Chapter 1 : Being Me
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"I don't want to move again!" I yelled at my parents. "They'll all just find a reason to make fun of me!" Probably not the truth. The schools I went to in the past, the students didn't even bother to ackowledge me, still, anything to keep from moving, again.
I hate how they can make me move. They only do it because they're...well, I guess you could say they're embarrassed of my 'condition'. It's not like anyone will find out, like I told them many times before. My parents loved me very much, yes [I think], they just never thought they'd have someone like me in their family.
"Do not raise your voice to your parents young lady!" my fathers voice broke through to the conversation, if you could even call it that, it was more like a yelling match. He wasn't usually stern, it kind of scared me when he was, but I didn't back down. My father could be very convincing most of the time, but I had to do something, anything that could make them change their mind!
"No one, I repeat, no one will find out! I mean, no one has before!" I said, my voice whiny. "Besides," I went on, "my headmaster said I could stay! She doesn't care."
It wasn't that I liked my school, in fact, I hated it. I just hated to move, and I hated meeting new people. I'm very shy, one thing I hated about myself. I'm invisible, that's why no one noticed me. I wish I could be more spontanious, but that's just not me. I wish I could be more like my sister, a free soul, outgoing, popular, and not mention pretty. She's living my dream life and I'm living some sob lonely story!
"Someone could find out though! Do you know how that would make us look?" my mother said. "It'd be like we don't protect our child." I could tell she was trying to make a point, but it hurt when she asked how it would make them look. My mother was the rule maker of the family. Once she says something, it usually goes.
"But you do protect me! It wasn't your fault," I said in my best convincing voice.
Boy, this was getting me no where!
"Listen, we're moving, that's final," my father cut in again. I knew that I did not have a decision in the move now, I never did when he said this, which he usually only said this when we moved. He only said this to make something final. I glared at them, my foot tapping on the ground. I let out a groan of frustration, and stomped my way to my room.
My parents could really make me miserable sometimes. Knowing them, tomorrow they'd probably be all nice and pretend nothing ever happened! It surpised me that they could be so careless at times, but what would you expect from a pureblood family? Purebloods are known to be cruel and evil, though I'm glad my parents didn't choose the evil part.
I didn't want to move, this is my favorite place we've ever lived, Canada. Hopefully I'll like the new house just as much as I like this one, which is very doubtful. I wish I could move to the town where my cousin lived. I miss him, he was practically my brother. Though I haven't seen him since I was nine...when it happened.
No one knows about my 'condition', and I would really like to keep it that way. I'm not embarrassed of it like my parents are, I'm just afraid that people would judge me, or treat me different. It already takes me forever to make new friends, but if they new of my 'condition' then it would be even harder to do so. I really want a friend that I could tell everything to, someone I know won't judge me or even act differently towards me.
I don't want to be shy anymore either. I want to be the child that no one can control, with no worries. I want to be...well, popular! I want to be my sister, as I said before. I don't like being a shadow, as if I don't exist. I don't like being invisible, dull, boring, I don't like being the 'girl with the book'.
I wanted to change, no...I needed to change. I can't stand being me anymore! I needed to be different, I needed to be...me. How am I supposed to change? How do I be different? How do I be me?
I'm going to change. I'm going to be who I want to be. I'm going to be the girl who doesn't give a fuck! I'm going to do it. I'm not going to care what people think! I don't think I can last through another school year being 'Nicole's sister'. All I have to do now is put my plan into action.
My heart beat faster as I thought all this.
I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this.
The strands of hair fell to the ground silently. My heart still stayed beating fast, but my breaths drew calmer. I knew I couldn't stop now, so I went on. I did the process over, and over, and over. Fianlly, all the was left of my long hair that used to reach my waist, was short silky brown hair, that was close to my ears. I looked myself over, makeing touch-ups in the places that were a different length, I had an odd gift of being able to messure appropriatley, one of the only things I was able to do. My hearts pace had slowed very little, but my breaths were as calm as ever.
I needed something else. Something was missing...but what? Suddenly, a new idea struck me. I took one more glance at my short hair, now a smile forming on my lips as I looked, and krept silently to my sisters room, hopeing I wouldn't run into my parents just yet.
Luckily for me, my sister was at her boyfriends house, so I didn't have to worry about being quiet once I got in her room. I made a pouch in my shirt and pushed all of her 'beautification' items into it. I practically ran back to my room.
