” she answered, not quite willing to admit defeat. “I need you, all of you!”
“No,” he said his voice firm, a smile spreading on his face, he finally had her right where he wanted her. “Not until you admit that this is more than a physical wanting. Not until you admit there is an “us” and that there will always be an “us”. Not until you admit that you love me Gin.”
She looked at him, knowing there was a difference between what she wanted and what she thought she should be doing. For the first time, his face was completely readable, and it was clear that he was waiting for her to say it, and from the look in his eyes, she could tell he was as scared as she was. Scared that she wouldn’t say it, possibly scared that he miscalculated and that she didn’t love him. She knew what she should be doing, she knew she should be pulling away, breaking his heart in the short run, and saving him in the end.
There was just one little problem, she didn’t want to save him, because saving him meant denying herself everything she had ever wanted. It meant denying her own feelings, her own happiness, and after sixteen years of denying herself what she wanted, she was tired of running from everything she had ever needed.
So there she lay, next to the only man she had ever loved, the only man she had ever wanted to love, caught between what she wanted to do and what she needed to do. Three simple words, they were spoken everyday, sometimes honestly, sometimes in haste, and yet she couldn’t form the words. It should have been easy, of course she loved him, she always had, but saying those words out loud was terrifying, it meant unleashing everything she had been trying to forget for sixteen years.
The silence of the room pressed down on them, only the sounds of their heavy breathing could be heard as Ginny desperately tried to say the words she had never gotten the chance to utter, to the one man she could never forget, the one man that had haunted her mind, the one man she had let slip away.
She looked over at the almost empty bottle of Firewhiskey blankly, not quite understanding why the amber liquid wasn’t dulling the pain that was continuing to flow through her body. The piece of parchment on the desk had long since been abandoned, finished in just a few short minutes. She had taken the time to read it over a fair amount of times before finding the Firewhiskey and knocking back drinks in a rapid pace.
Her long black hair had fallen from the tight bun at around the same time she had started drinking the Firewhiskey, but she hadn’t bothered to fix it. It was becoming more and more apparent that her fiancé wasn’t in any particular hurry to get back to her. There was no need to change from the clothes she had worn yesterday if he wasn’t going to be walking through the front door anytime soon.
With a shaky hand she reached forward and poured another glassful of the Firewhiskey, trying to drown the images of him and her, and what she could only imagine was not a friendly game of Parcheesi. What they were sure to be doing was no doubt considered more than friendly, but they certainly hadn’t been playing board games all night. Images of the ginger headed bint and Harry rolling around together kept assaulting her mind, and she threw the empty bottle of Firewhiskey at the wall, glass exploding all over the floor.
She briefly turned her attention back to the letter she had written, the alcohol clouding her mind as she reached forward and rolled it up. Calling over one of the owls she tied the parchment to its leg, fumbling awkwardly. Whispering to the owl she instructed where the letter was to be taken and with a feeling of satisfaction she watched the owl swoop out of the window.
If Harry thought that he could leave her just because that Weasley twit had returned to his life, and with some fatherless child most likely, he thought wrong. It was easy to convince herself that the letter she had written was a good idea when she had an entire bottle of Firewhiskey in her system. It was easy to tell herself that someday the little brat of a child would understand that what she had written was better for everybody in the long run.
With a hiccup, Cho stumbled to her feet and headed for the kitchen, already having forgotten she had destroyed the bottle of Firewhiskey she was in search for another bottle, convinced she had just misplaced the previous one. It didn’t really matter to her that it was only noon, and that she had just sent a letter out that could possibly destroy a young girl’s relationship with the father she had just discovered.
Eloise was sitting comfortably on Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron’s couch with her Aunt exchanging her favorite bits of Hogwarts, A History, while her Uncle sat in his chair watching the two blankly. It was apparent he was not quite understanding how they could possibly be so entertained by facts from a book, that he had never read, much to Hermione’s dismay.
At first it had felt awkward staying the night with them, she hadn’t done such since she was a very young girl, and she could feel a tension in this house that hadn’t been here the last time she had visited. Not to mention it was hard to feel comfortable when you knew very well that you had been sent away because your parents wanted some “privacy”.
Things had quickly perked up though as Hermione and Ron began entertaining her with stories of her youth, and for the first time since she could remember, they openly talked about Harry. Sure, she had heard stories in her youth, when her mother had been absent, but they had never talked so openly and freely about him and their many adventures. For the first time in her life Eloise truly felt happy, granted her mother had done her best to give her a wonderful life, but living without a father had always made her feel somewhat incomplete.
