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The Hard Life by killthatrat
Chapter 19 : Chapter 19 SELF CONTROL!
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 11

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A dark haired teen sighed as he observed with distaste, the greasy black marks, which had stained his hands and lower arms. He reached for the silver tap on the Muggle styled kitchen sink, turning it on as he once again attacked the stains. He turned on the hot water as he tried in frustration to remove the dirty marks, that had been the result of his tampering with Sirius’ old motorbike.

He smiled at the work he and his Godfather had undertaken in their attempt to get the bewitched motorcycle working again. They had spent the majority of their afternoon tinkering around, neither of them completely knowing what they were doing, Sirius having not seen his beloved bike for many years. They had recently emerged from their Muggle garage, covered in grease and oil stains, grinning stupidly at how Mr Weasley would have loved this particular task.

Harry looked around the kitchen and large living area as he scrubbed at his arms, smiling at the way it had turned out. They had been living here for a little over a week now, and it had not taken them long to organize everything that had been taken from Grimmauld Place. He surveyed the once old and dusty couches that now sat infront of the enlarged fireplace, the kitchen utensils that had been found in the attic, to the linen that now resided in the unused Muggle laundry. The only thing that they had not taken from Grimmauld place was Kreacher, a fact Harry was very thankful for.

Harry looked up as Sirius entered the kitchen and groaned in frustration.

“It won’t come off,” he said as he turned off the taps, giving up.

Sirius shrugged at him and held up his hands to his own face, turning them over.

“Came off for me.”

Harry looked, opening his mouth in protest.

“Well how did you do that?” he said shaking his hands dry.

Sirius shrugged again, turning his back to look into the pantry. “Magic I suppose.”

Harry rolled his eyes at himself, suddenly realizing the obvious.

“Well could you get this off for me?” he appealed, annoyed that he didn’t think of it beforehand.

“Hmmm, I might,” Sirius said as he looked through the now fully stocked pantry. “But then again I might not,” he said teasingly.

Dismayed Harry continued, “Please!”

Sirius seemed to seriously consider this before answering again. “Hmmm, no.”

Harry sighed internally, but refused to let take the bait and beg. “Fine then,” he said as he turned around. “Be an ass.”

Sirius watched with a twisted smile as his Godson walked out of the kitchen and made his way into the living room. Suppressing his dog like laugh he shut the pantry door with a bang he quickly made his way after Harry, causing him to turn around curiously. Sirius grinned devilishly at Harry, who quickly realized what his intentions were. Before Harry could react, Sirius had quickly wrapped his arms around his middle and tackled him to the hard floor, both laughing loudly.

Harry squirmed around, trying desperately to pin Sirius down to the floor, grabbing the wrist that threatened to overpower him as always. Sirius twisted out of the tight grip Harry had on his wrist and his hand dove straight to his toned stomach, which was thankfully now free from the painful bruises. Immediately Harry began to laugh uncontrollably, and he desperately tried to push Sirius’ hand away.

“No tickling!” Harry gasped out in dismay. “Not fair!”

Sirius threw back his head in laughter as the two continued fighting each other, arms and legs flailing this way and that. Sirius laughed maniacally as he finally succeeded in pinning Harry’s arms and ankles to the ground. Harry struggled against the hold on him, then exclaimed loudly,

“That is so not fair! You’re stronger than me!”

Sirius released him laughing and rolled over onto his back, slightly breathless.

“Merlin I’m too old for this.”

“Bull,” Harry said to his left. “You’re not that old.”

“Thirty-nine next March,” he reminded him. “I’m not far off forty you know.”

“Well when you put it that way,” Harry said.

“Hmmm, and speaking of age, have you decided what you want to do for your birthday?”

“Oh,” Harry said as he raised a dirty hand to his face to rub his eye under his glasses.

“Err- I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Sirius said raising himself up on one elbow to look at his Godson incredulously.

“I still haven’t thought about it,” Harry replied. “Maybe a dinner with the Weasleys?
Sirius nodded in agreement as he lay back down. “Well keep thinking. Only about a week and a half left.”

Harry raised his eyebrows, since staying with Sirius, time had seemed to speed up. A sudden wave of guilt washed over him as he remembered he was yet to tell Sirius of his plans for after his birthday. Sirius and Harry lay on the hard wooden floor for a few more minutes, discussing potential plans for his up coming birthday before Sirius asked,

“So what’s happening with you and a certain red head? I was seeing some pretty mixed signals the other day.”

