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103 Ways To Annoy Voldemort. by claireabella
Chapter 9 : Eulogies is a very big word
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 10

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Chapter 9.


Hey Everyone. I know I promised I would update more often. So here is chapter 9!


A short warning so all of you are prepared. I will not be writing much as from Febuary as I will be weighed down by about a tonne of homework.




“You see Tom is currently fighting faith. And history.” Lucuis spoke suddenly.


Voldemort’s eyes opened from wear he was sitting in his favourite armchair by the fire.


“Whys that?” Narcissa asked curiously.


“Well, when you think about it. We all know that Toms not going to win. Faits opposing him.” Lucuis added simple.


Narcissa looked absolutely clueless “Huh?”


Lucuis smiled and patted her arm before continuing “Well…. in the story of Cinderella, good triumphed evil.”


Bellatrix looked up “Like in Snow White how the evil lady wasn’t the fairest of them all”


Lucuis nodded enthusiastically as the Deatheaters began to contribute to the current conversation.


“Beauty And The Beast?” Goyle asked curiously.


“Sleeping Beauty?” Crabbe asked.


“Yep they are all movies we’re the badies met a vicious and somewhat painful death” Lucuis added with a smirk.


“What about Ice Princess?” Bellatrix asked.


“Oh I love that movie.” Narcissa replied with a sigh.


“I know I love Disney movies.” Goyle replied with a sigh.


“You love Disney movies, Black, Eye Liner and writing eulogies for your death, does that make you Emo?” Lucuis asked curiously.


Goyle pondered for a bit and turned to Lucuis with a very serious expression on his face “Eulogies is a very big word”

“Not really is only 8 letters” Lucuis replied.


“So are you calling me dumb?” Goyle asked standing up in front of Lucuis.


Lucuis turned and whispered something to Narcissa who in turn whispered it to Bellatrix he nodded enthusiastically.


“I believe I am, Dumb bottom” Lucuis replied with a smirk.


“Oh no you didn’t” Goyle thundered.


“Oh yes he did” Bellatrix chimed in.


“Shut up Bimbo” Goyle hissed and Bellatrix flipped her hair and put her hands on her hips.


“ENOUGH” Voldemort thundered standing up from his armchair.


“You all have exactly 5 seconds to scamper or else I’m going to…” Voldemort trailed off pondering what to do. Voldemort smirked and began to count.


“1” The Deatheaters stood up and put there hands on there hips.


“2” The Deatheaters simultaneously stuck there tongues out at Voldemort/


”3” The Deatheaters took one-step forward.


“4” Voldemort glared at them, clearly expecting them to be gone by now.


“We better be going now,” Mcnair said quickly.


“Good idea” Crabbe nodded in agreement. All the Deatheaters turned and ran out of the room.


“5” Voldemort said to himself and began waving his arms as if there had been an explosion. He even added a sound effect.





Voldemort walked into his personal chambers and found all of his Deatheaters sitting in a circle on the floor.


“Ahh Tommy, just the person we wanted to see” Bellatrix smiled.

”Come and join our powwow” Narcissa replied pointing to the empty plot on the floor.

“Powwow?” Voldemort asked with one eyebrow raised.


Crabbe smiled delightedly and spoke up “It’s a thing we’re we sit on the floor and we talk about life…. We’re not sure if we are supposed to do it like that. We just saw it on a movie about girl guides”


Voldemort scoffed to himself but instead of making a scene he just let out a slight “Oh” and moved to join the circle.


Voldemort looked at the Deatheaters all sitting cross-legged on the floor.


Voldemort sat down and tried to sit like that but he found it far to uncomfortable to he simple had his legs straight out.


“Gosh you’re a party pooper,” Narcissa hissed angrily.


“What?” Voldemort asked with a sigh.


“In the movie, the girl guides had there legs crossed” Bellatrix shrieked.


Voldemort sighed and crossed he legs and ignored the uncomfortable pains of this position.


“So, our first item on the agenda is our name” Narcissa spoke as she read off a pink clipboard, which was decorated in pink glitter glue and pink sequins.


“I propose that we change it to something more light on the heart. The term Deatheater sounds like we are bad people. What about something like Lifedon’teaters or Lifegivers?”


The Deatheaters murmured there approval and Voldemort hissed with anger. “We are not changing the name, end of story!”


The Deatheaters shot glares at him. And he heard a murmur of “Must be his time of the month” Voldemort sighed at there immaturity.


“Oh I got some tampons you can have” Bellatrix shrieked and reached for her blue purse decked out with frills and sequins.


“I don’t want tampons,” Voldemort hissed furiously as the idea that they thought he had a menstrual cycle.


“Oh I have pads” Bellatrix replied simply. And she threw a handful of tampons and pads at Voldemort.


They hit his chest and bounced off and the tampons rolled everywhere.

“What are they supposed to be?” Mcnair asked curiously.


“Well, Cissy, can you get me a cup of hot water?” Bellatrix asked and Narcissa nodded and jumped up so she could run for the kitchen. And she returned minutes later with a mug covered in pink swirls.


“You see, this tampon absorbs. If you put it in hot water it grows in size and absorbs the water” and with that Bellatrix plunged the tampon by the string into the mug of water and instantly it grew in size and absorbed all the water in the mug.


The entire male Deatheaters bar Voldemort gasped in surprise.


“It’s like some kind of weird magic!” one cried and Voldemort sighed and spoke angrily. “For the love of Merlin!”


Voldemort stood up and stormed out of the room. And the Deatheaters returned their gaze to the tampon in the mug of water.





Short I know, and weird, I know. But I am seriously out of ideas and this is a quick chapter. While I was sick I came up with all these great ideas but I didn’t get around to writing them down to that was a shame. But I will not disappoint my fans. So I promise to update ASAP!


Much Love



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