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Have A Little Faith... by fredthefrog252
Chapter 21 : Chapter 21 - Depressed, Dejected, Despondent
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 29

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Chapter 21 – Depressed, Dejected, Despondent
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” Faith said.

Lily looked up at her.

She was standing in front of the red head in the common room. She was soaking wet and covered in mud, her eyes were red and a little swollen and had a hollow, lost look about them.

“That’s ok. Are y-”

Before she could ask if she was ok, Faith had run up the stairs and into the dormitory.

She locked herself in the bathroom where she got into the shower.

Meanwhile downstairs Lily and the others were questioning Sirius.

“What is wrong with her?” Lily asked.

“It’s her mum,” he replied, running his hand through his sopping hair.

“So she’s in mourning?” James asked.

“No,” he said. “She’s not upset she’s dead.”

“But, it’s her mother.”

“And do think I’d exactly be crying my eyes out if my mother kicked the bucket?” he said cocking an eyebrow at his best friend.

“So she disowned her then?”

“No, worse.”

They all looked at him confused.

“Do you remember back at the end of Christmas break when she disappeared off of the train?”

They nodded.

“And then we found her in the hospital wing?”

“Sirius our memories are as good as ever,” Lily said irritably. “What does this have to do with her mother?”

“Well when she went to the bathroom I pulled her into a compartment and asked her if she was ok, things happened and before we knew it we were making out and taking our clothes off-”

“I still don’t see what this has to do with her mother!” Lily interrupted.

“Stop interrupting me and I’ll tell you. Ok, when she took her shirt off I saw some bruises and cuts and stuff on her arms and back and when I asked her about them she pushed me aside and ran out of the compartment.

“When she went to get food in the kitchens I followed her, she went down to the lake so I approached her in my animagus form to see if she was ok-”

“You’re an animagu-?” Lily began but she was silenced when James clamped his hand over her mouth.

“She began talking to me about her past… turns out her mother hit her and cursed her with things like the crutiatis.”

They stared at him.

“It began when she was just a kid and she used to go to Georgia’s when it all became to much.”

“She… she used the crutiatis?” Remus asked.

Sirius nodded.

They sat there in stunned silence.

To be put under an unforgivable curse would be horrible, but to be put under it by your own family?

“So now you know.”

They all turned to the bottom of the girl’s stairs. Faith was standing there wearing her pyjamas, leaning against the doorframe.

“Faith,” Sirius said. “Sorry I shouldn’t of-”

“It’s ok,” she interrupted. “They would’ve found out sooner or later.”

“Faith I’m-”

“Don’t Lily,” Faith said putting up a hand. “I don’t want your pity.”

They all bowed their heads.

“Well I’m going to bed, Goodnight.”

And with that she walked back up the stairs.

“Miss Porter!”

Faith sat up quickly. She had been sleeping on her desk and was now being fixed with a look from McGonogall that was something similar to if a stony glare and a look of great pity were to have a love-child.

“Thankyou for joining us.”

She went back to outlining all of the things that were going to appear in both their theoretical and their practical NEWTs.

But Faith couldn’t. It had been over three weeks since her mother’s death. During which Liam flew back from America to organize the funeral, which Faith refused to attend.

She just didn’t have the energy to care anymore. She knew her grades were slipping, she knew she’d fail her NEWTs and wouldn’t get the job as a curse-breaker that she wanted. But it was all too much. McGonogall and the other teachers had been a little lenient but their patience was tiring, she could tell. If it wasn’t for Lily and Remus doing a few homework assignments for her when she refused to she was pretty sure she’d be in detention. If it wasn’t for Sirius picking up the slack on the quidditch pitch she’d be off the team or they’d be losing. James was growing impatient too. She knew he was trying as hard as he could to understand but it was quidditch. It was too important to him and she could tell he was near booting her off of the team.

But it hurt to move. It hurt to work. It hurt to think. It was all just too much to deal with. A few weeks ago she would have laughed if someone said that she would crumble under the pressure of NEWTs but her mother’s death had changed her.

