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Pale Bleach by i love spike 4eva
Chapter 2 : "You're A TV Show...!"
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 4


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Spike shook his hand in a confused way. “Where the bloody hell are we?”
Mrs Weasley was looking at them in a very frightened way, and Harry, Ginny, Fred and George just stared.
Buffy felt for Spike’s hand and clutched it tightly in her own. “Willow!” she hissed quietly under her breath, “what is going on??”
Giles reached for his shattered glasses and groaned. “What’s happening?” he asked blearily, “Willow, I believe your spell backfired…”
Silence fell.
Hermione was the first to break it with a squeal. “Oh my god, you’re Spike and Buffy and Giles and Willow and Xander!” she shrieked.
The Scoobies looked at her in shock. “Well I’ll be” said Xander, “it’s Hermione Granger from Harry Potter. How on Earth did we end up in Emma Waston’s…” he looked around, “…dirty and old fashioned house?”
“Hey!” Ron interjected (he had come out of the fireplace several moments ago).
Hermione frowned. “Emma Waston?”
Xander looked around in horror. “You mean to say…we’re in Harry Potter???”
“No…” Ginny said slowly, “You’re in the Burrow.”
Spike laughed. “Yes people, this is hilarious, but could you please tell us where we are now?”
The Weasleys and their guests’ keep insisting strenuously that they were in the wizarding house The Burrow.
“Wait…” Giles asked, “The Burrow meaning ENGLAND??!”
The wizards were beginning to become very alarmed. “Yes, England!”
“Who are you, anyway?” asked Harry, “and how do you know who we are, and how did you just appear in our kitchen?”
Hermione exploded again, “They’re characters from my favourite TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer! That’s Spike and Xander and Giles and…”
“Wait” Buffy said, “characters?”
“Yes,” Hermione said, “from a TV show.”
“We’re not characters!” Xander shouted, “we’re real people!” however he shot a sideways look at Spike and said, “Well, most of us are.”
Spike snarled and bared his teeth.
“And you’re characters from a book” Willow said anxiously.
“Um, no we’re not. We’re standing right here!” Ron said.
“Yes, and so are we!” Giles shot back, “I believe Willow’s transport spell has backfired on us and landed us in your world. It must have something to do with that copy of Harry potter in Spike’s crypt…”
Buffy stared. “But they’re a book!”
“And you’re a TV show!”

After an hour or so of discussion, they came to reluctant terms with the fact that in each other’s worlds, they were works of fiction.
“Fascinating” Giles murmured, for the umpteenth time in the last 20 minutes, “parallel universes…amazing…”
“Yes Giles,” Buffy and Spike said, “I believe we’ve got that established.”
“Wow!” Willow said again, “I can’t believe my spell did this!”
“You’re a witch?” Harry asked interestedly, “Where’s your wand?”
Willow smiled. “My magic is different to yours. I don’t need a wand to cast my spells, it’s more to do with raw will and the forces of nature…”
Hermione interjected here. “Willow’s a very powerful Wicca!”
Willows shook her head. “It’s just so weird you know all this stuff about us!”
“Sorry” Hermione said, “but I can’t help it! You’re like my favourite people! And I guess you know stuff about us as well.”
“True” Xander replied, “but Spike knows the most.” He grinned wickedly.
Spike sighed. “I do not- oh, whatever.”
Hermione spoke to Willow again: “You know, I’ve always thought we had a lot in common” she said, “I think we’ll get only great.”
Willow returned the grin. “You know, when I read Harry Potter, I always thought that too!”
Buffy looked slightly jealous as she surveyed the pair beaming at each other, but quickly brushed it off.
She turned around to Spike and pecked him on the lips, causing Giles to hurriedly pull of his newly repaired glasses (by Hermione) and polish them rapidly.

