I am a player - at least, that’s what everyone thinks. But honestly, I have a good reason for it. I’m afraid of getting hurt. But so long as everyone thought I was a player and not the pansy I am, I was fine. That was, until Haley figured it out.
I would never tell anyone my secret - not even the rest of the Marauders, though I think they knew. Haley Stevens was my best chick friend in the world. You see, the reason I was afraid of getting hurt was her. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever set my eyes on, but we’re just friends. I will do absolutely everything to make sure we don’t lose that bond, even if it is concerning my feelings.
Her brown eyes twinkle with mischief and her smile could light the world, her taste in music is impeccable with her rock-esque style. She has a ‘tough girl’ attitude, but only to people who aren’t her friends. She knows when to be serious and when to have a good time; she couldn’t possibly like a guy like me. How she possibly found out that I was afraid of getting hurt, and the reason why I ‘play’ girls, is beyond me. But I’ll go to Azkaban before I ever tell her that she is why I am afraid.
If I dated her, I would get hurt, because beautiful girls will do that. They break your heart, probably more so then I break girls’ hearts. But now Haley has figured me out, and she won’t leave me alone about it. She wants to know who has made me afraid and I can’t very well tell her that it’s her. All I really know now is that I am terrified beyond comprehension, and have no idea what to do - let alone whether or not I will ever tell Haley how I feel. She has a way of making me jittery and absolutely scared out of my mind. But when she talks to me, I feel like I could fly, and when her hand brushes mine, electricity courses through my veins. I love her, but nobody knows it but me.
If I told James, he would laugh at me and tell me that I know understand how he feels. Why not Remus? I don’t know why I don’t tell him. I guess it’s because he has enough on his mind as it is, and it’s impossible to tear him away from Jenna Crosby, the “love of his life.” God knows Peter wouldn’t listen. This is exactly what I have Haley for, and I can’t tell her my biggest secret. And I know that one of these days I will give in when she flashes that overly charming smile at me that I am completely addicted to. I adore making her laugh, especially if that’s what it takes for her to give me that smile. She knows there is more, too, it but I’ll never let on. Because beautiful girls will make you suicidal when they say ‘it’s over.’ God knows I wouldn’t even get the chance for her to say it’s over. It would ruin everything that I hold dear to me.
Nobody knows that I think this deeply, but I’m no pansy, I am just truly, madly, deeply in love. With Haley, breaking hearts has never looked so cool.