She didn’t miss her mother and wasn’t at all sad that she was gone but it put her life in a harsh perspective.

She was just a damaged girl who grew up in a trailer park, drinking since she was able to say the word alcohol, getting into more fights then most soldiers would and all the while pretending it was all fine.

It wasn’t fine. Nothing was. It was shit. Worthless and a waste of time. Her body had just closed down. She wasn’t as hungry anymore and barely ate, she was tired and constantly falling asleep in class, she didn’t have the energy to do anything.

God she didn’t even have the energy to flip Bella off after her snide remarks about her sallow skin and dark circles under her eyes.

She silently got to her feet along with the rest of the class managing to slip out unnoticed before McGonogall began lecturing her about how it was time she got back to work, got her mind off of things.

She even managed to avoid her friends, thus avoiding their worried glances and oh so subtle hints about how she was getting thin and should eat.

It was starting to grow old, but she didn’t have the energy to even snap back or hit a wall in frustration.

“Well if it isn’t the face of anorexia,” came a snide female voice.

Faith didn’t even have the energy to even roll her eyes and tell Bella that that call was so lame it made a mute singer look like Pavarotti.

“Going to snap back?” Bella leered stepping around in front of her blocking her path.

Other than her voice the hall was silent.

Great, somehow she’d managed to find herself alone in a corridor with Bellatrix Black.

“Going to kick my ass?” she said putting on a fake accent.

Faith sidestepped her and continued walking.

“Fine,” Bella sneered her voice nasty instead of huffy. “Go crawl into a hole and choke on your barf like your mother!”

Faith stopped dead and a victorious smile spread across Bella’s mouth.

Faith dropped her books and turned to Bella.

The smug expression on her face was replaced with a worried look when she caught sight of her.

Bellatrix managed to block the hex that she sent at her as well as the other.

It was when Faith began running at her did she try a disarming spell. Faiths wand fell from her hand but didn’t fly to Bellatrix who was panicking. She shot stunners at Faith but it didn’t bother her.

She took them as they slowed her momentarily, groaning but keeping on moving forward.

Bella screamed and tried to run away but Faith jumped on her and began punching all that she could reach. She pulled on her lank black hair and they fell to the ground with Faith sitting on top of a flailing Bella.

She sat there, tears streaming down her face as she punched her repeatedly in the face.

Blood was pouring everywhere. It was pooling around them on the stone floor, soaking into their robes and her fist was covered in it.

Bellatrix had stopped flailing and screaming. But Faith couldn’t stop, her rage and frustration had consumed her, she just kept punching, she would keep punching until she was cold underneath her.

“Oh my god…” said a small voice that resembled Lily somewhere in the distance.

There was the sound of footsteps as she ran away and then retuned a few minutes later with Professor Henderson the DADA teacher.

Faith was hit with a stunner in the side but she kept hitting. It took another two stunners before she fell off of Bella, everything was going blurry, but she hadn’t been knocked out yet. She tried to sit up and hit her again; she wanted to kick her to scratch at her until there was nothing left.

A flash of red told her another stunner had hit her and everything began fading around her…

“Hey Lily, is Faith with y-what’s wrong?” Sirius said as Lily came running over to them at dinner.

When they realized that Faith wasn’t with them on their way to dinner, Lily went up to the dorms to find her while they continued down to the great hall.

As he looked at her Remus and James stopped eating and looked at her too.

She was red and puffed, obviously from running down here, and she looked scared.

“What’s wrong?” James asked standing up and putting his arm around her.

She shook her head as he tried lowering her into his vacated seat.

“We… we have to go to… to Dumbledore’s,” she choked out.

It was only then did they realize that there was blood on her hands.

“Jesus Lily what happened?” James said his face white.

“We have to go… Faith…”

“What about Faith?” Sirius said his head snapping up.

“She…sh-she, almost…she almost k-killed Bellatrix,” she said tears streaming down her face.

The three of them froze.

“Shh, it’s ok,” James soothed, looking so scared that it was clear that it was far from being ok. “We’ll go in a minute, just sit and have a drink.”

