Chapter 3 : The Suffering
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Shadows and hearts
In which to carry your rule aloud
Can you believe we are
The shock of existence now
And this generation has been found
We’re brought to the underground
Waste me to your dark dream
And taste me until all I see
A thousand sparks we fake
I see the rain
We are those things that you despise
(We will sing)
We are the suffering alive tonight
--Aiden "the Suffering"
It took weeks for me to actually get strong enough to even try and turn into a dog. I ate all the food that the Dementors gave me and tried my hardest to ignore the moldy smell coming from it. I hung onto the small, hopeful thought of revenge and my innocence. There were more Dementors then usual around my cell and I knew it was because the Minister was afraid.
I was going to make his worse fear come true, too. Anyone’s worse fear. A convict, even if I never really did anything, escaping from a prison surrounded my soul sucking fiends. Ha. I’m going to completely screw up the wizarding world. People are going to think Voldemort is back or something stupid.
But I don’t care what other people think or are doing. All I want is to get Peter. I was to kill him. Free Libby from whatever she’s under and let everyone be happy and more peaceful.
One day, there was some commotion down a few floors below. Immediately, all the dementors left to go settle it and get something to eat. I was alone. For a moment, I just stood there, wondering if I should try it now. If I can only get half way, I’ll be stuck, if I couldn’t turn back, then I would have to run then and I still didn’t have everything planned out. But I might not get another chance to try it again. I waited for a minute and the shut my eyes, remembering just how to transform into a dog.
Nothing happened for a long time, and then my bones began to shift, but not in a painful type way, a tickling sensation went down my spine and through the rest of my body and then, I opened my eyes again. My sense of smell was stronger and I could hear better. I looked behind me to see it had worked! I ran in a circle a few times and resisted the urge to bark. I would probably be caught for that.
I shut my eyes again and turned back into a person. It was a bit harder, but it worked. I was ready. Now, all I needed to do was prepare myself to get the rest of the escape planned out and I would be ready.
I’ll admit that I was kind of scared to escape. I didn’t know exactly where I was nor did I know what time of year it was. It could be the middle of winter and I could go out there and freeze to death. Plus, I had no idea what obstacles stood in the way of the exit for this place.
I let a few more days go by. I knew it was days because the Dementors only fed us prisoners once a day. They opened the door to get in to give us food. I could probably slip through the bars as a person, but not as a dog. I was wider as a dog. I had to do it soon before I lost the energy I built up again. As I ate moldy bread, I decided that I would do it tomorrow. When the give me my daily meal of garbage, I’ll slip past them.
That day was very stressful, considering I sat there. Time actually was passing slowly for once. I paced my cell, sat down and twiddled my thumbs, paced again. Time was going backwards I felt. My nerves were building and I wanted to just cave in and decide I wasn’t going to go. But then I stared at the picture of Peter on the Weasley boy’s shoulder. And all the determination to get out of this place built up again.
The Dementors sucked the air feeling the rise of emotion and then I stood and smirked. Something told me the “food” would be coming soon. I took a deep breath and transformed. The Dementors sucked the air harder, since it was harder to sense animals for them. One Dementor showed up with the mold that I was to eat. I moved closer to the gate and it opened it slowly, as it always did. It came into the cell and I slipped past it and ran for it.
The Dementors, able to sense me a tiny bit, realized I was disappearing. I picked up my pace, running down the corridor and taking a turn that I hoped was in the right direction. Stairs. There were stairs. I had no idea how many floors up I was. I could hear the breathing of the Dementors behind me, but I didn’t dare look behind me. I kept running. I went down the stairs, jumping off the last five or six, and sliding into the wall before I continued down that corridor. I could hear people yelling, mumbling, and more Dementors were sensing me.
I kept going down three more flights of stairs and slid out of the grasps of about three or four more Dementors before going down one more flight of stairs and seeing huge wooden doors at the far end of the corridor. Breathing hard and ignoring the screaming stitch in my side, I ran for the doors. Somehow, I don’t know how, the doors opened for me. Magic, I felt, I was doing uncontrollable magic, I think. I wasn’t sure. Not quite. All I was sure of was that the Dementors were chasing me, I was scared out of my head, and relieved to be getting out of here.
