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103 Ways To Annoy Voldemort. by claireabella
Chapter 8 : The Trees May Not Have Ears but they may be Hollow.
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 3

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Hey everyone, I know I have not updated in a while but I have been working on a few fics and I’ve been mega busy over Christmas. But as I promised. This chapter is going to have a CARE BEARS PARTY.


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 “So why didn’t Wendy marry the Doctor?” Bellatrix asked with tears running down her cheeks.

“It was all because the doctor was evil!” Mcnair answered as he hugged a pillow to his chest and tears ran down his cheeks.

 Voldemort sneered with disgust, “You lot of insolent embarrassing fools are only watching a god forsaken muggle television soap!” At that Voldemort stood up and marched out of the room.

 Narcissa choked a sob and hugged Bellatrix “Why does this happen? Why can’t we all just get along? Why must people fear us?”

Bellatrix began crying and within minutes the entire Deatheater crowd were crying and hugging in a group.

 After a few moments Goyle broke away from the group.

 “You know what always cheers me up?” Goyle asked serenely.

Narcissa shook her head. Her black eyeliner was smudged and running down her cheek

“No, what?”

“A Party” Goyle answered simply.

Bellatrix whooped loudly and raised her fist into the air “It’s going to be Tom’s Birthday Party”

“Wasn’t that weeks ago?” Mcnair asked curiously.

 “Yeah, but I still have the Care Bear streamers and birthday hats.” Bellatrix replied with a shrug, while the other Deatheaters cheered and ran to get ready


 Voldemort sighed with relief. He had heard absolute silence for the past hour, well you can’t hear silence, but what was more important, was that he heard nothing.

 Voldemort put his hand up to his eyes and removed the chilled eye mask from his face. These things did wonders for the bags under his eyes.

 He sat up on his wooden bed and groaned. He did not understand it. Surely the potion would wear of soon. Voldemort’s eyes snapped to the door where he heard voices and then a giggle. Then a knock.

 It was surely too good to be true. The silence never lasts long.

Voldemort sighed and opened the door and saw Bellatrix and Narcissa wearing truly heinous matching pink frilly dresses with matching frilly hair ribbons. Standing with them was Lucius who was wearing a frilly, pale, pink tuxedo decked with ribbons. His hair was braided into two French braids, one on either side of his head which even had frills woven through them and as a finishing touch he had pink hair pins and a frilly scrunchy on the end of each plait.

“Hi!” Lucuis sang happily and pulled out of his pocked, a frilly pink blindfold and bounded forward to place it on Voldemort’s eyes and then he felt his arms being tugged forward.

For once in his life Voldemort was truly helpless.


 Voldemort had been walking for about five minutes and he could only see absolute darkness.

“Okay, we’re here” a high pitched voiced shrilled and Voldemort felt hands grabbing at his blind fold. Suddenly it was off and light surrounded his eyes, temporarily blinding him.

“SURPRISE!!!” Everyone shouted. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw all the Deatheaters we’re wearing a hideous frilly dress or a frilly tux, and for some odd reason Mcnair was wearing a pale lemon yellow frilly dress.

Voldemort couldn’t help himself from asking “Mcnair why are you wearing a dress?”

Mcnair smiled and naturally giggled before he replied with “Well there was a bit of a stuff up when Crabbe ordered the dresses and suits from EBAY and someone had to go in a dress. And I must admit the dresses are quite fetching. I really love the frills.”

Voldemort was stunned. This was a first he thought. I mean Voldemort was never homophobic but it was a shock that Mcnair might be crossing into a territory where he liked girls. Well at Hogwarts he never had a girlfriend but they always thought he was either having a secret relationship or he was a late bloomer.

Voldemort snapped away from Mcnair and looked around the room, which was covered in Care Bears theme, from a tablecloth to a huge “Happy Birthday Tom!!!” Banner. There was a huge Care bear themed iced cake on the table. There were streamers with the characters names on it and there were hundreds of Care bear toys everywhere around the room.

“You love the decorations right?” Narcissa asked happily.

Voldemort was totally voiceless and had no idea what to say but he managed to choke out “Yeah I love it…”.

All the Deatheaters beamed and led Voldemort to the middle of the room.

