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A Proper Honeymoon by lupa_mannera
Chapter 1 : A Proper Honeymoon
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 37

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A/N: This story is an entrant in the 2007 Five Witch Cup songfic competition. See below for ways that you can vote!

A Proper Honeymoon
Featuring the song 'This Kiss' by Faith Hill

I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello… Oh, no, goodbye!

Remus and Tonks tore down the front steps of the church, hand in hand, shielding their faces from the hail of self-propelled confetti and heart-shaped fireworks, courtesy of Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes. In hot pursuit behind them were dozens of their friends and family, all exuberant wedding guests in their most dazzling wizardly attire, cheering and waving their cameras, eager to congratulate and photograph (and basically maul) their beloved newlyweds.

At the bottom of the stairs, Remus suddenly stopped in his tracks and pulled his bride against him firmly.

“Now!” He shouted to Fred and George. Tonks gasped in surprise when the twins aimed their wands at the couple.

“Have fun!” Called Fred as Remus and Tonks were suddenly enveloped by a burst of sparkling pink smoke. The wedding guests were left stunned when the smokescreen cleared, and the newlyweds were gone.

But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky

Pop! Tonks’ head was still reeling from the unexpected side-along apparition when she became aware that they were very high up. A delicious, warm wind whipped through her hair and swirled her swishy blush gown all around her. The most beautiful city stretched out far below them, a city of trim, tree-lined boulevards, a graceful river, and cafes with bright flowers and umbrellas that indulged her eyes as an oil painting might.

“Welcome to the top of the Eiffel Tower, Madame Lupin.” Remus smiled pulling her close.

“Oh Remus!” She squealed. “Our honeymoon is in Paris?”

“Erm, not exactly…” he grinned mischeviously, before sweeping her into the most passionate, breathtaking kiss high above the magical French city. She kissed him back, breathless, enamored by his boldness, his thoughtfulness, his sheer confident appeal. When he pulled out of their kiss, he murmured against her lips. “Mmm. So beautiful… and the city’s not so bad either… but it’s time to go ma chere.”

“W-what?” She gasped.

“Say au revoir.” He breathed, and before she could argue, he pulled her around, and they disapparated again.

It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss

Pop! She could immediately feel that they were floating on water, and she rose to her feet and gazed about in wonder. Mosaic-covered Renaissance buildings swept by them on either side of the glistening canal.

“We’re on a gondola! In Venice!” She exclaimed.

“Brava, Signora Nymphadora.” He clasped her hands, his eyes alight. A man in a traditional straw hat and black striped shirt steered their intricately carved craft through the water, and he winked when Tonks did a double-take. Their gondolier was George Weasley, and he began to serenade the lovers in what sounded like made-up Italian.

“Now kneel.” Said Remus.


“Bridge.” He murmured, pulling her to her knees just as they floated beneath a low-lying, marble bridge. Remus used the sudden dark, sheltered privacy beneath the bridge to pull Tonks against him and to gently press his lips against hers, drawing her into a long and languishing kiss. George’s gibberish serenade grew louder and more passionate as he tactfully turned away from their intimate moment.

“I love you, Remus.” Nymphadora sighed against his mouth when they emerged back into the sunlight.

“I love you too.” He murmured. “Now, say arrivederci.” He pulled her close to him again and she knew what was coming next.

“Arrivederci!” Tonks threw her head back and laughed as they disappeared.

It’s that pivotal moment
It’s impossible
This kiss, this kiss

The thunder of falling water filled her senses and Tonks spun about to see that they were dwarfed by the most magnificent waterfall she had ever seen in her life. Millions upon millions of litres of white water poured effortlessly over the horseshoe shaped cliff, throwing up a fine mist that tickled her face and caught the light, forming a sweeping and brilliant rainbow overhead. Gleeful swallows twisted and dove through the mist, dazzled, as she was, by the rainbow’s brilliant colours.

“Honeymoon capital of the world… this is Niagara Falls, Canada, sweetheart!”

“This is incredible!” She shouted, over the roar of the water. She dashed to the table-rock lookout, and trembled at nature’s power at her feet. Remus came up beside her and glanced warily at the dozens of tourists now amassing all around the couple that had seemingly appeared out of thin air.

“Erm… Nymphadora… you still have friends in the Obliviator department, right..?”

