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It Was Only a Kiss by Radcliffe_PotterFan319
Chapter 19 : Life of My Own
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 102

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Disclaimer: Everything is Jos. Lyrics by 3 Doors Down.

Chapter Nineteen
Life of My Own

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Kiss Me While I'm Still Alive,
Kill Me While I Kiss the Sky
Let Me Die On My Own Terms,
Let Me Live and Let Me Learn
Now I've Followed My Own Way,
I'll Live On to Another Damn Day
Freedom Carries Sacrafice,
Remember When This World's My Life

--3 Doors Down "Life of My Own"

My head rested on Sirius’s chest, listening to his heart beat steadily. His left hand was playing with my curls, while it right was interlinked with my left. I was curled up into a ball and Sirius had his legs stretched in front of him, resting on the table before him. We had been in this position for a long time, just enjoying our moments together before Lily, James, Remus, and Peter returned. I bit my lip remembering how Kirsten thought we were so cute when we fell asleep together on the train. It seemed so long ago.

I was beginning to doze off to Sirius’s heart beat. It was relaxing me so. Just listening to it was making me fell more like myself. For the first time in a long time, I felt like my mind wasn’t getting farther from me. I was able to release of the fear of losing my mind. Now I knew that my sanity lay in the hands of Sirius and no one else. If I lose Sirius, I lose my mind. Just as long as Sirius doesn’t leave me, I’m okay.

And I knew he wasn’t going to leave me.

Not again.

“Libby?” someone was shaking me away. I opened my eyes to see James and Lily looking down at me. Sirius was still dozing next to me.

“Hey, guys,” I said, sitting up to see them better. My sudden movement woke Sirius up. He looked around for a minute and then seeing I was still next to him and Lily and James were there, smiled.

“Prongs, I beat up Carlson,” he said proudly. I giggled. It was a very amusing fight, seeing how Ben was no match for Sirius and was losing after one punch.

“Aw, you should have waited,” James said, sitting in an arm chair and pulling Lily into his lap, “Why did you repeatedly hit him, anyways?”

“He was a jerk to me when I ran into him in a hall,” I explained, “No, he was more then a jerk and Sirius had warned me about him and I didn’t listen.”

“The idiot,” James growled, obviously knowing what I was talking about, “What is it with Ravenclaws and trying to sleep with you, Libby?” he asked after a time.

“It was a bet last year and a bet this year,” Libby sighed.

“I’m not taking any bets,” Sirius whispered in my ear. I smiled, a little assured.

“So, when did this happen?” James said pointing between us. We grinned.


Over the next week I was indeed a lot better at concentrating on my lessons and doing my homework. Sirius helped me catch up. It gave us something else to do together.

The whole school knew we were back together. We would only leave each other’s side for Quidditch and at night. Though, sometimes I would sneak up into the boys dorm and crawl into bed with Sirius, just to know he was there next to me. James was a bit angry the first two times, until he realized we both were clothed and wouldn’t dare try anything in front of him. But other then those few occasions, Sirius and I were always together. Always.

We were both doing homework in the library on a Sunday afternoon when a Hufflepuff fifth year Prefect came up to us. We were to busy arguing over the effects and properties of Moonstone to notice her. She was shy and quietly cleared her throat. I was now scribbling out some of Sirius’s essay while he told me I was messing it up. The girl cleared her throat again, but now I was showing Sirius the correct answer in the book we had pulled off the shelf.

“Um, excuse me, Libby?” the girl said. I turned and smiled, realizing she had been there for a while.

“Sorry, yes?” I asked.

“Professor Dumbledore has asked me to tell you that he would like to see you and Sirius in his office immediately,” the girl said.

“What for?” Sirius asked loudly. Madam Pince shushed him from her desk.

“I don’t know. He just told me that it was important you come as soon as possible,” the Hufflepuff blushed as Sirius looked at her, head tilted to the side.

“Okay, thanks,” he said, “Come on Libby.”