I went through the doors and, ignoring the rain that just so happen to be coming down and giving this whole thing a more dramatic effect, I dodged to the left before running straight, hopefully the rain would distract the Dementors from sensing me. I saw a beach ahead and curse silently to myself. Water. And ocean. I had no idea if I enough energy to swim let alone cross an ocean. I stopped, my paws get splashed by the freezing water. I looked over my shoulder.
Azkaban was huge, I have to say. How many Wizards are actually in there, I don’t know, but the place was a huge castle, at least ten stories high. It was the darkest black you could think of and looked like a haunted place. Which, it sort of was. I stared at it and shivered and then saw all the Dementors gliding from it. Windows, doors, from around corners. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever witness. With a cry, more of a gasp, but a cry as a dog, I splashed into the water, swallowing a bunch of water and then swimming off.
Yes, I was swimming. My legs screamed with exhaust and pain, begging me to just stop, but I kept going. I kept pushing myself. Dementors, unable to sense me thanks to the rain, water that I was drowning in, and my animal form, past right above me, not even knowing I was under them. I didn’t slow down though. Or even pause for a break. I kept pushing myself.
I don’t know how long I as swimming, really. It was raining one moment, then it stopped and the moon was out. Half full. I have to say the open night sky really kept me going. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it. It was around now I saw a boat. A big boat. I swam towards it and climbed onto a little ledge, where I was hidden and able to relax away from the prying eyes of the Muggles that were aboard. I didn’t dare sleep, but then I saw the sun begin to rise and I just stared. It was hours that I had been laying there. The boat began to move and I prayed that it was moving in the right direction.
The boat kept moving all morning and all afternoon. I wasn’t bored. I was used to sitting around doing nothing like this. And this time I was outside in open air. Not long in a cell of a prison filled with mad people. The boat started to slow early evening. I got off early seeing a place filled with tress and other such things that I could hopefully sleep in. My legs were tired and I could barely keep my head above ground, but then I reached the shore.
I shook my self just as a dog would and stumbled forward. I just made it into the brush when I collapsed. The last thing I saw was the sun before I fell into a long, deep sleep.
I was finally able to relax.
I didn’t remember any more horrible memories and the effect the Dementors had on me has faded and gone. Jacob, my brother that was a Healer, had stayed with me, Tristan, and Remus, to make sure I didn’t have another relapse. I was grateful for him coming. He had his own family to take care of.
Tristan was so happy to see that I was okay. He didn’t ask me if I saw Sirius or not. He didn’t ask about anything, knowing I would tell him when I wanted too.
But tonight, a nice clear night with the half moon bright, I wanted to tell him. He had the right to know. I don’t know what I thought this, but I felt like Tristan should know everything I knew about his father. He was curious, I knew he was.
“Hey,” I said stepping into his room. Tristan glanced up from where he was sitting, cleaning his broomstick. He smiled.
“Hey, mum, feeling better?” he asked.
“Much,” I replied and sat down next to him. Tristan was still a little kid, I felt, and I wished he would stay that way. But August 12th was only two days away and he would be twelve years old. No longer my eleven year old.
“That’s good. It was taking longer then I had thought it would. Remus was worried too. He was afraid that it would have been permanent,” Tristan explained, getting up and putting his broom back in the corner of the room where it stayed until he went off to Hogwarts again.
“No, not permanent. I think I was just a bit shocked,” I explained, bitting my lip, unsure of how to handle this. He had to know though. Something told me that Tristan had to know.
“I would think. The Dementors would be—”
“I saw your father,” I blurted out. Tristan stopped what he was doing and looked at me. The way he looked at me pained me. It wasn’t a sad or scared look, more of a shocked, curious look. A look that made him look more like Sirius then ever. I looked away not able to take it. Tristan reminded me of Sirius so much it sometimes hurt.
“You saw. . .”Tristan let his voice trail off and then hurried over to me and hugged me tight. I eagerly returned the hug, but I didn’t cry for once. And I was glad for that because I didn’t think that would look too good for me from Tristan’s point of view.