She nodded, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Excellent. And in THAT case…” He wrapped his arms around her and wandlessly levitated them both up into the mist, right into the heart of the shimmering rainbow. The crowd burst into cheers and applause as he dipped Tonks and kissed her showily, playfully, for all to see. Tonks kicked her leg up jovially in the air, twirling them both, to the delight of the Muggles enjoying the ‘magic show’. When the kiss ended, the newlyweds were overcome with fits of laughter and they shamelessly took their bows.

“Let’s get out of here before the Mounties show…” Remus chuckled, and they blew kisses and waved at the adoring, and obviously dumbfounded, tourists below. Then they vanished in the mist.

Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse

The unmistakable clip-clop of hooves on cobblestones met Tonks’ ears. They were in an ebony carriage that was being pulled by two magnificent white stallions, and at the reigns was a familiar, but uncharacteristically outraged, redhead in a top hat and tails.

“Bloody hell! Stop pooing ya ugly, smelly, disgusting beasts! Turds are NOT romantic!” Fred Weasley cursed, and then, noticing for the first time that he was no longer alone, he cleared his throat and tipped his hat at Remus and Tonks. “Erm, lovely day, ma’am, sir.”

“Absolutely.” Tonks grinned, looking all around. They were passing a tranquil lake, upon which swans floated as sweeping willows lazily brushed the mirror surface of the water. Up ahead, a rolling expanse of emerald grass hosted picnicking lovers, who were enjoying the romantic strains of a string quartet that played from the bandshell. Remus pulled Tonks off of her red velvet seat and onto his lap, and pointed to the church spires and skyscrapers just barely visible above the sheltering trees.

“Welcome to Central Park, New York City.”

Her heart raced. “Oh! I’ve always wanted to see New York.”

“I know.” Remus lovingly wrapped his arms around her and tilted his head up to kiss her again, and she could not resist. It was a romantic, heart-sweeping kiss. A kiss that could have lasted forever, and it still would not have been enough.

Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours

“Now, take off your shoes, doll.” Remus said in a cheesy, East-side accent. He lifted her off of his lap and began to remove his wingtips and socks.

“Why?” She asked.

“Trust me.” He shot her a roguish wink. As soon as her heels were off, he stood, pulled her up, and whispered. “And off we go.” She held her breath, eager to see what was next, and as they disapparated she could just hear Fred begin cursing at the ineloquent horses once more.

You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky

Pop! Powder-soft, porcelain sand caressed her toes and crisp, sea air touched her nose. Tonks was standing on the most beautiful beach, before an incredible turquoise ocean that she could have only ever imagined in her dreams. Sweeping palms danced in the wind behind them, and the endless clouds rolled restlessly above them, tinted pink by the setting sun.

“Welcome to Matira Beach.” Remus said, crouching down and letting a handful of sand slip sensually through his fingers. “It’s in Bora Bora.”

“Remus… it’s SO beautiful… but where the heck is Bora Bora, anyways?” She asked.

“Does it matter my tiare…” he purred, wordlessly conjuring a fragrant white bloom in the palm of his hand and tucking it behind Tonks’ ear, “my island flower..?”

“Not a whit.” She swooned. And then in a stroke of spunk, she decided to beat him to the punch and kiss him. She put her arms around him, and moved in for his lips, but he raised a hand, stopping her.

“Just a moment.” He said, his eyes drifting to the overcast sky. She looked up too, and soon, there was a distant rumble of thunder, and the clouds opened up, releasing an awe-inspiring tropical downpour. She cried out as they were instantly drenched from head to foot by the warm, but relentless water.

“Kiss me now.” Remus breathed, and she obliged, eagerly taking his mouth, tasting the salty rain on his flesh, transported by the mingled scent of his wet skin and her wet silk dress. She kissed and kissed him, running her fingers through his soaked hair and over his drenched clothes as the magnificent storm swept all around them.

You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let everything slide
You got me floating, you got me flying

“Heavenly.” He murmured, picking tendrils of her soaked hair out of her face, and sweeping the rain water away from her eyes with a gentle thumb. “But there’s one more place I want to kiss you.”

“What could be more wonderful than this?” She asked.

“You’ll see.” He said. He pulled her towards him, turned with her in his arms, and they disapparated.

