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How To Save A Life by goodbyetoyou
Chapter 15 : Chapter 15: Be Sure, Be Real Sure
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 55

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Chapter 15: Be Sure, Be Real Sure 

A.N: Hey guys there is a bold * from there and everything to my authors note is based off Sarah Dessens's idea. She created that part, I just modified it to fit.

A.N.: Chapter Banner, as always, is by amazing Overdose x3

The week passed quickly and slowly for Jamie. Quickly while she was with Rory, but the nights never seemed to end. Christmas had been somewhat cheerful. Rory was spoiled rotten by Jamie. Anything a one year old girl could need she got. Clothes, books, toys, Rory got it all. Jamie couldn’t help but smile. She felt like a mom. She knew that she was a mother, but never really felt in the role. She did laundry, made food, spent time with Rory. She did everything that her mom did when she was growing up, except she had her dad. She wondered constantly if she was damaging Rory by not giving her a relationship with her father. But then something would remind her of the bet and she knew she was right. ‘Sirius wouldn’t be ready anyway,’ Jamie thought bitterly, ‘What if he ends up marring on of those blonde bimbos? God, she would be Rory’s step mom. What if it was Kara?!” These thoughts made Jamie sick to no end. Lily flooed in on Christmas like she promised. Apparently, Sirius went to Dumbledore looking for her, and he was told ‘Maybe she doesn’t wish to be found.’ Jamie wasn’t sure to be frightened that he went looking for her or flattered. Trying not to put to much thought into it, she avoided thinking about Sirius for the rest of break.

Being away from home made Jamie upset, but she had spent a lot of time with just her and Rory. Tyler, Laura, and Ryan flooed in to say Happy Christmas. Jamie’s parents gave her another check, and Tyler gave her a bunch of records. There was still a box from Sirius that went straight to the back of her closet with the rest of her pictures of him. Collecting dust. This is how it was to be though. Jamie knew that she and Sirius weren’t going to work out, yet she tried anyways. Even after that locket Regulus gave to Rory, she tried. She hadn’t seen Regulus since then, actually. As soon as she was done hiding out, she was going to go find him. She missed him a lot. It almost seemed as if… ‘No,’ Jamie thought, ‘why would he be avoiding me?’ Jamie sighed buckling Rory’s overalls. Peeking out the window she saw the carriages beginning to arrive.

“Ready Rory,” Jamie said lifting her little girl up. Rory nodded and giggled, “Well that makes one of us.” Opening her portrait she slid down to the nurse. “Madam Shaft,” Jamie called walking in. She placed Rory in her crib, and watched Rory begin to drift off to sleep. “Madam Shaft?” Jamie walked in while Madam Shaft was healing Peter’s elbow which was bleeding profusely, “Pete, what happened? Are you ok?” Peter chuckled slightly at Jamie’s concerned face,

“I’m fine, Jamie, slipped getting off the train. The other Marauders will be here any second.” Jamie grimaced, but Peter didn’t notice.

“Well I’d love to talk about you break,” Jamie said moving towards the doors, “But I gotta go. I hope you’re ok, Peter.” As Jamie walked around Peter’s cot the door was thrown open to expose two of the four Marauders. Remus was howling with laughter at Sirius, who was doing an impression of Peter falling off the train. Once Remus saw her, he stopped. He elbowed Sirius in the ribs and he immediately stopped too, “Well feel better, Peter.” Jamie mumbled before heading through the door quickly. “Go, Go, Go!” Jamie muttered to herself, practically jogging down the hall.

“Hey, Jamie, wait up!” Jamie threw her head over her shoulder to peak at who it was. Sirius. She began to walk a little faster. “Hey,” He said when he caught up to her, “You stood me up, the least you could do is explain.”

“Explain?” Jamie said, not looking at him, “No thanks.” Sirius walked in front of her and grabbed her elbows.

“Where were you? I was so worried about, I went to Dumbledore! Only to find that you weren’t in trouble, you just decided not to show up. Do you know how stupid I felt? Of course you don’t, because as long as you embarrass someone else, YOU DON’T CARE!”

“Oh, bloody hell no, Black. Who do you think you are, lecturing me on embarrassing someone? Obviously you’ve forgotten who you are,” Jamie’s eyes glazed over darkly, “hypocrite.” With that one word she walked away from Sirius. She was half way down the hall when she stopped. “Sirius,” She called, he looked up. She gave him a small smile, and faked concern, “I was worried about you, also. I wondered how you would ever get your mouth clean of Kara’s lip gloss.” Jamie’s flats clicked as she walked away from him, not looking back.

Sirius stared at her retreating back, stunned. She had seen him. Sirius groaned, hitting his head off the wall. He slid down the wall, holding his head in his hands. ‘She saw,’ He thought, ‘I can’t believe she saw. How could I let things get so messed up?’ He knew he wouldn’t be able to win her back this time. Not that he wouldn’t try…


“Tyler,” Jamie screamed, jumping on him. He was barely off the train. Due to the ice, Jamie knocked him over, and they slid down the hill. Right to James Potter’s feet. Jamie sighed as he chuckled at them. She didn’t want to deal with this right now. James offered her a hand, which she completely ignored. Tyler gave her a look, wasn’t she friendly with James? James smirked slightly, as if he knew this was coming.

“Have a nice break, Smith,” James said, hoping Jamie would bite. She did.

“Fantastic, Potter. And yours,” Jamie snapped, being sarcastic friendly.

