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It Was Only a Kiss by Radcliffe_PotterFan319
Chapter 9 : Remember When?
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 60

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Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns everything you already know. The lyrics are from Alan Jackson.

Chapter Nine
Remember When?

Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

--Alan Jackson "Remember When"

That night I couldn’t sleep.

My party had ended a little after midnight. It would have gone on if it weren’t for teachers. I was glad to get to bed though. I had received so many things. My favorite was the silver locket that came with the rose and love letter. It was once again delivered by owl and I wondered if the boy writing the letters was at my party tonight. I would have been to distracted with Ben.

The worst thing about my party was when I was looking for Sirius. I wanted to thank him for thinking of this once more. And I wanted to talk to him. It was weird to be agreeing to go to Hogsmeade with Ben at one moment and then snogging him the next. It wasn’t something I did often and it wasn’t something I ever thought I would do. I needed some advice and Lily and Kirsten wasn’t the one to give it to me. I don’t know why I felt Sirius was, but I knew he would just be there. He was always a prat to me, but once before I remember Sirius being there for me....

It was at the end of my third year. Girls were growing and developing. It was the time when girls began to lose their childish looks and began to transform in young ladies. I didn’t develop as fast as my peers. Soon Lily was getting noticed by more guys then just James. Kirsten was going through guys like candy and so many other girls were beginning to date and get more interested in boys and looks.

Third year was the year when I started playing Quidditch for Gryffindor. I was going through the tomboy stage that year and could careless about my bra size and the color of my finger nail polish. Yet, the stage was coming to an end. I began trying to tame my hair and even stopped wearing my glasses for a week. Let’s just say results were not to good.

At the beginning of forth year I was still flat-chested and nerdy looking. Being flat chested at 13, going on 14, wasn’t strange or anything. But the girls that developed quicker thought I was a loser. Susan and Samantha Orrin and the group of girls they hung out with made sure everyone noticed this.

“Look, it’s Loser Libby,” Samantha said before laughing. Knocking the book I was reading out of my hands. I bent to pick it up. It being a Saturday, I was wearing a T-shirt and jeans. Susan peaked down my shirt quickly as I picked up my book.

“Still without a bra, are you?” she sneered.

“Shove off, Orrin,” I snapped.

“Ooh, that was a burn,” Susan said. The girls behind her shrieked with laughter. Where was Lily and Kirsten? They were usually with me at times like these. Not that I needed them to stick up for myself. It was just nice to know someone had my back.

“Want me to give you a burn?” I snapped, drawing my wand.

“Looks like Loser Libby wants to duel,” Samantha cooed.

“Sorry, honey, but we have fresh manicures,” Susan added, “Unlike you, we care about our hygiene and what we look like. No one but you wants to look like a mouse with a bad hair cut.”

As the girl shrieked with laughter, I raised my wand. Then Sirius was there. Out of the blue, he showed up. The boys were beginning to grow up too and girls were already falling for James and Sirius. Definitely Sirius. He was always good-looking but he was becoming a very fine young man now.

“Leave her alone, Orrin,” Sirius had snapped. The girls stopped instantly.

“Oh Sirius, everyone know she’s ugly,” Samantha said, rolling her eyes, “You don’t have to come to her aid.”

“She’s not ugly!” Sirius growled, “She’s perfectly fine. In a few years she’s going to be walking down the aisle with the man you always wanted but weren’t good enough for. You’ll be the slutty women in bars, picking up any man for company while Cullen has a family and a loving husband. So leave her alone and go be bitches somewhere else!”

I had totally forgotten about that till now. I was in total shock that Sirius had come to my aid when we absolutely hated each other then, but I was grateful for him sticking up for me, even if I yelled at him afterwards. I wanted people to know I can take care of myself and don’t need a boy to watch out for me.

Sadly, I never found Sirius at my party. James told me that Sirius had gone back to the Common Room. He was a bit tired and needed to get some homework done before tomorrow, even if it was the weekend. There was a lot to do. James also told me Sirius didn’t want to be bothered and that I should stay at the party. So I did, troubled by everything that had happened. And why Sirius would leave early. He’s the type to stay till the last person has left and then party alone.

