When you find yourself
In some far off place,
And it causes you
To rethink some things.
You start to sense
That slowly you’re becoming someone else
And then you find yourself.
Seamus Finnigan found himself walking through a small village in Scotland. It wasn’t a Wizarding village, as he had left the world of magic after The Final Battle. He had lost everything after that terrible battle. He’d lost his best friend, Dean Thomas. He had even lost his mother. He also lost his short term girlfriend, Lavender Brown. His world had crumbled around him.
He passed different restaurants and shops. He peered in the window of one of the little pubs. He caught glimpse of a group of people he knew sitting around a table. Seamus decided to chance it and walk in to say hello. As he stepped into the pub and looked around. It was simple-looking, and likely a family business. There were local sports teams’ pennants and memorabilia.
When you make new friends
In a brand new town,
And you start to think
About settling down,
The things that would have been lost on you
Are now clear as a bell.
And you find yourself
That’s when you find yourself.
He had kept to himself those seven years after The Final Battle in which he lost so much. He had people who he was buddies with at work that you could call his friends. He knew that they really weren’t, but he told his dad that they were. He didn’t want his father to worry about him, especially after losing Seamus’s mother.
He waved at the group of men. They didn’t even look at him kindly back. In this new town, he felt as though he didn’t fit in. This was part of the reason that he had moved there. He didn’t want to fit in, especially not after those deaths. He walked up to the bar.
“Hello,” the bartender said. Seamus looked up, shocked that she had spoken to him and spoken with a genuine smile. He studied her. She couldn’t be older than he was. She had curly brown hair that cascaded beautifully around her shoulders. Her big hazel eyes were filled with a happiness that Seamus hadn’t known in a while. She was quite beautiful.
“What’s troubling you?” she asked sweetly whilst drying out a beer stein. He didn’t answer her question immediately. He was still stunned that she was speaking to him. He watched her as she still dried out the glass. She was looking at him intently with her large hazel eyes. She blew a stray strand of her brown curls out of her eye and regained eye contact with Seamus. He studied her a bit longer, and she looked as though she were studying him.
Well you go through life
So sure of where you’re heading,
And you wind up lost
And it’s the best thing that could happen.
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way
It’s really just as well.
‘Cause you find yourself;
That when you find yourself.
“I think that everything’s wrong, miss,” he finally answered.
“I’m Meg,” she said, offering out her hand for him to shake. He shook her hand. It wasn’t as strong as he would have thought. Meg’s hands were fragile and gentle.
“So what’s your story, Seamus?”
“What do you mean?”
“Everyone has a story. No one comes in here with the face you came in with and doesn’t have a story.”
From there, he began telling Meg—he quite liked the sound of it—his ‘story.’ He told her what he could without saying anything about the other world that he had lived in. She placed a stein of beer in front of Seamus about half way through his story. That’s when he let it slip.
“A what?” Meg asked, dumbfounded.
“A wizard,” he answered, still oblivious as to what he had just said.
“You’re a…a…a wizard?”
“No, no. That’s silly,” Seamus said, trying to cover up his mistake.
She leaned forward, over the bar and whispered in his ear.
“Are you sure?” she whispered.
He nodded as her eyes filled with a bit of mischief and a sly grin played upon her rose colored lips.
“Funny, because I remember that battle. I read about it in The Daily Prophet.”
She was still whispering her answers in his ear. Her hot breath put a relaxing spell over Seamus’s body.
“You’re a witch?” he said. She nodded and took his now empty stein away from the bar and replaced it.
“I’m as much a witch as you are a wizard,” she answered, looking at him intently. She bit her lip as though she were in deep thought.
When you meet the one
You’ve been waiting for,
And she’s everything
That you want and more,
You look at her
And you finally start
To live for someone else.
And then you find yourself;
That’s when you find yourself.
They began talking more and more about the Wizarding World. The pub had emptied out and they were talking freely.
“Why do you work here?” Seamus asked after a while of small talk.
“I’m Muggle Born. My family owns this pub,” Meg answered. Seamus had the sudden urge to reach across the bar and hug her, perhaps even kiss her. He resisted, no matter the strength of his desire. She continued speaking.
“I didn’t go to Hogwarts. I went to Beauxbatons. We got a letter from them and so we—my parents and I—decided that would be good. I’d never been out of Scotland at the time. I didn’t want a career in the other world. I just graduated from a Muggle college to become a teacher.”
Seamus was hooked. He wanted her to go on forever. Her harsh Scottish accent, full of emotion kept him hanging on for more.
“Seamus?” she said. He figured at this point she said it quite a few times from the partially frustrated expression upon her soft features.
“Yes?” he asked.
“I’m closing up. If you wanted to continue to chat, we could, erm, well I could, I mean we could go to my house and chat for a while longer,” Meg said awkwardly, as she looked down and a pink hue spread across her peaches and crème complexion. A rare smile played upon Seamus’s face. He felt alive again. After all that he had lost seven years ago, he had found something. He had found the thing he had been waiting for, in the form of a bubbly brunette with beautiful hazel eyes. He had fallen in love with her, perhaps. She may not have known it, but he did. He knew that he had a crush on Meg and he didn’t even know her last name.
“Seamus, are you going to get your jacket?” she asked, taking hers off the hook as she replaced it with her uniform apron. He picked his up off of the bar stool and followed her out the door.
We go though life
So sure of where we’re heading,
And then we wind up lost
And it’s the best thing that could happen.
