A/N: Yes, i am very bad. Very bad indeed. Truth is, i just haven't had ANY time what-so-ever to do anything lately, let alone write some more chapters for anything. First i had exams, and considering its my last year i found that all my time was spent studying, and my first week of holidays have been working, seven days straight. But all well. I hope some of you will actually read this story, and i appologise greatly for not being able to update sooner.
As I walked along the hallways of Hogwarts with my friends, the people that I had grown up with, I saw students shrink back into the walls, some gave us hopeful glances that we would notice them, some gave us glances of fear. And then there were those few who were brave enough to give us glances of hate.
It would be a rare thing to find someone glaring hatefully at me. No one usually dared. But everyone hated me. Even those who glanced hopefully, even my friends.
It is a delicate thing, the powerful web we weave. When you climb the ladder, when you become more popular and powerful, there is no one to trust. You can never look at someone again and think of them as your friend, but as an ally. An ally that could turn on me at any minute, that would let me fall to take my place in this world. An ally that would willingly take me down themselves if I don’t first.
This is all I have ever known, this delicate web that I have made for myself. However this web of mine is not to ensnare new victims and stick to all that I lay my hand on, but to protect me. Stop those who are my ally’s from seeing who I really am.
Coming to our destination, the potions room, the door was opened for me, and I was the first one in. Surveying the room, I saw that we would be having quite a few Gryffindor’s in our class this year. I looked over to a corner at the back, the work benches where we, the Slytherin’s, always sat. Always. I heard a growl come out of Lestrange’s mouth as I recognised who were currently breaking all the rules that had been set. The ‘Marauders’, as they like to call themselves. James Potter, Remus Lupin, Petter Pettigrew and that idiot Sirius who dared to complain that he was a Black.
I had hated Black ever since we had started Hogwarts. I didn’t hate him as the others did, because of how he had become a blood traitor. No, my reason was completely different. I hated him because he had the courage to break free, to let people know how he felt about the whole pureblood crap. I hated him because he had the strength to, and I didn’t. I hated how I admired him because of it. I hated how happy he was, and how he had friends, true friends that would always be there, no matter what.
The guys went to go over to them, pick a fight, most likely cast a few ghastly hexes, but I gave a small sigh that no one could hear, and walked up to the front corner, equally as dark and gloomy looking as the other corner, and sat down. My friends had no choice but to follow me.
I heard a few of them grumble. ‘That corner had always been theirs, no one else’s. It just wasn’t right.’
Merlin, it’s just a bloody corner, it’s not like it’s going to change your life. I could hear Narcissa say something to me, but it just didn’t register. My eyes were stuck on Black. Ever since I had sat down, given up to them, he had been staring at me, and I had made the mistake of looking back. I found that it was difficult to look away, it was difficult to think, and if I hadn’t of known better that he was reaching into my mind.
I broke myself out of my trance and turned to smile at Narcissa, who looked back at me, a slight frown gracing her face. I stared back at her, daring her to back down.
During the class, my friends talked, plotted, and messed around, while I sat there often smiling and only rarely saying something. It wasn’t often that I joined my friends in their conversations. When I did it was over important stuff, but I never did for trivial things such as the latest gossip of the ‘Hufflepuff Whore’, as we have so kindly named her. I felt sorry for her. Because no matter what, throughout all the rumours and speculations, she was still a virgin. She didn’t deserve what was said about her, but then again no one ever did. No one ever deserved anything that we did to them.
It had been imprinted into all pureblooded children that they are always going to be better than everyone else, and that gives us the right to mess around with other people’s lives. It gives us the privilege to cause them pain. Oh how I wish that I could say that I have never caused someone pain. But that would be a lie. I have caused many people pain, physical and mental.
I had no idea how much pain I would cause myself and someone else in my last year at Hogwarts. If I had known I would have wanted to remain oblivious to my growing curiosity and my want to live in a better world where I wasn’t a pureblood. Maybe then I wouldn’t have made every mistake possible to drive me towards everything that I had ever wanted.
Maybe then I wouldn’t shudder every time I feel him staring at me, his eyes filled with an emotion that I had never seen directed towards me. Pity.
Maybe then I wouldn’t crave the looks he gave me and want for more.
Maybe then I wouldn’t lose anything, but gain everything in return.
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