If you don't readThe Life Dissertation of Lovette Luclarebeforehand, you'll be as confused as I am about why 8th grade boys are stupid.
Yay. Part five!
I think this is a long chapter.
I think.
I don't know though.
::shrugs::
Oh well, happy reading!
Tehe. I get out of school on Tuesday for SUMMER VACATION!!!!
Lovette could not get to sleep.
It was three-thirty in the morning, and she could not coax a peaceful slumber into her mind.
There was nothing remotely interesting or stressful going on, she just couldn’t sleep.
But then again, Lord Voldemort was still at large, extremely powerful too.
Was he the reason for her insomnia?
He couldn’t be. He never kept her awake at night any other time.
True, he was dangerous. But would she spend sleepless nights thinking about him?
Of course not!
Tonight was different though.
Lily and James’ wedding had only been yesterday.
It had only been yesterday when Lovette had seen Regulus Black.
Had he been the trigger of her new anxiety?
Of course.
Regulus was evil; Lovette and everyone else knew this.
He had even hinted to Lovette several years ago that he had been on Lord Voldemort’s side. At least, that’s what Lovette believed.
So, why would his unexpected appearance put Lovette on edge?
Lovette Luclare was member of the Order of the Phoenix, that’s why.
The Order was a secret army against Voldemort founded by Albus Dumbledore, the Marauder and company’s old headmaster. He had come to them after graduation asking for their help in the cause. Immediately, all obliged.
As a member of the Order, Lovette and her friends were assigned to dangerous tasks. Lovette, Lily, and James had to be extra careful to keep their secret alliance hidden from the Ministry as well. If their employers found out about the association, it could cost them their careers.
None of Lovette’s friends had really been in grave danger...yet. There was always a risk in their tasks, seeing as they were trying to rid the wizarding world of an evil wizard and his posse. But, still, none of them had been in severe peril. Of course their jobs could be perilous if they did not do them carefully.
Most of the Order was assigned to watch Death Eaters. Not kill, just watch and learn what they were up to. But, if they did not plan their examinations carefully, they could die.
That was always the jeopardy around Voldemort.
You were always at risk of dying.
And worse yet, so were your family and friends.
Lovette was an Auror, an important authority figure of the Ministry of Magic. A trained witch who knew how to fight. A great member to have in the Order of the Phoenix. James and Lovette were both always at risk for being assigned to nearly impossible tasks. Dumbledore tried not to appoint them anything too dangerous, both being only twenty-one. But, the Order had little Aurors and needed them desperately for their precarious tasks.
Lovette was loyal though, and she would complete any task ordered to her.
That was the one thing Sirius hated about the Order. How Dumbledore always wanted to assign Lovette and James some of the worst errands. He didn’t want to lose Lovette or his best friend. But, Lovette obeyed her orders, much to Sirius’ contempt.
Sighing, Lovette turned in her bed, careful not to wake the slumbering Sirius. She gazed out of the window, counting the stars winking down ht her through the glass panes.
One...two...three...four, five...
Lovette found herself counting the stars now, not really taking notice that she was probably counting the same stars over and over again. She needed a distraction. She didn’t want to think anymore tonight. Why was sleep avoiding her?
Sleep.
Why are you hiding?
Why do you peek from behind the dressers in my room,
Taunting me?
Why do you whisper in my ear from underneath my pillow
Teasing me?
You are so close.
Yet, so far away.
How have you calmed my lover beside me,
Yet skipped right over me.
Snickering like a school child
As you fly overhead and out of my bedroom window
Guiding others into serene slumbers as I lay here,
restless.
Sleep; dust my eyes with your draught of stillness
And let me dream, undisturbed.
Melt my worry and world as my eyelids blanket my eyes.
Let me sleep...
Let me drift
“Why are you still awake Love?” Sirius’ groggy voice interrupted Lovette’s internal poetry. She jolted slightly in shock, hadn’t he just been sound asleep moments ago? She felt Sirius’ weight shift as he turned to her, his arm slinking its way around her waist as she continued to face the window, opposite of Sirius.
“I thought you were asleep.” Lovette murmured, as Sirius found her hand and tightly clasped it with his own.
“I was,” He whispered in her ear, kissing the rim of it softly. Lovette sighed, neither in melancholy nor in content.
“Did I wake you up?”