~*~

Willow and Buffy spent the night in the Weasley’s guest room with Hermione, whilst Spike, Harry and Ron stayed in Ron’s bedroom. Giles took a camp bed in the corner with Fred and George, and they weren’t too pleased.
Ron whispered to Harry “There’s something really weird about this Spike guy. And he knows stuff about us…”
Spike came in as they finished the sentence. “Stuff?” he asked innocently.
Harry and Ron cowered slightly. “Uh yeah…stuff.”
Spike leaned in, and growled, “Check this out!”
He morphed into his game face, and Harry and Ron, too petrified for words, ran screaming out of the room.
“Oops.” Spike said innocently.
A few doors down, Hermione and Willow were having a bonding session, while Buffy sat out, feeling ignored. After awhile, when they began to talk about the pros and cons of different computer programs, she left the room and tip toed down to Ron’s bedroom.
“Hey!” she whispered through the crack in the door, “you up?”
She heard Spike laugh his cute British laugh. “Yep. By the way, have you seen Harry and Ron?”
“No” Buffy whispered back confusedly, “why?”
Spike snorted. “Never mind. Now come in here.”
Buffy eased open the door and crept into the room. Spike was curled up on top of his camp bed, still in his leather trench.
Willow and Hermione paused as they heard springs creaking rapidly a few rooms along.
“Charming…” said Hermione.
The next morning everyone rose to a massive breakfast made by Mrs Weasley.
“Oh, alleluia!” proclaimed Giles, at the sight of all the English dishes, “Real food at last!”
“Yum” Buffy whispered under her breath, looking at the sloppy eggs and bursting sausages. Then she spotted a plate of pancakes and relaxed.
Spike still hadn’t come down, and Harry and Ron looked relieved.
“By the way,” Mr Weasley asked, “what was that screaming last night?”
Harry and Ron blushed. “Nothing!” they replied in unison.
“Oh” Mrs Weasley said, “Why hasn’t your friend William come down yet?”
“Ah,” Buffy said, “Yes, he has a slight problem with sunlight. He finds it too bright down here.”
“Spike’s a vampire!” Hermione blurted out.
Several gasps filled the room. These came from the parent Weasleys, Ginny, Harry and Ron. Two choruses of “wicked!” could be heard.
“Hermione!” Willow glared.
“It’s alright,” Giles explained, “Spike won’t hurt you. He has a soul.”
A rather complicated explanation was the topic of conversation until Spike came thundering down the stairs, under a smoking blanket.
“Oh dear!” Hermione gasped, and hurried to the windows to close the blinds.
“Thanks” Spike said, and plopped down next to Buffy.
“Morning!” he grinned wickedly at Harry and Ron. They whimpered.
“So, what’s going on today?” Willow asked.
“Well, we just got our booklists for school, so we need to go to Diagon Alley.” Hermione told her.
“Awesome!” Spike blurted out.
Everyone turned to look at him. “I mean, that could be fun,” he mumbled. Xander laughed loudly.
“Oh shut up poof!”
“Ouch!” Xander said sarcastically. “That burns!”
He ripped open the curtains with an evil laugh. “And so does this! Mwahaha!”
“Ahhh!” Spike screamed and began to sizzle.
~*~
“Xander!” Willow called, for at least the second time.
“Wha?” Xander shook his blearily, “Huh?”
“Wake up!” Buffy leaned over and tapped him on the side of the head.
“Ow!” he said indignantly.
Buffy grimaced. “Sorry. Slayer strength.”
Whilst this conversation was going on, Mrs Weasley was collecting her things.
“Kids-” she looked at Giles and amended herself; “guests, we’ll be leaving soon so can you please-” she broke off as a loud smack was heard outside.
“I’ll get it,” said Fred, and he marched back in carrying a tawny owl in his cupped hands a minute later.
Mr Weasley grabbed a pointed letter opener from the bench and sliced the thick envelope open. “Well, I’ll be!” he said, surprised.
“What?” Harry asked.
“There’s 5 letters in here!” he exclaimed, astonished.
“For who?” Ron chimed in.
Mr Weasley passed out respective letters to Buffy, Willow, Xander, Spike and Giles.
With furrowed brows they unfolded them and gasped in shock.
“What? What is it?” asked Ginny excitedly.
“I’ve been invited to become the new Hogwarts- whatever that is- librarian!” Giles sputtered confusedly.
“And I’ve been asked to please buy a wand for my 7th year at Hogwarts!” proclaimed Willow.
“Me too!” announced Buffy and Xander.
Everyone turned to look at Spike. “What about you, Spike?” Hermione asked excitedly, “What have they asked you to do?”
“Um…” Spike mumbled, “They want me to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts.”
“Ha! Hahaha!” Giles and Xander scoffed.
“Aw, guys!” Willow admonished, “I think Spike’d be great!”
Buffy shot Willow a grateful smile.
“Thanks Red,” Spike said, “but I don’t think I’m gonna be taking it up.”
“Why not?” Buffy queried indignantly. “I’m so going! No Bio exam on Thursday! Haha, take that Principal Synder!”
Spike looked down. “I’d be rubbish.”
“Damn right,” Xander said, at the same time Hermione interjected with, “It’d be great!”
“Yeah” Ron muttered, “and that curse!”
“Ron!” Mrs Weasley reprimanded him, “I’m sure this…vampire…will be- interesting.”
