Chapter 1 : inadvertantly suicidal girl, present and accounted for.
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Who invented school? Honestly. Which idiotic person said to themselves, lets lock a couple-a-hundred hormone driven teenagers in a castle to teach them how to curse and hex each other. Well that for you ladies and gents is Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry.
I am a witch. That’s right, a seventeen-year-old Sabrina, currently completing my seventh year at Hogwarts. My name is Kate Richards and I am in Gryffindor. My hair is a golden colour with darkish roots and is quite short and spiky.
At this moment in time I am being bored shitless in the most mind-numbing class known to wizard-kind, History of Magic.
It might just be me but I believe the reason that this class is so dull is due to the fact that a ghost is teaching it. Professor Binns fell asleep in front of the fire one night and got up to teach the next morning, not realizing his apparent death, leaving his body behind.
It is a whole period (sometimes two periods, shudder) of a dead guy droning on about goblin rebellions and elfish welfare. Let me just say Bor-ing.
Well today was no exception. He had been speaking in a single monotonus thread about the Great battle that erupted between Homogenuss (who had an army of mutant pigs) and Lady Calliopi who thought he was a raving lunatic and decided to kill him – can’t say that I disagree with her. I was sitting in the back next to my friend Lily Evans.
She is the epitome of perfect with her flaming red hair that tumbles over her shoulders; emerald green eyes that could make traffic go (get it green lights? Haha I am so witty) and not to mention the fact that she is the smartest witch in our year. She is a Super Spock. So much so she can stay awake in a class like this and actually take notes. But she is not the only one. There is another.
His name is Remus Lupin. He is a part of a – for lack of a better word – gang called the marauders. There are four boys – all in seventh year – that make up this little group.
Firstly there is James Potter. Qudditch captain, Head boy, devilishly handsome, hair that refuses to lie flat. He has jet-black hair that sticks up in all directions and almond coloured eyes that are enhanced by a pair of glasses. His parents are world famous Aurors and are stinking rich so little Potter being an only child is a little arrogant.
His best friend is Sirius Black. They are inseparable. Black is tall with raven coloured hair that falls around his grey eyes. He is the most sought after boy in Hogwarts and he knows it. Girls literally fall at his feet. He is also filthy rich. He plays Beater for Gryffindor alongside me. There is a large selection of words to describe Black and they all mean the same thing. He is an egotistical arse. Along side Potter they are kind of the leaders.
Alongside them is Remus. He’s cute but in a less stand-outish way and more of a quiet, shy, and book-smarts kind of way. He is the most tolerable of the marauders. His head is not nearly as big as Black and Potter’s and he is kind and doesn’t hex Slytherins for the fun of it (not that they don’t need the occasional hex) He is nice to Lily and I and we study with him. He also takes notes in History of Crapola.
Last and most definitely least is Peter Pettigrew. Short, fat, with watery blue eyes, that is Peter. He is the follower, the worshiper. The guy that laughs at the others jokes and over inflates their egos. I don’t even no why he’s a part of the group. No one does. He just is.
Together they make the Marauders. Troublemakers by day, pranking and hexing Slytherins and swimming in the attention they get. They are royalty except with the Slytherins obviously because they are in Gryffindor.
There are probably two girls in the entire school (surprisingly Slytherins included) that hate them. Lily and I. Lily’s reason to loathe them – well actually Black and Potter – is because Potter has taken it upon himself to ask her out constantly for the last four years. Black is just insufferable. Remus is someone I would consider a friend. We study with him and work with him in class. Peter isn’t worth the energy.
Why do I hate the marauders? You may ask. Because they are insufferable, arrogant, conceited, stuck-up, narcissistic, egotistical, bigheaded, self-centred, pretentious, inflated prats.
Yes that pretty much covers it.
Anyways, where was I? Ah yes, the monotony known as education. Well I am sitting just behind his highness (Black) innocently falling to sleep while chewing my gum and blowing bubbles. Not any of this Droobles nonsense. Good old fashion muggle bubble gum. So I am blowing bubbles and obviously popping them.
“Will you cut it out I can’t sleep!” Black hisses turning around in his seat.
I blow a bubble defiantly before smirking at him.
He scowls at me and turns back around. I continue to chew until I start to choke. Lily looks at me before thumping me lightly on the back. Well – just my luck – the gum goes flying out of my mouth and, where else, but Black's hair.
Do you remember a couple of minutes ago when I was going on about how self-centred Black is? Well he is in love with his stupid hair. I mean spend hours in front of the mirror, uses thousands of Galleons on hair products, even enough to marry his raven locks. So colouring, cutting or say innocently spitting gum into it is suicide. Literally.