The second I got back to the Common room, I searched the partially empty room for my lost puppy. He was no where to be found and once more, I remembered something I had pushed to the back of my mind, hoping for it to get lost with all my forgotten memories. Only that time, I was looking for James...

I was with my first boyfriend. We’d been going out for a little over four months. Roger Hill was a Ravenclaw. He tried hard to be funny, was sweet when it came to giving me compliments, and treated me like I was a goddess. We had just gotten back from Hogsmeade and I was extremely happy.

“Hey, why end the day early?” Roger had asked, pulling me into an empty classroom.

“Roger,” I had giggled, “You know if I don’t get back to the Common Room with everyone else to change for dinner, James is going to come looking for us,”

“Let him,” Roger said in this husky voice. I never heard his voice sound like that before. I was still surprised to have heard it when Roger started kissing me, pushing me onto the teacher’s desk. I kissed him back and for a while it was just snogging. Then Roger’s hands started fiddling with my pants. I pushed him off.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Nothing,” Roger said kissing my neck, his hands beginning to unbutton my shirt. I pushed him away once more.

“Stop, I don’t want to,” I said, fear beginning to kick in.

“Oh come on, Libby, don’t give me that,” Roger said, coming towards me once more.

“No,” I snapped, backing away into the teacher’s desk, pushing it. I tried to get past him, but I couldn’t. He pulled my back, giving me this longing, passionate kiss that hurt. For the third time I pushed him off, “Get off of me!”

This time, I was able to run. And I heard those words that I mentioned before.

“The ugly ones are always the ones that will go out with anyone!” He was calling me desperate and I recalled some warnings that another girl had given me but I had ignored because I was do happy to have finally been asked out.

I had run all the way to the Common Room, holding back tears. We were fifteen! Was the need to sleep with each other already there? Once I entered the Common Room I searched for James. He would be there for me. I knew he would. He was with Sirius, Remus, and Peter playing cards in front of the fire.

“James,” I called, finally bursting into tears. He looked up and was by my side the second I collapsed on the floor. He held me tight as I stammered what had happened and stained his clean shirt.

“I’ll kill him,” I heard Sirius mutter. I had peaked from James’s shoulder to see Sirius was right next to him, looking concerned.

I had not cared that Sirius was concerned then. I was so upset and heartbroken that I barely noticed. Thinking of that memory for the second time that night, I rolled onto my side, still unable to sleep. Why was it that I was having these feelings? What’s wrong with me?

Lily groaned in her sleep as she rolled onto her side. Kirsten sighed, a small smile on her face from her dream. They really were my best friends. Though I realized I didn’t think of them as sisters like the Marauders thought of each other as brothers. I have my secrets from my friends and they have their secrets from me. We tell each other a lot, but not everything.

I remember when James and I were that close. I always wonder what had happened to us. I knew it was Sirius that avoided me and Lily that avoided James. Our best friends didn’t like each other. We tried that first week, but it did not have good results...

”Oh, Libby, must we sit by them?” Lily asked, as she did every morning when we came down for breakfast since we arrived at Hogwarts.

“James is my best friend, Lily. I know you don’t like him, but please, I need to talk to him sometimes,” I explained. I led the way to where the four boys were sitting, trying to throw bits of bacon into each other’s mouths. They stopped the second we sat down.

“Libby! How have you been since we last parted?” James asked. He glanced at Lily and ran his hand through his hair. I wish I had told him to stop back then. It turned into a habit that he did all the time, not just when nervous.

“Very good,” I told him.

“You’re hair is bigger today then yesterday,” Sirius said, “I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Your face is the same as yesterday,” I countered, “So hideous I want to hurl!”

“Then don’t look at it!” Sirius snapped.

“I won’t if you don’t leave me alone!” I argued.

“What about your glasses? Is your face always so sweaty that they can’t stay on, or are your ears shrinking daily?” Sirius said with a smirk.

“Are you asking me to hex that arrogant head of yours?”

“Arrogant? Now I’m arrogant?”