Goyle pulled a huge parcel out from behind a chair and the Deatheaters obediently sat in a circle. And music began to play. Voldemort recognised it as…Forever Young? How Ironic…I think not.

 Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why dont they stay young
(Forever Young ~ Youthgroup)

 At the end of that section the parcel stopped at Lucius. His braids bobbled as he ripped the first layer off revealing a party hat.

And then the game began again. But this time a different song was playing.

 It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Time Warp again!

(Time warp ~ Rocky Horror Picture Show)

 This time the parcel stopped at a Blue Care Bear masked Deatheater and he ripped off the second layer revealing a magical key ring with what looked suspiciously like a bong at the end of it. Voldemort considered wether the Deatheaters even knew what it was.

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Dont cha, dont cha

(Don’t Cha ~ The PussyCat Dolls)

 This time the parcel stopped at Bellatrix who ripped off the layer to reveal a book on ‘How to Cook Mushrooms’ She shrieked delightedly and jumped for joy. Voldemort raised his eyebrow at her with disgust.

And so the game went on for at least another 10 rounds, each time an ironically chosen music played as well as some sort of ill thought out prize given.

And on the 14th round the parcel stopped on Voldemort. He hopped he could get out of this. His music was Happy Boys and Happy Girls by Aqua.

Upon removing the layer Voldemort found a handbag decorated with sequins and beads.

The entire female Deatheaters sighed with Jealousy “You got the good prize” Bellatrix hissed, looking at her book on Cooking Mushrooms with disgust.

Voldemort sighed and stood up. Suddenly a brilliant thought came to his head. What if they played a game of Hide and Seek? if he was it then he could insist on the Deatheaters staying in there hiding spots and then he could get some much-needed relaxation time!

“Okay, because this is my party I think we should play Hide and Seek and I’ll be it. But this is a special game of Hide and Seek. You see, you must stay in your hiding spot until I come and find you or else you are disqualified from the party!” Voldemort spoke, a small smirk playing across his lips.

The Deatheaters cheered and smiled brightly a few whispered to themselves.

“I’m going to count to 100! There will be a great prize for the winner!” Voldemort added before he turned and walked to the wall and began to count out loud. He could hear the scurrying and giggling of the Deatheaters as they ran out of the room.

Voldemort smirked and stopped counting before he sank to the ground and sighed. Why hadn’t he thought of this before?


About half an hour later Voldemort had almost dozed off as he smirked at his own brilliance. He looked around the room and was about to sneak to his bedroom when he thought he saw a moving tree. Voldemort shook his head he must be imagining something.

And then he looked down and saw leaves on the ground. Voldemort shook his head and kept walking until he was positive that he saw it again. Voldemort pressed himself against the stone wall and looked around the corner. And sure enough there was the tree moving and banging into the walls as if it was blind.

And then he heard a familiar giggling and someone yell sharply “Will you shut up!” And Voldemort realised what was happening.

They had obviously somehow gotten a hollow tree and they were some how inside of it.


 The tree crashed into the door that they obviously didn’t see and Lucuis and Mcnair toppled out of the hollow tree and laid sprawled on the ground for a moment before they both jumped off the ground looked around suspiciously before Lucuis asked,

“Do you think Tommy saw us?”

Mcnair shook his head but with a sketch of concern drawn on his face “Poor tree, Quick lets go back to the forest and get another one.”

Lucuis nodded enthusiastically and turned and ran into the heavy wooden door and then fell back.

Mcnair giggled, opened the door and pulled Lucuis through it.

And then Voldemort was inside the hall by himself. Voldemort stood on the spot and surveyed the now ruined hollow tree.

He shook his head and put his hands up. He thought, “What kind of person steals a tree then hides in it, as well as moving around in it, DURING a game of hide and seek?

The Answer?

 An Idiot.



And that’s it for today.

Just so you know. I know the last sketch was a bit weird with the whole tree stealing but it had an important impact.

I promise to update ASAP as soon as I get my brain back and think of a few more ideas!

Thankyou for all the great reviews and to everyone that had recommended my story.

If you have any ideas about something you would like to see on this story just leave them in a review and I’ll see if I can include them. I’m thinking of possibly writing a chapter solely from Reviewers ideas and this would be dedicated to you of course!





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