CRAP! Fuck, bugger, damn, shit, piss it all to hell. I am so dead!
Lily is fighting back laughter. Some help she is. Though it is pretty funny I guess unless of course you count the fact that my life is about to be cut extremely short.
Remus is also trying not to laugh. So much for compassionate and helpful. Pfft.
James is staring at me. Just goldfish style, open mouthed staring.
He hands over a note.
Try getting it out! He’ll kill you if he notices!
Ok, maybe I’ll silently summon it. Yeah that’ll work. Ok then.
CRASH. Blacks head (which is still attached via his hair to the gum) just went flying into my desk. He sat up and turned to me.
“What was that for?” he groaned rubbing the back of his head.
His hand froze and his eyes widened.
“Professor can I please have a bathroom pass?” I said loudly putting my hand in the air.
“Yes of course Reynolds.” Binns said non-handedly writing something on the board.
I’m almost out of the class. Then I can flee. Scarper. Take flight. Move at a brisk pace in the opposite direction of danger. Run for my baby-hole.
“Can I also have a pass professor?” Black asked.
SHIT. Don’t give it to him. Please don’t give it to him.
“Yes, yes whatever Blunt.”
I gulped before running like the wind to the nearest ladies room. I slammed the door to my compartment and put my feet up on the toilet.
There was a loud bang.
“Come out, come out, where ever you are Kate,” Black said in a sing-song voice.
Oh shit. He’s checking all of the compartments. I forgot to tell Lily that I love her and to tell my parents I’m in a better place.
And to say goodbye to my cat Captain Fuzz.
And snog Johnny Depp, which the chances of doing were admittedly slim but now they are none-existant.
Oh crap. He is in front of my cubicle. I can see his feet through the gap under the door.
“Er…This one’s occupied laddie,” I said in a fake Scottish accent.
I heard footsteps and the door close.
That was close.
I let out my breath which had gotten stuck somewhere in my asophogus.
I screamed as the door to my cubicle blew off and into the opposite wall.
To escape, oh fuck, think, think damnit! Yes, yes, idea forming … nope I lost it. Fuck.
Then an idea hit me so hard and fast I almost fell from where I was perched on the top of the toilet lid my legs against my chest and enclosed by my arms.
Ok well I know something about the marauders. I found out in fifth year that Remus was a werewolf. Lily and I were suspicious about his “mother” who seemed to fall sick every month at the full moon. Well when checking if our suspicions were correct we also discovered that the other marauders had become illegal animagi.They had been trying for years so that they could accompany Remus and help him when he transforms. Well me never knowing when to shut my mouth (so proven by the bubblegum-spitting incident) and blurted it out when I next saw them.
“I know you’re all animagi!” I blurted out seeing Potter and Black (Remus was still in the hospital wing and i was unsure where Peter was, probably somewhere involving food) sitting in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Stupid mouth, saying thinks without consulting my brain first.
“Wait, don’t you care that it is illegal or dangerous or that Remus is a werewolf?” James asked.
“Should I?” I asked actually confused. “I mean its only like three nights a month, the remaining 27-28 nights he’s still just Remus. And I guess being he’s friends you’d try and help him.”
“Well it was hard, really hard. We only just got it last year,” explained Sirius, probably trying to make them sound awesome.
“It can’t be that hard,” I scoffed. I mean if they could do it.
“Bet you couldn’t do it,” Sirius challenged immaturely. I was actually expecting him to poke out his tongue and sing ‘na na na na na naaa’ like a four-year-old.
“Bet you I could.”
“Ok then. You have until the end of the year. Loser has to skinny dip in the lake.”
“You my friends are on.”
I transformed into a small black cat and darted between his legs, sprinting towards the door. I transformed back into me.
“Told you I could do it,” I smirked before transforming and running to class.
I transformed one last time back into a human before entering the classroom.
“You’re still alive,” Lily said.
Ok so it could have been worse. All I had to do was cut it out of his hair.
He totally over-reacted saying that his looks are ruined. It honestly isn’t that bad. It actually looks quite good. He doesn’t think so. That is why he is wearing a paper bag on his head. Baby.
“Black I think you’ll have to take your bag off tomorrow,” I smiled sitting down in front of him.
“Why would that be?”
“’Cause you can’t swim in it.”
“What…?” he said.
His eyes, which were visible through little holes in the paper bag, widened in fear as a look of comprehension dawned on his face. He pulled the bag off of his head.
“What’s up with you?” James said sitting down.
“Nothing,” I supplied. “He’s just scared shitless about skinny dipping with you tomorrow.”
“But that’s…that’s not possible! How? How did you get it so quickly?”
“What like its hard?”
Edited 27th Jamuary 2008