“You think you’re better then everyone else because you’re a pureblood!”

“Take that back!”

“Did I hit a nerve?”

“You are going to wish you didn’t!”

“Don’t you threaten me!”

“Guys!” James finally interfered, we were on our feet, wands out even though we barely knew any magic, “Stop it!”

I picked up my bag, angry that James hadn’t taken my side. As I walked past Sirius out of the Great Hall, I stopped. He looked back at me. I kicked him in the left shin as hard as I could manage. It must of been pretty hard because Sirius let out a cry, high pitched and strained like a dog’s, and fell onto the bench, holding his shin. I smiled to myself as I walked out.

After I left, I learned that James asked Lily to marry him. Go figure. That ended with another fight, too. It was after that I stopped sitting next to James and his friends and he stopped sitting next to mine. We barely talked for the first couple of weeks of school, but we did realize that our friendship was beginning to fall apart. We worked so hard to keep it going that year.

I remember us making plans to sit up late in the common room, talking and catching up. That helped. I would tell James things about Lily and James would tell me things about his friends, though I didn’t really care. He would tell me pranks and how Remus suggested they have a name. That’s where the Marauders came in. They used James’s cloak the most for pranks and mainly Zonko products and other jokeshop things. James did show me some interesting magic that they were trying, though. I never could get how Sirius and James can completely ignore the teacher and lessons but still be the first one to get a spell to work in class or get the highest score. Not even Lily or Remus could do that and they studied harder then anyone else.

I was so relieved when first year ended. It was sad for it to have gone and it was depressing to know I will never be called a first year again, but it was summer and James and me could hang out every day. We did, too. My aunt and Uncle and his parents were so confused on why we literally needed to see one another every day. We would hang out for hours and hours doing absolutely nothing. But then, two weeks before school, James decided to invite Sirius over for the last few days of summer...

I opened the backdoor to the Potter’s house. Sandra Potter was in the kitchen putting a platter of fresh baked cookies on the counter. I knew the house elves made it, for Sandra Potter was not a very good cook. She smiled at me as I shut the door behind me.

“Hi, Libby. How are you?” she asked me.

“I’m good,” I replied.

“Have a cookie. The house elves just took them out of the oven,” Sandra pushed the plate towards me.

“Thanks,” I said taking one, “Is James in his room?”

“He is,” Sandra replied. I thanked her and ran up the stairs.

James’s door was shut. I knew better then to just burst into the room. Last time that happened, James had just gotten out of the shower and wasn’t quite done changing. So, we learned to always knock when the door was shut. So I did. The door swung open to reveal James....and Sirius. I was as surprised to see him as he was me. Obviously, he was not awear that I lived next door to James.

“Hi Libby!” James said happily with a glance at Sirius.

“What’s she doing here?” Sirius asked.

“I live next door, you dingdong!” I said. At eleven I thought that was a pretty good come back. Now it was just lame. I broke my cookie in half and shoved it at Sirius as he opened his mouth, “Here, have a cookie to shut yourself up.”

Sirius couldn’t resist the cookie and took it, shoving it into his mouth in a disgusting manner. James and I stared at him, grossed out, for a moment. Then I turned to my best friend for the four years.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to go swimming,” I said, then glanced at Sirius, “But I’m not sure I want to now.”

“Sorry, Libs,” James muttered.

“It’s alright,” I said, though we both knew it wasn’t.

After that, I had started inviting my friends over at the same time James did. It wasn’t to get back at James. Sometimes all of us would hang out and try not to argue. Like this past summer. We all played Truth or Dare and hung out together during the BBQ.

Suddenly I realized that the kiss James made me give Sirius wasn’t just a kiss. It changed everything! Sirius and I were friends now. I found comfort in talking with Sirius. James and I were able to hang out together more without having to worry about arguments breaking out. Unless someone brings up Ben. It was like our groups had merged into one. And this was the it was supposed to be.

I remembered the Sorting Hat’s words once more. I can’t interfere with fate now, can I? Lily and James are perfect for one another. Is that fate? Me being friends with Lily and bringing her and James together into my room that night for a simple game. Was it fate for James to ask the question he did and for Lily to answer? Was it fate for me to have kissed Sirius and liked it?

