"Hello there! Is this your first time at one of these parties? It is? No need to be so shy and nervous. Just stick with me, I'll show you the ropes! Oh! duty calls, I'll be right back...don't go anywhere."
That didn't take long now did it? Ah! I see you found the Salmon puffs! Let's just hope that the Weasley twins haven't put anything in them! You know them? Yes, they are a couple of tricksters aren't they? Did you know that Fred and George were recently caught trying to use unicorn blood to make anti aging potions for their new line of cosmetics? You didn't? Well, of course you didn't! It was all kept hush hush. How do I know about it? I'm very observant! When you hang around and listen to other people's conversations all day, you pick up a lot of information!
You don't believe me? Well, see that Black haired boy over in the corner? That's Harry Potter. Yes! THE Harry Potter. The former Chosen One, the Vanquisher of Dark Lords, etc. I know a secret about him that no one else knows about! Why should I tell you? I just met you, how do I know you're trustworthy? Fine! I'll tell you, just don't make a scene!
Okay, see that gorgeous young man with the light brown hair and those beautiful big brown eyes? That's right. The one standing by the fireplace. Watch him for a few seconds. Notice anything? That's right! You're more observant than I thought. He and Mr. Potter can't keep their eyes off of each other! What am I insinuating? Why, I'm not insinuating anything, I happen to know for a fact that those two are having a torrid affair! Yes, he does have a wife. In fact, she's the sister of his best friend. I'm not sure if she knows, maybe if she were more observant like me, she would notice something was going on.
Another example? Hmmm... Ah! There's an interesting character! Oliver Wood. Have you heard of him? Yes he is... was a famous Quidditch player. What am I talking about? Well, I guess the news will be all over the Daily Prophet tomorrow, so I might as well tell you. It seems that members of his team, Puddlemere United, were loosing matches on purpose! They were betting against themselves and from what I hear, raking in a fortune! Of course, Mr. Wood vehemently denied any knowledge of his teammates shady dealings. Do I believe him? Sad to say, that he's probably telling the truth. I happen to have known Oliver when he was at Hogwarts and if there is one thing I know about him, it's that he hates to lose. I can't see him throwing a match just for some Galleons! I know, it is sad! He took the fall for the whole team! Yes, I agree, he's either very noble or very stupid! No one here knows about the scandal yet, but I'm sure if they were as observant as me, they would notice that he's not quite the chipper chap he used to be.
There's a man to talk about! Oh, you recognize him? Severus Snape! The famous, or should I say, infamous, former Potions Master? His is perhaps the best story of them all! How he had made an Unbreakable vow with both Lilly Potter and Narcissa Malfoy! Imagine! Having to protect two boys that constantly tried to kill each other! Must have been difficult! I agree with you, I still can't believe he went through with Dumbledore's orders! Having to kill the only real friend you've ever had? Must have been heartwrenching! I know! He had such a hard time convincing the Order that he was indeed on their side. He is a very brave man and quite the hero, wouldn't you say?
Oh no! I can't believe that she is actually showing her face at this party! Over there! That woman, and I use the term loosely, with the bright red dress robes on. That , my dear new friend, is the notorious Pansy Parkinson! I know you've heard of her! Who hasn't? Running the Wizarding World's most famous whore house. Why, every man in this room has graced her establishment at one time or another! And even some women! Don't laugh, it's true! What do I have against her, you ask? Let me tell you. During my time at Hogwarts, she was the most evil spawn of Satan! Years later, she pretended to feel remorse and actually became friends with those she tortured in school. Yes! They really believed that she had changed! Stupid I know! If only they would have listened to me! Hold on to your hair, I'm getting to it! It seems that she really fancied the boyfriend of one of my closest friends and was secretly trying to steal him away. Juvenile, I agree! She planted false evidence. Things like doctored pictures, fake letters and false stories. She tried to make it seem as though my friend was having an affair! I mean, come on now, she would never cheat on her man, she loves him with every ounce of her being! How did she get caught? That was my doing, I busted her sneaking around, and raised the alarm. She was caught planting evidence. My friend and her man booted the good for nothing out of their house and out of their lives! What's she doing here then? I really have no idea! I absolutely hate being in the dark! Maybe I'll follow her and see what I can hear. I'll be right back.
Did I find out anything? I over heard her say to that bloke, Goyle that tonight she was going to finally get them back. I think she's up to no good and I think we should keep an eye on her! I'm glad you agree! If only these people were more observant, they could tell that that slut was up to something!
Who's that you ask? I was wondering when you'd spot him! Isn't he the most gorgeous creature on the face of the earth? Yes, he does seem like he's enjoying himself! But look closer. See the way he leans on the bar, swirling the ice around in his glass? See the way he smiles politely at the girl talking to him? He knows that that woman wants him, he will flirt with her but in the end, he will turn her down. Why? Because he is a married man and he loves his wife! You see no wedding ring? Very observant of you! Take a closer look, my friend. You see the tan line around his left ring finger? I can't understand why no one notices that! She also has that same white line around her tiny finger and no one says anything. These people must be blind! Maybe they choose to ignore it? That is a possibility, my friend! You notice that his eyes keep searching the crowded room, like he's looking for someone? Ah! I think he's found her! See how his eyes lit up? You still don't understand why they don't wear their wedding rings?
