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Scream My Lungs Out by Missus Moony and Padfoot
Chapter 21 : Slimy Tentacles, One Bad Doggie, and a Malicious Staircase
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 28

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A/N: Both Missus: Hey guys!!! Missus Padfoot: Did you miss us? Missus Moony: Of course they did, Padfoot! Who wouldn't miss us? Missus Padfoot: Good point! So here's the chapter you've all been waiting for! You finally get to know what the heck is in that mysterious trunk! Missus Moony: Dun, dun, dun! Oh, and just so you all know, we are aware that there are a lot of spelling errors in some of the speech - it's supposed to be that way. Missus Padfoot: Yeah, if you're having trouble reading it, try reading it aloud! Plus it's more funny that way! Not that that's really possible cause it's really funny anyway. Missus Moony: Anyway, we hope you enjoy, cause we had an absolute blast thinking this one up. Missus Padfoot: Yeah, it's one of our favorites! And you guys totally rock at the whole reviewing thing! Missus Moony: Yeah! Keep it up! We love it! Both Missus: Well, have fun!

Chapter 21: Slimy Tentacles, One Bad Doggie, and a Malicious Staircase

The four marauders were sitting quietly in the seventh-year boys’ dormitory, playing a game of Exploding Snap. While normally they would be quite loud and rambunctious, this evening the four boys were quite distracted. For the past hour, the seventh-year girls’ dormitory had been the source of screams, crashes, and other random chaotic noises.

Sirius finally threw down his cards and sat up from where he had been sprawled on his bed. "That's it!! I can't take it anymore!! I want to know what on earth those girls are doing up there!!"

James and Peter nodded in agreement as they too threw their cards down. Remus sighed as he gathered up the pile cards and placed them in James' trunk. Remus had been particularly quiet that evening, even more than usual, so it was quite a surprise to the rest of the Marauders when he spoke up. "You know there's no way of going up those stairs, the moment you set foot on them they turn into a slide. I thought you'd know that by now, Padfoot, from as much as you've tried it."

Sirius grinned and shrugged, not the least bit repentant. "Yeah, I know. But what I wanna know is why our honorable Head Girl is encouraging and participating in whatever's going on up there."

Remus and Peter's jaws dropped, while James scowled and narrowed his eyes at the mention of Lily.

"Lily's up there?"

Sirius nodded at Peter's astonished question. "Yeah, I was sitting in the common room when she came in and went straight up the stairs. Thirty minutes later the laughing and screaming started... and none of the girls have been back down."

While the four boys sat and listened to more shrieking from the girls’ dorm, they couldn’t help but feel extremely curious. When Lily was a prefect she had been very strict when the students started getting too rowdy during 'study hours'. Hearing that she was now participating in rowdy activities made them all want to figure out what the heck was going on – all, that is, except James.

James' scowl deepened as he quickly stood up from the bed. "Sirius, I know you too well to not expect you to try to figure out what the crap is going on up there... well, you can count me out of this one. I could care less about what Evans is doing." And with that James stomped out of the room, the rest of the boys frowning at his retreating back.

"Well," Remus said, breaking the relative silence of the room as he pulled himself up, acting as if nothing had happened, "weren't you once talking about seeing if you could use your animagus forms to bypass the stairs?"

Immediately a large mischievous grin spread across Sirius' face and he turned eagerly towards Peter.

"Wormtail! Get your furry little arse up there!"

Peter turned and gave Remus a scared, wide-eyed look. "Moony! Why'd you have to encourage him?!"


Peter quickly scurried up the stairs towards the seventh-year girls’ dormitory, though only after some "encouragement" from Sirius. Unfortunately, Sirius' version of encouragement meant blackmailing Peter into transforming into his animagus form and tossing him up the stairs when Peter refused to budge.

As he crawled towards the door, he noticed it was, luckily enough, open a crack. Grinning a bit to himself, though on his animagus form it seemed rather insane looking, he quickly nosed his way into the room amidst another chorus of shrieks and laughter.

He had barely made it a foot into the room before he heard a very loud scream from whom he assumed to be Katherine.

"Aiiiiiieeee!!! A rat!!! There's a rat!!!"

The next thing Peter knew, the room was filled with ear-splitting, high-pitched squeals and a dozen spells and hexes were flying in his direction.

Squeaking in pain and fright, Peter turned tail and ran out the door as fast as his little legs could carry him, trying to dodge the spells being thrown at him. Less than two minutes later, he tumbled down the stairs and back into the seventh-year boys’ dormitory. De-transforming, Peter scowled at the astonished faces of Remus and Sirius.

