Chapter 1 : Doctor Siriusís Diagnosis
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Chapter 1: Doctor Sirius's Diagnosis
“I am in love with Lily Evans,” James Potter said, burying his face in his hands. “There, I said it out loud, Sirius, are you happy?”
Sirius nodded and sat back into the compartment chair, stretching his legs out as far as they could go. While James was feeling ashamed of his confession, Sirius was pretending to be somewhat of a psychiatrist. Doodling on his parchment, he then proceeded to ask the rest of his questions, all of which started with, ‘And how does that make you feel?’
James grunted and told Sirius to shut up, a command that Sirius felt he should ignore seeing as how he was just trying to help with James’ lovesick condition. “Seriously, mate,” he said, after which he paused and grinned, realizing he just made a terrific pun. “Move on. There’re plenty of fish in the sea, and I think you need to go swimming.” He raised his eyebrows so James would catch his drift, which he took as Sirius trying to seduce him.
“Don’t raise your eyebrows at me!” he said, scooting away from Sirius and holding his hands up in defense. “And don’t act like you’ve got no idea what I’m talking about either!”
Sirius contorted his face, positioning his mouth to roughly the shape and perimeter of an ugly squash and gasped loudly. “You called me ugly!” he cried loudly. His voice was so full of emotion that even his best mate couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not. “I mean, yeah, it was indirect, but still!”
“Just thought you’d be used to it, is all,” Remus said from behind a book he was reading. “Maybe you learned to ignore that sort of stuff, yeah?” The edges of his lips curved upwards in the shape of a smile and he closed his book.
Sirius harrumphed and sat back in the compartment chair, crossing his arms angrily. “Who cares what you think, anyway, Lupin? Your opinion doesn’t matter to me … what with your shiny badge – and – and your perfect O.W.L.’s – No! All of it means nothing to me!”
He straightened his shoulders and readjusted his temporarily-hurt pride, taking the silence of the compartment as an opportunity to psychoanalyze Remus.
“You’re uptight a lot, Remus. That’s your problem. I mean, you’ve practically got it made. Girls love the bad boy thing, and the wolf thing you’ve got going on is pretty close to that. But you’ve got no energy. It’s like you lock yourself in girl-resistant metal box. And who needs that? What you need, Remus, is to be more relaxed. You should get a puppy or something. No, no, that’s not right for you. Maybe a trampoline.” He bit his lip and glanced out the window pensively, trying to remember what he learned from an old psychology book he found in a muggle shop. “You need a girlfriend, Moony, that’s what you need.”
Remus rolled his eyes and picked his book up off the floor. “And what you need,” Remus told Sirius, “is something else to do.” And then he left the compartment to buy some chocolate frogs from the trolley that was passing by.
“Don’t ignore my advice, Remus!” Sirius shouted with his head sticking out of the sliding door of the compartment. “Your obsessive nature is just an outlet for your lack of lovin’. And if you’re worried about finding a bird – no need to worry! You can have one of mine!” He winked suggestively at the two girls who were walking by; making an elaborate gesture that he hoped would make them laugh.
“Please, Sirius. Spare us your midnight fantasies and go back into your compartment,” one of the girls, Adara Altair, said. “It’s bad enough you’ve roped poor Remus into this – whatever you call it – and now you’re trying to turn him into a miniature version of yourself?” She brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, and a smile threatened to shine through her otherwise serious façade.
Sirius bowed down to her extravagantly, and smiled up at her with the widest eyes he could muster. “Nice of you to be back, love,” he stated simply. “Didn’t get a single owl from you this whole summer. I was worried sick – thought you might have forgotten about me.” He feigned despair by placing the back of his palm against his forehead. “Couldn’t bear the thought.”
The red-headed girl that was standing besides Adara crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. Having been the witness to the often weird and extravagant conversations that her best friend and her suitor’s best friend had, she was beginning to get impatient with them. Not that the conversations were ever boring – Sirius’s Never-Fail mentality and Adara’s Awkward-But-Charming personality took care of the interesting.
However, as exciting as watching the two indirectly bicker was, she could not escape the thought that James Potter would pop out of the nearest potted plant and grab Lily and hold her hostage forever.
“Sorry Lils,” Adara said in response to the shoe-created beat after steadily ignoring it for three minutes and forty-six seconds. “Forgot how anxious you get.”
“’s okay,” Lily said thoughtfully, the sparkle in her eye growing increasingly larger and more noticeable by the second. “Forgot how you got around Sirius Black.” She smirked victoriously and cut off her best friend’s retort with a turn of the heel towards the trolley.
The familiar face buying sweets at the trolley caused Lily to smile. Remus Lupin, carrying four boxes of chocolate frogs, struggled to hand the lady operating the cart his coins. After spotting Lily, he desperately attempted to wave with his left foot.
“Hi Remus!” she said brightly, stifling a giggle. “Need any help with those?”
