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Dirty Little Secrets by Jellyman
Chapter 1 : Dirty Little Secrets
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 54


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A/N: A little ditty about James and Lily's relationship. I am warning you now, characters are slightly AU and the plot itself does not match with what we know of Harry Potter. Also, remember this does have scenes of a sexual nature, so if you are uncomfortable with that kind of thing, I suggest you don’t read this.

Clear? Good :)

Disclaimer: The song is owned by All American Rejects, the song is called Dirty Little Secret, hence the title, and the characters are J. K. Rowling’s and are not mine, though the plot is :)

Done and done.

There’s a place in the dark where the animals go
You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow
Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands
Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo

~ The Sharpest Lives, My Chemical Romance, The Black Parade

Dirty Little Secrets


Let me know that I’ve done wrong
When I’ve known this all along

He shoved me roughly against the wall, his lips covering mine. His hands run up and down my waist and stomach, sending tingles down my spine. My hands ran through his thick, jet black hair as his tongue slipped into my mouth. My body was craving oxygen and I broke the kiss, my breathing ragged. His lips trailed down my jaw and to my ear lobe. His mouth then bit, sucked and kissed its way down my neck, sending my nerve endings to cloud nine. I moaned low in my throat and arched my body against his, feeling as though I was about to melt.

Oh yes, that’s me. Lily Evans, James Potter’s little mudblood whore.

This is wrong.

Go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

I mean, I should have expected it. It shouldn’t have come as a shock, the fact that he was now snogging me in a dark corridor with no one around. I had heard the news, hadn’t I? I mean, even Loser Lily Evans hears the gossip of Hogwarts. The James Potter/Marie Patiminio was over. I was back on the payroll, per say. I mentally snorted as his lips captured mine once more. If only I was getting paid. But then I would be a hooker.

A really, really bad hooker.

My thoughts flew out the window as he attacked my lips with his. My hands fisted his hair as his fingers fumbled with the buttons of my shirt and I sighed heavily with pent up passion.

He doesn’t even like you.

Tell me all you’ve thrown away
Find out games you don’t wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I knew, he didn’t feel anything for me. I was only his comfort – he was alone, I was single. I didn’t even think he liked me.

And the problem? I felt something for him. I didn’t know what it was; whether it was lust, affection or even anger. But whatever it was, it was only going to muddy the waters of our pitiful excuse for a ‘relationship’.

But even as I thought this, I pulling him closer, eager for him to want more of me – to need me, like I felt I needed him sometimes.

That’s what he does to me.

Who would ever want to need you?

I’ll keep you my dirty little secret
[Dirty little secret]

Suddenly, my shirt was gone and his lips were off me. I felt the pressure of his body on mine lift. I slowly opened my eyes, wondering what I had done wrong.

James was standing about two feet away from me, staring at me, hunger clear in his chocolate brown eyes.

I need not mention that I am extremely self-conscious at the best of times – being bullied does that to you. So standing, half-naked, in front of James Potter, the guy I may or may not like, naturally was not my idea of a good time. I slowly crossed my arms over my lace covered bra (one I specially donned on when James told me to meet him), ignoring the fact that my cheeks were on fire.

‘What?’ I asked softly, avoiding eye contact.

Without a word, he hooked a finger through the strap of my bra, slowly dragging me forward.

Oooh....he was good.

Don’t tell anyone or you’ll just be another regret
[Just another regret, hope that you can keep it]

He slowly slipped down the strap, kissing his way down my collarbone, down my shoulder and down my arm to my finger tips.

‘Lily,’ he said, after he’d finished, kissing me deeply. ‘Lily, you haven’t... told anyone about... this? You know... us?’

My eyes cut to him as I felt everything I had felt for him flood out of my body, as the words sunk in. we both knew James didn’t want anyone to know about...well, whatever we were doing. But he had never blatantly said it.

‘What?!’ I half whispered, half shouted, forgetting I didn’t have a shirt on, stunned with disbelief he had the audacity to say something so... cruel.
‘Look, Lily, forget I said anything - ’ he started taking my hand.

I snatched it back, astonished at the stunt he was trying to pull over me. ‘Who the hell do you think you are?’

You’re just mudblood Evans.

My dirty little secret
Who has to know?

‘Evans, I - ’

‘Don’t!’ I shrieked, rage engulfing me as I a picked up my shirt and slipped it on. In a quieter voice, I said, ‘I’m going.’ And I started towards the Gryffindor dormitories.

James ran after me, snatching my wrists and pulling me back. ‘Evans! Evans, you’re overreacting – ’

Overreacting?!’ I screamed, whirling around, not believing what was coming out of this boys mouth. ‘You may be more popular, better looking, more gifted, friendlier, richer, more confident than me, James Potter, but that DOES NOT make you more human than me! IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU BETTER THAN ME!’ Tears blurred my vision as I released six years of hate. In an attempt to calm myself, I stared at the floor. Then it hit me. and I realized what I had to do – it may cost me the little bit of dignity I had left, but it was going to be done.