"Bastard!" Peter glowered at Sirius. "Brilliant idea to send a rat into a girls’ dormitory!!! I nearly got murdered up there!"

At the other two marauders’ silent, jaw dropped expressions, Peter gave them a nervous glance. "Errr... Moony? Padfoot?"

After another moment, Remus was able to gather himself enough to answer.

"Oh my god, Peter! What did they do to you?"

Peter paled and ran towards the seventh-year boys’ lavatory, but he only made it halfway before his feet got tangled, causing him to fall hard face-first onto the stone floor. Glancing down towards his legs Peter suddenly felt as if he couldn't breathe.

What had moments before been clothed in a traditional Hogwarts uniform, his legs were now covered in slimy, puce green tentacles, which caused the remains of his trousers to now resemble a wet tissue that had gotten in a fight with a hurricane and lost. One of the poor boy’s arms had grown black fur around the entire appendage, while the other had apparently gotten struck by a shrinking charm.

Peter suddenly realized he was shaking and about three seconds away from screaming like a girl. He heard Remus hurrying towards him all the while Sirius was choking in the background from trying to hold back his laughter.

"Now, Peter, try to stay calm. It's only a couple of charms; I'll have you sorted out in no time!!"

Sirius snorted and grabbed a mirror that was laying on his nightstand, holding it out for Peter to grab. "Like hell it's only a couple of charms! I didn't think it was possible to mix that many hexes and still be able to walk!"

Before Remus could snatch the mirror away to spare his friend from his own reflection, Peter pulled the mirror out of Sirius' hands and held it up so he could see his face. Coming face to face with the damage of all the hexes caused Peter to do what he'd been on the verge of doing since he'd first laid eye on his legs.

Wormtail screamed, and promptly passed out.

"Damn, his face looks like he insulted a rainbow and got slapped around a bit for it!!" Sirius choked out before laughing hysterically. Remus snarled at his friend's relaxed attitude and pulled out his wand, thinking of all the different counter-curses he'd have to modify to put his friend to rights.

Sirius was unfazed by Remus' rare show of animosity and merely shrugged and turned towards the door. "I'll go see if I have any better luck than Wormtail – girls love sweet, innocent puppies! Meanwhile, I have perfect faith that you'll be able to sort our little friend out in no time!" Ducking in time to avoid a hex from the seething werewolf, Sirius quickly transformed and slipped out the dormitory door.


Sirius grinned as only a large dog could and nosed his way into the girl's dormitory that was still, luckily enough, slightly open from Peter's hasty retreat. After walking past the ring of beds so he could see what was happening, the scene caused him to stop him in his tracks and stare at the spectacle before his eyes.

Rebecca was standing on a trunk holding onto a bed post while swinging a large bottle of firewhiskey around, singing on the top of her lungs. "LIKE (hic) AH VAH-MPIRE, B-HIT (hic) FOR TH' VE-RRY FIRSHT TIME!!"

Lily and Marissa, who were sprawled on the floor in front of Rebecca's "stage", were cheering wildly and passing along more bottles of the wizard liquor.

"Marish, tha was a v-(hic)-ery good th-sharm," Lily screwed her face up, obviously trying to think of the proper word she should be using. "Scarm, sar- sch- ..."

Marissa, in the meantime was giving her friend a weird look. "But I didn' ush the singing ch-charm on Rebecca, she jus did that on 'er own!" Rebecca, trying to bend down and snag another bottle toppled over and, to Sirius' utter horror, landed directly on the animagus before he could get out of the way. As much as Sirius was cursing his luck, he found his situation was about to get a whole lot worse.

"Awww, look!! It’s a doggie!!" squealed the Head Girl, while scurrying over to weakly shove Rebecca off of the new form of entertainment. "It’s sush a pwetty doggie!!"

Marissa leaned over the dazed dog as well and gave it a cursory glance before furrowing her brow in confusion. "Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?"

The three girls gave each other blank stares before turning their attention to Sirius, trying to flip him over so they could see for themselves while the animagus tried to desperately twist out of their grip. His ego hit rock bottom when Lily, after staring intently at the middle Sirius' stomach, announced to the entire room, "But I don' see anything!"

Sirius growled loudly at the red-haired girl, who in turn stuck out her bottom lip in an angry pout and whacked the animagus in the groin. "Now tha’ washn' very nice!"

While Sirius was in shock from the pain, Marissa gave a triumphant grin and attempted to strike a pose with her hand straight up in the air. "I know! This doggie's a boy, 'cause only boys hurt dis bad when you whack 'em in that shpot!!"