He put the books we don’t need away and then packed up our stuff before walking down the hall towards the entrance to Dumbledore’s office. My stomach twisted as I remembered the last time I had walked down these halls towards Professor Dumbeldore’s office. There was grave news last time. Will this news be just as grave? Was it something to do with my Uncle? Why would Sirius have to come along for that? I grabbed Sirius’s hand and he squeezed it.

We said the password and began to go up the steps. Sirius knocked on the door twice and Dumbledore gave us the word to enter. I surprised to see Sandra Potter, who was released from the hospital some time ago, and my Aunt seated in front of Dumbledore looking stressed. They seem to be reflecting over something Dumbledore had been say, but smiled when Sirius and I entered.

“Libby, Sirius, take a seat,” Dumbledore said, again surprising me with the use of our first names. Two fluffy armchairs appeared between my aunt and Sandra and we sat, I looked at my aunt suspiciously.

“What’s going on?” Sirius asked.

“There is something I wished to discuss with you two,” Dumbledore said, “I should have discussed it with you two months ago when your relationship started out, but I did not and because of that, Kirsten is dead.”

“Wait,” I said, “What?”

“I have asked Sandra and Becky to join us,” Dumbledore went on as if no one stopped him, “Because Becky is your guardian, Libby, and I am sure, Sirius, that your mother would not answer my summons for you no matter what the case and since Sandra considers you her son, she is sitting here, as well.

“Now, you both are staring at me with confusion as to why I had brought you here. It has come to my attention that a second prophecy has been made. One that triggered Kirsten’s unfortunate death. This has also put you both in even graver danger then I had thought and I feel it is finally time to tell you the second prophecy.” Dumbledore looked at both Sirius and me for a moment.

“A second prophecy?” Sirius repeated.


“And you’re going to tell us?”

“In a moment. Yes.”

“But we don’t even know the first one.”

Silence filled the room. Dumbledore looked at me and I nodded in agreement with Sirius. The old professor then looked over at my Aunt, who bowed her head. By now I was incredibly confused and I knew it was only the beginning of the conversation. I looked at Sirius and he just looked at me. His grey eyes showed the confusion and wonder that showed on my face.

“They don’t know?” Dumbledore asked.

“I didn’t think Sirius Black would be the one Libby ends up spending her whole life with!” Aunt Becky said, “And then I just couldn't bring myself to tell her. She’s only sixteen. Sirius is only sixteen. They’re so young to be so in love.”

“But, alas, they are,” Dumbledore said. He looked at me and Sirius, “What did the sorting hat say to you both in first year?”

“It told me that it can’t interfere with fate,” I said, recalling the haunting phrase that hadn’t left me alone since Sirius and I first kissed.

“It told me I was destined to love someone, but it would painful for me,” Sirius shrugged. I felt myself flush a little as my Aunt looked at me and Sandra Potter smiled a bit.

“We’ll start with you, Sirius,” Dumbledore nodded, “It is a bit obvious now, that Libby is the one you are destined to love. But the pain has yet to arrive.” A worried look crossed Sirius’s face as he looked at me, “The first prophecy covers that. It is horrible to think about, but I don’t think that you will run into this problem for many years to come. I suggest you move on in life, for there is no way to keep a prophecy from coming true. I’m sorry.”

“Sir, can we hear the prophecy?” Sirius asked. I reached for his hand without thinking and he squeezed it.

“Yes, you can,” Dumbledore stood and moved over to his desk. He pulled out a pensive and I watched as he moved it over to his table. He set it on his desk and then took out his wand. He raised it to his temple and pulled out a thought, letting it drop into the pensive. The silvery substance swirled and then Dumbledore looked up, “After you two,” he said. Sirius let me go first. I dived head first into the pensive and Dumbledore and Sirius soon joined me. Sirius grabbed my hand again.

We were standing in a dirty room. There was a bed in the corner, unmade and moth eaten. The bedside table was being propped up by a thick book, bit was still leaning to the side. The floor had a foul smell coming from it and my feet stuck as I shifted my weight. There was a foggy window on the wall farthest from them. No light streamed in, which told me it was night. I bit my lip when I say that the wall had a display of creepy type of drawings that looked like a four year old drew. Sirius pointed to the corner closet to us. A boy sat there, wearing nothing but a torn pair of trousers. He was rocking back and forth, muttering.