Harry’s mind reeled back to when the Weasleys had visited a few days ago, he had gone to many measures to ensure that he and Ginny were not left alone together. However he had not been able to stop the fleeting glances that she kept giving him, the ones that made the beast inside of him applaud unnecessarily. Harry groaned before replying,

“Don’t bring her up what ever you do,” Harry continued with a sigh, “I don’t think this self control can last much longer.”

Sirius scoffed loudly at this statement, causing Harry to look at him in wonder.

“You’re a Potter,” Sirius said. “You don’t have that type of self control.”

Harry sat up, mouth opening in protest. “Yes I do!”

“It’s in your genes! You don’t stand a chance.”

“I’m gonna get you!” Harry said as he launched himself at Sirius, who quickly responded.

“Like you did last time?” he said as they wrestled again. However it was short lived when the fireplace infront of them roared to life with a flash of emerald green flames. They stopped mid wrestle and watched as Lupin staggered out of their enlarged fireplace, coughing slightly. He straightened up and looked around frantically.

“Sirius!” he called out stepping forward.

“Down here Moony,” Sirius said, as he strained slightly to keep holding down Harry’s arm. Lupin looked down, blinking at the sight of them. He seemed to shake his head before ushering them up quickly.

“What’s up?” Sirius said as he released Harry, standing slowly.

Lupin seemed to wilt a little at these words, he drew a deep breath before beginning.

“There’s been an attack.”

“Where?” Sirius asked apprehensively as Harry quickly stood at this news, straightening his askew shirt.

“Gringotts,” Remus replied. “The Order needs everyone at headquarters for a briefing in five minutes.”

Sirius nodded and immediately went into the kitchen in order to get his wand, Remus in tow. Harry stayed in the living room, straightening the couch that they had moved as he listened quietly to their conversation.

“What happened?” Sirius muttered as he pulled on a sweater.

“Don’t know exactly,” Remus replied. “Not sure how many are dead, but Diagon Alley has been evacuated. Ministry thinks there may still be Death Eaters lurking in Gringotts, down in the shafts maybe.”

They came back into the lounge room to where Harry was and headed for the French doors that opened onto the back porch. Sirius looked pointedly at Harry.

“You, floo to the Weasleys,” he said in a serious tone.

“What!” Harry said in dismay, stepping forward.

“They’ll know by now, stay there until I come and get you.”

“But-” Harry began.

“Well you’re not coming, and there’s no way you’re staying here alone while Death Eaters are on rampage!”

Harry sighed, but did not move. Sirius opened the door and let Remus outside so that they could both apparate back to Grimmauld place.

“Now,” Sirius said strongly. “I’m waiting,” he said pointedly.

Harry clenched his jaw shut to stop himself from protesting again and turned around the fireplace, taking a small handful of floo powder from the jar on the mantle piece.

“Be careful,” Harry said, still feeling slightly annoyed at being ordered around.

“I will. I’ll try not to be long,” he said as he shut the door behind him. Harry watched as he quickly followed Remus outside to the apparation point. After watching them go, he sighed to himself, before throwing the powder into the fireplace as he stepped in and said in a loud clear voice,

“The Burrow.”

“Sirius wouldn’t let you go either would he?” Ron said to Harry later on that afternoon.

“I didn’t get a chance to ask, but he made it pretty clear,” Harry said, smiling a little as he helped his friend with the last of the de-gnoming. Harry picked up the sole remaining gnome and quickly swung it around his head like a lasso, then letting it go sending it soaring into the air.

Harry and Ron stood back, and watched as the many gnomes staggered away in the field adjacent to the house, bumping into each other and falling over.

“So you still like it there with Sirius?” Ron said as they headed back inside.

“Yeah it’s good, finally finished organizing everything the other day,” Harry replied smiling.

Ron nodded, happy that his friend was enjoying what he had been denied for so many years.

“Hey! Wanna play chess?” Ron said, lighting up.

“What’s the point you know you’re going to win!” Harry said after nodding in agreement.

“Oh well,” Ron said. “I’ll run upstairs and get my set,” he said as he bolted upstairs.