Oops, someone is beckoning me. I'll be right back. Take a seat over there, have something to drink, make your self comfortable. I'll just be a moment!
My work is never done! So, how are you enjoying the party? I love the music too! That's one good thing about these retched shindigs! Very well, my impatient fellow, I'll get on with the story! My your curious! Okay, where did I leave off? Yes, well, they do not wear their rings because their marriage has to remain a secret. Why? Because they risk death if it was every found out that he, a Pure Blood and she, a Muggle Born were united in the bonds of marriage! How long has this been kept quiet? Years my friend, years! How can these people be so stupid, you wonder? I have often dwelt on the same question myself. Her friends are the only ones who know and they would never tell. Well, that horrible Pansy woman also knows, and my friends live in constant fear that she'll tell.
Look! Over there! See the lovely woman with the dark curly hair? That's his wife! She is the most wonderful friend in the universe! She saved me. I was mean and uncontrollable. No one wanted me, until she came along and gave me a new outlook on life! I am utterly devoted to her and her friends! You noticed of course how she and her husband look at each other from across the room? I know! They are so in love!
Oh no! That Pansy person is walking towards him! I'll be right back! I need to hear what she's saying!
Don't look so frightened, my confidant! She was just spouting more of her empty threats. How do I know they're empty threats? Good question!
Yes! I see his wife walking up to him! She's ordering a drink and pretending to not notice him! They are so obvious! See how he's looking at her out of the corner of his eye? See the slight smile on her lips? His hand is twitching to reach out and caress the side of her face. I know! It's so obvious to me too! What is she doing? She's actually speaking to him in public? Come on! Come with me! I need to hear what they're saying!"
"Draco." She turned and leaned up against the bar, picking the cherry out of her Shirley Temple.
"Hermione," he said sipping his drink nonchalantly. "Lovely party."
"To be sure. But what the hell is that woman doing here?"
"She says she's hear to let everyone in on our little secret. If we don't give her one million Galleons, she is going to tell everyone that we've been married for three years and have a child together."
"How dare that bitch! How dare she bring our daughter into this? She is just an innocent child!" Hermione slammed her drink down on the bar.
"You know what we need to do don't you?" Draco said turning to her.
"Yes and it's about time!"
"I agree. Shall we?"
"I can't believe that they're going to actually do it! Do what you ask? Tell everyone! What are they thinking? You think they should tell? Why? That's a good point. They are probably tired of secrets. They should be able to live normally like other people. I'm just afraid that his father is going to kill them and their daughter! Of coarse me and her other friends will do everything to protect them! How could you even think otherwise? Look! They're walking over to that Pansy woman. Let's go eavesdrop!"
"We've got something to discuss with you Parkinson," Draco said with a frown.
"So you've decided to give me the money?" Pansy said with a sickly sweet lilt to her voice. "I knew you would! After all, I'm sure you want to protect your secret AND your child!"
"Actually, Pansy," Hermione said with a smirk. "We've decided to not give you the money and to just go a head and tell everyone the truth."
"You can't! You bitch! You took Draco from me and now you won't give me the money? You can't do this!"
"Oh yes we can!" Hermione said and threw her drink in Pansy's face.
"Attention everyone! I have an announcement!" Draco said, taking Hermione's hand. Everyone in the room gathered around, some murmuring about the two of them holding hands. Harry, Ginny and Ron all smiled knowingly.
"It's about time!" Ron said to Harry.
"For these past three years, Hermione and I have been secretly married." There was silence so profound that you could hear every clock in the house tick tocking. "That's not all. I'm happy to say that we also have a daughter together." Now people were looking at one another in shock.
"Congratulations!" Severus said stepping forward and shaking Draco's hand. This broke the silence and more people came forward to wish the couple happiness.
Suddenly Pansy pulled out her wand and aimed it at the couple. "He was supposed to be mine!" As soon as she started to utter a curse, Crookshanks jumped down from a bookshelf and landed on her head. He spit and hissed and clawed her face. Pansy ran screaming from the room.
Hermione walked over and picked up Crookshanks. "You good kitty!" she said, kissing his furry face and squeezing him tightly. She put him down next to their new cat, a Siamese named Sasha.
Crookshanks turned to Sasha and said, "I told you my new friend! She is the most wonderful person in the universe! Wait and see! You'll come to love them all as much as I do! Come! Let's go warm ourselves by the fire. I've got one more secret to tell you. Oh yes! It's a doozey! Look at our mistress closely, do you notice anything? I thought you would! That glow, that smile.Yes, she is going to have another baby! If only her husband were as observant as we are!"