I looked at Dumbledore, but he was looking at the far wall, as if waiting for something. It wasn’t much longer until a Dumbledore about ten years younger was led into the room from the far wall that had just turned to a door. The woman that led him in was squat with a messy dress on. Her hair was pulled into a bun and she had a sweaty look to her.

“He’s in here, Professor,” the woman said, “He’s still muttering. I thought that you should listen to him.”

“Thank you, Hema,” Dumbledore said, his eyes were twinkling despite the kid in the corner of the room. He had looked up when the wall turned to a door and stopped rocking. I could see that if he weren’t so dirty, he wouldn’t have been bad looking. He could be no older then fourteen. The woman left and the door remained in the wall. Dumbledore looked at the boy who was staring at the Headmaster in fear.

“Hello, Blake,” Dumbledore said after a long time. The boy continued to stare. As soon as Dumbledore said his name, he went back to rocking and muttering, “What are you saying, Blake?”

The boy stopped rocking and stood. He was quite tall and I wondered if he was older then the fourteen years I had guessed. Blake became very still as he stared at Dumbledore. Then, quite suddenly, began to speak in a deep, husky voice that didn’t seem to belong to him.


The boy stood still for another few seconds and then collapsed onto the ground. He was twitching on the ground, muttering. I leaned forward to listen, but his voice was inaudible and we were suddenly back in Dumbledore’s office. I looked at Sirius was looking deep in thought from what he just saw and heard.

“What was wrong with him?” I whispered after a moment. My Aunt and Mrs. Potter looked up expectantly.

“Blake?” Dumbledore asked. I nodded and Dumbledore sighed, “Blake is a Seer, as you saw, but his visions are mainly of pain and torture and he knows what he says and actually feels the pain that he’s predicting. Sadly, that has driven him into madness. His prophecies are very accurate and quite useful for many. He was moved into a ward in St. Mungo’s a few weeks after my visit to him. There is no cure for Blake, for he has lost any grasp of his sanity that he might have had. We just listen to his prophecies and make him as comfortable as possible.”

“Poor guy,” I said, “How old is he?”

“He’ll be turning twenty-seven soon. Seers are very rare. It’s a shame that he has such an amazing gift that only works in one way,” Dumbledore bowed his head, then clasped his hands together and looked at Sirius, “Now, the prophecy he made. It is obvious that we are now entering the time of Darkness with little hope and love, just as Blake had said. We also know that Sirius is the traitor of the Noble House of Black, even if he isn’t exactly a ‘Blood’ traitor in many opinions.”

“But what of the part where I take the blame. That doesn’t make sense,” Sirius said coming out of his trance.

“Yes, it doesn’t. We understand that your lover, which is now obviously Libby, is going to change the path of Voldemort. Possibly. There could be another wizard out there. Whatever it is that you do, Libby, will obviously cause pain. Now, until I heard the second prophecy, I had thought that one of you would die or something worse would happen, like you are kept apart. You both already proven you belong together. Still, the blame part didn’t make sense, but this second prophecy, one that a spy heard for me, along with the ears of Voldemort, makes everything make a lot more sense. That spy lent me his memory so i can show it to you. Shall we?”

Dumbledore took out another memory. This one was stored in a vile. Dumbledore uncorked it and dumped the contents into the pensive. It swirled and then I dived in again, closely followed by Sirius and then Dumbledore. We were surrounded by Death Eaters and I had grabbed onto Sirius before I remembered it was only a memory.

The room was dark and cold. Torches were the only sources of lights and there were no windows. The Death Eaters, there had to be about four, were standing before a large chair. Voldemort himself was sitting in the chair. His ugly, snake like face was pointed towards a door on the other end of the chamber. His red eyes glaring from lack of patients. I shivered and Sirius pulled me closer, but I could feel how tense he had gotten. It was the first time either of us really laid eyes on the Dark Lord Voldemort. It was frightening.

