I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
My love-
You left just two days and already the pain of it is consuming me. I know why I am here and I know that I chose this path but I couldn’t do otherwise and I am determined to never regret anything we have done together since our marriage but I wish you were here! It seems like I am always left with pieces of you.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
My Dearest Harry-
It’s been two months and I don’t know why I continue to write these letters that I can’t send but I do. Maybe I need a way to feel like you are still here with me and not wherever you are. The house is like a tomb without you! I try to make it as cheerful as possible but I think Lils and I are both about to go crazy. She’s so big Harry! I wish you could see it, almost five months old.
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
I look into her eyes Harry and I see you. You’re all I can see sometimes and it is all I can do not to cry. I know Lils is too young to understand but I feel like a terrible mother for only wanting you and not having you here to hold me.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
My Darling-
I don’t really like this endearment but I thought to give it a try and I doubt I shall use it again.
It hurts Harry. I miss you so terribly and I need you right now and I don’t know where you are. How is it that you are always the one leaving me? And our marriage was such a tease, such a short time together then you’re gone again, only to return right before Lily was born and now you’re gone, yet again, but I haven’t heard from you in four months! I write to you everyday, a letter a day that you probably won’t read. Maybe I’ll save them for Lils.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
She’s just like you Harry, so stoic. Can infants be stoic? Am I doing something wrong? She only cries a little when she’s hungry and then I nurse her and everything is right. I can wipe away her one tear and all is right in her world. Can it be that easy with you? If I cuddle you and wipe away your tears, will you be okay? Will the fears that haunt you and cause you to leave us to fight Tom ever really go away? Will you have to die before you will be at peace?
Can we ever be enough, Harry?
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I think of you at night as I have since I was ten years old and wish, yet again, for your arms. You hold me, all of me, even if you aren’t here and I want you to know that.
All my love-
Ginny
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
I was looking through pictures of Hogwarts and Bill’s wedding today and marveling at how young I felt then and yet, it was only two years ago. Could it really have only been two years? Can I only be eighteen when I feel ancient? How is that possible Harry? What made us think we could get married so young? Then I look into our daughter’s eyes and know I wouldn’t go back and change anything.
I saw Mum today Harry and she found out. I haven’t even been able to tell you and Mum knows but please know I don’t feel so alone. It is hard for her to get away now since Dad is in St. Mungo’s and of course, we can’t go see him or someone might find us but Mum promises to visit even more so I won’t be alone.
These pictures… you used to smile in them and it would fill me up just with that smile but your pictures aren’t smiling anymore, only our one wedding photo and the first time you held Lily. I need that smile. I need you here, in my life.
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Dear Harry-
I dreamed about something last night and I want to say it to your face and not in a letter but my belly keeps growing and I know that this baby is a boy. Don’t ask me how I know, but trust that I do because my dream told me so. He’s going to look just like you; I know it. How will I look into a miniature version of your face and explain to him that I don’t know where his daddy is? I want you here to share in this and you aren’t. Lils crawled today! I was so surprised and pleased. I took a picture for when you get back.
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
I can’t stop dreaming about you! I can’t sleep, not that I could anyway because the baby keeps kicking all night long. But it’s your voice, telling me that you love me and you’re coming home.
But you never come.
I love you with all my heart-
Ginny
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Have you ever gotten to a point and thought that maybe now I should move on and rebuild my life? I hate being in hiding. I’m going mad without word or company except for Mum and Lils, bless her, she can’t even go outside to play. Lily is a year old now and you aren’t here to see it. There have been rumors, according to Mum, that you’re getting closer but Harry, I’m running out of sanity here… please hurry back to me.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
What do I do if you never come back to me? I can’t stay here. I just can’t. I’ll wait until the baby is born, but then I’m leaving. It’s been seven months without any word from you, Ron or Hermione.
I can’t raise our kids like this. I’m going to flee the country if I have to but I can’t do this anymore.
I love you-
me
But you still have
All of me
Sweetheart-
No, I can’t say I like this endearment any better but I’m too tired to change it. Do you remember this time, Harry? When I was eight months pregnant and constantly pissy. I remember throwing my shoe at you and hitting you in the gut because you told me I was beautiful. Two babies in two years has taken its toll on me. I’m about to turn nineteen and you’re already twenty. Where did the time go?
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Any day now, he’ll be born and you won’t be here. Mum has come to stay with me since I can’t get word out to her. Dad is still really sick but I can’t birth this baby by myself, not with Lily here and I can’t go to St. Mungo’s. They may leave my parents alone but they won’t leave your wife safe. I hear that Tom wants me dead because it will break you. But you’re stronger than that.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
My husband-
Still waiting on your stubborn son to make his way into the world. Mum went out briefly yesterday and we got word that Tom is dead. Can that be true? If it is, why aren’t you here with me? No one has heard from you three.
Please be all right.
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I miss you and wish you could be here, holding me.
That was a contraction, so I’ll end this here.
You have all my heart-
Your wife,
Ginny
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