Eloise wasn’t quite sure how long she was supposed to be staying here, but she imagined that her Mum or father would come and get her when they were ready. So there she sat, on the couch, waiting patiently, whilst making small talk with Hermione. They had already covered her classes and what she thought of Hogwarts, and had now moved on to the very safe topic of books. Hermione and Ron had been very careful not to approach her about the subject of Harry, and how she was feeling about things. They were especially keen not to mention anything about Cho Chang, and Eloise got the feeling the despised her as much as her mother did.
No sooner had she thought this, an owl appeared at the window, and Ron quickly got up and let it in, mostly because Hermione gave him a pointed stare until he did. Eloise watched in shock as the owl flew to her side and waited patiently for her to untie the roll of parchment. She wasn’t sure who the letter was from so she eagerly opened the letter and read, her eyes scanning each line as her mouth dropped open and she made a sound of disbelief. Hermione and Ron tried to read over her shoulder but she crumpled up the letter defiantly and excused herself to the guest room, where she pulled out her own piece of parchment.
With angry swishes and flicks of her quill Eloise quickly drafted out a small letter, her temper building as she looked at the crumbled ball of a letter she had received sitting on the edge of the desk. How dare that woman even suggest the things she was suggesting! How dare she try to step in and drive her family apart! Well if she wanted to mess with Eloise than she had another thing coming, because Eloise most certainly was not going to sit there and let that snooty little stroppy mare ruin everything.
Banging her hand on the desk Eloise watched as ink splattered everywhere. Ignoring the mess, and hoping Hermione wouldn’t be upset with her she quickly sent the letter off with her own owl, gathered her things and headed for the door. After telling her Aunt and Uncle she just needed a walk, she slipped outside and headed for the Potter mansion. If she had calculated correctly, and she was pretty sure she had, her letter would arrive only moments before she did, and when she did, Ms. Chang was going to wish she had never tangled with Eloise Hermione Weasley.
It closed in on them from every nook and cranny, seconds passed by slowly, each one feeling like an eternity as he looked down at her, searching her face for an answer. His thumb gently rubbed her cheek as he waited patiently for her to respond, hoping with every fiber of his being that she would say those three little words, and more importantly mean them.
It was easy to forget the position they were currently in, easy to forget that he wanted her to say these words despite the fact that he was engaged. Easy to forget that they were naked and their bodies desperately needed one another. Easy to forget that so many years had passed, and most importantly, easy to forget that in another time, another place, they had said these words, never truly knowing how much they had meant them.
He knew she was battling herself, it was written all over her face, and yet he waited, scared of the outcome. Scared that she wouldn’t ever tell him what he needed and so badly wanted to hear her say, and yet, at the same time, scared that she would. Scared that he was asking to much, and wouldn’t be able to give back everything that she needed.
Three little words…..
It seemed so silly that they could make such a difference, but they did, such a big difference it was almost frightening. Her hesitation was understandable, he knew that, and she knew that, but she could feel the guilt creeping in, as she struggled to form some sort of answer.
Deny! Deny! Deny!
Her mind screamed at her, and she felt her mind and mouth connect, as she started to form the harshest words of rejection she had ever said. Before she could voice her thoughts though, she looked up him. Their eyes connected, and she knew, deep down she knew, she couldn’t deny any longer. He was here, that piece that had been missing for so long. She had made a mistake all those years ago, she knew that deep now, and she was done making mistakes.
“I love you Harry,” she whispered softly, her eyes filling with tears. “I always have, even when I was child, and I think I always will.”
He looked at her stunned for a moment, almost as if he couldn’t believe she had actually said the words, and who could blame him. She had pushed him away for so many years, she had walked away from all of his advances, and now she was finally admitting defeat, it was almost surreal.
Leaning towards her he kissed her softly on the lips, in a way that made it evidently clear that he planned on doing so everyday for the rest of his life and whispered softly in her ear before pulling the covers over them and finishing what they had started.
“I have never loved anybody else Gin, you always have been, and always will be the only woman for me. Always.”
A/N: Big thanks to all of you loyal readers, hope everyone enjoyed this latest chapter! . Thanks for taking the time to read, have a wonderful day. As always reviews are appreciated, thanks again so much, you all make my day! Just a friendly reminder, make sure those reviews are always 12+ appropriate! Thanks again for reading!
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