“Bring her in,” the cold voice said. The doors burst open and two more Death Eaters entered, dragging a woman with long black hair. She was dressed in an evening gown and I couldn’t help but notice the long gash on her forehead, that was dripping blood into her face.

“We were trying to free her for a while when this happened,” Dumbledore said to us, “She was a very good Seer, though not a popular one.”

“Ramla,” Voldemort hissed, “How good of you to stop by. Willing to give up any information. I know you are just dying to.” As Voldemort spoke, the Seer seemed to get weaker. “Tell me. What is the Order of the Phoenix planning?”

“I don’t know! I’m a Seer and have very little skill in Legilimens.” Ramla said with as much power as she could. I gave her props. She stood tall and straight and proud.

“Yes, but you have very good Occlumens. Trained by Albus Dumbledore, I presume?” Voldemort said angrily, “Now be a good Seerer and tell me what the fool is doing.”

“I will ne—” Ramla suddenly went rigid. Her voice change and she said the following:


Ramla gasped and coughed. Voldemort was smiling a horrible, twisted smirk that made my stomach cringe. He raised his wand at the Seer who just sealed my fate.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it? Avada Kedavra,” Ramla fell to the ground, dead. I screamed in shock, having never seen anyone die like that. Yeah, I watched my mum stop breathing in her sleep hours after my brother was born. And then I watch my dad fade away as the months of him fighting cancer turned to years. Never had I seen a life taken like that. So easily with no way to stop it.

I rested my head on Sirius shoulder as we went back to Dumbledore’s office. Once I relaxed enough to sit down and breath properly, I looked at Dumbledore. I was still shaking, but I remembered how Ramla stood tall against the most fear wizard in the world.

“The prophecy is talking about me then?” I asked. Dumbledore nodded.

“The friend of a Mudblood, or I’d rather said Muggleborn, is Lily Evans, I assume. The sister of a friend, I believe to be James. And the lover of a traitor, I believe to be Sirius since, to his family and Voldemort, he is a traitor. I think that the Dark Lord might have made an error and accuse Kirsten of being the person in the prophecy. His spies only saw Kirsten kiss Sirius in the Great Hall during that Quidditch game a while back. And then they saw Kirsten hanging out with Lily Evans and didn’t think of the third thing. I am sure Kirsten never considered James a brother, as you do,” the Headmaster said. He looked at Mrs. Potter and then at my aunt. They were both listening intently.

“So it’s my fault Kirsten is gone?” I asked feeling tears burn in my eyes.

“No, not exactly. It was really the Death Eater’s mistake. And it’s good they screwed up because if they didn’t, the future would be a darker and much colder one then it will be now. Maybe, because you are still alive Libby, there will even be a savior for us to have hope.” Dumbledore explained.

I didn’t care what Dumbledore said. It sounded like it was my fault Kirsten was dead. If it weren’t for me, she would be alive. I doubt I would have gone off with just some random guy if I were in love with Sirius at the time. I might have still been alive. At least then Kirsten would have been able to still be happy. To have finished school. For her life to keep going.

I was getting to choked up. I wiped tears from my eyes and looked up at Dumbledore. I asked in a strong voice, “And I come up with a trick to make Voldemort’s path change?

“I believe so. Prophecies usually are so accurate. Usually, they can mean anything, but I am glad this one is. I am sure that you, Sirius, James, and Lily have a traitor in your midst,” Dumbledore said gravely. Sirius and I looked at one another.

“Like a friend?” Sirius gasped.

“Most likely,” Dumbledore nodded.

“Peter isn't smart enough to hide it from us,” Sirius muttered, “But Remus wouldn’t. . .not after all we did for him.”

“Sirius, don’t go accusing your best friends just yet. For all you know, it could be someone you don’t hang out with as often as you like, but do enjoy their company very much. Just be careful with who you choose to accuse,” Aunt Becky warned wisely, speaking for the first time since we arrived in the office. Dumbledore nodded his agreement. I bit my lip and Sirius was looking at his hands.

