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The Grass Is Much Greener on the Other Side by private_ryan
Chapter 6 : This ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race.
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 12

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Chapter 6: This ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race.

Disclaimer: Don’t own anything Harry Potter and the title is a song by my favourite band Fall out Boy with the exception that the titles leaves out the two words that would make it an no-no. :]

“Are you planning to kill them?” I yelled from my bed at Sirius who was sitting on Lily’s.

Lily was going to freak out. Besides the fact of her being little Bi-polar, apparently she is a germ freak. I found this out from experience yesterday. She had grabbed the last dinner roll from the table. I wanted some of it. So like any human being I took her roll broke it in half and gave a half back to her.

My ears are still bleeding.

She screamed in my ear. You might be laughing, but I’m not. It’s not funny. Because aside from that everyone was staring at me again! I like being the center of attention but honestly not for these petty, dumb things.

So where was I? Oh yes she started telling me how I probably didn’t wash my hands before touching HER roll and how my germs are now on her plate which will give her the flu. I guess it wasn't that bad except for everyone staring at me with their mouths full of dinner rolls showing.

Dinner rolls. At least they got their own without being yelled at. I envied every one of them.

“Earth to Teely…” came a voice.

“I’m sorry I didn’t wash my freaking hands!!!!!” I shouted.

Oh cripes, that wasn’t supposed to come out.

“Erm…okay.” Sirius said, “Mark was right you’re like a deer.”

Everything stopped and got brighter. Okay I lied. But seriously I think my heart just stopped when hearing that one word. The one word that made me looked like a idiot on that fateful night so many nights ago.






“What…d-did you say?” I stuttered hoping my ears were clogged with earwax. Ewww, never mind that’s rather disgusting.

“I really rather not repeat it,” Sirius stated looking at me strangely.

“Have you been conversing with the….enemy?” I asked strumming my fingers on my knees.

I’m pretty sure I looked like an idiot; sitting there with my eyes twitching in pigtails and sitting Indian style. But I don’t really care. “Pray tell Sirius have you?”

“First off: I thought James was the enemy. Second: Can you stop twitching you look like an unstable….deer.” he smirked.




That’s it.

I grabbed my pillow and got on Lily’s bed and started beating the living crap out of him.

Of course I didn’t realize he would fight back.

So here we were having a mini-pillow fight when of all people Lily walks in.

We’re on her bed with our germs. Her bed.

Our germs.

Her bed.


We rolled off the bed while she’s rummaging through her trunk and pulls out…Lysol?

Get this: She starts spraying it all over her bed and the air nearby.

“AH!!!!” she shrieked sometime after the spraying was over.

“What?” I said trying not to double over in laughter.

“There’s a hair on my bed.”

“Today in Transfiguration we will continue attempting to change our matches into needles. This is our third week attempting this and still Miss Evans remains to be the only one capable of the simplest of all magic!” Professor McGonagall sighed.

“Professor, professor you don’t understand. Why should we complete this simple task just to be taught a new harder one that requires more work?” James countered.

“Unless you rather be stuck manning some position at Burger King the rest of your life, I suggest you drop the ‘funny act’ Mr. Potter.” Professor McGonagall said harshly.

My new favourite teacher.

Serves him right.

“So, are we doing the new ‘improved plan’ then?” Sirius asked me once McGonagall was sitting at her desk grading the pre-tests we took last week.

“Do you have the paper?” I smirked. He pulled it out.

“Awesome.” I responded as I threw it towards James. We sit at tables and he sits at the one diagonal to mine so it wasn’t really that hard to hit him in the head. He has such a big head after all.

“OW!” he yelled causing the kids to make a scene and McGonagall to make a scene. Oh how this plan was going to be insanely awesome.


What the heck was that? Someone dare throw something at Mr. James Hott-ness Potter!

Oh look paper!

Alright I know what you’re thinking: I am the dumbest person in the world. But I’m not actually: quite the opposite. I could turn my match into a needle if I wanted too but I rather stay with the easy stuff.

Only a genius would think of that.

So yeah, I’m unfolding the paper, obviously it’s a note, and gaped at it when it’s fully unfolded.

Your mom’s teeth are so yellow she spits butter

With hate, Teely& Sirius

If I wasn’t so mad that those losers for making fun of my mum, I might’ve found that amusing. But I was mad, and I wanted to punch their faces out. But I’m not allowed to hit girls, and hitting Sirius would probably wouldn't be to bright of an idea, so I decided I might as well respond.


“Did you see his eyes practically bulge from their sockets?” I whispered trying not to crack up while talking to Sirius.

He smirked and nodded and Lily said, “If they did fall out we could play pool with them!”

Okay you know one of those awkward silences that usually occurs when someone says something dazed, that pretty much happened right then.

“But Lily, James’ eyeballs probably have his germs on them.” Sirius answered making Lily blush.

I was about to say something when I saw the note come across the table. A response!

I swiftly unfolded it:

Yo mama's so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers!
With sincere hatred, James

I gasped.

“Dang…that’s a good one.” I heard Sirius say.

“Shut up. We need to response and carry out the plan.” I mumbled.


“James, don’t you think that was a tad bit harsh?” Remus asked me.

“Umm….let me think about that… still thinking... wait…um…no. They started it Remus. I’m not going to let them insult my mother!” I responded.

I sighed: Remus doesn’t understand, and I thought he was smart.

A response finally:

Yo mama's so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too!
With even more hate, Teely& Sirius

Those losers, I hate them. They are so stupid. But even this as a prank? There has to be more I’m not seeing. But what?


Yo mama's so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!

“Okay, remember the plan.” Sirius said as he got out his wand.

I nodded. Oh revenge, oh revenge I less than three you revenge.


The note finally comes back over. It took longer than usual.

But what the heck? There’s something on the front.

“The joke’s on you.” I read quietly before the text vanished.

“Professor!” I heard Teely call out.

“Yes, Dear?” Professor McGonagall responded.

“James is writing mean things about me.” Teely said with tears glistening in her eyes.


McGonagall is glaring at me. Oh crap.

She has tears in her eyes? But why?

“Professor I certainly am not. “ I say confidently.

“Let me see that note in your hands then.” She snapped.

“Okay.” I responded. Teely would get in trouble too; she contributed to the madness of your mom.

“I am pleased to inform you Ms. Teely Ryan that you are an brainless, dazed, deficient, dense, dim, dodo, doltish, dopy, dotterel, dull, dumb, a dummy, foolish, futile, gullible, half-baked, half-witted, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, indiscreet, insensate, irrelevant, irresponsible, loser, ludicrous, meaningless, mindless, moronic, naive, nonsensical, obtuse, pointless, puerile, rash, senseless, short-sighted, simple, simple-minded, slow, sluggish, stolid, stupefied, thick, thickheaded, trivial, unintelligent, unthinking, and witless person. Oh yeah, you are so fat you were floating in the ocean and Spain claimed you for the new world! With hatred, James” Professor McGonagall read out loud.

I must’ve turned the entire rainbow when she read that.

I looked over at Teely’s table. She and Sirius exchanged small high fives and smirked at me.

I glared at them and turned around and saw McGonagall standing two feet away from me. She was red in the face, like a bull about to rush at me.

Teely Ryan and Sirius Black would pay…that is if I didn’t die.

A/N: YAY! New chapter is up so if you could review I have *cough*cough* play stations 3 *cough* waiting to hand out. But maybe I’m lying?
Anyway, the your momma jokes are from a your momma website, the title was from fall out boy’s new single, and now it’s time to tell me what you think. =] less than three you= <3

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