“Perfect, accept my best friend got stood up by this girl,” James laughed, as she stopped walking away from him. True as soon as Sirius had found out that Jamie had really stood him up, he called James on their mirror. James had no explanation for why Jamie had hurt his friend, but that didn’t mean he would not find one.

“Pity,” Jamie drawled, not turning around, “Jackass? Stormy grey eyes? Cheater? I know the guy.” Jamie did not turn around, but looked at him over her shoulder, “James, school is almost over. Maybe it’s time for Sirius to grow up. Strike that, there is no maybe. It is time for Sirius to grow up.” Jamie walked off with Tyler talking as if nothing happened, “So how was your trip?”

“Uh, fine,” Tyler said, looking over his shoulder at James. Jamie hooked arms with him, pulling him along, “What was that about, Jamie?”

“Nothing, Tyler. James and I just don’t see eye to eye on the behavior of his friend,” Jamie smiled, “That’s all. So tell me all about your trip!” ‘This is so weird,’ Tyler thought, before telling all about their parent’s wellbeing, and how they missed her.


***** “Jamie,” Lily said. 

“Yeah,” Jamie answered, her voice was muffled as she was picking up a spoon off the ground that Rory and thrown there.

“What made you decide to sleep with him?” Jamie withdrew herself from the floor slowly, and turned to face Lily knowing immediately what she was talking about,


“I don’t know,” Lily shrugged, turning back to her magazine, but still watching Jamie out of the corner of her eye. Jamie looked puzzled, “Just wondering.”

“Did you sleep with James?”

“No,” Lily gasped, now looking up, “Of course not!”

“But he wants you to,” Jamie said, going back to giving Rory apple sauce. Lily didn’t understand how she could talk about it so calmly. Jamie examined the spoon, before throwing it in the sink. She walked across the kitchen to get a clean one in one of the draws, and then returned to give Rory her meal.

“Not exactly,” Lily sighed, standing up, “He’s just brought it up, is all.” Jamie placed the food down on Rory’s height chair table, then walked over, and sat down on the couch. Lily followed her lead and sat back down. Jamie smelled faintly of apple sauce. ‘Probably because Rory threw some on her,’ Lily thought. 

“What did you say?”

“I told him I’d think about it,” Lily said, and then carefully added, “And then I implied I would on Valentine’s Day.” Jamie sat back staring at Lily carefully. She was thinking about what to say that didn’t sound so hypocritical.

“Do you want to?”

“I don’t know,” Lily groaned, “But he does, and it’s not that big a deal to him, you know? He doesn’t understand why it is to me.”

“That’s a lie, Lils." Jamie answered simply, “He knows why.”

“It’s not like that,” Lily said, “I mean, I really like him. And I think for guys like him-like that- it isn’t that big of a deal. It’s just what, you know, you do.”

“Lily,” Jamie shook her head, “This isn’t about him. It’s about you. You shouldn’t do anything you’re not ready for.”

“I’m ready,” Lily said.

“Are you sure?”

“Were you ready,” Lily asked. She said it as a question, and not a rude comeback. Jamie sighed; they really hadn’t talked about it much, because of the bet, then the pregnancy. Jamie smoothed her hands over her jeans, standing up. She walked over to Rory, and picked her up, leaning her on her hip. With a quick wave of her wand the apple sauce jar closed itself and returned to the refrigerator, and the spoon began to clean it’s self.

“I don’t know. Probably not. I loved him, and one night things just went farther than they had before. Afterwards I realized it was a mistake. In more ways than one.”

“Because the spell didn’t work,” Lily said in a statement more than a question.

“Yeah. And for other reasons, too. But I can’t preach to you, because I was sure I was doing the right thing. I didn’t know he’d be gone the next day. You know? I didn’t know about the bet, or that he didn’t love me. I didn’t know that he’d be gone. But you have to consider that,” Jamie sighed, moving Rory slightly higher. It was obvious it was uncomfortable for her to talk about this. She was a single, teenage mother; she didn’t really think she should be giving advice to Lily about her sex life.

Jamie's face changed, and there was that ripple again, the one that still came over her face whenever she spoke of those two years with him, and Lily suddenly realized how long it really had been. Little Rory Smith was fifteen months, “I mean, I loved Sirius so much but, I didn’t know anything about the bet. A lot could have been different if I wasn’t a bet. He still could have been gone the next day, or the second he found out about Rory. I don’t regret it, Lily, you know that. Because I love Rory, so very, very much, but I could have had her at such a better time. I always wonder what would of happened if Sirius liked me, and it wasn’t just a bet. I’ll never know.”

“I can tell James wants to. Soon. He’s getting pushier about it, the only reason he backed off was because I said Valentine’s Day.”

“If you sleep with him, it will change things,” Jamie said, “It has to. And if he goes, you’ll have lost more than just him. So be sure, Lily. Be real sure.”

A.N.: Hey guys! Ok so that was chapter 15! yay! eighteen i am working on right now, and I am juss about done, after chapter 16 is up, Hear me is def. going up, I promise! I am getting a laptop so all those times I would juss rather sit on the couch instead of my nasty computer, I can watch t.v. and write! Yes exciting.
He stared down Sirius, “I’ll deal with you later.” And with that note he stormed out of the common room. The music started again.

“Close call, mate,” James said clapping him on the back, with his arm around Lily.

“Yeah, mate, real close,” Sirius muttered distracted. She didn’t go to Africa?

Next chapter looks good, huh?

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