Sometimes when you lose your way
It’s really just as well.
Because you find yourself;
Yeah that’s when you find yourself.
“Where do you live?” Meg asked, stuffing her hands in her pockets.
“I live out in the country side,” Seamus answered, pointing toward the fields.
“How long have you lived there?”
“About seven years now. Where does your family live?”
“Funny you should ask. They live in a cottage out in the country.”
They walked silently for a while, just enjoying each others’ presence. They each told each other a small bit about their families. He had learned that Meg was the youngest of four girls and had two brothers-in-law. She also told him that her father’s pub was a family business. She also told him that she had never lived anywhere other than this small town in which they both lived. She told him that it was one of those small towns where everyone knew each other and trusted even newcomers.
“Are you going to share about your family?” she asked gently. He looked at her for a moment, hesitating to say anything about his family. Her eyes were encouraging him to talk, and he didn’t resist.
“I’m an only child. I don’t have any siblings,” he said, feeling rather stupid. She smiled a bit and looked at him to continue. “I live with my dad. He’s a nervous wreck since losing Mum. He insists that I let him live by himself, but I just can’t. He’s rather independent; too independent if you ask me.”
Meg smiled at this. He could sense that she was an independent spirit from her smile.
“Is that all?” she asked, as though she wanted him to continue. Her hazel eyes searched his own blue ones for an answer. He nodded.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Meg said, looking around. They had made their way to the outskirts of the village where the country side could be seen in perfect view with nothing obscuring it.
“Yeah,” Seamus answered. You are.
“Here we are,” she said, walking up the porch of a small cottage between the village and the flawless countryside. She fumbled with her keys for a moment and unlocked the door. “You can come on in.” He obliged. He looked around. The home was decorated in a way that his mother would have loved. It was feminine, yet cozy. It was what his mother used to call ‘shabby chic.’ Another grin played upon his face.
“What are you looking at?” Meg said, walking back into the living room from the kitchen. She had put their coats in there.
“It just reminds me of my mother,” he answered, speaking in general terms of Meg’s home. She nodded in a thoughtful and understanding way. He looked at her for a few moments, as though he wanted to find something in her. He wanted to know what her heart was like.
“You can sit down if you’d like,” she said, gesturing towards the couch. He sat down and she sat next to him. They began talking more, but this time about Muggle life. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch, facing him. He decided to see what kind of person she was like and he put his feet on the coffee table. She said nothing, but kept listening intently to Seamus’s theory on how to milk a cow.
“It’s just not right to hook a machine to a poor cow,” she said, looking at Seamus.
“But then,” he argued. “If they don’t, they won’t make enough gallons of milk for everyone.”
“You argue a good point, Mr. Finnigan, but it’s still a bit cruel to the animal. You wouldn’t…Never mind.”
“What were you going to say?” he said, looking at her for an answer.
“It’s nothing.” He shrugged and accepted the answer.
He knew she was it. She was the one who had put him back on the right path. He had lost his way and she had placed him back on the path. He put her on a path to love and to friendship. He knew he would probably lose his way again, but he also knew that he wanted her to be there the next time. He was falling for her. The way she could read his mind surprised him beyond belief.
“Hey, Meg?” Seamus said after he finished his theory.
“Yes?” she asked, putting her hand on the side of her cheek thoughtfully while propping her elbow up on the back of the couch as she was still leaning against the arm.
“Could we do this again sometime?”
“Of course. But do tell me one thing, why did you turn your back on such a world?”
“I didn’t want to go back.”
“Why didn’t you want to?”
“It hurt too much. The world that my mother loved without her. I didn’t want to face it and still don’t. And…and…I couldn’t go back after losing Dean. He was the only ‘real’ friend that I had. Sure, I had kids that I joked around with, but Dean was my best mate.”
“What about Lavender?”
“I don’t know. I suppose that I didn’t date her long enough to have an emotional attachment to her. It was only a month. That’s not long enough to build a foundation for a serious relationship.”
“Why didn’t you go back, Meg?”
“It’s not where I belong. I belong here, with my friends and family. I got the opportunity to be a part of something great, but it’s not for me. I’m not the greatest witch, to be frank. How many witches can’t turn water into wine?” she said with a laugh. She had an expression that said she was deep in thought. He noticed that she bit her soft pink bottom lip when she was thinking. Her hazel eyes looked as though they were staring off into space. Something about the look on her face, though, said that she wasn’t.
“If I had the opportunity to do it all again, I would. No doubt about that,” Meg said after a few moments. “Would you, Seamus?”
“I may. I don’t regret being a wizard, just what happened to the world.”
Then, he did the unexpected. He didn’t quite kiss her, but he leaned over and gave her a hug.
“I had a nice time tonight,” he said after pulling out of the hug.
“I did too,” she answered, kissing him on the cheek.
“I had better get going,” Seamus said as he stood up.
“Oh? I’ll get your coat.”
Seamus felt as though he had finally pulled himself out of the mess that he had become after losing so much. He felt as though he had found himself.
A/N: So, what did you guys think? It's just a little something that popped into my head while I was listening to the Cars soundtrack. The song is Brad Paisley's and is called Find Yourself. Please, please review! I have also just partially rewritten it, so a review would be even kinder now.
PS: The sequel is also out now. It's called More Than a Love Song.
Write a Review Find Yourself: Slowly You're Becoming Someone Else