Chapter 1 : Nervous Wreck
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I can't do this. I love James with my entire heart. But it hurts. I can't do this. Today is my wedding, so shouldn't it be the happiest day in the world? And I'm going to make it the worse for James Potter. I AM the worse wife, woman, person in the entire world. Worse than a murder because I will be slaughtering his heart. And... His mothers, and fathers, and definitely Sirius'. They're best friends.
Where's my best friend? Oh, waiting for me at the altar! Why do I feel so dumb? And nervous. Why do I doubt this? Yesterday wasn't like this. Yesterday at the practice wedding, I was so totally happy. So completely sure that I could love James for my entire life, no matter what happened. But now, why can't I? I need to think straight.
Love, Lily Evans
As she finished her diary entry, she snapped the book shut, and shoved it roughly into her bag.
Lily Evans sat on the stool of the vanity in the church's wing. She sat straight, combing her wavy, thick red hair, her green eyes filled with worry. As she put the comb down softly onto the white table, she stared at herself.
"I look horrendous..." she thought to herself. Her face was a pale white, almost equivalent to the white in her dress; her stomach felt like something was poking it from the inside. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run. Mummy... Where are you? she asked her mother, who was dead. Her mother comforted her every time she felt sad, and yet, she wasn't here now.
Standing up, she looked at herself in the full length mirror. James was out there, waiting for her. She loved him, and he loved her as well. But why was she feeling like this?
"I'm probably the worse bride-to-be in the history of the world." Lily stated, trying not to burst into tears. She wasn't supposed to cry. Not until at least she was married to the man she loved. “I love him. But I don’t want to make a mistake. I don’t want him to marry a woman who doubts herself. I just can’t do this.”
As she looked at herself again, she sat back down on the stool, and thought long and hard.
"Deary?" a feeble voice called from outside the door.
Lily looked up quickly "Oh! Yes Mrs. Potter? Please come in!" she called nervously, wringing her handkerchief tightly in her hand. As the woman came in, Lily gasped.
Mrs. Potter was always a pretty woman. Her posture was straight, and she looked fabulous in the sky blue suit she was wearing. "You look beautiful." Lily said softly.
"Ha! They are going to say that to you my dear!" Mrs. Potter laughed. "Anyways, I just wanted to let you know, that you are the only girl that James had dated that I would ever permit him to marry. You are the smartest, not to mention the prettiest. James would have to be wonkers not to marry you."
"And I must be wonkers to not marry him!" Lily called, trying to make her voice sound amused.
"You're bloody right about that much!" Mrs. Potter added. "Anyways, show times in... 20 minutes!!!" Lily laughed feebly, and the woman left.
As the door closed, Lily turned around to stare at herself at the full length mirror. "Will there even be a show time?"
James. I'm sorry. I can't do this.
I love you so much; I want you to know that much.
But as I said, I can't do this. My stomach hurts, I am sick, I don't know why.
And yesterday, I told you I could do this and be with you forever.
Well, I was wrong.
But I will love you forever; I want you to know that much.
You were the first one I loved; we even planned a name for a child.
Harry. But will Harry ever be?
I'm sorry. I don't, I don't, and I can't. And I don't want to make you sad.
I wish you all the happiness in the world, because I know that I have just taken my own away.
Love forever. Lily
As a single tear rolled down her face, she slowly slipped the ring off her finger. It was a beautiful gold band, not very fancy, but ever so sentimental. Not being able to look, she slipped the ring off.
And with that, she quickly slipped out of the church.
In the church, the four Marauders stood in the front, talking and congratulating James.
“I can’t believe that you are tying down the knot. To Evans of all! I should have set a dungbomb off in the middle of the ceremony, just for old times sake.” Sirius Black joked loudly. They all laughed.
"Or go EWWWW whenever people are kissing." Remus suggested.
Peter piped up, "Or make farting noises when the bride walks down?"
"Don't you dare mess with Lily!" James choked out. When They stopped laughing, James slung an arm on Sirius’ shoulder. “It’s going to be Potter after this, so you better not do anything wrong!! Though I did want to put a little lephrauchaun in the cake...”
"You are right. We shouldn't do anything. Lily is probably the best gal for this playboy friend of mine!" Sirius exclaimed. "But of course, you changed your ways after Evans-Oh sorry, Potter walked in."
James looked at his friend. "I really do love Lily."
“You sure are serious. And right. I wish you the best.” Remus said solemnly. James looked at his friend with thanks.
It was Peters turn. “You won’t have to wish. They will have the best.” Peter then grabbed James, and hugged him tightly. Sirius and Remus laughed while James turned a scarlet.
As Peter let go, James turned to Sirius. “Should someone go tell Lily the wedding is in 10 minutes?” James asked. “Don’t want my blushing bride to be blushing if she’s late!” He stared directly at Sirius, as if making sure that Sirius would accept.