Lily shook her head and refused to sit. “We need to go now, the Blacks, they’re on their way, she’ll be expelled.”

Remus and Sirius got to there feet and helped James lead Lily, who was now shaking violently, to Dumbledore’s office.

A blurry white image was all Faith could see when her eyes fluttered open. She blinked a couple of times and the room around her came into focus. It was stark white with a mirror and one door. In the corner there was a shower and a dresser with a white hospital gown on it.

She set her self up on one elbow and using the other arm rubbed the back of her head. She sat bolt upright when her fingers met a wet sticky substance. Bringing her hand in front of her face she looked and saw blood glistening on her fingertips.

She jumped off of the bed and ran over to the mirror. She almost screamed when she saw herself.

She spun around looking for an exit. She began to panic; she was in a room that greatly resembled a psych ward, bleeding form the head, blood soaking her uniform with no recollection of getting there.

She ran over to the door and began pounding her fists on it and screaming.

As she punched the wood images began filling her mind.


She sat there, tears streaming down her face as she punched her repeatedly in the face.

Blood was pouring everywhere. It was pooling around them on the stone floor, soaking into their robes and her fist was covered in it.


She stepped back from the door her hands clasped around her open mouth, her eyes wide. She could taste the blood on her hands.


Bellatrix had stopped flailing and screaming. But Faith couldn’t stop, her rage and frustration had consumed her, she just kept punching, she would keep punching until she was cold underneath her.


She had beaten Bellatrix. Just like her mother had beaten her. She had sat on top of her as she screamed for mercy…and continued to hit her.

Suddenly she couldn’t stand it, she was dirty, the blood…it was everywhere.

She turned and ran into the shower turning the hot on full and letting the scolding water burn her as she stripped the bloody clothes of off her.

She fell to her knees, leaning back against the shower recess as the red-stained water ran over her body and down the drain.

“Mum, Dad? What are you guys doing here?” James said as he, Lily, Sirius and Remus entered the Headmasters office.

Mrs. Potter opened her mouth to reply when there was a scream and a crashing sound from a room off to the side.

“Faith,” Sirius whispered before moving towards the door.

“Wait!” James cried grabbing his shoulder.

“Yes Miss Porter is in there,” came Dumbledore’s voice as he descended some stairs. “But I think it would be wise to leave her to herself for a moment.”

He looked somber as her sat down, gesturing for everyone else to do the same.

“Matthew, Sarah, thanks for coming,” he continued nodding towards Mr. And Mrs. Potter.

“Not at all,” Mrs. Potter replied smiling sadly. “Anything we can do to help.”

“Please sir,” Sirius began looking pleadingly at the headmaster. “She has a reason for what she did, her mum-”

“I am very well aware that her mother just died,” Dumbledore interrupted. “That is why James’ parents are here. Liam is unavailable at the moment and since is now her guardian, well at least for another week-”

“What?” Remus said looking confused. “What do you mean for another week?”

“Miss Porter turns eighteen next week and is there for, by muggle law, able to look after herself.”

“She never told us,” Lily said in a small voice.

“Never the less, Faith has committed serious assault,” Dumbledore continued.

“Wait,” Lily said. “You have to listen. It’s not because her mum is dead, it’s because she hit her.”

There was silence as everyone looked at Lily.

“Bellatrix made a comment about how she should crawl in a hole and and choke on her own barf, I think were her exact words.”

“Never the less,” Dumbledore said. “That doesn’t excuse her.”

“I know it doesn’t,” came a small, frightened voice from the doorway.

Everyone turned to look at Faith. She was wearing a white hospital gown and her hair was wet.

Sirius was shocked at how frail she was. She had lost a lot of weight over the past couple of weeks from not eating, her hair was darker because it was wet and it made her skin look pail, like porcelain. The voice that she used and the look in her eyes were what scared him the most. She looked and sounded so small and vulnerable that it sent chills down his spine. She looked like a lost little girl.

“Ah I see you found a way out,” Dumbledore observed but with a tone not of anger of disappointment but of a small sliver of hope.

