Disclaimer: I don't own anything besides Jules and the plot ... =(
A/N: I'm almost sad we're back to normal ... I absolutely adored LarryTrotterFanfiction!
Seriously, who doesn't just love Slytherins being refered to as Sillygrins?
The Christmas dance
The evening of the dance arrived far too quickly.
Everybody, especially the girls, found themselves happily excited. They were all chatting away about what they were going to wear and how they were going to do their hair and make-up, and what not. During the times I wasn’t able to retreat into my dorm I found myself in the middle of this happy bustling, feeling more out of place then I could ever remember feeling.
However, on the morning of the dance I did start to think about my clothes and the appearance that I was going to make.
It was quite simple really, when I saw Ced again, and he saw me again, I did not want to look like I was feeling.
There was a tiny feeling inside me, hoping to make Ced think at least once that I was pretty. I longed for Ced to feel at least a teeny tiny bit of regret about leaving me.
Therefore, I picked out the prettiest dress I had, which was fairly easy, considering I had only one. I was quite satisfied with it, though. It was knee-length and black and I thought at least I didn’t look bad in it. After fussing over my hair for two straight hours, something I had never done before, I was finally left to the decision that I had to leave it down after all. I was not too happy, having hoped that maybe putting my hair up in some way would somehow make me look gorgeous, but it didn’t work out. Frustrated, I finally put an easy, but useful spell on it to make it shiny and give it a nice flow down my back.
After an agonizing hour of fussing over make-up, I finally took all of it off again save for a bit of eye-liner.
Staring at my reflection in the mirror did nothing to cheer me up. I looked at myself and could think nothing but `you, for some reason, were Cedric Diggory’s girlfriend, you were with him, and you screwed it up` and I could do nothing against the tears welling up in my eyes and running down my cheeks, leaving black streaks of eyeliner on my skin.
This was how Lor and Carrie found me, still standing on the same spot in the bathroom, crying silently. They comforted me, helped me wash my face and stop the tears. I just let them, not being able to care. When they dragged me out of the bathroom and heaved me down the stairs, I was far too weak to protest; the task of shutting away all that pain again, putting it all behind a strong barrier in my heart and not letting it control my actions was taking up my full concentration.
By the time we were almost by the Great Hall, I felt like I had more or less gotten over my small breakdown and might be able to face people that weren’t Lor or Carrie. Any thought of Ced that tried to enter my mind was firmly pushed away. I didn’t want to risk crying in front of the whole school, and, most importantly, C- .. no, I wasn’t thinking about him.
Adrian stood by the doors of the Great Hall, and as soon as he saw us, a smile spread over his face and he came towards us. He greeted Lor and Carrie with a kiss on the cheek, then turned to me, taking my hand and saying warmly, “you look beautiful”, before kissing my cheek as well. I smiled automatically and said something about him looking handsome too.
In fact, I have not the smallest memory of what he looked like.
Lor and Carrie both gave me warm hugs, and I knew they were trying to give me strength for the evening. It worked, too; their affection did everything and was the only reason that enabled me to act like nothing was wrong. They smiled and told me to have a good time, before leaving us to find their own dates.
Of what exactly happened then, I have no recollection. I think Adrian and I spent some time walking around and just watching the hall slowly fill with students in dress robes. Adrian was talking about something and I quietly observed the hall. It was beautiful, as it was always on Christmas. The fairies in the incredibly tall trees lightened up the whole hall, in addition to the candles floating under the ceiling, yet it was a comfortable, somewhat dim light, exactly the kind of light suited for a dance. The house tables were nowhere to be seen, and neither was the teacher’s table. Instead, there were comfortable couches and tables with drinks around the dance floor. At the opposite end of the hall, there was a stage where I supposed the band would play.
While I observed the decorations, I kept my gaze firmly above the heads of the tallest students, which made me unable to look anybody in the face or recognize them. The hope I was clinging to was that the evening might pass without me even having to see .. him.
Some time later, I don’t know exactly when, Dumbledore got on the stage and declared the ball open. Then a band entered the stage, shortly introduced themselves and started playing. None of the Hogwarts students seemed extremely keen on dancing, but still the dance floor filled up quickly. All I noticed was that the majority of the dances were obviously couples, judging from how they kept kissing and smiling and whispering into each others ears.
I tried with all my might to keep the thought that I had once been like that with the best guy imaginable from my head.