“Again, it said the lover will take the blame,” I said, changing the subject back to the prophecy.

“Yes. Whatever it is that you think of, Libby, I don’t think will work as well as you would have hoped. And some how, I don’t think you’ll remember any of it.” Dumbledore sighed, “The prophecy could mean something else. Like I said, they usually aren’t as accurate as these. We could be misjudging the words.”


“Mum?” James asked as Sandra Potter and Aunt Becky followed Sirius and me around the school. They were going to stay for dinner since they had traveled by the night bus, not wanting to attract any questions from the Floo Network.

“James, how are you?” Sandra asked hugging her son, “You’ve been behaving, right?”

“Of course I have!” James grinned. Sirius coughed loudly.

We had just gotten out of Dumbledore’s office. The discussion had taken all afternoon. I didn’t have a full grasp on the prophecies, but I now knew that Sirius and I had mistaken what the Sorting Hat told us. Even though we are meant to love one another, we weren’t destined to stay together either. And there was more pain on the way, according to Sirius’s prophecy. The whole thing had made my head hurt.

Dumbledore had warned Sirius and me not to tell our friends. He told us to forget about the prophecies until the time is right to think of them again. It is the only way to work things out. If we fret over it now, we might end up making things worse. This angered me. Why would Dumbledore show me and Sirius prophecies if they’re just going to cause us problems?

“What are you guys doing here?” my brother gasped. He was walking by us with a girl and Will. I figured this girl to be his little girlfriend. How cute.

“Oh, meeting with Dumbledore about Libby and Sirius,” Aunt Becky said grinning. Lily and James gave us a curious look. I wanted to tell them so bad how Dumbledore had just taken our lives, that we were happy with despite Kirsten and Mr. Potter being gone, and turned them around so we fear what will happen to us in the future. Yet, as I opened my mouth, Sirius spoke over me.

“It’s nothing to important,” he said to them.

Jacob walked around with us as Sirius and I showed Sandra and Aunt Becky around the school once more. James and Lily came along, too, and Remus and Peter joined us shortly afterwards. It was amazing how much Sandra and Becky had forgotten about the school. Each time we turned down another corridor, they were smile and begin taking a walk down memory lane.

“Remember when Jessica had a crush on that Hufflepuff in her seventh year?” Sandra laughed, I listened as they brought up my mother once more, “We were walking right down this corridor when she saw him.”

“Oh yeah, and she was wearing my new heels in hopes of getting his attention?” Aunt Becky laughed, “And she went waltzing down the hall, swinging her hips, but the Hufflepuff didn’t see her, though everyone else was paying attention!”

“Any then she tripped on a dropped quill and falls flat on her face right at his feet!” Sandra finished laughing. I found myself smiling, too, and Sirius and James were giving each other looks. So many girls had made fools of themselves trying to get their attention.

“She was so mad at me for laughing, saying that little sisters don’t make fun of their older sisters. They stick up for them,” Aunt Becky smiled, “The Hufflepuff was very kind about it though. Remember how happy Jess was when he asked her out. Oh, she was so upset when they broke up a few months later.”

“Then she met Devon,” Sandra smiled. I looked up at my father’s name. I knew my parents had met one another at a young age and gotten married only a few months later, but I rarely heard much about them. Not since I started Hogwarts.

“And she was gone,” Aunt Becky smiled, “No one could talk any sense into her she was so in love. All she did was think about him.”

“Kinda like Libby is with Sirius,” James teased laughing at me. I glared at James and stuck my tongue out at him.

“Hey! There’s nothing wrong with that,” Sirius said laughing and pulling me closer to him.

“Of course not,” Sandra said seriously, “Love is important in the world. Without it, there’s nothing left to live for.”

Everyone agreed, but I wondered.

