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Marauders vs. Muggles: Road Trip Gone Wrong by Melissa Black
Chapter 22 : Henry Harrison, Professional Hypnotist
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 31

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A/N: I've gone through all the chapters and revised and edited everything, so if you haven't read the fic in a while, now is the perfect time to re-read! I'm sorry about my hiatus, things have been busy. [Dec 2006]

“Geez Sirius is heavy.” James groaned as he and Remus dragged Sirius out of the elevator. They had finally reached the floor the hypnotist was on.

“Well at least there’s no one around to see us anymore. I swear everyone in that restaurant was staring at us.” Remus replied. His hands were gripping Sirius’ arms, and he had to walk backwards to scuttle out of the doorway.

“That’s the second place I’ve been banned from for life in only one day! At this rate there won’t be anywhere left in the city to go to by the end of summer.” Lily sighed.

“Don’t forget the pool, darling, that makes three.” James reminded her.

“We were banned from the pool too?” Lily asked, exasperated.

“No, I think we were just kicked out of there.” Remus told her.

“Oh.” James said. He looked back at Lily. “Only two then.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “That makes me feel better.”

“You know this hypnotist thing was your idea, you could help carry the load you know.” Remus said, struggling along.

“He’s your horny friend.” Lily pointed out. “Why should I have to help carry him? Besides, if I touch him his eye will probably go on another frenzy. And we just got it to stop!”

“It doesn’t matter, look, we’re here.” James said, nodding his head toward a door.

It read Henry Harrison, Professional Hypnotist.

“Catchy name.” Remus commented. “Mind getting the door, Lil?”

Once inside they found themselves in an open room, filled with several chairs and a large desk in the front. It was like being in a classroom.

“Bloody, I didn’t know this was going to be like school! We’re on vacation, Lily.” James chided the girl, dropping his end of Sirius with a loud thud.

Remus followed suit, allowing Sirius’ head to smack the floor.

“Be careful, you don’t want to give him permanent brain damage.” Lily told them.

“Lily, you had me knock him out with a serving tray.” Remus retorted.

“Oh, right.” she said simply.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure the damage was already done way before we met him.” James chuckled.

“If Sirius were conscious, I think he would take offense to that.” Remus noted.

“And then he would be distracted by a cloud outside the window.” Lily finished. “I swear that boy has the attention span of a goldfish.”

A door on the far side of the room opened, and a man in a purple and blue trimmed suit came inside.

“May I help you?” he asked.

“Are you Henry Harrison?” Lily asked in response.

He nodded. “Yes, that’s me.”

“Well you see, sir, we need your help.” Remus told him.

Henry looked at him, frowning slightly. “I’m sorry, but you have to make an appointment.”

“Please, sir, this is sort of a last minute problem.” James said, motioning to Sirius who was on the ground by his feet.

“Oh dear.” Henry said, coming over to examine Sirius closer. “Well alright, I suppose I can make an exception. The session will cost $100 standard fee, but be warned I am not liable for any harm that may come upon this boy. It is him who will be undergoing treatment, yes?”

“That’s right sir.” Lily replied.

“Okay then, you two sit him up in a chair.” Henry instructed James and Remus. “Now Miss, how will you being paying?”

“Do you take credit?” Lily asked, taking out her mother’s credit card.

Henry took it and disappeared back behind the door.

James and Remus meanwhile were struggling to get Sirius to stay in the chair.

“I think we got it this time. Easy, easy.” Remus said, as they let go of the boy and stepped away. For a moment, the unconscious boy didn’t move, but slowly he started to slide. He toppled to the ground.

“Damn it, so close.” James cursed. “One more time.”

They heaved Sirius back up onto the chair again just as Henry came back out. He handed Lily back her card.

“The transaction came through. Now, what would you like me to do?” he asked.

“Can you wake him up for starters?” James asked as Sirius once more toppled over.

“For goodness sake.” Henry sighed, walking over to Sirius. He gave him a hard slap on the face.

“WHAT? PEEPS? WHERE AM I?” Sirius woke with a start, looking wildly around.

Henry put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Calm down, son.”

Sirius calmed slightly, but not by much. “You’re not my father! Who the bloody hell are you? Where are my friends?”

Henry looked over to Lily. “Is he insane?”

Lily nodded. “Pretty close, yes.”

“Don’t worry Sirius, we’re all right here.” James said, crouching down beside Sirius.

“Oh, good.” Sirius said with relief. “Moony? Where are you Moony?”

James got up, and Remus took his place, crouching beside Sirius. “Right here.”


Sirius leapt onto Remus, pinning him down and putting his hands around his throat.

“Sirius!” James exclaimed, attempting to peel the crazed boy off of their friend.

“Sirius!” Lily also said, causing Sirius’ eye to twitch.

Sirius yanked his hands off Remus and smacked his eye, knocking himself over.

“GAH!” he yelled.

“That’s why we brought you here, Sirius, we want to help.” Lily told him. She turned to Henry. “Please, can you hypnotize him? Make him think that he and I have been on a date before?”

