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SexyBack by theatrechick
Chapter 1 : SexyBack
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 43

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Disclaimer: The song lyrics aren’t mine, and I don’t want to claim them… Harry Potter is also not mine but I wish that I could claim that…
A/N: This is really random and all inspired by Justin Timberlake’s new ‘song’ SexyBack… enjoy if possible…. WARNING RANDOMNESS FOLLOWS!!!

I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
I think your special whats behind your back
So turn around and ill pick up the slack.

Draco strutted down the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was looking especially good, even better than his usual sexy self. His hair was hanging loose in his face, falling in his eyes in a very sexy manner. Draco had decided to work out over the summer and had developed a very muscular body, which was quite obvious due to his overly tight shirt and pants. He had his backpack slung over his shoulder in a carefree manner that screamed SEXY!!!

As he walked- no that’s not the right word… strutted down the halls he would wave at random girls causing them to pass out from the Sexy Draco’s attention that was briefly given to them. Draco saw Hannah Abbott hanging out with the rest of the Hufflepuff by the door to their next class, he winked at her and she fainted from shock.

As he neared the Potions classroom, he passed Ginny Weasley and her group of friends. “Hey, Weaslette,” he said in an oh so sexy voice.

She spun around to see Draco Malfoy: Sex God! “I am unworthy to speak to you oh great one!” she exclaimed.

“Then don’t speak,” Draco commanded and grabbed the young girl and kissed her passionately.

“Oh,” Ginny said a dazed look on her face, “I have been kissed by the most perfect guy ever! I can now die in complete happiness!”

And with that, Ginny died.

I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
I think your special whats behind your back
So turn around and ill pick up the slack.

Harry didn’t know what had gotten into the girls at the school, but they were screaming for no apparent reason, Hannah Abbott had fainted, Ginny was dead, and the strange thing was that Harry didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he had a new spring in his step. He had been reading an article by Rita, his favorite reporter, and she had said that being sexy was back. So Harry did what any Rita loving fan would do and pulled out his old robes so they would fit tightly and headed out to class.

The girls were actually paying attention to him and the whispers that were following him were not about his latest stunt. In fact, every girl was eyeing his like he was a slab of meat that they wanted to get their hands on. And they guys were looking at him with envy because of the looks he was getting from the girls.

Harry continued on his way to double potions (with the Slytherins, duh!) when he was stopped by… Pansy Parkinson! “Potter,” she mumbled pressed up against Harry, “You look so sexy today that I just have to have you!”

Harry pushed her away, “Pansy, I am not that cheap!” he said in a very offended manner, “But since you think I look sexy all you have to do is say please…”

“PLEASE!!!” Pansy shrieked, throwing herself at Harry who started to unbutton her blouse, “Umm, as much as I want you, could we please go to a broom closet or something?”

“Whatever,” said the new sexy Harry.

So the two headed off to find the nearest broom closet or something…

I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
I think your special whats behind your back
So turn around and ill pick up the slack.

Ron climbed out of bed and felt like today was going to be the day. Yes, today he was going to ask Hermione to go out with him! After all she was a girl and he was boy and that’s the way things worked. He put on his newest robes and headed out of the common room to find Harry and Pansy snogging, and well getting ready to move on to the next phase.

“Told you this was a bad place,” Pansy mumbled as they left the room to find somewhere else.

Ron ignored the fact that Harry was swapping spit with a Slytherin and headed down to the Great Hall to find Hermione. He also noticed that the girls were acting differently, but the again they were always staring at Harry and Draco and never him. But today he didn’t care because today he was going to ask Hermione to date him!

He walked bravely up to the girl of his dreams, “Hermione, I love you! Will you go out with me?”

The girls gasped in shock!

Hermione just looked Ron up and down, “Ummm… Ron, didn’t you hear, Pansy dumped Draco for Harry, so to get revenge, Draco is dating me…”

Ron just looked at her.

“Besides, you just are sexy enough for me…” she said skipping to Draco and they started to make out.

“I’m not sexy?”

“Nope” replied some random first year not even worthy of a name.

I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
I think your special whats behind your back
So turn around and ill pick up the slack.

By this time everyone had arrived at the Potion class and was sitting waiting patiently for Snape to come in and torture them. Harry, Draco, Dean, Seamus, Crabbe, and Goyle sat on one side of the room with the sexy girls like Pansy and Hermione and the rest of the class sat on the other side.

Finally after what seemed like forever, Snape entered the classroom, but there was something different about everyone’s favorite professor… he had washed his hair!!! And he had cut it and styled it! The girls’ mouths dropped open in shock, Snape was SEXY!!! This was too much for some of them and they fainted from looking at the sexiness of their professor.

Draco stood up to shake hands with the now attractive Snape, “Nice look, sir!”

“Thanks Draco!”

Harry congratulated him on finding a shampoo to remove all of the grease. The whole class went silent.

“Why thank you Harry, I created my own blend of potions to create… Sexy Snape’s Sexy Shampoo! What do you think?”

The sexy guys all rushed to buy Sexy Snape’s Sexy Shampoo so they could maintain their sexy state. Once they had all bought their shampoo and returned to class they found that Voldemort had declared that anyone that passed a sexiness text could be spared from his onslaught of death, doom, and destruction. Which of course meant that he couldn’t kill Harry and Harry couldn’t kill Voldemort(Sexy Snape’s Sexy Shampoo really works!). So there went the conflict of the plot, which proves that this story was entirely plotless and pointless.

Since Sexy Shampoo seemed to be working, Ron tried it, but it didn’t help him at all.

So the Sexy people decided to start a club for Sexy people to sit and be sexy and they all lived happily ever after… THE END!!!

A/N: Wow! That was really random… Please review anyway, or I’ll write a sequel!!! *glares as readers don’t review*

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