“No. You weren’t making a sound.”
“Oh. Then how did?-”
“You didn’t feel asleep.”
“Oh, so now there’s a feel to someone who’s sleeping?” Lovette inquired playfully, lacing her fingers with Sirius’s entwined hand.
“Yes.” He answered simply, kissing the side of her head. Lovette giggled faintly.
“Why are you awake?” Sirius asked again after a few moments of silence. Lovette inhaled deeply, turning to in her blankets to face her fiancée.
“I don’t know.” She replied simply. Sirius raised an eyebrow, seeing through Lovette’s desperate attempt to skirt the subject.
“You don’t know...or you don’t want to tell me?” Lovette avoided Sirius’ gaze, focusing on the headboard of their bed.
“I-I don’t know.” She said again, her voice elusive.
“You don’t know that you want to tell me the truth or not...or you don’t want to tell me why you’re not sleeping-”
“Sirius, just leave it. It- it’s not important anyway.”
“Well, it’s obviously important if you’re thinking before you’re answering me.”
Lovette opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Sirius had cornered her, and she could think of nothing to get her out of telling the truth. Its not that she was afraid that Sirius would take the truth badly...she was just afraid he’d worry. But why did he have to know her so well?!
“I,” Lovette started, now staring intently at a hole in their bedspread to elude Sirius’ gaze, “I’m just...concerned, that’s it.”
“’Concerned’?”
“Yeah, concerned.”
“Concerned about what?” Lovette sighed again, biting her bottom lip.
“You know...just about the Order and stuff. Nothing too important.”
“If it involves the Order, it’s automatically important.” Sirius argued, though his voice was calm.
“I just...am worried about some of the...tasks.”
“You didn’t get assigned to some bullshit project that’s going to get you killed are you?” Sirius immediately tensed up, even his grip on Lovette’s waist had tightened. He had done exactly what Lovette didn’t want...he had overreacted. Again.
“No. Sirius, no. I haven’t been assigned to anything yet.” Lovette said quickly, rubbing Sirius’ arm consolingly, though it seemed to have no affect on him, “I’m just worried about future missions. Voldemort’s been getting stronger and...I just think that I’ll be getting more difficult jobs, that’s all.”
There was a thick silence after Lovette’s explanation. Sirius did not say anything and Lovette felt no need to explain herself any further.
“Wait, did Regulus say something to you?” The tone in which Sirius had pronounced his brothers name made Lovette flinch (though it was too dark for Sirius to notice). Sirius had so much abhorrence in his voice for Regulus; it seemed almost cruel for anyone to feel so much hate for their own flesh and blood. Though, Sirius did not loathe his brother without reason.
Lovette sighed, bringing one of her hands up to her face to rub her frameless eyes. She was tired, now it was nearing four in the morning, but she was not allowed to sleep just yet. No, Sirius was going to blow this completely out of proportion.
“He didn’t really say anything.” Lovette finally answered, choosing her words carefully. She looked up briefly to see Sirius’ features creased with a frown. She offered a small smile, hoping he would return it as a sign that everything was fine.
He didn’t return it.
“And what did he do?” Sirius said, stretching his words so Lovette could catch his annoyed gist. It wasn’t difficult to detect.
“Well, he just kind of implied it...” Lovette said ambiguously, adding in a fake yawn in hopes of him dropping the subject. He didn’t.
“Implied what, exactly?” He asked, his impatience evident.
“You know...stuff.”
“Damn it Lovette, stop avoiding the question!” Sirius finally shouted, now sitting up in the bed and glaring at Lovette.
“Don’t yell at me.” Lovette said quietly, still staring at the spot where Sirius had just being lying.
“Lovette..” Sirius trailed off, his anger ebbing away as Lovette’s features got more and more glum, “I just want to know what you’re thinking...I wanted to know what was wrong...”
“Obviously.” Lovette snapped. She then flipped over so her back was facing Sirius and she was now facing the window. To keep herself from angrily retaliating she began to count the stars again.
Where did I leave off?
Oh yeah, seven...eight...nine...
No. I didn’t leave off at seven...
It was five. Yeah...
Five...six...seven...
Wait no...it wasn’t five either!
Was it higher than that?
Damn it!
It doesn’t matter...
Just snub him out...
I’m too tired to hear his excuses...