“And make him think they’ve made out before, that’s important.” Remus added.

Henry looked at them strangely. “That may be the most bizarre request I’ve received yet.”

“Really? Surely someone’s asked you to do something weirder.” Sirius commented.

“Well, there was that one lady who wanted to live among the birds...” Henry said thoughtfully. “But obviously I couldn’t let her do that, if she ever tried to fly she would kill herself!”

“I thought you weren’t liable for harm that came to your clients.” James said.

“Yes, well, moving on. Sirius, I want you to sit in a chair, please.” Henry instructed.

“Why should I?” Sirius asked shiftily.

“Sirius, please just do as the man says.” Remus said.

“And why should I listen to you? This is the second time I’ve woken up somewhere I didn’t want to be. I’m starting to think you really are in league with the house. You’re trying to take me out, aren’t you?” Sirius questioned.

“Just sit in the damn chair Padfoot.” James said. “None of us are in league with the house, we promise.”

Sirius sat reluctantly in the chair, eyeing all of them. His eye twitched when he reached Lily. “Well, get on with it then.”

“You are getting very sleepy.” Henry told him, taking out a watch on a long chain and swinging it in front of Sirius’s face.

“It’s just like in the movies.” Lily said, a hint of excitement in her voice.

“...very sleepy.” Henry continued.

Sirius was following the watch with an annoyed look on his face. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are, you’re getting very sleepy.” Henry said, a bit more firmly.

No, I am not. Stop telling me how I feel!” Sirius snapped.

“When I snap my fingers you will fall into a deep sleep, and you will only hear my voice and mine alone.” Henry told him, ignoring Sirius’ commentary.

“I doubt that, but whatever you say.” Sirius shrugged, still following the watch with his eyes.

“Do you really think it will work?” James whispered over to Lily.

“I hope so.” Lily whispered back.

Remus walked a few steps back from Sirius to join Lily and James. “Let’s make him quack whenever someone says ‘duck.’ All agreed?”

Lily and James both grinned. “Agreed.” they said in unison.

“Well are you going to snap your fingers or aren’t you?” Sirius asked Henry impatiently.

Henry looked at the other Marauders, who merely shrugged. Then he snapped his fingers.

Sirius instantly fell asleep in the chair, slumping over slightly.

“Oh lord, he’s not going to fall out of the chair again, is he?” James asked.

Henry smiled. “No, he should be fine. Sirius, can you hear me? Please reply yes or no.”

“Yes.” Sirius answered him.

“Alright, I want you to picture a beach. A beautiful beach. The sky is blue, the sun is shining, the water is gently rocking with waves. You’re on that beach Sirius. You can feel the summer heat and a gentle breeze. There’s sand between your toes...” Henry said in a soothing voice.

“It’s nice. I like the beach.” Sirius murmured. “Wait, what’s that?”

Henry frowned. “What’s what?”

“There’s something by my foot. I think it’s a crab.” Sirius said. “OW! It pinched me! That stupid bugger pinched me!”

“It’s gone Sirius, the crab is gone. You’re alone now, completely alone.” Henry told him quickly.

“Alone? All alone? I don’t like being alone. I’m scared!” Sirius said frightfully.

“Bloody...” Henry muttered. “There are people nearby, you’re safe.”

“What sort of people? They’re not Slytherins, are they?” Sirius questioned, scrunching his nose.

“NO!” Henry said, clearly at his wit’s end. “Let’s finish this. You have dated...” He turned to Lily. “...what’s your name darling?”

“Lily Evans.” she answered.

Henry turned back to Sirius. “You have dated Lily Evans before. Things didn’t work out, and you two decided to just be friends. And you, at some point, made out.” He turned again to Lily. “Is that good?”

“Perfect.” Lily replied. “That’s exactly what we wanted, thank you.”

Sirius was grinning in his chair. “Did we— ”

“NO!!!” everyone shouted at once.

“Well, if that’s all...” Henry started to say.

“We want him to quack.” Remus added quickly.

“Pardon?” Henry asked.

“Whenever he hears the word duck, we want him to quack.” Lily said. “It’s evil, but with simplicity. I mean, we can’t go overboard, that just wouldn’t be fair. He would find a way to get us back.”

James and Remus nodded in agreement.

Henry sighed. “And whenever you hear the word ‘duck,’ you will quack. I’m going to snap my fingers, and you’re going to wake up again, do you understand?”

“Yes.” Sirius replied.

Henry snapped his fingers and Sirius’ eyes snapped open. “Sirius?”

“I told you I wouldn’t fall asleep. Can we go now?” Sirius asked, standing up.

“Did it work?” James asked. He, Remus, and Lily exchanged looks.

“Sirius, do you want me?” Lily asked plainly.

Sirius sighed. “Lily, I know it’s been a while, but you have to get over me. We had our chance and it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Everyone raised their eyebrows in surprise. Lily’s jaw dropped.

Sirius put a hand on her chin and pushed up. “Close your mouth, dear, you’ll catch flies. What is everyone staring at?”

“Duck.” said Remus.


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