Mum and Dad were in love. They died. They were separated from one another. John and Sandra Potter were in love. John is dead. He and his wife are separated until she joins him. Sirius and I are in love and we’re going to suffer in the future. Are James and Lily going to suffer, too? Love is so strong and once you find it you can’t go back. But it seems that all those who are in love, are separated and their time together is cut short. Will that happen to Sirius and me? Will James and Lily really be together for always?

Without love, there isn’t anything to live for, but what happens when your love dies. When your love is taken away from you forever?

My Aunt and Sandra ate dinner in the Great Hall. Girls were eyeing James and Sirius, but they didn’t dare pass by and say hello as they usually would. It would be embarrassing for them to come up to James’s mother and everyone knew that Sirius was now living with James.

They left about twenty minutes after dinner was over after talking with teachers. I was sad to see my Aunt go, but she promised to tell us if there was any change in Uncle Scott. She hugged Jacob and me tightly and then left. Jacob ran off to find his friends leaving James, Sirius, Lily, Remus, Peter, and me in the hall to walk up to the Gryffindor tower together. Sirius and I hung back.

“Are you okay?” he asked me. I looked up at him.

“Yeah, of course I am,” I smiled weakly.

“Even after what we heard?” Sirius put and arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him so we staggered off to the side a little.

“It’s still processing,” I sighed, “Just to think that everything can change because of me. What can I possibly do? I mean, come on, I’m not some brilliant witch like Lily is. I’m not extremely talented like you or James are. Geez, I don’t think I can even lie that great! How can I trick the most feared man in the world?”

“Dumbledore said not to worry about it till the time is right,” Sirius said, kissing my forehead.

“I know, but what does he expect me to do?” I snapped.

“Relax and spend the last few months of Hogwarts focusing on learning to Apperate,” Sirius suggested. We had our first apperation lesson mid-January and a few more since then, “Oh, and my birthday is coming up soon, so you have to focus on what to get me, too!”

“Well, what do you want?” I asked remembering what a difficult time I had at Christmas. I hadn’t asked Sirius then.

“Not sure,” Sirius shrugged, “I mean, I’ve got you already.”

“Oh, don’t be corny now,” I laughed. Sirius tickled me and I jumped away from him giggling. Sirius pulled me towards him from behind and buried his face in my neck.

“Seriously,” he whispered, “I don’t need anything else.”

A/N: Who went around their neighborhood and knocked on strange people's door for free candy? I did! Except everyone was already outside sitting in their driveways. . .anyways, my Halloween was great! And I discovered that I really don't mind eating lunch by myself at school everyday! It's actually very nice! lol.

Anyways, Yeah, this chapter really sets the plot for what's to come with what JK Rowling has written for us, as you can see. But how will things really play out?? Trust me, it's a bit of a twist. I think. . .

Obviously, I'm making up for my short, rushed author's note from last chapter. my mom was like, poking her head in my room every five minutes to make sure i was going to bed and then yelling at me when she saw i was still on the computer. It's hard though! You guys are so awesome that it takes over an hour to check my reviews! lol! I love it, keep it up!!

Now, for you're little something from chp. 20(already!) Party Up:

“I didn’t mean that,” I said, a bit awkwardly. Sirius raised and eye brow as he looked down at me.

“What did you mean?” he asked.

“Our lives together,” I said.

“You mean. . .like marriage?” Sirius looked a bit weak. I smiled.

“We’re still only sixteen,” I laughed, “I was just curious.”

I began to descend the stairs. My heart was beating in my chest, but I was still
smiling. Sirius had proven that he was ready to commit himself to me. I felt guilty for even thinking about mentioning marriage so suddenly.

“Hey, Libby,” Sirius said making me stop and turn around. Sirius was smiling, “Why wouldn’t we get married?”

There's a bit more of Sirius' pov in the next chapter. And i believe there is another scene where Ben gets beat up. . .i think. Yup. Just checked. haha.

Can you guys believe it? After next chapter, we have only. . .ten more chapters. How sad. :( But then you have my other SIrius/OC to look forward to AND the sequel. If you come back for the sequel. Some people don't always return. :D

ANyways, this note is long enough, so please keep being fantastic and leave a review since you are so great! love you all!

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