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My Immortal by YelloWitchGrl
Chapter 1 : Chapter One
 
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My Immortal by Evanescence


I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears


My love-
You left just two days and already the pain of it is consuming me. I know why I am here and I know that I chose this path but I couldnít do otherwise and I am determined to never regret anything we have done together since our marriage but I wish you were here! It seems like I am always left with pieces of you.

And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave


My Dearest Harry-
Itís been two months and I donít know why I continue to write these letters that I canít send but I do. Maybe I need a way to feel like you are still here with me and not wherever you are. The house is like a tomb without you! I try to make it as cheerful as possible but I think Lils and I are both about to go crazy. Sheís so big Harry! I wish you could see it, almost five months old.

'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone


I look into her eyes Harry and I see you. Youíre all I can see sometimes and it is all I can do not to cry. I know Lils is too young to understand but I feel like a terrible mother for only wanting you and not having you here to hold me.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


My Darling-
I donít really like this endearment but I thought to give it a try and I doubt I shall use it again.

It hurts Harry. I miss you so terribly and I need you right now and I donít know where you are. How is it that you are always the one leaving me? And our marriage was such a tease, such a short time together then youíre gone again, only to return right before Lily was born and now youíre gone, yet again, but I havenít heard from you in four months! I write to you everyday, a letter a day that you probably wonít read. Maybe Iíll save them for Lils.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears


Sheís just like you Harry, so stoic. Can infants be stoic? Am I doing something wrong? She only cries a little when sheís hungry and then I nurse her and everything is right. I can wipe away her one tear and all is right in her world. Can it be that easy with you? If I cuddle you and wipe away your tears, will you be okay? Will the fears that haunt you and cause you to leave us to fight Tom ever really go away? Will you have to die before you will be at peace?

Can we ever be enough, Harry?

And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me


I think of you at night as I have since I was ten years old and wish, yet again, for your arms. You hold me, all of me, even if you arenít here and I want you to know that.

All my love-
Ginny

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind


I was looking through pictures of Hogwarts and Billís wedding today and marveling at how young I felt then and yet, it was only two years ago. Could it really have only been two years? Can I only be eighteen when I feel ancient? How is that possible Harry? What made us think we could get married so young? Then I look into our daughterís eyes and know I wouldnít go back and change anything.

I saw Mum today Harry and she found out. I havenít even been able to tell you and Mum knows but please know I donít feel so alone. It is hard for her to get away now since Dad is in St. Mungoís and of course, we canít go see him or someone might find us but Mum promises to visit even more so I wonít be alone.

These picturesÖ you used to smile in them and it would fill me up just with that smile but your pictures arenít smiling anymore, only our one wedding photo and the first time you held Lily. I need that smile. I need you here, in my life.

Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams


Dear Harry-
I dreamed about something last night and I want to say it to your face and not in a letter but my belly keeps growing and I know that this baby is a boy. Donít ask me how I know, but trust that I do because my dream told me so. Heís going to look just like you; I know it. How will I look into a miniature version of your face and explain to him that I donít know where his daddy is? I want you here to share in this and you arenít. Lils crawled today! I was so surprised and pleased. I took a picture for when you get back.

Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me


I canít stop dreaming about you! I canít sleep, not that I could anyway because the baby keeps kicking all night long. But itís your voice, telling me that you love me and youíre coming home.

But you never come.

I love you with all my heart-
Ginny

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


Have you ever gotten to a point and thought that maybe now I should move on and rebuild my life? I hate being in hiding. Iím going mad without word or company except for Mum and Lils, bless her, she canít even go outside to play. Lily is a year old now and you arenít here to see it. There have been rumors, according to Mum, that youíre getting closer but Harry, Iím running out of sanity hereÖ please hurry back to me.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years


What do I do if you never come back to me? I canít stay here. I just canít. Iíll wait until the baby is born, but then Iím leaving. Itís been seven months without any word from you, Ron or Hermione.

I canít raise our kids like this. Iím going to flee the country if I have to but I canít do this anymore.

I love you-
me

But you still have
All of me


Sweetheart-
No, I canít say I like this endearment any better but Iím too tired to change it. Do you remember this time, Harry? When I was eight months pregnant and constantly pissy. I remember throwing my shoe at you and hitting you in the gut because you told me I was beautiful. Two babies in two years has taken its toll on me. Iím about to turn nineteen and youíre already twenty. Where did the time go?

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along


Any day now, heíll be born and you wonít be here. Mum has come to stay with me since I canít get word out to her. Dad is still really sick but I canít birth this baby by myself, not with Lily here and I canít go to St. Mungoís. They may leave my parents alone but they wonít leave your wife safe. I hear that Tom wants me dead because it will break you. But youíre stronger than that.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears


My husband-
Still waiting on your stubborn son to make his way into the world. Mum went out briefly yesterday and we got word that Tom is dead. Can that be true? If it is, why arenít you here with me? No one has heard from you three.

Please be all right.

And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me


I miss you and wish you could be here, holding me.

That was a contraction, so Iíll end this here.
You have all my heart-
Your wife,
Ginny




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