It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss

They were in a large room with a crackling fire in the hearth. Tonks turned around, taking in the glorious, plushly appointed four-poster bed, and the gleaming wood floors. The sunlight streamed in the spotless windows and shone gently upon the whimsical antique furniture and lamps and rugs throughout the room. Remus strode to the charming stone hearth and picked up a towel that had been hanging near it, and then wrapped it around Tonks’ drenched shoulders. The towel was deliciously warm, as were his hands that rested on her shoulders as he stood, holding his breath, behind her.

“This place…” she said, looking around, wondering what country, what expensive, foreign hotel he had landed her in now, “it’s gorgeous. But it seems… familiar.”

“It should.” He said tentatively. “It is… well it used to be… the Shrieking Shack.”

“I don’t believe it!” She gasped. How could it be? It was so clean, so spacious, so bright! She raced to the window across the room, and threw it open. She craned her neck out, and sure enough, the beautiful gray-stone towers of Hogwarts castle could be seen rising across the valley, and the mountains of the highlands towered in the distance beyond. She turned back to Remus, her mouth agape with shock.

“I… er…” he started awkwardly, wringing his hands. “well, I’ve been working for months now to restore this place… repairing the furniture, brightening it up, to make it a respectable home for us. It’s kind of why I didn’t have enough time or…” he cringed, “money… to give you a proper honeymoon.”

“Remus…” she breathed, unable to believe her ears. “A PROPER honeymoon? You just kissed me all over the darn world! You just gave me a house! A real home! For the two of us! You must have worked so hard, this must have cost…” She stopped herself, knowing how sensitive he was about his lack of finances. But certainly his every last penny had gone into this house, and the work of his own two hands was evident in how lovingly everything had been prepared, right down to the portraits of all the places they had just visited that were hanging on the walls.

This was the type she had married, a man who loved her in unstoppable, breathtaking and unexpected ways. Her eyes filled with tears and she began to blubber. “Remus, you… I… everything… is so perfect… it’s… so… I love… oh! Remus, is this for real? I can’t believe it!”

“Sooo… you’re… happy?” He asked slowly, as if attempting to translate her emotional randomness into words that he could understand.

Suddenly, she could hold back no more. Overwhelmed with joy she tore across the room and threw herself at her husband, nearly tackling him with an arms-and-legs embrace. “You stupid moron! OF COURSE I’m happy! What woman wouldn’t be happy? I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life!” She shook his head madly as if trying to keep the attention of a deaf man. “Do you hear me? I’m inappropriately happy! Criminally happy! I love you to pieces you dolt!”

It’s that pivotal moment
it’s so Criminal

And laughing, he carried her to the bed. “Well then, since I suspect you’re ‘happy’ here, I guess we’ll be needing a new name for this place, Mrs. Lupin.”

“I don’t know Mr. Lupin,” she purred, wrapping her arms around his neck, “I think the Shrieking Shack might still be appropriate.”

“Indeed?” He raised an eyebrow. “Mercy. What have I gotten myself into?” He moved in to claim a kiss, but a rather unexpected sound instantly evaporated every ounce of passion in the room before their lips made contact.

“WE KNOW YOU’RE UP THERE!” Shrieked Molly Weasley’s irate voice from beneath the open window, followed by whistles and catcalls from the rest of the reassembled wedding guests.

“Aw crap.” Tonks slapped her head. “They found us.”

Remus sat up guiltily and sighed. “Well, Molly did make us that beautiful cake. And they’ll be wanting photos.”


“SORRY REMUS!” Shouted Fred. “SOLDIER ON, SIR! WE’LL HOLD HER OFF!” Added George.

There were roars of laughter and applause from outside, and Remus shook his head in utter humiliation. “I am SO sorry about this.” He muttered.

“What’s there to be sorry about?” Tonks smiled wickedly. “They said they’ll hold her off.” She flicked her wand at the window, causing it to slam shut, and then, she kissed him, as heart-shaped fireworks exploded shamelessly outside.

It’s the way you love me, baby,
The way you love me…
It’s the way you love me, darling…


If you'd like to cast your vote for the winner of the Five-Witch Cup, please read the other's stories and leave a review for each stating your marks out of ten before June 20th/07. The other songfic entries are:

akeyana - 'Scars'
Regina Noctis - 'Please Believe Me'
secret_witch - 'Your Web, I'm Caught'
DarkFaerii - 'Denial'


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