Putting the make-up on wasn't as hard as I had thought, one of the reasons why I chose not to every where it before. It took a while to get it perfect, but that's ok with me, I practically have all the time in the world!
I put eyeshadow on lightly, a grayish color, and put on a fine line of black eye-liner under neath my eyes. The mascara made my eyes stand out and made the crystal blue color stand out even more. I didn't put on any foundation, I clearly didn't need it. I looked down at my clothes. Now there's a big problem.
I needed new clothes. My sweatpants and regular t-shirts were comfortable, but I needed girl clothes. Most my colthes had tears and rips and holes, and I didn't want to dress like a guy, even though they have spectacularly comfortable clothes. I breathed in a deep breath before stealing a glance at the clock. 7:28. Dinner would be starting soon. Nervousness creeped up on me, my heart beating fast again at the thought of my parents seeing. Hoping they wouldn't be mad at me for ruining myself, as they would most likely call it.
I ran a hand through my hair, it felt odd not to have all of that hair there anymore. It felt odd just to look at myself in the mirror, a new face peering back at me.
I stole another glance at the clock, 7:30. Right on cue, my mother called me down to dinner.
My stomach did a jump, but I ignored it. I took a deep breath and decended the stairs slowly. I was actually nervous, I had no idea what my parents were going to say! I hoped they weren'y going to get mad but there was the possiblilty that they might like it. Or maybe they'll take my wand, snap it in halp, and tell me to go live with muggles! Wait! They would never do that to me, I'm getting a little too nervous.
I took another deep breath before stepping into the dinning room. Inside, I found my parents engaged in a conversation. Nicole must've still been at her boyfreind's house. Carefully, I walked over to the table, they still haven't seen me yet. I pulled out my chair, and just as I planned, it made a squeak as it brushed against the linoleum. They glanced at me quickly, then both became silent and glanced again, then stared.
It was quiet for what felt like hours, the silence was unbearing, so I did what anyone would do, I broke it.
"Do you like it?" I asked with the most innocent smile I could imagine and my eyebrow raised. They were both obviously lost for words, it took several more moments for an answer to be spoken.
"It's very...different," my mother finally said, closing her mouth which she just noticed was open.
"I know it's different," I said with a sigh, "but do you like it?" It took another long moment for an answer to come out.
"I do like it," my mother answered, a smile began to spread across her face. I smiled back and turned to my father.
"It's lovely," he said, a smile also forming on his face. My smile brightened and I took a seat.
The house elves brought out the food, well, two house elves brought out food, since we only had two.
"When are we moving?" I asked through the silent that took place once everyone had food on their plate.
"That depends," my mother said, "how many days till--" I cut her off before she could say more.
"Eleven." My voice trembled as I said it. My mother gave me a, what I suspected it to be, simpathetic smile and I went back to my food. "Er..." I said slowly, "where are we moving exactly?"
"The country side of course," she said, her eyes brightened, "outside of London." My smile widened and it felt like it would rip my face in two. I was too happy for words to express!
I was soon exused to go to my room. I sat infront of my mirror and played with my hair, however, I was soon erupted by my door opening slowly.
"Aleesha?" my sister asked, I turned to find her sad face, though it quickly changed to shocked.
"W-What did you do to your hair!" she asked, astonished.
"Do you like it?" I asked, ignoring her question seeing as she could obviously tell what I've done to it.
"Of course I do," she rushed to my side and felt it, "it's cute! And you face! Did you steal my make-up?"
"I might've borrowed some," I said innocently. She smiled at me. "So why are you in here again?"
"Oh," her face changed back to sad. "I just broke of with Aston. You know, since we're moving."
"I'm so sorry Nikky!" I said, wrapping her into one of my rare hugs.
"It's ok," she said, hugging me back.
I changed into my pajamas and turned off the light, after taking another glance of myself in the mirror of course. I crawled into my already warm bed.
I couldn't wait to move! Hopefully, I'll get to see my cousin again. I missed him so much! I really hope we go to the same school. It might be a little hard though, going back to where 'it' happened. Oh well, as long as I get to see my favorite cousin, James Potter, again I'll be fine.
I thought over and over in my head. The words were soon engraved there, and I knew I must do something. My heart beat quicker and suddenly, I dashed to my vanity. I took in a deep breath, and reached slowly for my scizzors. I rasied them to my silky light brown hair and took in one more deep breath before cutting off a chunk of hair.