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Chapter 14 : Chapter 14: Mind Like A Trap
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“Harry.” He held out his hand and she shook it.
“Of course.” Jane opened the door and waited for them to pass through before following them in and closing the door. She went to the armchair that was across from the couch that Ginny and Harry had sat on. She picked up a stack of notes and started flipping through the parchment. “What can I help you with?” She looked up and smiled at them.
“What did Hermione tell you?” Ginny asked as she shifted in her seat. She felt Harry’s hand slip into hers and squeeze it reassuringly.
“She was concerned that you are repressing memories.” She smiled benignly. “She also informed me that you had forgotten most of our sessions together. I have to say that troubles me as well.”
Ginny shrugged. “I remember you telling me that you could not help me with my dreams.”
The older woman sat up straight and studied Ginny carefully. “I never said I could not help you.”
“What?” She questioned. “But… I clearly remember you telling me that!”
“No Ginny. I told you that your dreams were not in my realm of expertise and you assured me that you would seek help from your friend once you were home for Christmas. I gather that you friend is now your sister-in-law.” She eyes Ginny carefully. “Your dreams are not a mental problem. After the holidays we did not meet again so I was unable to check with you on it.”
“No. You never said anything like that.” Ginny denied softly but her own mind was hazy on the subject and what Jane was saying sounded familiar. “Why would I forget that?” She suddenly asked desperately.
“You remember it then?” Harry put his arm around her as he questioned her.
“I…” Ginny closed her eyes and tried to think back. The memories were extremely muddled but they were there. “Vaguely. I can picture us talking but I can’t seem to hear what we are saying to each other.” This realization disturbed her.
“I have my notes and you can read through them if you would like.” Jane passed over the stack of parchment. “But right now I would like to talk about your dreams. Tell me what is happening to you.”
“They have been occurring every night since I found out that Hermione was having a baby.” Ginny informed her quietly.
“I see.” She got out more parchment and started to take more notes. “You did finally admit to your family that you are unhappy, right?”
Ginny’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t tell you that I was hiding things from them.”
Jane’s head shot up to look at her. “Yes, you did. I have it in my notes and I reviewed them extensively this morning so that I would be able to help you today.”
Ginny shook her head vehemently. “Why would I be honest with you when I was not with the others? I didn’t even tell Harry about the dreams until six months after I stopped seeing you. All we ever told each other was that we were constantly unhappy.”
Her face was full of concern. “You did. They are all there.”
“But…” Ginny looked down at the hand written notes and started riffling through them until she found what she was looking for. She quickly read through the notes that Jane had taken.
Today we have had a break through. When I asked Ginny how she is sleeping she admitted to having nightmares that seemed real. When I waited for her to continue she did so and opened up about how her dreams were so real that it was as if she was reliving them. I am afraid that the dreams are not merely her minds way of working through her problems. Because of the intensity and frequency of these ‘real’ dreams, I fear that she is being influenced from the outside.
Then she moved quickly through the pages until something else caught her eye.
She admits to lying to her family to protect them. Ginny feels badly that she cannot be happy when the rest of her family is getting married and moving on. She refuses to open up with them. The only person that she discusses her problems with, besides myself, is her friend Harry. We continued to talk about her dreams and it has become readily apparent to me that these are not normal dreams. After I explained that the dreams were likely caused by external manipulations, Ginny agreed to seek help from her friend who works in the Department of Mysteries. She had not given me permission to make inquiries from my colleagues. She claims that she fears being labeled as “crazy”.
She kept going until the last page of notes.
Ginny is excited to be heading home for the holidays. It is my belief that she is thrilled to be seeing Harry. I have encouraged her to speak with him about her dreams and she has promised to do so.
“No. I never said any of these things!” Ginny looked up through her tears at the other woman. She frantically sought to reassure herself that she had not purposefully forgotten any of these things but part of her mind knew that the other woman was not attempting to deceive her. She sighed as she internally admitted defeat. “Why did I forget this?”
“I don’t know, Ginny. I was hopeful that you would be able to recover after the root of the dreams was discovered. I find it extremely curious that your nightmares have increased so dramatically recently.” Jane looked at her expectantly. “Do you want to talk about that?”
“I…” She turned quickly to Harry. “Did you discuss your dreams with your Mind Healer?”
“No. I intentionally did not mention it. We talked about all of the deaths that had occurred and my feelings over having killed Voldemort.” Harry looked down at her in concern. “I only talked about my dreams with you almost a year after the final battle.” He cupped her cheek and ran his thumb gently along her cheekbone. “I could only talk about it with you.”
“Have your dreams gotten worse?” The Mind Healer asked him.
“No. Mine are about the same. I have a dream every few weeks.” He said quietly.
“So am I jealous of my sister-in-law?” Ginny tried to probe her own mind to find the answer but Jane interrupted her increasingly darker thoughts.
“I believe that it is natural to want certain things. You did express a desire to marry once. Most witches and wizards marry so I am sure you have become increasingly saddened about remaining single.”
Something clicked in Ginny’s mind and for a moment her head cleared and her memories were there, in the forefront of her mind before suddenly they were gone again. “Damn.” She whispered. “I almost had it!”
“We will meet more so that we can talk through this but I want you two to discuss all of your feelings together tonight and write down for me your reaction. I know that you are keeping a dream diary.” Jane looked up and she felt Harry nod in confirmation. She had buried her face into his chest. “I can work you in on Friday.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Harry asked as they settled into his bed that night. He pulled her into his arms and held on to her securely. “It hurts me that you are in so much pain. I wish we had more answers.” He rubbed his chin against the top of her head before dropping a kiss on her temple.
She sniffed. “I don’t know what to say. I’ve obviously been repressing things and Jane seems to think that my dreams are not caused by my own mind. Why would I want to forget that?”