Really, I can’t believe these thoughts existed. I was with Ben now. It was fast and sudden, but I have a boyfriend. I shouldn’t be thinking about a simple kiss with another guy that hopefully meant nothing. Because that’s what it meant. Nothing. I am obviously just having mixed emotions about a new boyfriend, that’s all. By tomorrow morning I will see Sirius and think how annoying he’s going to be now that Ben and I are together. I will see Ben and think how happy I am to be with him. I’ll get that same feeling I got when I first saw him...

“And now give it up for Gryffindor! Hanson, Potter, Cullen, Black, Stevens, McGraw, and Sanford!”

One by one the Gryffindor team flew onto the pitch. The excitement I usually got during a game was building up inside me. After a lap, we met up with the Ravenclaws in the middle of the pitch. I was standing in front of a good-looking forth year. I never really had noticed him before, but I was able to put the name Ben Carlson to his face. He must have just gotten on the team this year. I didn’t remember him from last year. I blushed when he smiled at me. I was wearing these big, nerdy goggles that served as glasses. I couldn’t wear the pair that never stopped falling while playing Quidditch.

“And they’re off! Gryffindor in possession. Potter passes to Hanson! Hanson passed back to Potter. Oh! Well aimed Bludger by Ravenclaw Beater, Peter Hanks. Cullen catches the Quaffle from under Potter and dodges another Bludger. She tosses up to Hanson, but toss is intercepted by newest Ravenclaw chaser, Ben Carlson. He heads towards the goals and tosses to Williams. Williams goes for the goal. And blocked by Gryffindor Keeper, McGraw!”

The Gryffindor side went wild with relief as the Ravenclaws and Slytherins booed. I was trying to concentrate, but Ben was being a distraction and he seemed to know it. He flew near me almost all the time as I tried to keep up with the game plays that the present captain, Hanson, kept yelling out.

“Gryffindor in possession. Potter tosses to Cullen and she drops the Quaffle! Hanson catches it and tosses back to Potter!”

I dropped the Quaffle seven times in the one play and helped Ravenclaw score a point. Hanson called for time out. We gathered on the ground by him and everyone glared at me.

“What’s wrong with you today?” Hanson snapped. He was a lot bigger then me. As a Muggle-born, he spends his summer lifting Muggle weights and gaining more muscle. He was a seventh-year and Quidditch crazed.

“I don’t know,” I snapped, “I just can’t keep a hold on the Quaffle.”

“No, you just can’t keep a hold on the Quaffle when Carlson is around,” James said, looking angry, “Ignore him, Libs, he’s not that great.”

I smiled to myself at the memory. He was that great to me that day. When I told James that Ben asked me to be his girlfriend, James didn’t seem that happy for me. In fact, he looked disappointed and a bit angry. I frowned suddenly, curious as to what was really going through James’s head.

All my friends were a bit quiet when I told them my happy news. Kirsten actually looked at me like I was crazy, saying “You really don’t see it, do you?” And then walked away. That was the second time that night she told me about “seeing it” whatever “it” is supposed to be. Even Lily looked a me a bit sadly before dragging James onto the dance floor. I took my mind off it by laughing with Alice and Darcy.

Funny how all these memories come to me now. It’s not like I’m getting married to Ben or anything. If I’m lucky, which I’m usually not, this relationship will last the year. Trying to push some thoughts out of my head, and ignoring my forgotten memories, I rolled over onto my other side. I shut my eyes and finally was able to drift off into a comfortable, dreamless sleep.


I woke up the next morning to an empty dormitory. I shuffled towards the bathroom where I showered and brushed my teeth, then I got dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and cute top that Lily picked out. I pulled my hair into a pony tail without brushing it and grabbed my school bag for homework later. A glance at the clock told me I missed breakfast and should go down to the kitchens for a snack.