“He was so sane, Tristan, not at all crazy,” I said, pushing Tristan away to look at him, “The Minister put more security around his cell just in case. There’s no way he would get past the Dementors either—”
“Libby,” Remus said coming up to the door and stumbling into the room, “Libby, Kingsley was just in the fire. He said there’s an emergency at work. All Aurors need to be there.” he said urgently.
“Okay,” I said immediately getting into my work mode, “I’ll see you later Tristan. Bye.” I heard Tristan feebly say good bye to me, nodded towards Remus and went to my room where I changed into my robes as fast as I could and the apperated to work.
The Ministry was a wreck. People were running back and forth everywhere and there seemed to be panic. And this was only on the first floor. Fudge was there, looking frantic, shocked, and a bit scared in the front of the room with some people that I knew worked at Azkaban to make sure the Dementors were under control. Dumbledore was there too. Kingsley found me and pulled me up towards them. I saw my Auror in training, Tonks, looking crazy in her blue hair, and she came to my side.
“Something big has happened,” she said excitedly, “They called everyone in!”
“Everyone?” I repeated, I looked at Kingsley.
“I haven’t a clue,” he said in his deep voice.
“Attention!” the Minister said loudly, “Please, everyone, attention!” everyone quieted down, Fudge met my eyes for a moment and then looked away looking pained. Tonks and I exchanged looked and I frowned, “We have a crisis. A horrible crisis. It seems like the impossible has happened—”
“Impossible?” Tonks whispered, “How is it impossible if it happened?”
Kingsley hushed her, but I smiled a bit. Dumbledore looked at me now and nodded at me, as if trying to comfort me. I was getting very worried now.
“It seems that we’ve had an escape from Azkaban,” Fudge said, whispered fluttered through the hall and I gasped, “Despite the number of Dementors, someone has managed to escape the prison. We need all the Aurors to get ready to search. Aurors in training and all. We need to get this to the Muggle World, too, so they are on the watch.”
“Who is it, Minister?” someone yelled out. Fudge looked at me again and my eyes grew wide and I felt my legs collapse from under me.
“No,” I muttered, “No!”
“The man that escaped was. . .was Sirius Black,” the Minister said.
I let out a strangled sob and then, Kingsley catching me before I fell to the ground hard and Tonks kneeling beside me, I completely broke down crying. It was impossible to break out of Azkaban, yet Sirius managed too. He was always able to manage such impossible things. And now he’s done it so big that the entire Wizarding World and Muggle world will be put into frenzy.
“Miss Cullen, breath,” it was Dumbledore’s voice now. I shook my head and took shaking breaths, still sobbing and unable to stand. Tonks was pushing my hair out of my face, trying to be comforting but in shock herself. It was her cousin that just escaped anyways.
“Get her home, Tonks, please,” the Minister said, “Get her to a familiar place and help her relax. She’s going to need it.”
“Yes sir,” Tonks said. I felt her take tight hold of my arm and we apperated.
I saw the familiar place of my living room and was able to breath clearer, though I was still unable to think clearly. The man that escaped was Sirius Black. . .How? Why? I was finally getting better! Tristan and me are the happiest we can be. Even Remus is back. Why is he back! Why now? It’s been twelve years. He shouldn’t be able to even think of getting out!
I heard Remus and Tristan. Tristan voice calmed me.
“What happened?” Remus asked, looking at Tonks, who looked a bit dazed, though I was to distracted to really notice.
“T-the Minister announced a job. Libby just collapsed.” Tonks stammered, “He told me to take her home.”
“Come on, Libby,” Remus said, lifting me from the ground bridal style.
“Is she okay?” I heard Tristan asked.
“Send for Jacob, Tristan,” Remus called over his shoulder, I clung to Remus, still sobbing. He took me to my room and laid me down in bed. He didn’t realize he did it, but he laid me on the side Sirius used to sleep on and the side I usually avoided. Yet, now it was comforting and I took a few deep breaths before finally relaxing. Remus waited until I dozed off before leaving.
I had never seen Mum so messed up. I have visited her in St. Mungo’s and even seen her break down at home, but as I wrote a shaky note to Jacob, and then to Ben, about Mum and sent them off, I have to say I was a bit scared. No one would tell me what was going on with my Mum. I kept asking Tonks but she shook her head.
