Chapter 1 : Move Along Just to Make It Through
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She gazed down onto the lawn where her marriage was going to take place in less than 6 hours.
Her mind was completely blank there was nothing left to do, she had tried everything, nothing had worked and here she was about to face her doom. She heard a small crackle behind her but she didn’t move, even if she had wanted to she couldn’t have she was completely blank, emotionally, physically and mentally.
Eyes fixed on the lawn she felt warm arms wrap around her. “I’m so sorry cissa,” a voice that sounded sore from crying whispered in her ear. Narcissa recognised her sister’s voice, a voice she had missed so much, but she was far too numb to respond. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to save you,” the whispers continued.
Narcissa wondered how her two sisters could be so different. One was so warm and loving and the other cold and malicious, but they had both been her best friends when she had been small, oh how everything had changed.
It had all started when she had gone to Hogwarts and seen her sisters for what the really were, their true selves away from the influences of their parents.
Narcissa felt her face being pulled upwards until her locked eyes with her sister, Andromeda. She was immediately pulled into a warm and loving hug.
At first Narcissa didn’t respond, she was too grief stricken, she was in mourning for the life she was never going to have. A life she had always planned.
“Narcissa it’s not too late, come back with me” Andromeda’s eyes were full of compassion and love for her little sister. “Ted and I was have a home now, you can come live with us” Andromeda continued hopefully although in her mind she knew she would be leaving alone, she had waited too long to come back. Narcissa had already given up hope.
Andromeda made to pull back but suddenly Narcissa’s arms tightened around her sister. “Don’t leave me,” she croaked with a voice that hadn’t been used in days. Those words echoed in Andromeda’s head, those same words she had heard almost two years ago, they wrenched at her heart and her eyes stung with the tears she was fighting back. “Narcissa I cant stay here, you know I cant, please, please come back with me, it doesn’t have to be this way” Andromeda pleaded.
Narcissa clung to her sister as if her life depended on it, to some degree it did. “I’m scared” was all she could manage to say, she couldn’t tell Andromeda everything right now, and she just couldn’t manage it.
Narcissa needed to be rescued, but she had needed it a good while back, but no one had been there for her, the only two people she had expected to help her had abandoned her.
So now Andromeda had returned it was too late, her pleas just weren’t getting though to Narcissa, whose mind was practically shut down from endless days of crying. Andromeda held Narcissa as she sobbed, it was heart breaking and tears streamed down Andromeda’s face, she felt the guilt seeping through her, there was so much she should have done, but she hadn’t and it had come down to this.
Narcissa had quietened down and her breathing had become normal again but she still clung to her sister.
Down in the depths of the house maids and elves were stirring, getting ready for the “big day” or the end of the world, as Narcissa saw it.
Quite suddenly Narcissa stood and walked towards the dresser, she glanced at the beautiful dress hung on the manikin in the corner of her room, it made her feel physically sick to look at it.
It was a beautiful dress, made from pure white silk with pearl like beads sown in lines vertically down the skirt, it was off the shoulder and normally she would have been excited to wear such an exquisite dress, but everything that she detested began with her wearing this dress.
Narcissa turned away from the dress, she looked at the mirror and the girl staring at her, the tired, sickly, neglected looking girl, one who had lost all her dreams and happiness.
Pushed to the limit of herself Narcissa rested her head in her hands, she took a deep breath and said, “I should shower.” She had said it to Andromeda but she didn’t look at her.
Truth was that Andromeda was banished from this house, she had been branded a traitor to the family and her mother and father refused to acknowledge her existence.
She had been removed from the black family tree, and the only people from the family who still accepted her were Narcissa and her cousin Sirius.
He was also considered a traitor, he had been since he had gone to Hogwarts and been sorted into Griffindor, some nine years ago, where as Andromeda had only been dis-communicated two years ago.
Narcissa needed her sister intensely but she was mortally wounded that Andromeda hadn’t stayed in contact with her, Narcissa had cried and begged her not to leave, and Andromeda had done it anyway.
Bellatrix of course had been disgusted with both of them, Andromeda for loving a muggle born and becoming a traitor and with Narcissa for not disowning her or alerting the family to such shenanigans earlier.
Bellatrix had forgiven Narcissa her alleged misgivings regarding Andromeda.
Narcissa had found her self inhabiting a house that contained only cold and uncaring people who were perusing her nightmare life in the supposed interests of “what was best for her”.
Narcissa snorted at the thought, not one of them cared about her, they were acting in the best interests of the family.
Bellatrix was so different from how she used to be, but she was the perfect daughter as far as her parents were concerned, she had married the right pure blood boy, the one they had told her to, she had graduated with good grades and she was living in a lifestyle that her parents approved of.
Narcissa hated what her sister had become, she just wanted her child hood back, the days where all three sisters had lived, played and loved together, everything had been fine, sure they had dealt with their obnoxious father and his unreasonable moods and punishments but it was all bearable, as long as she had her sisters.
Narcissa undressed and stepped into the shower, she felt the warm water cascade over her bare skin, it felt warm and comforting, through the steam Narcissa could see a shadowy figure folding her clothes, she washed her long platinum hair slowly.
She sighed heavily as her mind flicked back to this time the year before.
Narcissa ran out into the rain, it was pouring heavily and she was crying, she had just been told the news that had to marry Lucius Malfoy.
Her world had come crashing down around her and she ran.