‘I love you,’ I whispered, raising my gaze, a single tear sliding down my cheek. Shock settled on his face as he registered what I had said. I breathed in deeply, and continued in a controlled tone.

‘I can do better than you.’

Nobody could ever love you.

When we live such fragile lives
It’s the best way we survive

James laughed coldly, his demeanor turning icy, using his grip on wrist to pull my body flush against his. ‘Love, you couldn’t get better than me.’ He leant close to my ear, placing a soft kiss on the lobe. his soft voice snaked around my heart, pulling tight. ‘You’re lucky to have me.’

I shoved him off my, ignoring the tingle that flashed down my spine, setting my mouth in a nasty snarl. ‘See?! That’s your problem! You’re too arrogant, obnoxious, selfish and proud to realize I am right!’

Anger settled on his face as he spat, ‘Evans, you are nothing to me! You are too self-righteous to even consider the fact you might, for once in your life, be wrong about something! And that, love, is why you have no friends!’

I felt my jaw drop and my anger escalate. I couldn’t believe he was doing this to me. But then, I had done the same to him.

Tears threatened to fall once more as I spoke, backing away from the empty classroom. ‘Is that how you talk about me to your friends?’ My voice grew louder with each word. ‘Am I just mudblood Evans to you?’ I was yelling by now, unable to control my anger. ‘Don’t you even stand up for me?’ For a moment, I thought I saw a flash of guilt run through James’s eyes, but before I could really see, it had been replaced with determination. I hit the wall and felt around for the doorknob and opened the door.

‘Lily, wait, let me explain - ’

Slam!

Go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you



Tell me all that you’ve thrown away
Find out games you don’t wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I heard footsteps behind me and I knew the only who would bother trying to catch up to me was the one I wanted to see least at the moment. It was the morning after the ‘incident’ and James had tried to ambush me at least three times.

‘Leave me alone, James. I’m not in the mood.’

‘Evans, at least listen - ’

‘Find another ‘friend’ James.’

‘But, I - ’

‘LEAVE ME ALONE!’ I shrieked, rounding on him. I’d had enough, the whispers, the accusations, the names. As if I didn’t get that already. But no, thank to some rat faced idiot who’d seen us the other night, the secret of James’s and my ‘affair’ was public and many were feeling the need to comment, rather nastily.

His demeanor soured as he spoke next. ‘Lily, if you would just listen - ’

Then everything just spilled out. ‘Well, guess what? I don’t want to hear it! I hear it every day: Lily Evans this, Lily Evans that! I COULD WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THE RUMOURS I HEAR ABOUT MYSELF IN ONE DAY! But now, now is worst James, this is the worst it has been since you made me vomit up slugs and everyone thought I had plague or something! It always starts with you!

I’ll keep you my dirty little secret
[Dirty little secret]

We had grown quite an audience, eager to see the most unlikely ‘lovers’ spat.

Pfft. I wish.

James tried to move closer, but I stepped back, not wanting to be near him. ‘Lily, please understand, it’s not what you think,’ he pleaded.

‘Why do you even care?’ I asked, staring at him in disgust. ‘This is what you wanted, isn’t it? For me to be humiliated - ’

James just looked at me. ‘Don’t be stupid, Evans, of course not - ’

I raised my hands and let them fall to my sides, in a futile gesture, feeling tear well up in my eyes. ‘Then what do you want?’

James just looked at me, silent, a knowing look in his eye. I sighed and smiled regretfully. ‘You don’t know what you want,’ I said softy. Then I felt anger rise up to my voice box, making the next words spill out of my mouth. ‘I knew it,’ I spat, turning to leave.

And he didn’t even try to follow.

Don’t tell anyone or you’ll be just another regret
[Just another regret, hope that you can keep it]
My dirty little secret



Who has to know?
The way she feels inside [inside]

I felt my very being relax as I entered the potions room. It was my favorite subject and, lucky me, the last two of the day. I gave a quick wave to Professor Slughorn at the front, which he returned happily, and took my usual seat by myself and started setting up my things.

As students filled in the potions, I felt my life had settled down. Even though it had barely been a couple of hours since James and I had become The Hot Topic of Hogwarts, there had already been a new scandal: Sylvia Umbridge, resident bitch and it-girl, had been spotted fooling around with Matthew Kilpford, one her boyfriend, Peter Pettigrew’s closer friends.

What a role model, right?

Anyway, I had a lot to thank her about. I mean, now all I got were a few snide remarks about my appearance, the colour of my hair and a few about James and me, but nothing major. Nothing like this morning.

Those thoughts I can't deny [deny]
These sleeping dogs wont lie [wont lie]

Suddenly I heard someone sit next to me. I was shocked, to say the least. No one had ever sat next to me. I glanced at them, intending to introduce myself, because the only way someone would sit next to me would be because they didn’t know who I was. I need not say I was outraged when I saw James Potter sitting next to me.