Remus came into the kitchen as Pinky, our house-elf, gave Tonks and me some tea. Tonks stood up clumsily. She was obviously attracted to Remus, I have to admit. I smiled a bit and then saw that Remus was staring at Tonks for a minute before shaking his head and sitting down next to me.
“Is Mum okay?” I asked.
“She’s sleeping,” Remus muttered.
“What happened?” I asked Tonks.
“I-I don’t want to say,” Tonks said a bit nervously.
We waited in silence when there was a knock at the door. I jumped up and ran towards the door. I yanked it open to see Ben and Jacob there. Jacob didn’t even look at me, he just ran into the house and up to Libby’s room, followed by Remus and Tonks. Ben looked at me though, knowing I probably needed some comforting, too. I was more scared now that Uncle Jake was here.
“You alright?” Ben asked, shutting the door behind him.
“No one will tell me what’s wrong,” I admitted.
“Is she okay?” Ben asked, not hearing me tell him I didn’t know anything. I frowned, feeling a bit neglected.
“She was sleeping when you arrived,” I shrugged. Ben looked at me and bit his lip, “You should go to bed. You’re mother should be fine in the morning.”
“I won’t sleep,” I said. Ben shrugged.
“Might as well try,” he said. I nodded and went up the stairs and to my room. Ben had followed to make sure I did what I was told. I shut the door to my room and changed out of my clothes and crawled into bed. I laid down for a minute and shut my eyes, but just like I thought, I couldn’t sleep.
I laid in bed till morning, hearing people walk around till about four in the morning when they all went to guest rooms and couches. It was around six in the morning that I climbed out of bed and, still in my pajamas, I went into the hall. It was silent and the sun was just beginning to rise. I tiptoed down the hall and peeked into my mum’s room. She was under the covers, but I couldn’t tell if she was sleeping or not.
“She’s going to be fine, Tristan,” Uncle Jacob said from the stairs. He had some tea and looked exhausted. My uncle was a Healer and took his job very seriously, especially when it came to my Mum. His sister.
“She will?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Jake nodded and then motioned for me to come down stair, “Becky and Scott are coming later to stay. This house has enough room, too, I always wondered why Libby kept it. It’s way to big for two people.”
“I like it,” I said as we entered the kitchen, “Mum said it helped her get more used to everything that happened when the Potters died.”
“But what about you, Tristan, you don’t even remember that night and you seemed to be one of the people that were most effected by it,” Jake said. I shrugged.
“I know what Mum told me. Everything else, I just put together myself,” I explained. Jake and I were sitting in the living room now, having left the kitchen with some tea for me. I would have preferred cocoa, but I wasn’t going to correct Pinky. He was getting old anyways. Remus was in the living room with his own tea looking into the fire, frowning.
“What has your Mum told you?” Jake asked as we all took our seats. Remus looked up curious.
“Just that the Potters had picked Dad for their secret keeper. And that Dad was really working for Voldemort the whole time and told him where the Potters’ were hiding. And that they were killed and Dad went running. Peter Pettigrew went after him and cornered him in a street. Dad cursed Peter killing him and a dozen Muggles. The Ministry caught him and then Mum and I were alone.” I shrugged.
“It’s hard to believe he did it,” Remus said. Jacob nodded.
“What do you mean?” I asked curiously.
“Libby and Sirius were too in love for their own good. Or at least, we had though Sirius was in love with Libby as much,” Jake said, “I remember one night after their sixth year, Libby had a horrible nightmare. She was having them all summer. And then this one was horrible. She was shaking and crying and just so scared. I had run next door and got Sirius. When he came Libby calmed so fast it was unnatural,” Uncle Jake said, remembering as he stared into the fire.
“Libby used to sneak into the boys dormitories at night to be with Sirius,” Remus smiled at the memory.
“Ew,” I said, not wanting to know that. Remus laughed.
“They never did anything, of course,” he said, “I don’t think they did anything until we left school. Not that Sirius ever let on, at least.”