Peter spoke, "OH- I WI-” But Remus clamped his hand over his mouth, and looked at Sirius. Sirius nodded.
“I will.” he volunteered. “After all these years of messing with her, I think I want to contribute to my best mates wedding.” Remus nodded in return at Sirius.
"Thanks mate." James replied.
Sirius walked off into the center aisle but not before he heard Peter hiss, "But I wanted too!"
“Damn it!” Lily shouted. “Why did they have to book the biggest church in all of Britain? No wonder half the guests were late!” She had practically stopped crying now. She had no more tears to shed. She could imagine herself with mascara running down her pale face. She imagined that she looked like a mime. "Why is this happening? I'm Lily Evans!!! I don't get nervous! I don't get scared! Why? Are you punishing me god?" Lily hastily pulled out her wand from a pocket concealed in her dress. “Abstergo.” She murmured, and all the mascara stains disappeared. “At least I’ll look good as I do something bad.” She picked up the hem of her dress, and continued to try and stomp to the exit.
As Sirius knocked on the giant doors, he heard no answer. Slowly, he knocked again. No answer. Pushing the door open, he saw no one. Lily was gone.
“Lily?” Sirius called, an echo answering him. Something glittering caught his eye. It was the ring. “Lily, where are you?” Picking up the piece of paper, he looked, and stormed through the side door into the church.
Walking towards James, he pulled his happy friend to the side. “Read this mate. I hate to say it but she left.” James snatched the paper and read the note. His smile quickly turned into a sour frown. Sirius had never seen his friend so sad and disappointed in his life. He didn’t even look mad. Just disappointed. Almost like a child.
James then stuffed the letter and the ring into his pocked. “This is bullshit. She’s just nervous. I’m going to go and get her. I love her; I’m not going to let her get away.” He declared to Sirius, and with that, he ran out of the church. The last time Sirius had seen James so focused was right before he proposed to Lily. It really was love.
Lily was at the exit. The street was empty, if she wanted to leave, she would have to walk. “I’m so sorry James…” she whispered.
"Ha, you’re sorry? Where do you think you are going?" someone asked. Lily knew it was James. She was at the bottom of the staircase, if she tried, she could run away. "You heard me Lily. Where?"
"James..." Lily muttered, tears ready to fall over the edge. "I'm sorry..."
She head James scoff and slowly trot down the stairs. When he was on the step right behind hers, she still couldn't turn around. She had no where too run, and she couldn't hide anymore.
"Planning to go?" James asked. "Aren't you supposed to wait for me to leave?" He laughed, and wrapped his arms around her thin waist. He buried his head into her hair and veil and took it in. "Smells like apples and a walk-out."
Lily couldn't help but to let out a laugh, but it was caught with a sob, so she sounded like she was choking. She tried to wipe the tears with her hand, but James held them tightly to her sides.
James stared at the back of his wife. He knew that she had run. That she was a nervous train wreck. She got like this at every big test, dance, anything grand. "Hon..." he started.
"You still want to marry me? Even though I tried to leave you at the altar?" Lily sobbed.
"We didn't even make it to the altar." James joked feebishly, turning his future wife to see her face. He pulled out the handkerchief in his pocket and wiped the tears. Her eyes were a puffy red, and her nose looked like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, but to him, she looked like a goddess, an angel, and she was his.
Lily stared at her handsome husband. He loved her with all his heart. And then she realized it. She loved him. And that was all that mattered. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.”
“Right!” James laughed. "As if I care. Do you want me to break a mirror and walk under a ladder to prove my point?"
"NO!" Lily shouted. This caused James to laugh even more.
James then stuck his hand into his pocket. "Oh yeah." He spoke softly, and rummaged around in his pocket. He pulled out the ring. Lily still gasped whenever James did that. "Did you ever look inside the ring?"
Lily looked into his eyes. "No..." she said slowly. She took the ring and tilted it slowly, until she read LOVE FOREVER. "James!" she gasped, as she hugged him tightly.
Then, the two heard a cough. At the top of the stairs, Remus, Peter, and Sirius stood. "Hate to ruin the moment but, if you two lovebirds are done, a wedding is about to take place. Unless... Lily is planning to run again." Sirius said, looking at Lily. He seemed to be conveying a message telepathically, you better not break his heart.
"No. I'm not running anymore. I know where I should be." Lily stated firmly, her eyes staring into Sirius’. “I know now.”
"With me?" James asked hopefully.
It was Lily's turn to laugh. "Yeah whatever." James wrapped an arm around her waist, and they went up the stairs together to meet their three friends.
The five of them began to walk back to the church, slowly, but with meaning in their steps. But not before James whispered into Lily's ear, "I'll love you forever."
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