As the girls congratulated Marissa on solving their question, Sirius, trying to think past his pain, came to an obvious realization. "Great, looks like Lily's an 'angry drunk'! What the heck did I do to deserve this?!?" Though if Sirius was honest with himself, he could think of quite a few things he'd done today to deserve such a literal 'low blow'.

'Heh heh, Wormtail.'

The girls’ attention was now drawn to the last girl in the room, Katherine, who was sitting on her bed balancing precariously on the edge, grinning like a loon.

"Hee hee, I am sooo wasted!" the Beater announced, before her leaning state caused her to lose her fight against gravity, and she disappeared from view as she toppled off the side of the bed. Her arm quickly found its way over the side of the bed, waving haphazardly. "It’s alright!! I mean' to do that!"

Lily, laughing along with Rebecca and Marissa at Katherine's antics, grabbed the bottle that Rebecca had been trying to obtain earlier. "Urgh, James makes (hic) me so mad! I don' know why I like (hic) him. He'sh shush a prat!"

Marissa nodded solemnly at her friend’s mushing, while Rebecca hauled Sirius closer to the Head Girl, who was in shock from hearing Lily's confession and unresisting as he was pulled closer to the red-haired girl.

'WTF?! Lily LIKES James?!?!'

Rebecca positioned Sirius' head on Lily's lap, and pulled her friend’s hand to rest on top of the dog's head. " 'Ere! I read somewh're that pet-(hic)-ting animals calmed peoples down. (hic) Lw-ord knowsh you need it!" Lily, after scowling at Sirius in drunken anger, proceeded to whack Sirius on the head, no doubt thinking in her intoxicated state that she was being quite affectionate to the large dog in front of her.

"He's a jerk (hic)!! He's been f-following me 'round sh-ince first year! Now he's bloody shagging that Rav-(hic)-enclaw tart, Daphne wha's-her-face!! When I shaw James shnogging 'er, I wanted to hesh-" Here it appeared that Lily was floundering, trying to pronounce 'hex'. " ’Ex, shesh, oh hell!! Curse! Thash what I was tryin' to shay!! Curse her to... to.." Lily trailed off blankly and stared ahead of her, taking another shot of firewhiskey.

In the awkward silence afterwards, Marissa suddenly pulled herself to her feet, and, swaying in place, announced to her friends, "I have to piddle!"

Marissa picked up the edge of her skirt, not unlike a little girl pretending to be a princess, and proceeded to prance as much as she was able to towards where she thought the bathroom was. Instead of heading towards the loo, Marissa was heading towards one of the girl's wardrobes against the wall. As she came closer to the wardrobe, Marissa attempted to skip and ended up tripping and smacking right into the wall. Laughing at herself, Marissa opened the door to the wardrobe and stepped in. The girls and Sirius heard an awful lot of bangs and clatter until Marissa calmly walked out of the wardrobe.

"Loo's that way!" She giggled to herself, pointing over her shoulder at the door, not noticing the underwear and random articles of clothing, hangers, and other closet articles attached to her. As she finally made her way into the bathroom, Sirius suddenly realized that this was a perfect opportunity to try to talk to Marissa. He knew from experience that she wouldn't remember anything from when she was drunk. Wiggling out of Lily's grip and ignoring Lily's anguished cry of "Wait, doggie!" and Katherine’s confused remark of, “Who’s Lou?”, Sirius trotted over to the bathroom and, after turning the corner, transformed back into his human form.

Sirius didn't have to wait long before Marissa totted out of the bathroom and spotted him standing out of sight from the other girls. Sirius' heart ached as he looked at his former girlfriend and remembered how much he had actually missed her. Even when she was totally wasted and acting like an idiot, Sirius couldn't help but think of how attractive she was to him - both physically and personality wise.

"Shirius! How did yous get up here?" Marissa slurred as her eyes tried desperately to focus on her ex-boyfriend.

"Talent," replied Sirius with a snide smirk on his face as Marissa started to sway on the spot.

"You always had your secret talents, didn't you, Shirius?" Marissa smiled widely, still swaying.

"Er, you guys are having quite the party up here, aren't you?" Sirius laughed as he put his hands on Marissa's arms to keep her still.

"Well, you sh-shouldn't know about it, cause you shouldn't be up heres in the firsht place!" Marissa wagged her finger at Sirius with a frown on her face. "Shame, (hic), shame!" Marissa started to giggle uncontrollably.