“So Mum would just go see Dad in the middle of the night to what? Cuddle?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“They were always together,” Remus nodded, “Always. It was nice, actually, and I always envied Sirius for it thinking I would never get to experience true love.”
“I was never able to believe how much they seemed to love one another,” Jake said.
“We think that’s why your Mum got so upset when Sirius was arrested,” Remus said looking at me seriously, “He lied to her for seven years. Even had a kid with her.”
“That’s worse then killing thirteen people,” I said.
“It is,” Jake nodded.
“Did Tonks ever tell you what was wrong?” I asked.
“Tonks?” Remus asked, “Oh, yeah, Tonks. She left without telling us. She said she’ll be back this afternoon to make sure everything is okay. She didn’t want to tell us for some reason.”
There was a pecking at the window and I got up and opened it for the owl. It dropped the paper and flew off. We always paid for our papers at the beginning of the month. I waved the paper at Remus and Uncle Jake.
“Looks like we’ll find out. It’s bound to be in the paper,” I said. I unfolded it, getting ready to have to flip through the whole thing to find the story. Then I stopped, my jaw falling open in shock, and some fear.
First Man to Escape From Azkaban
That was the Head Line. And underneath was a picture of a man that looked like an older version of me. It must have been before he experimented the horrors of Azkaban, for he was still too clean and too normal looking. Not starved or weak like I would have expected.
Then I read the two words I didn’t want to see.
I dropped the paper and backed away from it, breathing hard. I felt like I had just touched something contaminated with a disease. Jacob, seeing I was freaking out, got up and hurried to me, putting a hand on my forehead and asking me what was wrong. Remus had the sense to pick up the paper. He stared at the page in shock for a moment and then looked at me and back at the picture.
“Jacob,” he called, my uncle turned around and Remus held up the newspaper. Jacob stared at it for a minute too.
“That’s why,” he said.
“Surprised she hasn’t lost it totally,” Remus said nodding and looking at the paper, “Should have know he would do something like this. He always knows how to surprise people.”
“But how. . .?” Jacob asked.
“I. . .I don’t know,” Remus said, but something in his eye told me he had a suspicion or something. I went to Remus, having my breath back, and looked at the picture again.
“I look so much like him,” I whispered.
“You’ve never seen a picture of him before have you?” Jacob asked.
“Mum put them all in the attic,” I admitted, “Sometimes I go and look though.”
Remus folded the paper back up and shook his head, he sat down and stared into the fire. Ben entered the room, fully dressed and looking exhausted. Seeing us all standing there shocked, scared, and lost in memories, with the exception of me who didn’t have memories of Dad, he stopped.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Look at this,” Remus said, handing Ben the paper. Ben’s eyes grew wide and he gasped. Shaking his head. He shard a knowing look with Jacob and Remus.
A/N: Another chapter written. Aren't you all just so proud of me? Yeah, well, i needed to do something. There's a half hour until the Winter Formal, which i didn't go to, is over and then I can go to bed thinking how much better going to see Eragon was. . .yeah. My little brother took me to see Eragon since that is one of my favorite books. Isn't that sweet of him?
It was pretty good, but I recommend reading the books first. My brother only was able to follow the movie thanks to me whispering everything that happened in his ear. . .
Anyways, yeah, I was a bit bummed about not going to the dance, which I really would have liked too. . .but hey, I may go get to see the Taste of Chaos tour in Feb. Which is exciting since like, three of my favorite bands are in it!
But you guys are probably more concerned with what's going to happen in chp. four, right? Since I don't have the chapter written yet, I'll tell you what to expect:
-Sirius sees Harry
-Libby is hired to search for Sirius. And accepts.
-Tristan goes to Diagon alley
-I attempt to write Harry canon.
Nervous about the part with Harry. . .I've only written him twice before and don't think i did so hot. So, you guys will be able to judge whether i do okay or not.
So yeah, i believe that's all there is for you to know. I'll be posting a Christmas one-shot called 'I Saw Evans Kissing Santa Clause' this week, or next weekend. If trusted authors can post. I'm pretty sure they are.
Thanks so much to all of you readers
Hugs to you reviewers!
You all make me soo happy!!
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