He father yelled at her for her to return and her mother just watched her go.
Narcissa had somehow managed to call out to Rabastan and he was waiting for her, he was stood at the bottom of the lawns near the lake, she ran straight into his arms and sobbed distraughtly, she was beside herself, hysterical with distress.
As the tears streamed down her face Rabastan held her lovingly, he had no idea she was about to deliver news that was going to cause him so much pain as well.
She had had a similar reaction when her sister had been disowned.
It did upset him greatly to see her this way because she was not easily brought to tears, Narcissa was a typical pureblood girl from a wealthy family, she held her emotions in check and was indifferent most of the time, well on the surface.
For something to have caused her enough distress for this behaviour scared him slightly.
After about half an hour of soothing noises and holding her she still hadn’t calmed down. “Narcissa darling, what ever is the matter?” she lifted her head off his shoulder so she was looking into his eyes, the distress still clearly written across her face, she silently shook her head, more tears falling.
From her bedroom window Mrs. Black was watching her youngest daughter, she felt wretched, she was doing the same to Narcissa as had happened to her.
Rabastan was a good man, he could provide Narcissa with the type of life and happiness, everything a mother ever wanted for her children.
Yet here she was letting her overbearing husband ruin everything.
She sighed and turned away from the window, knowing what she was doing was wrong.
Back out in the rain Narcissa had sobbed her way through the story, she cried even harder when she had told him. Rabastan drew the fragile girl into his chest, his head spinning, this couldn’t be happening to them, they had been a couple for almost two years and Mr. And Mrs. Black accepted them as a couple.
Why would they do this?
After who knows how long Rabastan seemed to finally realise that they were stood in the freezing rain.
Lightening cracked over his head and the windows all lit up, before the light faded Rabastan saw Mrs. Black.
His eyes lingered on the now shadowy window where he knew she was stood and with out any warning at all he dissaperated, taking Narcissa with him.
Narcissa shook her head clear she was on the verge of tears again and the thought of seeing Rabastan for the first time in months, as she married someone else was almost more than she could bear.
She stepped out the shower and saw Andromeda sitting on the edge of the bath. “I’m not coming with you, I cant andy, I just cant, please don’t ask me to come with you, I have to be strong today. I just have to” Narcissa said in barely more than a whisper, but her voice cracked under all the emotions anyway.
Andromeda's heart sunk, she looked at her baby sister, they had been through so much together, and she had failed her when she had needed her most, what kind of sister was she anyway? She felt the self-loathing swirling in her chest.
"please" Narcissa whispered, closing her eyes against the tears "please Andromeda please" there was a silence as Narcissa fell onto the floor crying silently, "please just leave me, there will be no saving me now," Andromeda cringed as the words fell from Narcissa's dry lips, "it's too late," she finished and hung her head not even bothering to wipe away the tears that stained her face.
Andromeda crouched beside her little sister, lifted her face and kissed her forehead, "be strong my dearest sister, my heart will always be with you" she whispered hoarsely struggling with tears of her own, in the next moment she disapperated leaving the broken blonde girl dripping wet and very much alone in the middle of the bathroom floor.
Narcissa was totally blank she was dressed for her wedding, the heavy dress laid across her delicate shoulders.
Her make up fixed so she looked like a princess.
Her hair curled and coiled around the diamond tiara, over her shoulders and down her back.
Slipping on her shoes she turned to the mirror, she could see she was beautiful, but she felt like the most retched person in the world.
She knew that as the minister said those fateful words, "you are now wizard and wife" her soul would be ripped from her body, forever lost in the depth of her sadness.
Her maids where shooed from the room and only her mother and sister remained, they looked beautiful too, she thought it was ironic that everyone was so dressed up, like it was something good, something to celebrate.
Her mother was smiling looking at her beautiful daughter, her last daughter to get married, her youngest, Narcissa knew that her mother had mourned not being present at Andromeda's wedding, even if she was marrying someone she didn’t approve of.
It caused her mother such grief to see the sadness in her daughters eyes, but this was the way it had to be, the way it was best, supposedly, sometimes Druella Black wondered if Andromeda had made the right choice in choosing love over everything else, she was sure that Narcissa would have done the same too if she could have.
Narcissa walked down the corridor and down the stairs latching arms with her father as the music started and she began her stately walk down the isle, her fiancé stood in place at the alter, his typical smirk fell slightly at the sight of her.
She was beautiful, absolutely breath taking, even though he too was being forced into this marriage he wasn’t nearly as unhappy about it as she was.
As she passed a pair of ice sculptures of her and Lucius she thought she should take that as her out look for this wedding. Frosty, cold, carved from the very same ice as that sculpture, to live up to that reputation as an ice queen she had got in school.
However the next thing she saw was Rabastan and her chest constricted, pain shot through her heart and one stray tear fell onto her pale cheek as she saw the pain all too clearly in his eyes as he inclined his head.
The gentleman as ever.
She didn’t remove the tear, she felt it appropriate.
She walked away from the love of her life and onto the arm of the man she hated. All the while being lead on the arm of another man she hated, her father.
He was after all to blame for all of this.
She would never, ever forgive him.
Nor would she ever forget the day she signed her life away.
Forever she would grimace as she walked by a happy couple, forever her heart would ache at the mere mention of Rabastan's name never mind the sight of him, and forever she would resent life with Lucius Malfoy and the fact that her baby son had his retched last name.
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