"Look, I need to talk to you, Marissa," Sirius said with the most serious expression he could muster on his face as Marissa continued to giggle. "Marissa, listen to me, this is important!" He said as he shook her slightly to get her to stop laughing.

"Merlin, it's impossible to have a straight conversation with a drunk!" Sirius thought as Marissa finally settled down and attempted to understand what Sirius was saying.

"Does Lily really like James, or is she just drunk out of her mind and talking gibberish?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Ha, sh-she likes him sooooo much!" Marissa exclaimed, her arms flailing about in emphasis. Suddenly, Marissa threw her arms around Sirius and said in a quiet whisper, "I mish you so much, Shiri-sue. Do you want to shag? We're alls alone in this bathroom, and I'm sh-sure the floor's clean..."

Sirius let out a bark of a laugh. "Ha! Are you serious? You're completely trashed, Marissa! Be rational for once in your life. I'm not going to take advantage of you in this situation." Sirius grabbed Marissa's wrists and pried her arms off him.

Marissa pouted as she swayed dangerously, "But I want to be taken advantage of! Never stopped… you… before…" And with that, she promptly passed out in Sirius' arms.

Sirius rolled his eyes as he picked up Marissa bridal-style, her head limp, and muttered to the unconscious girl, "I think that's enough partying for you, love." He was about to take her back into the dormitory, but he suddenly paused to study her tranquil face. Her cheeks were flushed and her full lips were slightly parted as her slow breathing escaped her mouth. Sirius was noticing a small scar on her chin that he had never seen before when it hit him - there were still so many things about Marissa that he never got the chance to know about - so many mysteries that were yet to be solved. He had concentrated so much on her physical attributes that a lot of who she really was hadn't been conveyed to him - like that little scar...where did it come from? What was the story behind it? Sirius was filled with a yearning to know more about Marissa. Sirius bent his head and kissed her forehead softly as a promise that he would someday know all there is to know about Marissa Eliott. As soon as he pulled away, Marissa promptly snored.

"That's my girl!"

Sirius carried Marissa back into the 7th year girls' dormitory, still in his human form, and calmly laid her down on her bed. It wasn't until he turned around that the other three girls finally noticed him.

"Sirius Black! Come to join our little p-harty?" Lily yelled, swinging a bottle over her head as she hung on to a bedpost.

"Yeah, Sirius! We need a shtripper!" Katherine giggled like a maniac with her socks on her hands and her wand stuck in her mass of curly hair for some odd reason.

"I'm truly sorry, ladies, but I'm afraid that I must decline." Sirius said with a low bow. All the girls started to whine with the typical, "Awwww!"

"Are you serious?" Lily asked as she hung upside down from her bed.

Katherine snorted, "Of course he's Sirius, you shilly goose!"

"Itsh alright, girls!" Rebecca yelled as she jumped up on her bed. "I can be a shtripper!"

"Uh oh, that's my cue to leave," thought Sirius as he headed towards the door.

As he walked through the doorway, he heard Lily yell, "Rebecca! P-put your shirt back on! You're (hic) tainting me!!!"

"Prongs is definitely not hearing about this..."

Sirius, extremely distracted from all the thoughts that clouded his head, walked to the spiral staircase and when he stepped on the top step, the staircase promptly collapsed into a slide and Sirius came tumbling all the way down to the bottom, to land in a heap at the feet of his good friend, Remus.

Remus was the only one left in the common room as he had set Peter straight and had sent the blubbering boy to bed. Remus pulled Sirius up from the ground by his robes and began to brush the dust off of Sirius.

"What happened? You were up there for almost an hour!"

Sirius gaped at Remus as his brain processed the knowledge that he had just obtained. "Moony, I can hardly believe it myself but..."

"But what, Sirius?"

"Lily actually likes James!"

A/N: Missus Padfoot: Oh my goodness! Sirius and Remus now know!!! Whatever will happen next? Missus Moony: Oh, stop being so melodramatic, Padfoot, it's annoying. Missus Padfoot: Anyway, please review and give us feedback about how we're doing so far! Or tell us what you think is going to happen next! Missus Moony: I doubt anyone will be able to guess... Missus Padfoot: Oh, be optimistic, Moony! Missus Moony: *give Missus Padfoot a bland look* Missus Padfoot: Oh! And here's a disclaimer - the song that Rebecca sings is yet again Madonna's "Like a Virgin" only we just tweaked the words a bit. Missus Moony: So yeah, please review, you don't know how much it means to us! Missus Padfoot: Yeah, PLEASE?! We love you all!

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