In the common room I searched for my friends. Maybe they can help me catch up with my work. I hear someone enter the common room and looked. Walking through the portrait hole was Remus, James, Peter, and Sirius. James was laughing at something Remus had just said and Peter was in hysterics because James was. Sirius looked distracted and was giving his friends a look as to why they were laughing. He obviously missed the joke.

Why I lost my breath, I had no idea. The thoughts and feelings I had last night meant nothing whatsoever and should be gone! But they were still there and I was not going to admit them to myself right then and there. Not when Ben asked me out! I needed food. That’s what it was. I needed food.

“Libby!” James said suddenly. He was obviously in a better mood then last night.

“Hi,” I said walking up to the Marauders, “Do you guys know where Lily and Kirsten are?”

“Yup,” James said and began walking away. Huh?

“Where?” I asked pulling James back.

“In the castle,” James offered.

“I’m serious,” I moaned.

“No, I am!” Sirius said, grinning despite himself. Remus glared at Sirius.

“Will you stop it with that?” he snapped.

“Someone’s touchy. Then again, it is that time of month,” Sirius laughed. Remus and James threw Sirius a look, but I didn’t get it. Sirius was just teasing Remus. The Marauders were always teasing one another.

“They’re in the library, Libby,” James said and walked away quickly with Remus and Peter leaving Sirius and me together. Oddly enough, my pulse quickened and my palms got sweaty. I gave Sirius a smile.

“You left my party early last night,” I said.

“Yeah, well, you know...I had a lot of homework,” Sirius shrugged.

“What happened to Remus always keeping you caught up with your homework?” I asked raising and eyebrow. Sirius grinned. His smile, and his dimple, made my heart speed up even more. At this rate, it might stop.

“Even the best get left behind,” he said.

“Well, I wanted to thank you again for setting up the party. I had fun,” I smiled and then laughed, “I had a lot of fun.”

“Yeah, I heard you and Ben hooked up last night,” Sirius nodded. He didn’t sound to happy for me either. I sighed heavily. A part of me was glad that Sirius wasn’t happy for me. As silly as that sounds.

“Yeah, we did,” I said softly. I tilted my head to the side, “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Sirius said quickly, “I have to go. Pranks to play, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” I laughed before walking out of the common room.

I walked down the halls corridors. They were pretty much empty seeing how it was a Sunday morning, almost afternoon, and people had homework due tomorrow and whatnot. My footsteps echoed in the silence. Quickly, I stopped at the kitchens and got a brownie and chocolate bar and continued my way to the library. I was almost to there when a second pair of footsteps was added to mine. I looked over my shoulder and smiled. It was Ben. He was with Jeremy and was deep in conversation with him.

He looked up when he realized another person with in the corridor. A large grin spread across his face and I couldn’t help but notice that I didn’t get giddy when Ben smiled. I forced a smile of my own as Ben caught up to me, completely forgetting about Jeremy.

“Hey,” he said, pulling me into his arms and kissing me softly, “What’s with the chocolate?”

“I need breakfast, you know,” I replied, “Going to the library?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, laughing, “Herbology essay due tomorrow. And Defense questions. I saved them both for last minute.”

“That was smart,”I joked. Then I snorted in a very unladylike way, “Look who’s talking. I have all my homework from Friday and half my stuff from Thursday!”

“That’s why you’re not in Ravenclaw, love,” Ben laughed. I smiled and we started walking to the library. Ben called me ‘love’. Why didn’t I get all excited like I did when Sirius called me ‘love’ twice?

Oh, God, what is wrong with me? Why do I keep comparing Ben to Sirius? Even the guys in the school admit that Sirius is the best looking guy in the school and that only James can give him a run for his money. No one compares to those two.

Great! Now I’m comparing Ben to both Sirius and James! I really shouldn’t eat chocolate for breakfast. It’s making my hormones go crazy.

Even with my thoughts and Ben around me, I was able to finish my Transfiguration homework, everything assigned to me on Thursday, and start on what I was assigned on Friday. All before 3 o’clock in the afternoon. I decided to take a break then. After dinner I will finish my homework from Friday and will be all caught up to get left behind again! Exciting, isn’t it?