Eight...nine...ten...ten?
DAMN IT!
Lovette then pretended to sleep, trying to mimic her breathing to that of a slumbering person. It didn’t work.
“I know you’re not asleep.” Sirius said, carefully placing his hand on Lovette’s shoulder. She immediately shrugged it off.
“Yes I am.” She mumbled, her words muffled by her pillow as she tried to block out the view of the stars...it was extremely annoying o be counting the same one every time.
“Look, Lovette, I’m sorry. I’ve just been really worried about you lately...what with the Order and Voldemort...no one’s safe. Especially you. I don’t want to lose you.”
Silence.
“I don’t want you to worry. I can take care of myself. I always have been able to take care of myself. I don’t tell you what I’m always thinking because you overreact at everything. You can protect me from a lot, Sirius. I know that. But you can’t protect me from my own thoughts.”
Another silence fell between the two again. Lovette knew she had really stung Sirius by her words. Of course, it hurt her to do so, but she had to make him understand.
But really, she had made things worse.
She needed him more than she knew.
~*~*~*~*~
“Long night?”
“Longer than you can believe.”
“I think I can empathize.”
Lovette chuckled bitterly into her mug of black coffee as Brenna took a seat across from her at Lovette and Sirius’ kitchen table. Sirius was not there when Lovette had woken up, but she was not worried. He always disappeared the morning after a rift. Lovette never knew where he scurried off to, and usually she didn’t care. Lovette held grudges that lasted longer than just a few hours. So, Sirius’ method of cooling off after a fight was perfect.
Brenna had just flooed to Lovette’s flat, always looking worn and fatigued. Lovette didn’t care about her friend’s sudden appearance, she felt she needed “girl-time” with Brenna.
With the scraping of a chair’s legs against linoleum floor, Brenna plunked herself down across from Lovette.
“Tired much?” Lovette asked, leaning her elbow on the kitchen table and resting her chin in the palm of her hand. Brenna smiled wryly, sarcastically adding,
“Does it show?”
“You’re my mirror.” Lovette said defensively, sharing her friend’s tart smirk.
Lovette reached over the table where her wand lay, lonely and swiped it through the air, a mug dancing from a nearby cabinet and filling itself with coffee.
“Cream?”
“Black.” Brenna responded, rubbing her eyes. Lovette nodded, continuing to bewitch the mug until it sat in front of Brenna.
“Cheers.” Lovette nodded, also taking a large swig of coffee from her own mug.
“Full moon last night?” Lovette finally asked after studying her now blonde-haired friend for several moments.
“You betcha.” Brenna replied, placing her mug on the table and wrapping both hands around it, watching the coffee as it swirled in its ceramic confines.
“Does it bother you much?” Lovette inquired, staring at the table and rubbing her thumbnail against a blemish on the wood in a vain attempt to rub it off.
“Just with the fact that I don’t get any sleep once a month. But, no it doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t make me love him any less.”
“You’re lucky its only once a month.” Lovette murmured. Brenna was bringing her mug to her lips when Lovette said this, but stopped herself midway and stared at Lovette.
“You two fighting often?” She asked, concerned that Lovette and Sirius were having even more arguments than usual.
“Yes.” Lovette finally answered, her gaze still on the table.
“Why?” Brenna asked, not being hesitant at all. That was one of the traits that Brenna’s friends loved most about her, her ability to make you talk about your issues without being too pushy.
“He worries about me.” Lovette said simply.
“So?”
“He worries too much. I hate it when he does that.”
“All men worry about their women. Its in their nature. Remus worries about me all the time-”
“Remus worries about everyone all the time.”
“So?”
It stayed silent for a few minutes as Lovette tried to think of a way to explain her situation.
“He just...Sirius doubts too much.”
“Meaning...?”
“Meaning that he fears about things that he shouldn’t fear.”
“Like?”
“My safety.” Brenna snorted out of incredulity.
“Are you kidding me? If anything, that should be the one thing he always worries about!”
“No, he just...ugh! I can’t explain it. He just kind of...thinks he should always have to protect me.” Lovette sputtered in an attempt to make sense of the situation.
“Which he will no matter what you say or do. Sirius has always wanted to protect you.”
“Has not.”
“Has so.”
“Has n-”
“Lovette, Sirius is always going to want to protect you. He loves you.”
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