‘What the hell do you think you are doing?!’ I hissed as Slughorn began to write out today’s potion – an Invisibility Potion - on the board, briefly noting what each did.

James took out a quill and some ink and began scribbling down what was on the board. ‘I’m learning. Seriously, why would I bother chasing you, when it was blatantly clear you didn’t want to listen this morning? There were no seats with my friends.’

I frowned and glanced back at Potter’s normal seat. I saw that Peter Pettigrew had replaced James’s normal seat next between Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Peter usually sat next to Sylvia but obviously since that broke up, this was no longer the arrangement.

Looks like I didn’t have that much to thank her about.

And now I try to lie
It’s eating me apart
Trace this life back

‘Fine,’ I hissed, starting to copy down my notes. James quickly got sick of writing and - with a highly complex charm - it began to write for him. Then he began staring at me.

‘Would you quit it?’ I whispered aggressively, glaring at him. He just shrugged and continued to watch me.

I growled menacingly and turned my attention back to my notes.

‘Do you want me to charm that for you?’ James’s whispering voice was really close to my ear. I turned to face him, only to find us nose to nose. He grinned and gave me a quick searing kiss then leant back on his seat.

I felt my face go bright red as I looked around to see if anyone was looking at us. Luckily everyone was too busy concentrating on what was going on with Professor Slughorn was saying rather than what was going on with James Potter and Lily Evans.

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ I hissed, elbowing him in the ribs.

I’ll keep you my dirty little secret
[Dirty little secret]

He just shrugged his shoulders and took my quill from between my fingers and muttered at charm. He set it back on the page and it began to write. ‘You still don’t get it do you?’ he said, looking back at me.

I was about to answer, but Slughorn’s booming voice cut across mine. ‘Now, ladies and gentlemen, you must work with those on your table and –’ he glanced at his watch ‘– you may begin! You have until the end of the lesson!’

I simply shrugged and decided to drop it. Whatever his little ‘secret’ was, he obviously had no intention of telling me.

‘Okay,’ I said, gathering the ingredients that were stated on my now complete paper and passed them to James. ‘You chop, I’ll start.’

James just shook his head sadly and set to work.

Don’t tell anyone or you’ll be just another regret
[Just another regret, hope that you can keep it]



My dirty little secret
Dirty little secret

Our potion was going perfectly. It was the perfect hue of clear blue that it was supposed to be, and smelt tangy but sweet, just like it was supposed to be.

‘Now, all we have to do is stir it nine times, clockwise!’ I said happily, beginning to stir. One...

‘You’re never going to figure it out are you?’ James said suddenly, eyeing me from his seat.

Two... I looked up startled. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’ Three...

‘My ‘secret’,’ he said, sitting up, looking skeptical. ‘You’re never going to get it!’

‘Well, of course I’m not!’ I snapped. Four... ‘I have no idea what you are talking about!’

He leant back on his seat and closed his eyes. Five...

‘I’ve been trying to tell you since last night,’ he said softly. Six... ‘It’s why I broke up with Marie.’ Seven...

he let out a breath. ‘My secret,’ he started. He paused. Eight...

‘My secret,’ he said - Nine... ‘is you. I’m in love with you.’

Dirty little secret
Who has to know?

I felt my eyes grew wide and the oxygen leave my brain. I spun to face him, forgetting my hand was holding on to a spoon in a bowl of extremely dangerous potion. So when I turned, my arm cam with causing the potion to spill... all over James. He quickly disappeared from my sight.

‘Oh my God, I am so sorry, James! Where are you?!’ I rushed, my panic taking over my mouth, my brain still lacking oxygen.

‘Miss Evans!’ Slughorn boomed from the front, looking pained. ‘As much as I hate to say it, detention for carelessness! Mr. Potter are you quite alright?’

I sighed. Suddenly I felt a hand squeeze my ass and I jumped, realizing James was behind me.

‘Professor,’ James’s disembodied voice called, ‘it was my fault: I made Evans jump.’

Slughorn looked tired. ‘Fine, detentions’ for both of you, Miss Evans, please take your partner to the hospital wing.’

I fought the urge to laugh as I led James out of the classroom. As soon as the door closed, I felt James pin me against the wall and capture my lips in a passionate kiss which I gladly returned.

I let out a small giggle as I felt James break the kiss, and lean his forehead against mine. ‘You realize how weird this would look of anyone walked by?’

James ignored me and, if I could see him, I’m sure there would have been a twinkle in his eyes. ‘You know,’ he said, his disembodied breath tickling my face, ‘I think we can make that detention fun.’

I laughed, giving him a quick kiss on what I hoped were his lips. ‘I’ll bet you could.’

Who has to know

A/N: Well I hope you liked it =] Please leave a review!!




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