Ben helped me work all day because Lily and Kirsten were not in the library like I had been told. When Remus came into the library a little after noon, looking paler then I had remembered from this morning, I asked him why he lied.

“I didn’t,” he said, “They were in here reading up on something or another. I was only in here awhile before I left.”

Sirius also came in, giving me a reason to take a break. He looked a bit lost as he snuck over to Ben and me and sat in a chair. He slid in his chair before he was almost hidden.

“I see you Sirius,” I said, raising an eyebrow. Ben was looking at him like he was a madman.

“I know, it’s Madam Pinch I’m hoping won’t see me,” Sirius whispered.

“Why?” Ben asked a bit harshly. What was it with boyfriends being so over protective?

“I was banned from the library on Wednesday,” Sirius explained, “I’m not supposed to be in here until next Thursday. I just wanted to ask if you’ll get a book for me, Libby.”

“Why don’t you get it yourself since you’re already in here?” Ben asked.

“To much moving around,” Sirius said, sitting up a little bit. He looked at me, “I need a book on—”

“MR. BLACK!” Madam Pinch yelled seeing Sirius, “I thought I banned you from the library!”

“I know you did,” Sirius said, standing up quickly, “I just need one thing, it’s terribly important that I get the book immediately.”

“No! Out! You have done enough damage in here then necessary!” Madam Pinch said pointing Sirius to the door. She slammed the library door behind him and went back to her desk.

“I’ll be right back, I want to go see what type of book Sirius wants,” I said, standing. Ben pulled me back.

“Come on, Libby, he has other friends to get him the book. You’re doing your own work,” he said. I pulled away from him gently.

“Maybe this is something Sirius can’t asked James or Remus to do, Ben,” I said, “Or they might just be busy. I’m going to go see what he wants.”

Ben sighed, but let me go. It didn’t really bother me that he was jealous. Really, I didn’t care. I left the library and looked both ways down the corridors. I saw Sirius to the left and ran after him, calling his name. Sirius turned and grinned when he saw me, he actually looked relieved.

“Bored of Carlson already?” he asked. I ignored his comment.

“What book do you want?” I said, only slightly out of breath.

“A book on very old magic. Turns out Lily and James had a fight and Lily charmed James’s mouth shut. I’ve tried everything and nothing works,” Sirius explained walking with me back to the library.

“What was the fight about?” I gasped.

“I don’t know. James just came into the common room with his mouth glued shut. He wrote that Lily used an old charm on him and that he can’t undo it. Remus isn’t here to help us out and James is banned from the library, too,” Sirius replied. I frowned.

“So a book on old charms?” I asked, my hand on the library door.

“Yeah. And you might need to talk to Lily, too. James is so upset. I swear he’s ready to cry,” Sirius was concerned, it was easy to see. I frowned.

“Where’s Remus?”

“Uh...his mum is sick again. Dumbledore sent him home about an hour ago to take care of her,” Sirius said looking away from me, his voice holding some sort of hint that he was lying. However, now was not the time to press for such information.

“What of Madam Pomfrey?” I asked.

“We don’t want to go to her,” Sirius explained, “She gets really mad when we come in after a fight or a prank gone wrong. Really, we have to do this ourselves.”

“I’ll get the book,” I said, turning into the library.

“Oh, Libby...”

I turned back around to look at Sirius.

“I still don’t trust Carlson, even if you do,” he said. I didn’t respond, just shut the library door in his face.

A/N: Not really that exciting now, was it?? Mainly just a bit about Libby's past and all. So yeah, thanks for reviewing the last chapter, please do so for this one. It really motivates me and makes me want to post more sooner.

Here's a little something from my favorite chapter, chapter ten: Mr. Brightside (*coughthetitlecough*)

Stay away from me, Black,” I snapped. Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Look, I’m sorry!” Sirius said, anger in his voice, “I’m going through something I’ve never gone through before and it’s confusing and....and I just can’t take it!”

“Take what, Sirius? The fact that for once someone isn’t looking at you?” I asked.

Hahahaha! I love this. Okay, sorry. Again, please review, it makes me want to update faster*wink wink*

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