“Oh! Sorry sis,” Harry heard him say, just as Ginny emerged from the bottom of the staircase.

Ginny saw him, and smiled as she greeted him.

“Hey Harry. I thought that was you out there with my idiot brother.”

“Hey,” Harry replied, just as his heart began to pump a little faster. They were alone. He suddenly became aware of the close fitting shirt she was wearing, how it hugged every curve perfectly.

“I was sort of hoping to catch you alone,” she said, putting one of her hands in her jean pocket as she stepped slightly closer to him.


She nodded, not saying anything as though waiting for him to make the first move. When he didn’t however, she continued.

“So, we kissed the other night,” she said smiling.

Harry looked away, avoiding the smile that he loved so much. He knew this would happen, but not exactly what to do.

“No,” he began uncertainly. “You kissed me.”

“True,” she said nodding her head, still edging slowly closer to him. “But it was you who continued it.”

“Err,” he said, trying desperately to use some self control.

“It was probably the painkillers talking,” he continued off handedly, trying to steer to conversation out of dangerous waters.

“Oh,” she said, failing to hide a smile. “Are they talking now?” she said, just as Harry realized exactly how close she had come to him. He could feel her warm breath on his face, hers only inches from his. Suddenly his mind clouded over, and all thoughts of self control, all thoughts of Voldemort left him.

Their lips brushed briefly before the sounds of Ron’s footsteps thumping on the stairs above them brought Harry back down to earth. Harry pulled away from her, leaving them slightly breathless as the monster inside his chest growled in anger. He looked at Ginny wide eyed as Ron entered the kitchen, chessboard under his arm.

“Ready?” he said, not waiting for an answer as he sat down at the table and began throwing the pieces randomly on the board, letting them automatically go to their correct places.

Harry tore his eyes away from Ginny, who currently resembled ‘the cat who swallowed the bird.’


Harry pulled out a chair and sat down, trying his best not to think about what had just, or what had nearly happened.

See. He thought to himself. I have self control.

He took a deep breath and watched as Ron swapped two of the wrongly placed pieces, then made his first move.

Harry took note of his move, and began to look for some sort of a game plan, even though he knew already that he would be beaten. He made his first move, just as the chair beside him was pulled back with a scrape, by Ginny sitting down beside him. Harry bit his lip softly, trying his best to ignore her as he waited for Ron to make his move. However this was slightly complicated as Ginny moved her chair closer to his, and whispered into his ear teasingly,

“You almost kissed me.”

Harry bit down harder as he felt her warm breath blowing softly onto his ear and neck as she spoke these words. His heart began to beat faster as Ron moved one of the white rooks.

Harry tried to focus on the game, on his next move. He continued looking for a strategy, and he could see his pieces becoming restless. He quickly made a move, in hopes of distracting himself from Ginny, however she would not let up.

As Ron looked down intently at the board, she leaned over again and whispered into his ear again.

“The other night, you tasted nice.”

Harry let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and once again bit down on his lip.

Ron moved another of his rooks, not even looking up, he continued staring down at the board in deep thought, thus giving Ginny another chance. Quickly checking that Ron was well occupied she leant across again, Harry awaiting what she was going to say next.

He could feel her breath on his neck and waited, slightly apprehensively for her next words, but was shocked at her next move. She leant closer, and kissed the skin on his jaw line, just below his ear. Unprepared his mouth dropped open as she gently sucked, sending shivers through his body.

Self control Harry, he thought to himself desperately. SELF CONTROL!

I shouldn’t be letting her do this, he thought as she peppered soft, gentle kisses down his jaw line. I can’t let her do this.

He desperately looked up at Ron, who was blissfully unaware of the scene unfolding around him.

I can’t let her do this! he thought to himself more firmly, just as she moistened her lips, and continued kissing his back and forth along his jaw, still sending shivers and tingles through his body, as he unconsciously leaned into her kisses.

Yes I can, another part of him said, probably the part closest to his jaw.


Sod self control, she’s kissing me!

Suddenly she began to move, now placing stronger kisses down the side of his neck, placing her hand on his arm.

I have to stop her, he thought again.

No I don’t. You know you don’t.

Suddenly, the image of her lying in the chamber of secrets almost five years ago flashed into his mind, he pulled away blurting out,

“Uhh Knight to F5.”

