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Chapter 1 : Chapter 1: Driving the Dark Lord Looney
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“Bring her to me.” Voldemort sneered derisively down at Wormtail who was quivering at his feet.
“Yes m-my lord.” The sniveling waste of human flesh said before backing out of the dank room on his knees. The door shut with a resounding thump causing Voldemort to scowl at it, willing the damn thing to burst in to flames. Most unfortunately the steel door did not ignite.
It had not been going well for him. He had lost several of his best Death Eaters to Azkaban and he was now stuck with Snape constantly as the good professor had recently lost his job at Hogwarts. Voldemort reached a hand up to massage his temple, which had started to throb. Snape was the epitome of arrogance but he couldn’t just kill him. After all, Snape had proved his loyalty by killing Dumbledore, something not even he, The Dark Lord, had been able to do. Today was not going to be a good day unless their captive had the information he needed.
There was a knock on the solid door before it swung open and two of his Death Eaters dragged in a small girl between them. Voldemort smiled in triumph as he gazed down upon her.
They pushed her down to her knees and bowing to their Lord, quickly turned and left the room.
The Dark Lord surveyed the girl with interest. She was severely lacking in height and had untidy dirty blonde hair. Her face was small and heart shaped and she had large, protuberant eyes that seemed completely out of place on her. Those very eyes were gazing up at him in wonderment at the moment.
Voldemort was suddenly unnerved by her behavior. Most people brought before him were cowering with fear by this point. But this girl was just staring at him as if he was some kind of potions experiment gone badly.
“What is your name?” The Dark Lord hissed, trying to regain his equilibrium.
“Luna Lovegood,” the girl replied, not breaking her stare, her eyes never blinking. “And yours?”
The Dark Lord was momentarily dumbfounded. Who was he? Was the girl insane? Or was he just losing his touch? A sweat broke out on his brow as the thoughts swirled through his brain. First Snape kills Dumbledore, then this slip of a girl shows no fear nor respect for his presence. The Muggle tortures would have to be stepped up, he decided. It wouldn’t do for people to stop fearing his name.
“Foolish girl.” He spit out derisively. “You are in the presence of Lord Voldemort.”
“Oh, nice to meet you,” Luna said getting to her feet and holding out her small hand. “But that is a very silly name if you ask me. Did your parents not like you? You know that there are ways you can change your name if you wanted.”
The Dark Lord balked. Stupid name? Change your name? Who was this girl?
“You are an idiot or very brave to speak to me like this little girl.” He retorted menacingly.
Luna shrugged. “It was just a suggestion. I was not trying to make fun of you for it. Some people call me Loony, you know.”
“Enough games.” Voldemort paced slowly, ignoring her prattle, before turning to face her. “If you want to live tell me what the Prophecy says.”
Luna frowned. “Prophecy? What Prophecy?”
Voldemort eyes narrowed. Trust his servants to capture the wrong girl. “WORMTAIL.”
The door opened and a small fat man rushed in and fell to his knees before the Dark Lord kissing his robes. Voldemort felt his revulsion for the little man rise like bile in his throat.
“You called me master?”
“Who is this girl? You have kidnapped the wrong person you fool.”
Wormtail looked up and gazed at Luna. “It is the right girl master. She is a good friend of Potter.”
Voldemort turned to Luna and looked at her with an evil smile, choosing to ignore his earlier declaration that Luna could not be the right girl. “No one can fool Lord Voldemort. Now for the last time what is the Prophecy?”
Luna gazed at him patiently. “Don’t you know that there are no such things as Prophecies? Divination is just one big hoax,” she said slowly as if explaining something to a particularly stupid two year old.
“Sh-sh-she was at the Department of Mysteries, My Lord.” Wormtail informed him quickly. “She was in the Hall of Prophecy.”
Voldemort rounded on her, pointing his wand at her throat. His eyes narrowed and he felt his heart begin to race as it always did before he killed. “Is that true?”
“Yes.” The mad looking girl confirmed before shaking her head. “But those were not Prophecies.”
Voldemort blinked slowly trying to comprehend what he was hearing. “They weren’t?”
“No.” Luna said evenly.
“Then what exactly were they?” Voldemort kept his wand at her throat but it did not seem to faze the girl in any way. He gulp slightly, feeling somehow wrong footed.
Luna smiled serenely. “They were Utza Bees.”
Voldemort took a step back, finally realizing that this girl was insane but that was not enough to stop him from asking, “what are Utza Bees?” He regretted it the instant he had spoken and almost silenced her before she could answer but her expression stopped him. Luna had scowled.
“It was Fudge’s idea.” Her frown deepened into concentration. “But I don’t think they should be released or even bred for that matter even if they were intended to kill you.” She cocked her head to one side and studied him again.
Voldemort waited for several moments for her to continue but when she did not he began to fume again. “Tell me the rest or I shall kill you now!”
She bristled. “You don’t need to be nasty about it. All you had to do was say please.” Luna reached up and touched her odd necklace that was adorned with butterbeer caps. “The Ministry has been crossbreeding Africanized Honey Bees from the Americas with Cornish Pixies. They have named them Utza Bees and they will be used to attack you once they have hatched. Unfortunately for the Ministry we smashed many of the eggs while we were there a year ago.”