“Don’t worry,” Spike told them, “I know all about the curse. I admit it. I read Harry Potter.”
“Aha! I knew it!” shouted Xander triumphantly.
“Oh, shut up!” Willow and Giles groaned.
“Well, people, I think we can discuss this further when we get back from London. Time’s ticking on.” Mr Weasley announced.
“Of course, dear.” Mrs Weasley agreed, grabbing her things again.
“Yeah,” Fred and George spoke in unison, “we have to get back to the shop. Verity’s been running it…” they both shuddered.
The Scoobies were amazed walking down the main street in Diagon Alley.
“Wow…” Buffy and Willow whispered as the tread softly past the wizarding bars and Ollivanders.
“Bye!” Fred and George shouted, and bolted down the street to their shop, which everyone could clearly see even at a distance of a kilometre away.
Willow passed the apothecary. “Great!” she said excitedly, “I bet I can stock up on some great ingredients here!”
Giles greedily eyed Flourish and Blots. “And some fascinating textbooks…” he murmured.
Hermione patted him on the arm. “Wait till you see the library” she told him.
Giles looked as though he was about to drool with anticipation.
“It’s OK, Giles, we’re going in now” Spike told him, as they steered him towards Flourish and Blots.
When they entered the shop Willow was overcome by the books. “Whoa…” she whispered. She had read the Harry Potter series but it couldn’t prepare her for the sight.
“Ooh!” Buffy exclaimed, “Who is that divine example of yumminess over there?”
Spike growled and almost shifted to his vamp face.
“Well, excuse me! But just coz I’m dating you doesn’t mean I’m dead!” she pouted.
“Oh. Sorry!” she amended, as Spike raised an eyebrow.
“Oh yuck!” Hermione cried, “You think HE’S hot?! Didn’t you read the books? That’s Draco Malfoy, our arch enemy!”
Buffy wrinkled her nose. “I saw the movie” she offered.
Draco sauntered over, and leant on the banister of the staircase. “Well, well, if isn’t the poorest pure blood family in the wizarding world…and the richest half blood. And, who do we have here?” he gave Buffy an appreciative up-down glance.
Spike hooked his arm around Buffy’s middle and said, “She’s mine.”
Malfoy looked disdainful. “Yes, but what’s your name?” he addressed Buffy again.
“Buffy” she replied with a girlish smirk, “what’s yours?”
Spike snarled again.
“Draco” Malfoy replied slowly, a lock of blonde hair falling into his searing blue eyes.
“Come on Buffy!” Willow called, with a strange look at Malfoy.
Buffy walked towards Willow, who was holding a tall stack of books with weird titles like “Hogwarts: A History”.
“I got you books too” Willow said, still glancing at Malfoy.
“Aw, thanks Will” Buffy smiled.
“No problem” Willow said finally.
“What?” Buffy asked, “What is it?”
“Nothing,” Willow giggled, “it just looks like Spike’s gonna bite Malfoy!”
Buffy twirled around in time to see Malfoy gasp in horror at Spike’s vampire visage.
Harry and Ron saw it too and laughed heartily. “Wow, I guess he’s not that scary, hey” Harry commented to Ron, grinning evilly.
Spike swaggered over. “So, luv, enjoying your school books?”
Buffy punched him lightly on the arm. “I was just trying to make you jealous!” she goaded.
Spike scowled. “I’m not jealous.” He muttered.
“Behold my success” Buffy retorted.
Spike looked crestfallen all of a sudden.
“Aw, don’t look like that. You know I love you and ONLY you!” she gave him a fierce hug and there was a small crack.
“Ow!” Spike gasped.
Buffy frowned. “Sorry” she apologized, “Sl-”
“Yeah, I know, Slayer strength.”
Everyone bought their books from the wheezing youth behind the counter, and Harry very generously offered to pay the Scoobies way, seeing as they had no wizarding money.
“Thanks so much!” Willow appreciatively grinned.
“No problem,” Harry smiled back, “I’ve got no shortage.”
“We know,” Xander told him, “we read the books.”
The whole party headed down the road to Florean’s curlicue little ice cream shop, and once again Harry and Hermione shouted the Sunnydale gang to gelatos.
“Guys, seriously, no more stuff!” Buffy told them. It was not only generous of them, but also really strange to have ice cream bought for you by a fictional character from an illusory ice cream parlour.
“Yes,” Giles piped in, “it is very charitable of you but after this trip we should make our own way in this wizarding world.”
“How?” Ginny asked curiously. “You can’t get a job whilst you’re at Hogwarts. And how long are you planning on staying anyway? Don’t you want to get back to your own world?”
“Well,” Giles replied, “you’re forgetting I have a job. I’m the new librarian. And I currently have no idea at all how to get back to Sunnydale, and none of you seem to have the skills necessary.”
“Hey!” said Ron indignantly.
“Dumbledore might know” Hermione suggested, “He always seems to know everything.”
“I dunno,” Buffy interrupted, “I like it here for the moment. I’d be interested to look around this world a bit more thoroughly.”
She bit her lip. “I sounded just like Giles then didn’t I.”
Willow, Spike and Xander all nodded.
“Damn!”
Giles frowned. “Well, I suppose we’ll find out when we get to Hogwarts.”


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