Immediately Ginny too, leant away just in time as Ron looked up.

“What? You can’t do that,” he said in dismay.

Collecting himself he looked down at the board, Ron’s white pieces yelling abuse at him while his own pieces shook their heads in dismay.

“Oh. Umm Knight to F6 I mean,” Harry said nervously.

Ron peered at him, looking slightly worried. “You alright mate?”

“I’m fighting with myself,” he said sharply, not looking at Ginny. “And loosing,” he added darkly as an after thought. Ron nodded, still peering at him strangely when Mrs Weasley entered the kitchen.

“Ronald! I’ve been looking for you young man!” she said pointing her finger at him sharply. “That bedroom of your looks like you’ve set a Niffler loose in it! Clean it up now!”

“But Mum! We just started a game!” Ron said in dismay, standing up a little, thankfully drawing the attention away from himself. He stole a look at Ginny, whose face looked thoroughly flushed.

“I don’t care! If it’s not done in half an hour you won’t get any of the biscuits I’m making,” Mrs Weasley continued as she bustled into the kitchen, pulling on her flowery apron over her robes.

Ron left the room with a growl and stomped up stairs, grumbling all the way.

Mrs Weasley seemed to sigh as she shook her head. She turned around to where Harry and Ginny still sat.

“Would you two be dears and put the chickens away before it gets dark. Then you can go back to your game.”

“Sure,” Ginny said, standing up and heading straight for the back door. Harry quickly followed her out the back door as she marched towards the hen house with out a backward glance at Harry.

“Ginny wait!” he called to her, wanting to talk to her. She reached the gate and opened it wide, locking it into place when Harry caught up to her.

“Ginny I-” he began. However he stopped abruptly when she turned around with a blazing look on her face, holding a finger in the air.

“Stop talking!” she commanded. Slightly taken aback by the forcefulness of this, Harry closed his mouth completely and waited for her to speak.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, lowering her finger. Looking back up at him she began very calmly and factually,

“Were going to take this in turns. It’s polite and it keeps me from yelling at you.”

Harry raised his eyebrows at this, but knew better than to speak, and incur the Weasley wrath, he instead waited for her to continue.

Still looking at him she continued again. “You’ve had your turn, now it’s mine. I know why you think we can’t be together. It’s because of Voldemort and putting me at risk. But I don’t care. With or without you I’m still at risk. For Merlin’s sake us Weasley’s are ‘blood traitors!’ Of course I’m at risk. But I don’t care.”

She looked up into his eyes deeply, and he forced himself to look down at the ground.

“But-” Harry, began.

“Shut up! It’s not your turn!” she said forcefully. Harry fell silent again as she continued.

“I know you’d probably hate yourself if something happened, but I wouldn’t.”

Suddenly she took his hand in hers, squeezing it tightly, causing him to look her in the eye.

“I won’t stop living my life, just because of one evil git,” she said looking deep into his eyes. “You can’t either. Because then he’s already won.”

Ginny paused at this, sighing slightly as she worked herself up to what she wanted to say next.

“I need to know, if there’s the slightest chance that you still want us to be together. If there’s the slightest chance we could become a couple again.”

He looked back down at the ground silently not knowing what to say, or even how to say it, his heart pounding in his chest, her words floating through his mind.

Ginny sighed, and let go of his hand, walking away. He desperately looked back up at her as she walked away from him, not knowing what to do. Suddenly his legs began working and he quickly followed her.

“Wait,” he said grabbing her by the arm and pulling her close to him, her body pressed flush against his own, as he looked her in the eyes.

“Now it’s my turn,” he said firmly, his eyes darkening as he leant down, capturing her mouth in a kiss. Ginny stiffened slightly, but quickly relaxed into his embrace, kissing him back softly. He smiled into her mouth, relieved that he had communicated his message.

They broke apart slightly, each a little shocked at what had just happened. Ginny recovered quickly and said,

“I’m sorry. Could you please repeat that?”

Smiling with relief again, Harry leant down again, kissing her more firmly as her hands made their way to his neck.

Mrs Weasley watched from the kitchen window as measuring cups magically measured out flour for the biscuits. She smiled as Harry caught her daughter by the arm, leaning down and kissing her in the dying light.

“Ahhh summer love,” she said, reminiscing.

A/N well i bet some of you are thinking...finally! ;)

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