The air stilled around him as he absorbed what the lunatic had said. There was no way that the Ministry was breeding an army of bees and yet, she seemed so certain. What the hell was wrong with her? He decided he did not really care to find out.
“WORMTAIL!” Voldemort turned quickly to the man who was still prostrate on the ground at his feet. “Kill her and find me the incompetent servant who recommended her as the one to abduct.”
“There is no need to be inhospitable.” Luna’s voice sounded mildly irritated.
Voldemort pulled his wand again, to finish her off but as he turned he saw her twist one of the caps on her necklace and instantly she was gone.
“You didn’t check her for a Portkey?” Voldemort asked softly.
“We d-did my Lord and there weren’t any on her!” Wormtail cried piteously. “P-please M-m-master, it was all Malfoy’s doing.”
“Explain quickly.” Voldemort did not know that it was possible for him to still have headaches but he should not be completely surprised. The little rat on the floor was nothing but a headache.
“Draco said that she was Potter’s date at a party. I had just assumed that she would know something.” Wormtail’s shiny eyes hardly met his stare and he was revolted to see the little man’s nose begin to run.
“Clean yourself up and send young Malfoy in here.” Voldemort snapped at him. The rat wiped his sleeve over his nose before backing quickly from the room.
“Malfoy.” Voldemort said the name as though it was a particularly delectable sweet. He had attempted to off the brat last year but in the end Draco had managed to prove himself worthy, unlike his incompetent father. The child had even proved useful over the past few weeks. He had been updated more fully on Harry Potter’s daily activities and those whom Potter associated with.
Voldemort turned to a table before pulling out a picture of Potter from the Daily Prophet. He put it up on the wall with a Permanent Sticking Charm. He moved back across the room and took careful aim at the face that now constantly appeared in the paper. His first shot was a Stunner that would have hit its mark if Potter’s image had not moved swiftly off the page. Scrunching up his face in indignation, he threw a chair across the room at the article. He missed. Harry’s face poked out to stick his tongue out before disappearing again.
Voldemort was going to toss something else at the picture, when Draco Malfoy stumbled through the door and fell to his knees in front of him. The small boy had always reminded Voldemort of a fairy but his eyes gave him away. They were often cold and calculating. Right now, however, the littlest Malfoy appeared as though he was likely to wetting himself.
“Who was Luna Lovegood and how did she escape here with a Portkey?” Voldemort asked him quietly, almost patiently. He didn’t want to smell the odor of piss at this moment.
“My Lord, she was with Harry Potter last year and went on a date with him and… I don’t know anything about a portkey. She was searched for one when we brought her here.”
Voldemort fumed. “Obviously she was not searched thoroughly enough if she was able to escape. It was on her necklace, a butterbeer cap.”
Draco’s pearly white face drained further of the rest of its color until Voldemort was sure it would glow if he extinguished the light. His mouth opened several times, mouthing like a fish. After several long moments he answered. “It is a Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes product, my Lord. They make security items too.”
Voldemort’s eye twitched at the stupidity that his Death Eaters were showing. “Why was I not informed of this?”
“I don’t know my Lord.” Draco whined. “I tol-“
Voldemort cut him off. “Never mind. I want another of his friends captured, a Weasley this time.”
“Yes my Lord.” Draco mumbled as he faced the floor.
“You will see to this personally although you may bring back up as is needed. I want answers about the prophecy but I will not waste my time on lost causes.” He walked over and used the tip of his wand to raise Draco’s face to meet his eyes. “If you bring me one more mistake, I will make you suffer.”
“Yes my Lord.” Draco seemed to hesitate. “Do you have a preference for which Weasley?”
Voldemort contemplated this for a moment. “You said that Potter dated the youngest girl. She would know and as a girl, she would be easy to break.”
Draco blanched. “My Lord, I… I don’t think that she would be easy to break. She is in love with him.”
Voldemort smiled. “He dumped her, you said.” Draco nodded so he went on. “Then she might be looking for revenge.”
“No.” Draco looked as if speaking were costing him dearly. “I am sure she would not go against Potter. He left her to keep her safe so she knows that he still cares. She wouldn’t betray him.” Draco shifted nervously.
“SPEAK!” Voldemort bellowed, losing his patience.
“She is a very talented witch with a nasty temper and I…” here he hesitated and cleared his throat. “Frankly she is a pureblood, even if she is a blood traitor. She can easily kick my ass in a duel.” Draco finally looked up from the ground and Voldemort could see how much that admission had cost him.
That did not, however, keep his temper from rising. “Are you trying to tell me that a girl a year younger than you and a Weasley would be able to-”
Draco interrupted quickly. “My Lord, she is extremely powerful! I am just not sure that we should attempt to snatch her.”
Voldemort felt his eyebrow rise. “Are you questioning my judgment?” His voice came out in a hiss and he was pleased to see the teen quiver. “Get me the youngest if possible but if not, any Weasley will do.”
“Yes My Lord.” Draco backed out of the room and closed the door with another loud thump. This time Voldemort jumped slightly before turning rapidly towards the door and firing a Reductor curse at it, causing the door to fly off of its hinges and smash in to several of the Death Eaters beyond. They yelled and scattered as he laughed menacingly. Very soon he would have his answers about the prophecy and then Harry Potter would be finished.
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