Chapter 5 : Attack of the Dunderheads!
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Disclaimer: hi yeah- don’t own Harry Potter. But I would totally own him in an arm wrestling contest! Oh burn! Don’t own Telitubies or power rangers or the Ghost Busters. Neither do I own this computer, it’s my dad’s. heehee.
One day after the fiesta. One day after the Slughorn mess up. One day after the horrible flashback. I was innocently sitting on a couch spitting spit balls at one of the paintings when…. I heard it! Sirius flapping his yap at me again.
“Why- did- you- fill- my- socks- with- toothpaste?” He said storming in pausing between each word emphasizing the word toothpaste.
I sat there in a sweet mood. “How do you know I did it?”
“You left this note that says, ‘I did this. Haha. Sincerely, Diamond’” He said reading the funny note I left.
“I could have been lying,” I told him in a ‘know it all’ sense. “You know that I like to lie to you.”
Sirius took another look at the note. “P.S. I am not lying.” I should not have written that last part. But what can I say? Oh yeah, this:
“You tell any one and Lala from the telitubies gets it!” Sirius looked kinda worried.
“But Lala is the cute yellow one with antenna sticking out of her head. Please take Po! She is mean and kicks the other telitubies secretly. And rides her evil scooter of evilness.” He begged to me. Okay I don’t have a telitubie hostage, but he watches that show?
“You watch that show? Come on. They have a vacuum for a pet! And they talk worse then you!”
“I know I’m speaking.” What a dunderhead.
“I was correcting your spe-… never mind. And I only watch it because it is after Power Rangers.” He suddenly turned pale. He looked like he should not have said that. Now I have some dirt on him.
Darn it! No one would believe me. Oh well! At least I tried. Just when I was about to scold Sirius, once again, something crashed through the window, sending shards of glass through the room.
Oh, my, fluffy, God! It was the evil and vileness Po! No, not Edger Allen Poe, Po from the Telitubies. Oh crud. To make matters worse, the rest of the gang was there, too. They were all on there evil scooters of DOOM! If motorcycle gangs were bad enough, it can’t get any worse, can it?
OK. I was in a big pickle here. Like a kosher pickle. Man, I could go for one of those right now. Oh, back on subject. Sirius was no help, sitting there in the fetal position, Peter was off… somewhere. I really don’t want to know. James was off flirting with Lily, once again. Remus should really get that book out of his nose and help. So, it was just me vs. the Telitubies. Help.
I lunged at Tinky-Winky with great force. But he deflected me with his evil grin of doom. “NO! How can a creature like you look so happy and evil at the same time? Aaaahhh!!!”
I lay there on the ground, but I forced myself to get up and fight. “I will get you, Telitubies!” I had to retreat this battle and get reinforcements for the next battle.”
I knew just who to call. But the Ghost Busters were on a top secret mission for the CIA. The phone would be on hold for too long and I am very impatient. I can’t even tolerate Sirius. So, I called in the Power Rangers. They were always free. And I don’t have to pay them much. They have this whole thing about defeating the enemy and seeing me happy is pay enough. How lame. But, they get the job done. Plus, I would have a serious debt to pay off and my tax collector would haunt my dreams once more...
Yeah, that was a scary flashback.
Flashback flashback... yeah, I’m not going through that again.
The Power Rangers arrived on the scene. They looked all cool in there ninja stances, even though ninjas will always surpass them. We should have called ninjas. Dang it!
It was then that I noticed that I was tied up in two seconds flat. Wow, the Power Rangers stink! When ever they get wounded, they always start to twitch.
As they were being completely useless, I was trying to think of a plan. Think toaster, THINK! I needed to get out of this sticky situation. Like bubblegum getting stuck in your hair. My mom always says that a good way to get bubblegum out of your hair is to put peanut butter in your hair. I never really understood how one sticky thing could get another sticky thing out of a person’s hair. But one time I tried it, and it worked! I don’t think Sirius knows that. Maybe I could put gum in his hair. Wait, I’m off subject again, aren’t I? I should really learn to stop doing that.
Wait one dig darn second. Peanut butter! I could use peanut butter to defeat the telitubies! I mean peanut butter can solve anything. That’s because it’s peanut butter. Of course, the telitubies are strong. They could be hard to defeat. But I have faith in peanut butter.
I signaled the useless cry baby, Sirius. “Sirius, give me your peanut butter!” He seemed angered at my request.
“I will not give you this peanut butter. It is mine!”
“But I need it to beat the telitubies.” He moaned and gave me the jar of deliciousness. Phase 1, get untied. I used the lid of the jar to cut the rope and I got free. That was easy.
Phase 2, get pedestrians into safety. I stole Remus’ book and through it into the hall and he ran after it. One down, three to go.
“Hay, Peter, there’s a lot of moisture in this room.” That got him. He started screaming out of the room in terror. Next up was James.
“You know James, you are never going to get Lily to go out with you. You should just give up.” I know that sounded a little corny, I like that plan. Potter is such a sap. Watch this.
“You hurt my feelings. Your words strike me with pain. I need to be alone…” He went crying out of the room. It totally worked! I knew it would.
Now it was the dork’s turn. Even though I despise him, I still have to make sure he is safe. “Sirius, get your butt out of this room. It is no longer safe in here. You have a better chance of getting hurt in here than in the next room.”
At that note, he went off.
Phase 3, beat the telitubies. I still had the peanut butter in my hands. I needed to think of a plan. And fast. The Power Rangers had their energy back. They always seem to heal themselves fast. Now I was fighting side by side with the Power Rangers. (Wow that sounded weird) I gave each of the Power Rangers a bit of peanut butter.
We started frantically throwing peanut butter at the evil telitubies. They started running away when I threw a big glob of peanut butter at Lala. I had destroyed Lala. I should get a special award for this.
Lala’s companions shrieked in fear as their partner went down. They got on their scooters and retreated. We had succeeded in the battle of the telitubies.
The red Power Ranger was confused. “Hey, how did you know that peanut butter would be the perfect solution to beat the telitubies?” I can’t believe he still had no idea of the logic I put into this plan.
They are so oblivious. “The peanut butter caused a short circuit in the telitubies’ TVs on their stomachs. It was the perfect plot!” I am so proud of thinking of that idea.
I decided to have a party in the great hall, (with the headmaster Dumbledore’s permission) and everyone was invited, except for the telitubies! (And Sirius) OK, maybe I was forced to invite Sirius, just because he attended the school. Bummer. Well, we all have to live with pests. In your case, it might be bugs, but, you know, there are different kinds of pests, like the ones that assume that you had put that toothpaste in their socks. Yes, I know that I really did that. So what? He could have done some investigation before he went off coming to conclusions.
OK, yes. I put that note there, but, but… oh, just forget it.