She nodded.

“Is she ok?” she asked no one in particular though her eyes found Lily.

She nodded before wiping away the tears on her cheeks with her sleeves.

“Yes, madam Pomfrey said she had a concussion and just a bit of scarred tissue, but it’ll heal.”

Faith’s lip trembled, the look of a lost little girl intensifying, as she watched Lily hiccup a little.

“Are the Black’s here yet?” she asked turning to face Dumbledore.

“They will be arr-”

The door burst open making Faith jump.

In strode Mr. and Mrs. Black.

They fixed Sirius with a stony glare that he matched before walking around the group to stand near Faith as the Blacks began tirading about how Faith should be expelled.

Soon the Potters were in on the argument as well as James, Remus and even Lily.

When Sirius began shouting to Faith clasped her hands to her ears, her eyes pressed tightly shut, her head shaking from side to side.

“SILENCE!” Dumbledore boomed in a thunderous voice making everyone stop and look at him. Everyone, that is, except for Faith who had slid into a sitting position, her knees brought to her chest her arms wrapped tightly around them as she rocked backwards and forwards slightly.

“Though there is no excuse for what Miss porter did to Miss Black, she will not be expelled.”

The Blacks looked outraged, every one else looked relieved and Faith froze where she was.

“She will have fifty points removed from her house, serve detention with Mr. Filch for a week and spend two weeks in internal suspension.”

“What is that?” James asked looking confused but cutting off the Blacks, who were about to start raging.

“She will do classes in here with my supervision, she will eat up hear away from the other students and will sleep in a dorm provided by myself. She basically will be cut off from regular school life and privileges for a period of time. But first she is to spend a day or two in St. Mungo’s for observation.”

“Observation?” Sirius cried out shocking everyone.

“In the psychiatric ward,” Dumbledore continued.

“She’s not insane!” he roared. “She was provoked!”

“Stop,” Faith said so quietly he nearly didn’t hear her.

He turned to see her standing.

“It’s ok.”

“No it isn’t,” He growled through clenched teeth.

“Yes it is,” she said softly.

Her eyes were welling up and the tears were threatening to spill.

“I know I’m not insane,” she said her voice trembling slightly. “But I do need some help.”

“No you don’t,” he replied his voice softening to a comforting plea.

“I’ll do what they say,” she continued as if she didn’t hear him.

“But you wont be able to see us for a long time,” he said barely above a whisper.

The distance between them was closing and her reached out cupping her chin in his hand.

She turned her head to the side a little so he couldn’t look into her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she said. Her voice had gotten so quiet that he was sure she would slip away at any moment.

As quick as they’d moved closer she stepped away towards Dumbledore.

“I’ll go now,” she said, putting on a brave face although she was terrified.

What if the medi-witches found something wrong with her? What if she was locked up and never saw anyone of them again. What if she could never leave? Never go clubbing with G, never study with Remus, never just be herself with Lily, never hear another one of James’ stupid quidditch speeches, never be with Sirius… ever again.

“We’ll take her,” Mrs. Potter offered sadly.

Dumbledore nodded.

“I’ll see you in a couple of weeks,” she said to Lily.

“Be safe next week,” she said to Remus shocking him momentarily for next week was full moon.

“I’ll be back in time to kick Slytherin’s butt in quidditch,” she chuckled lightly at James who smiled sadly back.

“I’m sorry,” was all she said to Sirius before she led the Potters out of the office.

The Blacks were soon to follow.

“Do not worry she is strong enough to fight through this,” Dumbledore said making the four friends turn to face him. “Although no one is making her spend time in St. Mungo’s, she still is. She is doing it by choice. The next two days are going to be brutal on her, as will the two weeks after that, but afterwards, she will be surrounded by friends, the pain will lessen and she will be free of the hate that has been held inside of her very soul since the first time her mother hit her when she was but a small little girl. At the end of every dark tunnel, there is light and life. Though it is filled with pain and suffering, we cling to life with every fibre of our beings just for one more day in the light, for one more day to be surrounded by the people we love…”

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