He shook his head feverishly and set them down on the floor so he can rearrange them. “It’s okay, I’ve got it,” he said as he picked up each over-sized box and stacked them onto his forearms. “Take one if you’d like.”
Lily shook her head no and asked once more if Remus wanted any help with his boxes. He politely declined, and after insisting one more time (he was quite the gentleman), he proceeded with carrying his mountain-esque pile to his compartment. He said goodbye to Lily and went back to his compartment, where Sirius was waiting with an outstretched hand to give him a high-five.
“What’s this for?” Remus asked, referring to Sirius’s outstretched hand.
Sirius nodded knowingly. “I saw that, Lupin,” he said, sitting down on a chair. “Genius, Moony, pure genius. Especially offering a box to her. Girls love that chivalry stuff.” He paused. “I underestimated you, mate.” He then pointed to a snoring James and lowered his voice. “But going after Evans … may not be such a good idea. As you may know, James is, er, head over heels with her.”
“Hand me that badge, will you?” Lily asked frantically, quickly tying her tie into a deformed version of a knot. “I’m late!” She held a piece of parchment between her teeth, balanced on one foot, and desperately attempted to tie her hair into a ponytail.
“You said it right in front of him, too!” Adara said angrily, slamming Lily’s Prefect badge in her outstretched hand. “He heard you, too. You said, ‘Forgot how you get around Sirius Black’ right in front of Sirius Black! He’s not entirely stupid – now he’s going to think that I get nervous or something around him. And then he’s going to go around, sweltering with pride with his chest sticking out like a bloody puffin or something!”
“He won’t make any sense of it,” Lily said hurriedly, checking her watch as she triumphantly planted herself (with both feet) onto the ground. “And can we talk about this later? I’m late!” She cut her best friend off, slid the door open, gave a small wave to Adara, and headed off to a Prefects meeting.
Once Lily left, Adara knew that she’d be alone for hours. It wasn’t that those meetings ran long. They never took more than an hour and a half. But Lily Evans was the type of girl who stayed after to suggest all of the ideas she didn’t have a chance to say in those one-hour-and-a-half meetings. She was the type of girl that, given that someone failed to show up for Prefect duties, would gladly take a double shift. This go-getter attitude and built-in humanitarianism (or so she called it) often left Adara alone.
“She won’t be back,” Adara said to herself, sitting awkwardly in the compartment. “It’ll be two or three or four or five hours until she comes back, if she does. And by then, I’d be an old lady, and have graying nose hairs and disgusting, curling fingernails.” She wandered out of the compartment, softly talking to herself as she did. “I should find Dorcas or Katherine or Margaret or – oomph!”
With a loud thud, Adara hit the ground. “Oi, Altair! Watch where you’re walking!” A large gray blur said, rubbing its elbow in the process. “Nearly gave me a heart attack.” It extended a hand.
She ignored it and mumbled a rushed “Sorry!” and picked herself up from the floor. When her vision came to focus, she saw standing in front of her, Sirius Black, dressed in a large gray jumper.
“You okay?” he asked, noticing her silence. “You know, it’s not a rhetorical question,” he added, tapping his foot when she didn’t respond. “And I know full well that you can talk. Boy, do I. And it’s not like you’re trying to help me by not speaking either. I mean, yeah, your voice is kind of screechy, like the sound a cat makes when you throw it – ”
“I’m fine,” she answered finally; in a voice that one would use to surrender in a fighting match. “Just fine.”
He patted her shoulder. “Good girl,” he said. “Anyway, I have something to tell you!”
“If it’s about what Lily said earlier today – she didn’t mean anything of it. She just meant that I’m, err, a bit awkward when I – ”
“You know your name’s the name of a star?” he asked, cutting her off in mid-sentence. “Adara’s the nineteenth brightest star in the sky,” he said. “And Altair’s the eleventh.” Adara didn’t answer, she wasn’t sure how to. She always knew her family had an odd way of naming their offspring, but she never really knew much about her name, except for the fact that her father was barely an Altair, after marrying her mother, a mixed-blooded witch. “My name’s a star, too,” Sirius added. “Brightest one in the sky, besides the sun of course.”
“I’m guessing you spent your summer stalking Professor Sinistra. I’m afraid to tell you that she’s married, though, you poor thing.”
“Yeah, well, I hear you fancy Slughorn. I mean, I’m not surprised, he does have pretty dreamy eyes.”
Adara snorted and pushed Sirius on the shoulder. “That’s disgusting,” she said between laughs. “And what about you? I see the way you lust after Binns.”
“Well, I can’t control it; the man’s such a tease!” Sirius said.
This comment brought along a round of uncontrollable laughs (okay, and a few snorts) on Adara’s part and a set of giggles from Sirius. And that resulted in an even bigger and louder round of guffaws from the both of them because of another rather risqué comment made by Sirius – one dealing with said professor doing a series of pelvic thrusts.
A/N (10/27): Okay, I've rewritten this first chapter, just because the earlier version didn't quite satisfy me. Please rate and review! I'd love criticism!