His voice was remorseful. “I wish I knew.” He lifted her chin so that she met his eyes. “You know what amazes me most?”
“What?” She asked as a grin tugged at her lips.
“I find you amazing. You have pushed all of these problems aside to do your job. You are an amazing Auror and you are an amazing friend. You are always there for me.”
She laughed softly. “I love you… and I love beating you in duels. I had to practice.”
He chuckled and ran his hand along her back. “Is that why you studied so hard your seventh year?”
She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “No. I did that because I missed you terribly and it helped me to forget about all of my problems. Maybe I have been using work to push my problems to the back of my mind.”
His hand stilled and came up to his forehead. “Could that be how you are able to repress your memories? You fill your time up with other things?”
The possibility of that was not unreasonable but it only made Ginny feel exhausted and unwilling to talk any longer. “I just want to sleep right now.” Another thought occurred to her. “You won’t let me forget this, right?”
“I won’t.” He kissed her before pulling her close. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Ginny was nauseated by the thought of Harry fighting by himself but they needed to protect the young students who were hiding in the castle. What surprised Ginny most is that she could easily hold her own in the fighting. The fear she was feeling for Harry steadily grew worse as she dueled the black robed figures and was extremely tempted to seek him out. She heard a noise from behind and her and turned hurriedly. Her heart stopped when she saw the green light leave the wand of a tall Death Eater. She ran quickly towards their battle. “Stupefy!” Ginny shouted and the red stream hit a Death Eater who fell unceremoniously to the ground but her eyes were on her fallen friend.
“Seamus!” Ginny ran over to her housemate but it was too late. There was nothing she could do about a death curse. She looked up through her tears at the battle that raged around her on the Hogwarts ground. In the distance she saw Ron and Hermione fighting off Death Eaters with the rest of the DA but Harry was not there. Where had he gone? She scanned the field and to her horror saw him dueling Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange at the same time. She started running towards them to engage Bellatrix in a duel.
“Look it’s the smallest Weasel.” Bellatrix taunted before throwing a killing curse at her. Ginny dodge and attempted to stun her but she blocked it easily.
“Bellatrix!” Voldemort yelled at her. “Dumbledore!”
The older woman turned to the Headmaster who was now engaging Voldemort in the duel along with Harry. Ginny took her chance and yelled, “Reducto!” She spell went straight for her but not before Bellatrix shot off one last spell.
“NO!” Ginny screamed as she watched the green light sail towards their Headmaster. He was hit and fell immediately. Ginny turned back to curse Bellatrix again but was surprised to see the woman thirty feet away, not moving. She turned back to Harry and began firing spells at Voldemort. Harry withdrew the large sword that he always carried with him.
“You silly girl! Do you honestly think that you can defeat me?” The cold voice that had once belonged to a sixteen year old that she had trusted floated to her as he blocked a banishing spell.
“You owe me!” She screamed at him. “You stole my childhood you asshole! Detrimentum Capis!” She shouted the spell at him and he started to shake violently before he was able to throw it off.
“So the little girl knows a few dark curses. How informational. But I am finished with you.” He raised his wand towards her.
“NO!” She turned towards Harry to see that he was looking at her and his eyes were filled with fear. In an instant he had turned back to Voldemort and was swinging the sword wildly. Voldemort tried to throw a curse at the enraged young man but it could not reach him. Harry advanced on him on and thrust the sword at the stomach of Voldemort who was trying to retreat. Ginny acted without thinking and sent another banishing spell at his back, forcing the man to stumble forward. Harry sunk the sword in to the hilt and twisted it around. “You are finished.” He growled and he let go of the sword.
Ginny swallowed and watched in horror as the man before them disintegrated and a pale green wave shot out from him, hitting her and Harry and knocking them to the ground.
Ginny’s eyes snapped open and she looked up to find Harry writing quietly on the parchment. “Hey.” He looked at her before placing a comforting hand on her cheek. “What was yours about?”
“When you killed him.” She replied simply. “What about you?”
He sighed after writing her dream down and set the parchment aside. “I was dreaming about when I first realized that I fancied you.” He lay down next to her on his side so that he was facing her.
“When was that?”
He laughed derisively. “It was the train ride back to Hogwarts my sixth year.”
“Really?” She asked and heard the disbelief in his voice. “But I was dating Dean.”
“I know.” He bit his lips and tears filled in his eyes. “I realized that I was the biggest idiot to have ignored you for all of those year and I had lost my chance with you. You had been comforting me the whole summer but I had ignored the fact that you had a boyfriend. We walked to the train compartment without Ron and Hermione because they had prefect’s duties to see to and when we found an empty compartment. You sat with me in silence. I was comforted by it until the compartment door opened and Dean walked in. You ran to hug him and…” A tear rolled down his face. “I saw that you were happy so I kept quiet. What really made me realize how much you meant to me was what happened next.” He finished as he ran a finger over her cheek.
Understanding filled her. “I didn’t leave you. Dean asked me to come and sit with him and Seamus but I insisted that I was going to stay with you until Ron and Hermione came back.” She started to giggle at the memory. “He waited with me but it was the beginning of the end for us. I think he realized at that moment how much I really cared for you.”
“I’m sorry Gin. I just wanted you to be happy. I didn’t mean to cause problems between you two.” He kissed her softly.
“This is not your fault.” She studied his haunted eyes. “I think we have a lot of things to work through with the Mind Healer.”
He gave her a small smile. “We will get through this and then we’ll be happy and get married.”
Her breath caught in her throat, momentarily rendering her speechless. “I would like that but I think we should catch Malfoy first.”
“Maybe.” He tucked his arm around her waist. “Good night.”
A/N: Thank you to Blumnkymn for the use of the spell "Detrimentum Capis"
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