“Hey” Adrian said beside me, looking curiously at me.
I quickly recollected myself and directed my thoughts from dreams to the present situation.
“Oh Hi.” I said, and even I realized that that sounded somewhat stupid. I pulled myself together, feeling that, after all, Adrian deserved some attention from me.
“You seem pretty spaced out there”, Adrian said.
“Oh? Oh right. Um, well … I’m not actually”, I lied.
“Congratulations on the most obvious lie in the history of the world”, Adrian grinning.
I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I’m fully concentrated now. Promise.”
“Ok then. So you want to dance?”
“Hm? Oh right. Yeah sure.”
Dancing would have been the one thing to take my mind slightly off my tragedy, dancing, a thing I loved and that required fullest concentration, dancing, that, if I was lucky enough to dance with a partner who knew what he was doing, was one of the most enjoyable things in the world, something in which you could completely lose yourself … oh yes, dancing would have been just the thing, had I never danced with Ced.
This was not the case.
And so, while I danced with Adrian, my mind was fully occupied with the memory of Ced and me dancing, of Ced lifting me up and twirling me around, of Ced’s arm around me, of Ced’s incredible feeling for rhythm and his agile movements which had always made our dancing true dancing.
But still … the power of dance didn’t completely fail me. Adrian was quite a good dancer himself, and so I felt myself relaxing, if only a little bit, while we danced.
We sat down and Adrian got us drinks and then we danced a little again and then we sat down and had drinks again and then we met Carrie and her date (a boy from Ravenclaw) and talked a little and then we danced again and all the while Adrian talked and told me things and was all friendliness and obligingness and although I never became anything that could possibly be described as “cheery” I did brighten up and started answering in words with more than one syllable and grew to enjoy the dancing even more. While all this was a result of Adrian’s constant efforts, I knew that it also had a great deal to do with the fact that I hadn’t seen Ced yet and the hope I might not see him at all grew stronger.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” Adrian said, and I felt him tightening his arm around me slightly, while twirling me around to the music.
I was able to manage an almost real smile. “I am, and yourself?”
“Never been better.”
I smiled up at him, and it was then, when I turned my head left again, that I saw Ced.
I let out a small yelp and fell over Adrian’s feet, tumbling highly ungraciously to the floor.
Several people turned their heads to the commotion, but I paid them no attention. When I picked myself up from the floor, steadied by Adrian’s arm, my gaze was fixed on the blonde guy dancing right to my left with Cho Chang.
Gorgeous, slim, dark-haired, sparkly-eyed, beautiful Cho Chang.
And Ced was dancing with her. My Ced. My eyes were drawn to his hand resting on her upper back and I registered with a sickening feeling how close they were dancing together.
They had not stopped dancing when I had fallen, although I knew Ced had seen. I had felt his eyes on me, tumbling to the floor.
I stood trembling, resting almost all my weight on Adrian to support myself as I raised my eyes to Ced’s face. My insides twisted as I saw he wasn’t looking at me and realized I had hoped he would. I followed his gaze and saw that he was staring over Cho’s head at Adrian.
And while I was busy staring at the way his hair fell so handsomely over his forehead, the way he moved in that familiar graceful way, the way his dark eyebrows showed the smallest signs of growing together above his nose - his gaze turned and his eyes locked with mine.
I felt shock and electricity surge through me. His beautiful dark eyes were still looking right into mine and I felt love and affection overflowing me, feeling as if I was burning, feeling the greatest need to jump into his arms and soothe the incredible longing that had fixed in my heart.
He hadn’t looked straight at me since the night of the break-up.
Looking at him brought back all the pain, but still, I could have looked at him forever.
But at that moment, Adrian’s hold around me tightened and he took my right hand firmly with mine, continuing the dance as if nothing had happened, and from one second to the other I had lost Cedric’s eyes and the spell was broken.
I had trouble concentrating, trouble forming even one coherent thought and it took me a long, long while before I had so much pulled myself together that I could look up at Adrian. He seemed to be deep in thought. I busied myself with staring over his shoulder, my eyes searching for Ced. I managed to catch a quick look at him sometimes, and every time it came with a painful blow, for he was dancing with her and not looking at me.
Soon I lost Ced in the crowd though, for Adrian firmly stirred me away until we were surrounded by couples I did not know.
Oh, how I missed him.
*does happy dance* the good stuff is coming ... next chapter there will be a most pleasant surprise for everyone!